Project M Johns Thread

[KayB]

"Okay, my shield wasn't working."

 

[MechWarriorNY]

Not enough John-o-Tron outputs, IMO.

The Sun is too small.
The Sun is tired.
The Sun is too sweaty.
I am in my eyes.
I am too small.
The Sun is too loose.
My eyes are too small.
My eyes are too big.

Seriously, though, go to town people.

 

[Spiffykins]

cold hands

#canadaproblems4ever

"come on you don't need a hand-warmer it isn't even that cold" - players

 

[Hinichii.ez.™]

"The character I don't have to adapt to to use in this game is different by 1 or 2 frames on a few things"

All DA new match ups doo

 

[Justkallmekai]

I'd look for the original post to quote it, but lazy.

"My shirt's too tight"

I find it funny when someone johns about what they're wearing

 

[MechWarriorNY]

"come on you don't need a hand-warmer it isn't even that cold" - players

Donkey Kong player here. Can confirm for big-body character players that this is us mostly being hot-blooded(think Domon Kasshu/Master Asia hamminess body temp), therefore we have VERY
different standards.

 

[Nausicaa]

Out of mana.

 

[Chesstiger2612]

"My character got nerfed"
"I got nerfed"
"You play too weird to play a real match"

 

[Stryker]

*get up, unplug controller, plug it back in*

the silent john

Guh, I don't outwardly john, but I do silently john occasionally.
Not this one, but after a loss, I have been known to take things out of my pockets or tie my shoes properly.

 

[210stuna]

My body wasn't ready.

 

[PastLink]

"I lost because you were the better player, good game."

 

[Vashimus]

"This game needs X-Factor."

 

[deadjames]

Lucas has the charge, that's kinda like X-factor.

 

[Ginge]

"The game registered my up-B as a side-B" comes up with my friends from time to time. Or if we're doing a mirror match "Right. I'm not playing the blue and white Ike costume this round". Both are usually followed by an "Oh well" because we only ever really do casual matches.

 

[arcticfox8]

"It's not my fault I main Sopo"

 

[CORY]

"I lost because you were the better player, good game."

is this really a john, though?

 

[PillsBuryDopeBoy]

is this really a john, though?

One could take it as a sarcastic remark.

 

[PastLink]

i meant it as a parody of other johns to be honest to be "that one guy" so to speak.

 

[PastLink]

"Okay, my shield wasn't working."

on a side note, dude, what anime is that in your signature?

 

[Empyrean]

"Damn colors too bright on this stage, can't see anything." on Green Hill or Skyworld.

 

[XStarWarriorX]

"I lost because you play fox"

"I lost because west coast time threw me off"

"I lost because your broken ass dash attack"

"I lost because all you do is grab"

"I lost because of that weird H-cutter thing"

"I lost because I'm using the wrong port, lemme be p1"

"I lost because I don't know the kirby matchup"

 

[Kink-Link5]

"I lost because I don't know the kirby matchup"

But not knowing a matchup is a genuine concern. It's no more a john than "I lost because you were the more experienced player and because I wasn't able to adapt or execute as required."

 

[Jmook11]

My brother Johns hard when he loses.
Losing attitude-"THEY ONLY MADE THIS TO MAKE THE MELEE TOP TIERS BETTER!"
Winning attitude-"You know, these guys did a great job(adjusts sophisticated monocle)"

 

[Jmook11]

"You should see me play with the Wiimote."

Or the sideways wii remote...

 

[BILL?]

I used to have pretty ridiculous controller johns; then I bought a new white GCC = no more controller johns.
So now I kinda just accept that it was my fault and try to not do it again.
Does a very disappointed, almost saddened "sigh" while my fox gets chain grabbed count as a john?

When my fox ends up in a CG I have been told that I always do a very sad sigh, typically at its most pitiful when the CG occurs vs a Marth on FD and there's no hope of DI'ing to a platform.

 

[BILL?]

The number of Johns per second during a 4v4 when one of my training partners decided to use sonic and only press B was remarkable. One guy got juggled offstage for 15 seconds with fox. And he was clearly displeased.
He was all like:
Sonic is Broken as **** (this is 3.02 we're dealing with, not 2.5b. i.e. it was an outrageous john)
Fox haz noo escape options! (Shine>Jump>UpB would have solved it)
This is teh_stupidest (It was. I was just so sad watching someone play fox so badly.)
I don't know this matchup

Then he got juggled above the screen up to the blast zone and I had to walk away and have a moment of face palm.
He's a decent player and his marth is good, but I think he was more focused on making johns about sonic than DI'ing out of the stupidity that he was creating.

