Well, turns out the new nuclear medicine program I wanted to apply for won't take the math course I've been upgrading for the past 3 month. So the money was for not. I have to upgrade another 2 math courses which will take a whole damn year. All because the damn goverment changed the curriculum my math became nullified and I have to upgrade again and again...oh its no longer free either, $500 an upgrade thanks government. Oh. I was gonna apply for another program that would have taken my math but I missed it by 2% (needed 86) despite telling my teacher that...he didnt care.
Ahh the continuing conundrum of the cesspool of my life. Nothing has been going right for a long time. No money, no car (although I do have a license now, the ONE single solitary beakon of a good even that has happened in years) no grades to apply to relavent subjects (see I'm trying to get into health care because by jove English is a dead end financial sink that ive been talked out of many times. Good call apparently, as I read the paper of a legion of journalists being laid off.) Yep. All of them require the highest math, despite me having exceeding grades everywhere else for the requirements. I wonder how many good doctors, nurses, or other professions we've lost due to a slightly below math mark. In my psych nursing, I used my math a total of 0 times. I can't wait to tell my parents that my maTh I upgraded was worthless because that specific school said in the fine print, despite it translating into the correct math in the official math system...not at my place! So now I'm barely working, trying to find full time work. I have little options, my only being going back to psych nursing that I failed out of due to social issues (but my wordcraft won my appeal so I got a w instead at least so I can return) but I don't have the social outgoingness to survive in it I feel (anY suggestions id like to change my personality from quiet to super duper outgoing please). I strive for a college career, I don't want to be stuck at my mediocre grocery part time job. I believe I am smart. I wish I could just be like my brother and have horrible grades but get into trades and make a butt load of cash. But I don't like trades, stupid me. I wish I could force myself to be outgoing, into trades and be happy with it. I can only become talkative when meeting a girl because I'm trying to find a girlfriend after being single so long. The only ones I seem to attract are the ones I don't connect/have interest in (love getting those "sup"" nm""lol" girls a lot with little to no personality. After 2 girls that were bountiful in personality before and cute, I can't go down.) Yep, no money for a car, debt from psych nursing, no real work, hardly any friends (most of them are into COD and weed and cars with no plans on college, the complete opposite ofcme which makes it hard to connect with them still) my parents are kinda disappointed in me I'm sure since I'm 21 with little progress made now sides from 1/4 years of an incomplete psych nursing degree that I might return to to keep financially afloat. I am afraid of being on the streets if I can't make ends meet, I barely have enough for the new and upcoming rent while not in school (again. Can't wait to see my mom chew me out when I tell her about my upgrading being for not.) I'm just so unsatisfied with my life. I've had one good thing happen with my license so I don't feel so incompetent (no car though, again, still fear driving, barely passsed according to the instructor too) no gf, little friends, no money, super jealous of my now rich brother who has a gf, makes lots of money roofing and background acting (he gets lots of work, I don't despite having more availability. He's naturally very good looking then there's me). I have good health...that's about it. I've been living with depression so long. I want to contact myfamily doctor anonymously and gocfrom there, ideally. I tried therapy once but I felt the advice wasn't too useful as she would just kind of read off a stack of papers then hand them over. I'm so drained and miserable with my life. How many times have I been here posting long winded posts like this? Sigh. Every time I try, something always goes wrong like here. There's far too little happiness in my life to reward me for any work I get done, then the misery tenfold s. Drives a man to the brink of depression.
Going up? Nope, stagnant cor going down. Apologies for typos im half heartedly spewing whatever hits my mind from my phone. I don't know who else to really talk to atm. My parents stress me out about my lack of accomplishment if I'm feeling down...eh...ehhh.....the rain sure sounds ambient outside.