So this is the unhappy thread? I guess that just about summarizes me on a daily basis.
I'm not going to give away my life's story (we could be here for days if I did, even though my life hasn't lasted that long), but from as far back as I can remember, I've always had social anxiety. Because of this, I've always had a ridiculous fear of being around or near people in any situation where I wasn't 100% comfortable. I often would hide from them if I saw them approaching from a distance, and fall silent and face the opposite way/pay them no attention if they had to be in my presence. Due to this, making friends was always hard for me to do, and I've always been so much more different than everyone else that I never shared any similar interests with anyone.
Later on throughout elementary school and early middle school, I suffered through traumatic events. This gave me a general anxiety in addition to my preexisting social anxiety, and I also developed a severe depression and a mild eating disorder. Middle school was rough, but at least I had made a few friends with people in my class from the other elementary schools (or had moved here from somewhere else recently).
Later on, I got my first boyfriend (who goes to another school now thankfully, but still manages to butt his way into my life some way or another). He showed me what it was like to be truly happy and I ended up falling in love with him (despite being so young). Later on though, he changed and became a completely different person. He lied to me, cheated on me, and used me on a daily basis for almost two years before I'd had enough. I was still in love with the old him, not the person he had become, but I decided to call it quits since I couldn't take it anymore. Surprisingly, he was extremely upset to lose me, but the damage was done, so...
The rest of that year after removing him from my life was phenomenal (compared to the years prior). I had the most amount of friends I'd ever had, went out just about every day and night, went to several concerts, made so many great new memories... Everything was perfect until the next school year started.
I don't know what it was, but once the new school year came, I returned almost a different person. The year before I was much more outgoing, confident, focused, on top of everything, but then I became the complete opposite. I spent that year in silence almost, not talking to anyone except close friends of mine. My insomnia that I had developed near the start of my depression was at an all time high. My anxiety started to come back pretty bad (my social anxiety never really went away though, so it's always been here), then my depression. Before I knew it I was miserable again.
Now I'm just sitting here, stuck in this state of being so out of it and upset constantly that I lack enough motivation and energy to do anything with my life. I've tried to remedy it by spending it with friends, and going to concerts and whatnot like I used to, but it's not the same. All of my problems fluctuate so much, and it's seemingly at random most of the time. I'm very unhappy. I want the bit of joy back that I had last year, and from when I was in love.
Okay, I know I just typed a wall of text, and
almost part of my life's story, but I really just skimmed the surface on most of it. All of it had a great effect on me and goes much deeper than mentioned. I'm still young and growing up (I'll still consider myself growing up until the day I die), and I'm aware of that. Yes, I could be going through a rough patch, but the issue is that a rough patch doesn't last for several years despite some moments of being okay. I never thought I'd live this long before killing myself, or even to the point of being middle aged. I'm just so afraid of that coming true that I want to do something about it and be cured from my mental state. I've got one life, and spending it like this is not what I want to do.
I didn't type this because I sought pity, I hate that. I typed it because I thought I'd share why I've always been so unhappy. Perhaps one of you could help me out, perhaps not, I don't care. If any of you ever need anything or someone to play with, just let me know and I'll try to help, or keep you some form of company haha. I have a kind heart, and other people's happiness will always lie before mine. Well, with that I'm off to return to SassBoards (the Zelda section), so farewell for now.