 

[666blaziken]

"I don't waste time playing competitively" said by noobs. Also, "Your character is broken" said by any smash player that doesn't play project m

 

[BILL?]

Oh the most often heard john in my training group? Sheik Johns! (well in melee at least)
"He only won because sheik"
"****ing needles" (says a falco as he falls to his death)
"____ broken *** dash attack"
"Johnjohnjohn **** Chaingrabs johnsjohns"
"Sheik players have 0 self respect"
"Sheik takes no tech skill"
"All you do is grab and dash attack"

P1: "How do you play sheik?"
P2: -Takes controller, presses Z in an exaggerated manner, proceeds to roll face over controller-

"you don't even have to L-cancel your forward air"

All of these and more have been directed to the one sheik main in our group. He still wins with his Falco, but the johns remain.

 

[KayB]

on a side note, dude, what anime is that in your signature?

Darker Than Black

 

[yoyowoodchuckguy]

This is sort-of a John. The other day when I was playing my brother, and he couldn't recover: "You didn't beat me. The stage did."

Mine: "I only play CPUs"

 

[Alfonzo Bagpipez]

"He only won because sheik"
"____ broken *** dash attack"
"Johnjohnjohn **** Chaingrabs johnsjohns"
"Sheik players have 0 self respect"
"Sheik takes no tech skill"
"All you do is grab and dash attack"

My friend literally drops all of this on me whenever I play Marth, especially the "0 self respect" part >.>

 

[BJN39]

"Your character was buffed too much this demo."

 

[BigHairyFart]

"My C-Stick seems to be broken."
Seriously, the first ****ing tournament I went to, my C-Stick just stopped going anything about half the time.

 

[Phoenix502]

"My C-Stick seems to be broken."
Seriously, the first ****ing tournament I went to, my C-Stick just stopped going anything about half the time.

actually, that also happened to me once. except I went out of my way to make the motion obvious to my opponent: as soon as I lost a stock, I looked down at the controller and tried smashing the C-stick in random directions for a few seconds, once the opponent noticed, he paused the match, I reset my controller and resumed the round... I lost anyways, so I didn't say anything, not that I'd use the C-stick as my excuse anyways...

 

[BigHairyFart]

actually, that also happened to me once. except I went out of my way to make the motion obvious to my opponent: as soon as I lost a stock, I looked down at the controller and tried smashing the C-stick in random directions for a few seconds, once the opponent noticed, he paused the match, I reset my controller and resumed the round... I lost anyways, so I didn't say anything, not that I'd use the C-stick as my excuse anyways...

I did the same thing, but I did it after I took a stock, and the other guy didn't say anything. Later, it started working again, but it still cost me at least two spots in the final bracket. I never said anything either, I felt like people would get mad at me if I showed up to my first tournament ever, and just kept complaining about a busted controller.

 

[Satoru Iwata]

My friend literally drops all of this on me whenever I play Marth, especially the "0 self respect" part >.>

How can this be? ;(

 

[Fortress]

All of these and more have been directed to the one sheik main in our group. He still wins with his Falco, but the johns remain.

The only character I John that hard over is Marth and my friend's repeated use of fourteen F-smashes in a row missing and the fifteenth one hitting and killing me at twelve percent. It's my own fault, though. I just suck at Project Marth.

 

[BILL?]

The only character I John that hard over is Marth and my friend's repeated use of fourteen F-smashes in a row missing and the fifteenth one hitting and killing me at twelve percent. It's my own fault, though. I just suck at Project Marth.

I don't mind sheik much, fox and ZSS handle her fine, but Marth can be a real pain if I get sloppy with anything, tipper Fsmash hurts. We jokingly call a random/hard read Marth Fsmash "Azen strats" when it works.

 

[Fortress]

We jokingly call a random/hard read Marth Fsmash "AZN strats" when it works.

And fifteen in a row will find a way to work, always. It's Marth's pretty boy psuedo-finesse.

 

[Problem2]

"But I'm better than you! Whatever, this game doesn't reward skill."