Project M Johns Thread

[Strong Badam]

Never gotten that one yet.

 

[Kaye Cruiser]

@BigHairyFart Your text is too purple, can't read.

Allow me to aid you in your conquest to adapt and embrace the beauty of purple. ¦(

Spoiler

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Anywho, in accordance to the topic of Johns, I tend to just go "Dammit, what was I doing? You totally got me!" Or "Dammit, I screwed up! Oh well." or "Damn, I lost! Eh, GGs" Or simply "...Welp, I sucked in that match. XD" and stuff like that when I have really dumb losses.

Am I doing it right? ¦D

 

[Cold-Water Wash]

The best john I ever heard used was my roommate. We had just started playing smash 64 and he said after losing: "this wouldn't have happened if I had used a Wiimote".

 

[andalsoandy]

"Your character blends in with the background."

 

[MechWarriorNY]

"Your character blends in with the background."

This is legit.
Dark-colored chars on dark stages in Marvel 3 = AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

 

[arcticfox8]

"Your character blends in with the background."

 

[666blaziken]

You only won because you were camping. That takes no skill at all, play honorably.

 

[andalsoandy]

Usually it's black for me.

No one I know uses G&W.

 

[Soft Serve]

"This CRT lags, we have to switch TV's" is something that happens a lot at our weeklies, once a few of the people get stupid baked they start thinking the stream TV lags.
"I only lost because you play marth. If you played any other character I would have destroyed you"
my favorite:
"Bananas are bull****"
me after the set -- "You know you can just wavedash to catch them as i throw them at you, and trips are techable. there's tons of counter-play"
"Why should I have to learn matchup-specific counterplay, Diddy is broken."
I then restrain myself from pointing out that tethers, falco lasers and spacie shield pressure exist.

 

[Spralwers]

Vigilante does indeed play with the controller upside down. I would know because I did lots of Roy dittos with him at polybash and witnessed it for myself.

 

[BILL?]

On FD:
*untimely spotdodge* "Ugh, that was totally a shield drop."

I wish this was a real-life input john.

 

[Terotrous]

"Your character blends in with the background."

This is legit vs G&W on Warioware. The bacon is literally invisible.

 

[Hashtag]

This is great!

"I panicked. My sword was on fire."

Priceless.

 

[Bazkip]

In doubles "I thought you were on my team"

Certain team colours can get hella confusing, such as Red Falco when you're Blue team.

 

[JakieWinks]

"You play this way too much."

It's just so harsh.

 

[BILL?]

I was playing as Falco in a casual 4v4 match. My friend was playing fox.
His take on teh_shine combos: "Stop shining me bro, like what is that."

The next game he went Roy and I rolled into the hilt of his fully charged flare blade and died at 0. #plznerf

 

[BILL?]

From the John-i-tron:

"The Sun is too bright."

Actually though, when I play smash with my friends/training partners, our setup is outside, with the tv in a shed. If the umbrellas aren't angled right, the glare is real. This isn't that far from the truth sometimes.

 

[Bazkip]

From the John-i-tron:

"The Sun is too bright."

Actually though, when I play smash with my friends/training partners, our setup is outside, with the tv in a shed. If the umbrellas aren't angled right, the glare is real. This isn't that far from the truth sometimes.

What

Why would you have a setup like that

 

[Guilu]

You're just winning because you're better than me.

I'd win if I were better !

 

[NisforSmash]

"You only won because you chose fox"

 

[BILL?]

What

Why would you have a setup like that

We have it on our senior patio lol, we do melee and PM there. It's ok b/c based SoCal weather.

Glare is usually not noticeable tbh.
Umbrellas are too strong.

The wii is sorta f***ed tho, it fell off the table a few months ago and basically is being held together with painters' tape. Still works lol.

 

[Broasty]

My johns as a Luigi main:

"**** this matchup!" (Marth)
"I need to warm up first" (Ivy)
"I don't even know how to fight you..." (MK)
"..." (Link)
"Good **** dude." (All other characters)

 

[Empyrean]

"I main Ganon, this doesn't prove anything."

 

[Bazkip]

"I main Ganon, this doesn't prove anything."

This ain't Brawl

 

[Empyrean]

This ain't Brawl

I know. A lot of people would disagree, apparently (not that this ain't Brawl, about Ganon being terrible).

