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The Band of the Hawk: you have brought shame among the hawks

~rh

~rh

Smash Lord
Joined
Dec 1, 2006
Messages
1,202
Location
DMV
the **** was delicious. i loved it. all 1200 calories.

boards are back! (obviously, woo)
 
~rh

~rh

Smash Lord
Joined
Dec 1, 2006
Messages
1,202
Location
DMV
Well, I had two. I'm such a savage. One for lunch and one for a midnight snack later that night. 1200 calories of sex in food form.

SO GOOD

Probably going to die soon as a result lol
 
thumbswayup

thumbswayup

Smash Master
Joined
May 27, 2007
Messages
4,566
Location
wars not make one great
Apparently these are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts,

and are things people actually said in court, word for word, recorded and

published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while

these exchanges were actually taking place...



ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?



DEFENDANT: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'



ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?



DEFENDANT: My name is Susan!



____________________________________________







ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?



WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.



____________________________________________







ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?



WITNESS: No, I just lie there.



____________________________________________







ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?



WITNESS: Yes.



ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?



WITNESS: I forget.



ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?



___________________________________________







ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,

he doesn't know about it until the next morning?



WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?



____________________________________________







ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?



WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.



___________________________________________







ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?



WITNESS: Are you serious?



____________________________________________







ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?



WITNESS: Yes.



ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?



WITNESS: Getting laid.



____________________________________________







ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?



WITNESS: Yes.



ATTORNEY: How many were boys?



WITNESS: None.



ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?



WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new

attorney?



____________________________________________







ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?



WITNESS: By death.



ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?



WITNESS: Take a guess.



____________________________________________







ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?



WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.



ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?



WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male.



_____________________________________







ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition

notice which I sent to your attorney?



WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.



______________________________________







ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead

people?



WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.



________________ _________________________







ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?



WITNESS: Oral.



_________________________________________







ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?



WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.



ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?



WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.



____________________________________________







ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?



WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?



______________________________________







And the best for last:







ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a

pulse?



WITNESS: No.



ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?



WITNESS: No.



ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?



WITNESS: No.



ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you

began the autopsy?



WITNESS: No.



ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor ?



WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.



ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,

nevertheless?



WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing

law.
 
ChivalRuse

ChivalRuse

Smash Hero
Joined
Jun 13, 2007
Messages
8,413
Location
College Park, MD
I wouldn't be surprised if they were real. When I took Criminal Justice, I learned about how a lot of public defenders are incompetent, arriving late or sleeping through hearings. This is due to the fact that they have a large volume of cases and little time to prepare or incentive to win the case.
 
Shinku

Shinku

Smash Champion
Joined
Sep 9, 2006
Messages
2,099
Location
Kyoto Prefecture Japan
im probly gonna eat sushi today. and stay the **** away from that disgusting non sense

also ill be seeing the movie kick a$$ tonight. i hear good things
 
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