• Welcome to Smashboards, the world's largest Super Smash Brothers community! Over 250,000 Smash Bros. fans from around the world have come to discuss these great games in over 19 million posts!

    You are currently viewing our boards as a visitor. Click here to sign up right now and start on your path in the Smash community!

The Ultimate Comprehensive Guide to Johns: What are Johns, How to John, and more!

Andromeda

Andromeda

Smash Lord
Joined
Jan 12, 2007
Messages
1,052
Location
A lonely place
Oh, one my sis said yesterday when facing my Meta Knight:

"But you have more attacks than me! You have like ten when I only have like three!"

She was Marth.
 
J0RDY

J0RDY

Smash Journeyman
Joined
Mar 29, 2008
Messages
229
Location
England
Another rule to johning, don't make an excuse that the winner could use equally as much. For instance:

Looser: omfg u like spamz0red you pr0jectilez all thru dee match!

When they were using Ike and you were standing on the right side of FD shooting Falco's laser all match...

Although you can piss the winner of when they say:

Winner: But you spammed all the time!!

Looser: W/E SPAMMER NOOB

Winner: *cries*
 
J0RDY

J0RDY

Smash Journeyman
Joined
Mar 29, 2008
Messages
229
Location
England
Ultimate John:

I would have whupped your *** but I knew you'd just John.
 
Steck

Steck

Smash Journeyman
Joined
Mar 23, 2008
Messages
238
Location
East Coast
- I was just imitating you
- It's raining outside
- You just watched a video of pros playing
- I wasn't taking this seriously- I swears!
 
T

Thand

Smash Cadet
Joined
Feb 4, 2008
Messages
40
"I've been playing (insert other video game here) too much to even care about Smash anymore."

That's the one that gets thrown around here the most. Especially when a new game comes out... even if they don't own the CONSOLE it's on, someone they know always does.
 
Vaul

Vaul

Smash Apprentice
Joined
Feb 13, 2008
Messages
136
Location
Northeast
How can we forget the Suicide John?

"You only won because I killed myself "X" times....I can't believe those counted as KO's you weren't even near me."
"(Character) is UNPUNISHABLE!"
"Link's recovery sucks."
 
Bowser King

Bowser King

Have It Your Way
Joined
Aug 7, 2007
Messages
4,737
Location
Ontario, Canada
- well it seems you did ok, even though I was sandbaging.
- If you wernt yelling through the whole match I could have won
- I missed a shine/spike
 
P

Psyche131

Smash Rookie
Joined
Apr 28, 2008
Messages
22
Location
brooklyn ny
YES, I THOUGH I WAS THE ONLY PERSON WHO SAID MERK, THANK YOU
that is all
I have one!
loser-I let you win because i feel bad that you got a bear pregnant and abadoned her, leaving a poor bear to fend for herself
winner-What the hell are you talking about? I never got a bear pregnent, plus momma bears have like claws and teeth
loser-Dude, why are you talking about getting bears pregnent?

Works every time
 
metalmonstar

metalmonstar

Smash Lord
Joined
Apr 30, 2008
Messages
1,081
I was too busy thinking up a good John.

It is (Insert day of the week) I never win on (Insert day of the week; it doesn't even have to be the same one as earlier stated.)

There is too much light here

There isn't enough light

There was a glare on my side of the screen.

It was the buttons fault.

I pushed the wrong button

I let you win

I over thought my next move.

I under thought my next move.

The game cheats.

If this was a better game I would have won.

The ice cream man went by.

I was distracted by (Insert anything)

I was too busy planning your defeat

I was too busy planning my victory

God smiled on you today

God frowned on me today

It is raining outside

It is sunny outside

My combo didn't work for some reason

I thought of something funny in the middle of the match

I thought of something sad in the middle of the match

I wasn't thinking today
 
Tenki

Tenki

Smash Hero
Joined
Apr 3, 2008
Messages
6,966
Location
GA
"I think my control stick got screwed up after I tried to get out of IC's chain grab last game"

I said that after fighting someone online.

