Hi Smash Speculators,
This is my first post of this cycle. Please indulge me a bit. It's emotional, so feel free to skip.
I've been lurking on and off since the Inkling Smash trailer. I was excited about the new Smash, but far from how I've felt in the past. Part of that is probably just from getting older (16 and a half years since I joined this site!), but part of it is from recent events in my life that have made me listless. I've bought several games in the last year. At the beginning of 2017, I was super excited by Breath of the Wild, and it was indeed an excellent game. Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia was excellent, too. I pre-ordered Super Mario Odyssey and Fire Emblem Warriors and Pokémon Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon. I was having loads of fun with games.
Then last June, my mom died. She had been sick and I had moved her in with me. I brought her food and cleaned her commode. I suctioned her trach valve, and went with her to appointments. She was a wonderful lady, by no means perfect, but kind and wise, and cute in that grandma way. Every night, I would kiss her forehead. The night she died, I did so as well. She called me over in the middle of the night because she was having trouble breathing, and I ended up having to perform CPR on her as the 911 operator coached me through it. I failed, and I know it's not my fault, but it has broken me.
After that, I've tried to live my life as best I can. I still go to work, I still see friends. I had never experienced grief before on this scale, so I tried to fill my time thinking of ways to honor her. Started a blog, started going to the gym (she wanted me to be healthy), finally found a career path, still thinking about that tattoo... great things. But I am who I am, and I love video games. As the games I pre-ordered came out, I found myself not particularly excited anymore. I did pretty well with FEW, because it's pretty mindless. But I got Ultra Sun and Moon, and Odyssey, and I have found myself unable to finish them. I know US&M are rehashes, and so my reaction was probably warranted, but I was definitely excited about Odyssey, and I got to like, stage 3, and just stopped playing. Since, I have still kept myself aware of games, and keep pre-ordering things hoping to enjoy them when I get them, but... nothing. I even got my first Kirby game with Kirby Star Allies and it's adorable as hell, and super easy, and I am just trudging through it. I still haven't even renewed my Pokémon Bank subscription, even though I have Pokémon in there from my original Ruby (including my original starter Blaziken). I actually thought to myself, I don't think I care much if the data is deleted.
Why am I bringing this up to a bunch of mostly strangers and acquaintances I've never seen in person and most of whom have never directly interacted with me? I'm getting there. Well, about a month after my mother died, I was in a Wal-Mart. I am not much of an impulse shopper, but I saw, sitting on a clearance rack, a stuffed Rowlet. Now, I thought Rowlet was the cutest Pokémon. It was my starter in Moon, and it turned out to be female. I've always loved owls, and their cultural connection to wisdom was one I have always liked. That they are also fearsome hunters is another aspect I like. But seeing the stuffed Rowlet, I immediately thought of my mother. Not that it was hard to, but, she was wise, she was cute, and she could be fearsome when she needed to be. Like an owl. Like a Rowlet.
So I bought it. I don't have any other stuffed animals. Not really my thing. But I had it. That first night, I cradled it kind of how I did with my mom, and kissed it on the crown of its head (body?). I put it on my nightstand so it could watch me through the night. Stupid, silly, maudlin stuff. But it helped. When my apartment building burned down six months to the day she died (an extension cord in one of the other apartments was the culprit), the Rowlet was one of the few things I was able to salvage from that area where the fire and water had damaged most. In my new apartment, it sits in a similar place, watching over me.
I'm getting to the relevant part for those who are still reading. Again, when Smash was announced, I was excited, but it was muted. All the thoughts swirled through my head, and I started to wonder if maybe, maybe, I'm going to be done with video games if I can't muster the interest in this. But I have come here, lurking as usual. I don't know how I missed it, but until today I hadn't noticed, at least not consciously, the idea of Decidueye as a playable character in Smash, my favorite game series, and it had not occurred to me. I suddenly felt the pure excitement of yesteryear. Would I even enjoy playing as Decidueye? Who knows? I may be crazy, and desperately clinging to a part of my old identity, but I do want to thank you all, even those who hate Rowlet/Decidueye/Pokémon in general, for helping me get some of my old joy back, even if only for now. I have had a lot of fun mostly lurking on Smash Boards for these 16+ years, and I'd hate to stop now.
That's all. Thanks for reading.
-ToddCam