The Ultimate Comprehensive Guide to Johns: What are Johns, How to John, and more!

[MPH Deku]

So, here's a question.

Where did the name John come from? Was there a person named John who was famous for making exuses.

 

[IWontGetOverTheDam]

So, here's a question.

Where did the name John come from? Was there a person named John who was famous for making exuses.

I think thats it. I think I heard it from Gimpyfish...

 

[NinjaFoxX]

So, here's a question.

Where did the name John come from? Was there a person named John who was famous for making exuses.

yep,guy named john in loltexas had a diffrent excuse for everytime he lost.

 

[~Peachy~]

Very Useful! Maybe this should be stickied.

 

[IWontGetOverTheDam]

I sceond that motion. *ahem*

 

[~Peachy~]

^^^


<__< Ahem?

 

[IWontGetOverTheDam]

I would not be opposed to a sticky. l_l

 

[~Peachy~]

Okay, carry on then!

 

[N M E]

Johns is a term, used for excuses. A lot of people don't know were the term came from it just started but I beleave it was a guys in texas. His name was John and no matter what every time he'd lose he'd have a reason for losing.

Quote from HugS

 

[Iron Thorn]

- I've got cramps.
- Your dog's odor distracted me.
- It's 2 days before my period, my boobs hurt, I feel nauseated, and I HATE EVERYTHING, YOU INCLUDED *throws controller at winner*
- I was listening for the pizza boy.
- My character blended in too much with the stage (sadly, this happens to me way too often)
- BOWSERCIDE DOESN'T MAKE YOU COOL
- I got one of "those" headaches again (I have chronic migraine-ish headaches that come on at the drop of a hat, it's terrible)
- You interrupted the flow of my Chi.

 

[TWILTHERO]

*Starts taking notes* Very helpful. How should i sound like when i john?

 

[Trapt497]

this is an awesome thread.

"I was using a sideways wii mote"

Lol, anyone who said that wasn't making up an excuse for why he lost, it probably was the reason. Unless, of course, it was an online match, and he lied about it haha.

 

[Iron Thorn]

- They canceled Pizza Night this week so I'm upset
- I have tendinitis from playing this game so much
- I'm used to playing this bad so my little brother doesn't get his self-esteem crushed
- I let my dog pick my character for me
- My cat kept trying to catch Pikachu

 

[NinjaFoxX]

"my left hand is slower than my right hand" this one mostly applies to melee though,its my physical limitation that makes me suck at melee-.-

 

[Iron Thorn]

Why the hand discrepancy?

/nosiness

- I haven't had my medications yet
- My medications have worn off
- Brawl doesn't require skill anyway, nooblet
- You might have won, but I could beat you at thinking up johns anyday

 

[_Phloat_]

I was too busy sheltering the homeless, building hospitals, feeding orphans, and adopting neglected pets to pay any serious attention to our game.

Very good political john.

Yea, I quoted the first page!

 

[NinjaFoxX]

Why the hand discrepancy?

/nosiness

im not really sure,but it really messes up my techs.

 

[PCHU]

The game hates me.
I was going to quit after this match anyway.
My character is so stupid.
Happy I LET you win?
I felt so sorry for you, so I had to lose.
I just knew you'd commit suicide if you didn't win ONE thing in life, so.....

I johned to my own friend today.
Unfortunately, this was AFTER kicking his butt hard.
The first match was crap, I seriously DON'T know what was wrong with me, I ALWAYS kick butt with Ness.

 

[-Gambit-]

I thought i had more jump

 

[wing43]

my friend claims the game is biased towards player 2 every time we play

 

[kr3wman]

My fingers are all tired from guitar practice

 

[Super_Sonic8677]

I though I had another jumpXD

 

[Corigames]

I cannot believe no one posted this:

http://smashboards.com/showthread.php?t=79482

Srsly...

...why is this thread still here? This one just about covers everything and, if people feel like it, they should just add to that list.

<_<



>_>

 

[MarKO X]

I was trying to figure out how to break a pinata with a feather.
Your TV sucks.
Your controllers suck.
This isn't even a good tournament.
I let you win to boost your confidence as a Smash player.
This isn't Street Fighter (or insert other competitive fighting game series) though.
But I was studying last night.
I'm not on Smashboards as much as you are. (my friend actually used this once)

 

[luigi_jesus]

my wii started this game automatically somehow, i just woke up :D

 

[TheDuplexDuo]

An good excuse I use is:

My Nana is actin' more ******** than usual...​

 

[3transfat]

I though I had another jumpXD

Yes. I get this one so much.

 

[alchfilosofer]

-My friends are not here, i can't fight for them like this

 

[IWontGetOverTheDam]

Srsly...

...why is this thread still here? This one just about covers everything and, if people feel like it, they should just add to that list.

<_<



>_>

When I made this thread, I had never seen that one.

 

[Greenpoe]

Female Johns:
-This is too much of an emotional rollercoaster.
-I didn't nag enough.
-I can't drive.
-I'm in labor.

 

[DKKountry]

The first match was crap, I seriously DON'T know what was wrong with me, I ALWAYS kick butt with Ness.

I hope this was an intentional john, otherwise you made an honest john in a john thread. lolz

 

[TraverseTown]

Here are some I've heard:

- I haven't played in a while
- You chose the stage/character that is good against my character.
- Everyone was only going after me (Free-4-All)
- I just got back from vacation.
- Sonic beats everyone
- I don't know your fighting style
- I don't know who you are.
- The game was only tripping me
- The room is too dark.

 

[IWontGetOverTheDam]

I can't drive.

No comment.

 

[Muzga]

does anyone know the history of the phrase johning?
Where did it come from? and why johning?

 

[cheap_josh]

lol someone copied this and put this on Urbandictionary.

"I wasn't trying" is a good one.

Female Johns:
-This is too much of an emotional rollercoaster.
-I didn't nag enough.
-I can't drive.
-I'm in labor.

I lold

 

[PCHU]

I hope this was an intentional john, otherwise you made an honest john in a john thread. lolz

No, I seriously ALWAYS kick butt with Ness.
My Ike as of late has yet to be defeated.

 

[derv]

"these skinny jeans are restricting my blood flow"

 

[Kirye]

These are some of the johns me and my friends have.

- I only lost cause you won't stop dry humping me.
- Stop making me laugh! It distracts me.. and now you made me lose.
- OMG STOP USING THE BUCHA SPECIAL! *Bowser's side B suicide*
- Funny enough, I just got laid today, so in the end you lost. *I use this John alot to piss my friend off XD*
- I only lost cause you two kept teaming up on me. *If it's a 3 way battle*

 

[Numa Dude]

- You paused the game at a critical moment. (This one can actually be legitimite sometimes but not always)

- Your character was so hot I couldn't focus.

- My character was too fat.

- You spammed (insert ridiculously hard to hit move like Falcon Punch)

- I got bored and fell asleep because your so bad.

- I was eating and playing at the same time. (I've actually done this before)

- Blocking is cheap. (I have a friend who says this when we're playing just about any fighting game)

- Smash brothers is gay.

- These controlls suck. Jump should be A like every other game in the world.

 

[GreatClayMonkey]

-I wasn't wearing my glasses
-Those children outside the window distracted me
-Your just yo obsessed with this game