Project M Johns Thread

[Empyrean]

My personal favorite: "I was trying something out." Which is often true, mind you.

 

[RascalTheCharizard]

"My max-charged Flare Blade phantom'd."

That actually happened before... but obviously wasn't why I lost xD

 

[WheelerFGC]

I normally don't john... but when I do, it's for a good reason.
I have pain issues, so when I'm having a bad day, I mess up. A lot.

 

[WheelerFGC]

I typically start swearing at the character himself when I **** up. I'll be all, "Link you ****ing *******." Apparently, it's funny to others. I get that the character is functioning within the parameters of its build, but I like to yell at them when I make the mistake :O

Sorry for the double post, but I do the same thing. Earlier this week I called Kirby v***** face.

 

[Alfonzo Bagpipez]

I'd look for the original post to quote it, but lazy.

"My shirt's too tight"

 

[Waite]

"I can't play well in these pants."

But seriously, though, if I come back from work in my dress slacks, I ain't gonna play my best.

 

[DMG]

"This is weird, I usually beat all of my friends"

 

[Chesstiger2612]

"Matchup inexperience"
"I dont even play this game" (works for purists only)
"Need to warm up" (for the first games)
"Didnt try that hard"
"I would have JV-1 stocked you" (rly?)
"Game didnt read my inputs" (old hat)

 

[SixSaw]

"You spilled pineapple crush on my controller"

 

[XXXX1000]

i hate this song, it distracts me

 

[Chesstiger2612]

"My hitboxes didnt hit"
"You won because randomly guessing mindgames. You had no clue (like in RPS when you sometimes win by just choosing an option without having thought about it and the opponent thought carefully but you won anyways)"

 

[PillsBuryDopeBoy]

"Omg, all u did was tech chase"
"Can u ever recover without using Squall Hammer ?" (Im playing as sopo btw)
"You only win because you L-cancel"
"I wasn't even trying to win"

 

[Phoenix502]

"I must be going braindead..." (KOed by moves with slow start up, like Falcon Punch or Ike's Fsmash)

"I was connection testing." (I'll often do empty jabs to measure the input delay on wifi, for the sake of adapting)

"I can't feel motivated anymore..." (got a crap modem that disconnects A LOT, especially late at night. if it happens enough times, I start expecting it and assume the the match won't get to end)

 

[deadjames]

Ike can get a guaranteed fsmash out of his chain-grabs on fast fallers, just saying.

 

[Blakebtb23]

You only won because I suck at this game

 

[deadjames]

That's the most legit john I've ever heard.

 

[Spookyjunk]

"this is my first tournament"
"adderall is wearing off"
"hands were cold"

 

[Darkgun]

You only won because I suck at this game

You won because I suck at this game

You won I suck at this game

I suck at this game.

This is usually followed up closely by sporadic arm flailing and some semi-coherent gibberish, and lead in by "AAAAAAUGHFLJKFDGH, man- ".

 

[DrinkingFood]

"I must be going braindead..." (KOed by moves with slow start up, like Falcon Punch or Ike's Fsmash)

"I was connection testing." (I'll often do empty jabs to measure the input delay on wifi, for the sake of adapting)

"I can't feel motivated anymore..." (got a crap modem that disconnects A LOT, especially late at night. if it happens enough times, I start expecting it and assume the the match won't get to end)

stop playing on wifi

"adderall is wearing off"

?people do that
is it 20XX already

 

[Kroboats]

I didn't have a controller and my mom is sick.

 

[W¡ndy]

I was going easy on you.

This isn't even my final form.

 

[Regralt]

Items aren't on. That's not fair.

This controller sucks. I want to use my Mad Catz controller.

 

[MoonlapseOpethian]

"Your breathing threw me off guard"

"I picked the wrong color swap and I got distracted"

"My anus has been stretched too far because of the butthurt I got from the last match where you whooped my a**"

 

[Justkallmekai]

My john that I said was that the controller was slippery cause my friend used it and before he used it he was eating tacos. So we had a mini tournament and I lost every match due to reversed up B's cause the controller was slippery......

 

[QQQQQQQ7777777]

Mine is "Jesus who made these shoes!" Although it wasn't a john because the next day I woke up to a terrible foot swore.

 

[andalsoandy]

"I'm too tired."
"I'm not focused yet."
"I just woke up like a half-hour ago."
"Wireless controller isn't working."
"Controller's batteries must be low."
"The C-stick is broken."
"Carpel tunnel."
"I haven't played in a while."
"The TV is too far away."
"**** this stage."
"My hands are sweaty."
"My hands are cold."
"Your character has better range."
"Tiers."
"tires don exits."
"There's a florescent light in this room and it's ****ing with my eyes."
"My back hurts."
"3rd party controllers suck."
"I'm cold."
"Game's broke."
"Jiggs has the wrong hat."

 

[Alfonzo Bagpipez]

"3rd party controllers suck."

This ain't no john, homie.

3rd party = SATAN
Never again...

 

[Fortress]

Well, to be fair, third party controllers do suck...

****in' beaten to it.

 

[andalsoandy]

This ain't no john, homie.

3rd party = SATAN
Never again...

I can't find my old Nintendo brand ones and all I have is a GameStop brand controller.

It's the most terrible piece of **** controller I've ever used. I prefer Wiimote/Nunchuck over it, and that is saying something.

The rubber part of the C-stick literally fell off one day, and the control stick is not far behind from doing the same.

 

[deadjames]

I have two Game Stop controllers, both of them had broken c-sticks out of the box. Good thing I also have two Nintendo ones.

 

[Fortress]

Raged hard at my crappy G-stop controller one night. Took it into the garage, held it by the port-end of the cable, and broke it over the concrete. It's not the first, or the last.

 

[FalconBrofist]

"Tekken is my main game"

gonna use this one day

 

[tan(90]

"It's against my religion" I use this John even for excusing my homework.

 

[marckenson]

lmaoo my friend have alot of johns their just ridiculous
-man my sleeping pills maid mee go to sleep this game
-thats messed up my hands sweating
-the controller has greece in it
-my tv is too hd bro
-you got lucky i just got back from (place)
-its lagging
-the game is cheating for you

 

[gramkracka22]

*get up, unplug controller, plug it back in*

the silent john

 

[arcticfox8]

*get up, unplug controller, plug it back in*

the silent john

Oh god I laughed too hard at that.

 

[Bazkip]

"I blame the Jews"

Always gets a great reaction.

Spoiler

It's okay, I'm Jewish

 

[Fortress]

"I blame the Jews"

Always gets a great reaction.

Spoiler

It's okay, I'm Jewish

Spoiler

Are you, really?

 

[Bazkip]

Spoiler

Are you, really?

Legit, I am.

 

[Kaysick]

"You spilled pineapple crush on my controller"

I find this funnier than the others since this actually happened to him