I made a game/practice room afterwards, and unfortunately, it really did get screwed up :[ after smashes it keeps holding in that direction for a walk, and it sometimes doesn't read left stick movements.

._.; now I use wii-chuck. No problems, except for the random recalibration that keeps happening D:

If there's legitimate truth to it, it's still johning, right? :{
 
A

acv

Smash Journeyman
Joined
May 11, 2008
Messages
496
Location
VA
in the original post you stated jesus said that at Mark 16:3 it is not true.it was at JOHN 16:3.
 
D

dj_pwn1423

Smash Journeyman
Joined
Nov 10, 2007
Messages
466
Location
SoCal
my favorite.

-I SUCK WHAAAAAAAAARGH!
>.>

no Im not kidding, my friend actually said this when he ran out of johns.

then he came up with this master piece:

- I suck but Im not supposed to suck, thats what Im trying to say.

yes. he is indeed weird.
 
T

Tangy

Smash Apprentice
Joined
Mar 22, 2008
Messages
162
Location
Rockville, MD
The funniest one I found on the list:
My shoes are untied
It's your disc
I'm high
I couldn't see you so I couldn't use mind games
My controller came unplugged
 
Darkslash

Darkslash

Smash Master
Joined
Feb 1, 2008
Messages
4,076
Location
Strangereal Equestria
-I sneezed during the match and that ended up losing my 0-100% combo.

-You were using Snake and his *** was distracting me, because its skin tight.

The second one sounds so wrong. Good thing i never have and never will use that.
 
K

KURiSUTARU

Smash Rookie
Joined
Mar 21, 2008
Messages
21
I love everyone who's posted here. xD

- If I had won, I wouldn't have been able to practice my Johning skillzors.
 
F

fkacyan

Smash Hero
Joined
Mar 15, 2008
Messages
6,226
This is the best John ever, straight from allisbrawl chat:

"lol dark.pch, you only 4stocked me cuz a spider went up my nose"
 
O

orintemple

Smash Lord
Joined
Sep 5, 2005
Messages
1,237
Location
Chicago, IL
Thiocyanide said:
This is the best John ever, straight from allisbrawl chat:

"lol dark.pch, you only 4stocked me cuz a spider went up my nose"
Click to expand...
LOL that is the best thing ever!
Some of your Johns were hilarious, like "my wavebird has no batteries" LOL
Yea there was actually a lot of hilarious ones. The Jesus thing was amazing too.


Sometimes I think people say things that people call Johns aren't really Johns. Johns are excuses for losing.

"I SUCK!" isn't really an excuse, that is the point of Johns, to cover up the fact that you suck, so admitting it would just be... admitting that you suck.

I remember the old Johns thread Phanna made that was also posted in here. Some of the stuff made no sense though. "good game" is not an excuse... The winner and loser both should say that anyway.
 
choknater

choknater

Smash Obsessed
Joined
Dec 25, 2002
Messages
27,296
Location
Modesto, CA
NNID
choknater
Silence is a john too, noobs.

"Yeah, that was a good game. *shakes hands*"
ALSO A JOHN!?!?!?!??!
 
Browny

Browny

Smash Hater
Joined
Mar 22, 2008
Messages
10,416
Location
Video Games
my brother is such a d@mn nob,
yesterday after winning about 6 matches in a row as my mains he demans i use characters i never used before, so i used peach, along with others. i literally never play peach and barely touched her in melee.

soon as we start i manage to get a grab and dthrow - sweetspotted upsmash. i had no idea this was an actual combo. he starts going nuts saying how i spend all day reading combos on forums, i might have well played peach for 100 hours since im already a master. after winning he just storms off saying combos are unfair to people who dont know how to dodge them (oxymoron?) pity ive never looked at combos lol, i never even knew how to wavedash in melee, let aloen combo :p
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom