HOW THE GRINCH STOLE SMASMASS
Every fan down in Smashville liked hype a lot…
But the Grinch, who lived somewhere in France, DID NOT!
The Grinch hated hype-ing! The whole pre-release season!
Now please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be he was sick of all the fake leaks.
It could be, perhaps, he could not wait 6 weeks.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
Was he knew Verg’s roster was two sizes too small.
Whatever the reason, the size or the wait,
He stood there on Wednesday, ready for hate.
Staring down at the banner with a sour, Grinchy frown,
At unreleased characters – ****’s about to go down.
For he knew every fan down in Smashville online,
Were caught in a drought, just passing the time.
“And they’re talking about Skull Kid!” He snarled with a sneer,
“Next month is Ultimate! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously humming,
“I must tell them somehow, they won’t see it coming!”
For each day he knew all the smash boys and smash girls,
Would cling to new leaks, it might make him hurl.
And then! Oh, the posts! Oh, the posts!
Posts! Posts! Posts!
That’s one thing he hated! The posts!
POSTS! POSTS! POSTS!
Then the fans young and old would talk and they’d guess.
And they’d guess! And they’d guess! And they’d GUESS!
GUESS! GUESS! GUESS!
They would guess there’d be Waddle Dee, and Minecraft’s own Steve.
Which was something the Grinch couldn’t stand to conceive.
And then they’d do something he liked least of all!
Every fan down in Smashville, the tall and the small,
Would all come together, like fish on a string.
Having taken the bait, oh to the threads they would cling!
His phone would ding! It would ding! Would Ding!
DING! DING! DING!
And the more the Grinch listened to his phone go ring ding,
The more the Grinch thought, “I must stop this whole thing!”
“Why, for 231 days I’ve put up with it now!”
“I must stop these fake leaks from coming! But how?”
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFULLY AWFUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do!” The Grinch laughed in his throat.
And he broke out his laptop and started to gloat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Grinchy trick!”
“With this promo poster I have, they’ll know it’s legit!”
“All I need is a platform…” The grinch searched around.
But since the fanbase is large, no new ones were found.
Did that stop the old Grinch? No! The Grinch simply yelled,
“If they can post on 4 chan, I’ll make one myself!”
So he took out a pan and took up a pad,
He wrote, and he wrote, the fans won’t be had!
Then he added some cuses and some deconfirms too,
“There’s no new playable Pokemon, oh no, boo hoo.”
Then the Grinch yelled “It’s done!” and so he clicked,
It was posted online, but soon he was ticked.
The board remained dark. Quiet posts filled the air.
All the fans disregarded his post without care.
He read the replies, of which their were few,
“This leak is fake! This guy has no clue!”
He stared at the screen, clenching his fist.
Translating from French to English was hardly a cinch.
He needed hard evidence, that much was clear.
But a photo? Too easily faked was his fear.
He thought and he thunk, about what he should do.
A video might cost him his job, that much was true.
“These characters,” he grinned, “the public must know!”
He knew it was time to put on a show.
He looked round the room, to make sure none could hear,
And he took out his phone, with much newfound cheer.
“And now!” grinned the Grinch “I’ll put them in a slum!”
He took out his phone, then took out his thumb.
He was swiping through apps, to decide what to use,
When he heard a loud sound, like the honk of a goose.
He turned around fast, and he saw the night-watchman,
It was Jack, oh how he hated this Scotsman.
The Grinch had been caught by this large man of honor,
Who’d seen the light left on, but the Grinch was no goner.
He stared at the Grinch and barked, “Oh Eric, why,”
“Why are you taking pics of this banner? WHY?”
But you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie and he thought it up quick!
“Why my sweet old friend Jack,” the Grinchy Eric lied,
“There was a rip in this banner messing it up on one side!”
“So I was asked to stay late and fix it, my dear.”
“I’m texting the boss about the new one right here.”
And his fib fooled the watchman. Then the Grinch shook his head,
“You’re keeping me from my work,” he said.
And when Jack the Scotsman went away in a huff,
The Grinch took out his phone and loaded it up!
He lined up the evidence onto a desk,
Opened up snapchat, and thought of something grotesque.
He started recording the leak right there with his phone,
Writing “**** you Nintendo lolllll” now all would be known!
He sent it along waiting for a response,
Someone screen-grabbed his snap with no nonchalance.
It was a quarter past midnight, some fans still in beds,
With dreams of Shantae and Elma in heads.
The Grinch he just sat, he sat, and he waited.
Happy with the silence he will have created.
Safe and anonymous, thanks to snapchat,
He’d surely put an end to speculation chitchat.
“PoohPooh to the fans!” he was Grinchishly humming.
“They’re finding out now no more surprises are coming!”
“They’re just waking up! I know what they’ll do!”
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the fans down in Smashville will all cry boohoo!”
“That’s a noise,” Grinned the Grinch, “That I simply MUST hear!”
So he paused. And the Grinch refreshed pages with cheer.
And he did read some words, flooding into the site.
It started out light, then his eyes widened in fright.
The words aren’t sad! Why, they sounded merry!
It couldn’t be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at Smashville and the Grinch popped his eyes!
To his core he was shook, he read a shocking surprise!
Every fan down in Smashville, both casual and hardcore,
Were cheering and cheering! With no surprises in store!
He hadn’t stopped leaks from coming, they came!
What’s worse, he found out, they'd discovered his name!
And the Grinch, with his grinch-ears ringing with dinging,
Stood puzzling, and puzzling, “To what are they clinging?”
“It came without Directs! Without trailer posts!
It came without Sakurai, Reggie, or treehouse live hosts!”
And he puzzled and puzzled, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before!
“Maybe hyping” he thought, “Doesn’t come from fake leaks.”
“Maybe hyping… perhaps… isn’t something so meek!”
And what happened then? Well in Smashville they say,
Smash Ultimate’s roster grew three sizes that day.
And the minute that Sakurai got word of the leak,
The cheers of his fans kept it from ruining his week.
The leaks they had come, but it hadn’t mattered.
The people were happy, and their hopes were untattered.
The trailers now could confirm restored hopes and new hype,
Hype that would keep ringing and dinging each night.