That's because you have tunnel vision. You have this whole "I'm going to get *****" mindset.
Instead you need to adopt a "I might lose but I know that with experience, I can overcome this" mindset. I listen to how you speak about yourself here and irl and I know you don't have the latter mindset. Confidence is everything. Being emo is not going to help you improve in this game, I will tell you that now. Start believing your capacity to grow as a player. ACTUALLY believe it and I guarantee you, results will happen.
I want to start this thing called Bootcamp that I've seen some East Coast players do.
Where they play 5 matches in a row on neutrals against ranked/high level players to be recorded. Like all of them. No matter how bad they are. I think we should do that at tournaments. Like have the PRed players participate and have them play someone in a "Boot Camp" set. I think it could help a lot of people. Thoughts?