 

[Saito]

"You only won because it was project M"

 

[Man Li Gi]

"The only reason so many "people" play project m is because real games like melee with real characters make them feel so ashamed of their obeseness and landwhalelordiness that they lose all of their self respect when they see actual studs like falcon and fox and hot sexy babes with perfect curves like peach and sheik, and so they instead play sonic which is the ugliest nerd character there is. If more of these sperglord project mers actually got a life and stopped ****ing it out to hedgehog porn, and perhaps hit the gym and rock climbed like i do then wed see them pick actual characters and stop hiding in the closet playing project m with their "unique" characters and play styles. Strong bad your best player plays a fatass brony neckbeard and a naked anthro monkey dammit, literally an obese man and a furry. Get some damn dignity or get out of my face"
Don't know where this quote would truly fit, but when this guy replied this to me, I ROLF'D my lungs and stomach were about to explode.

 

[Saito]

The only reason so many "people" play project m is because real games like melee with real characters make them feel so ashamed of their obeseness and landwhalelordiness that they lose all of their self respect when they see actual studs like falcon and fox and hot sexy babes with perfect curves like peach and sheik, and so they instead play sonic which is the ugliest nerd character there is. If more of these sperglord project mers actually got a life and stopped ****ing it out to hedgehog porn, and perhaps hit the gym and rock climbed like i do then wed see them pick actual characters and stop hiding in the closet playing project m with their "unique" characters and play styles. Strong bad your best player plays a fatass brony neckbeard and a naked anthro monkey dammit, literally an obese man and a furry. Get some damn dignity or get out of my face

Don't know where this quote would truly fit, but when this guy replied this to me, I ROLF'D my lungs and stomach were about to explode.

I took that out of context so hard.

Put those in quote tags please so I can know that this might be the ultimate John and not think that you posted that.

 

[MLGF]

"The only reason so many "people" play project m is because real games like melee with real characters make them feel so ashamed of their obeseness and landwhalelordiness that they lose all of their self respect when they see actual studs like falcon and fox and hot sexy babes with perfect curves like peach and sheik, and so they instead play sonic which is the ugliest nerd character there is. If more of these sperglord project mers actually got a life and stopped ****ing it out to hedgehog porn, and perhaps hit the gym and rock climbed like i do then wed see them pick actual characters and stop hiding in the closet playing project m with their "unique" characters and play styles. Strong bad your best player plays a fatass brony neckbeard and a naked anthro monkey dammit, literally an obese man and a furry. Get some damn dignity or get out of my face"
Don't know where this quote would truly fit, but when this guy replied this to me, I ROLF'D my lungs and stomach were about to explode.

That man needs to learn how to comma and space paragraphs.

 

[Man Li Gi]

I took that out of context so hard.

Put those in quote tags please so I can know that this might be the ultimate John and not think that you posted that.

Put it in bold and underlined.

 

[Big Chewy]

John's that people say to me and my character. "****ing boomerang!" or "Link's jabs are so stupid" and lets not forget the most butt hurt one people used in the 3.0 days.. "you only made it to top 16 because you main link" Honestly link got nerfed way to hard in 3.5 and yet people still complain like children because he is actually viable in a smash game. (My johns btw) Don't understand all the link hate because honestly there are characters that are super OP in 3.5 IMO cough...Ganon.....cough spacies..cough Falcon.

 

[Big Chewy]

My johns as a Luigi main:

"**** this matchup!" (Marth)
"I need to warm up first" (Ivy)
"I don't even know how to fight you..." (MK)
"..." (Link)
"Good **** dude." (All other characters)

As a link main I find this offensive as ****

 

[trash?]

This is legit.
Dark-colored chars on dark stages in Marvel 3 = AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

this is also why bonne wonderland is so beloved by players. since all characters have a black border around them from cel-shading, it's always going to be easily visible in front of a mostly-white BG

e: also, this is why I refuse to ever play on lylat cruise. that **** flat-out gives me a headache, which only normally happens for 3D stuff

 

[TreK]

"I only have an LCD screen at home, I'm not used to how in tournaments, CRTs don't lag !"

 

[gmBottles]

"It's easy."

 

[Bazkip]

John's that people say to me and my character. "****ing boomerang!" or "Link's jabs are so stupid" and lets not forget the most butt hurt one people used in the 3.0 days.. "you only made it to top 16 because you main link" Honestly link got nerfed way to hard in 3.5 and yet people still complain like children because he is actually viable in a smash game. (My johns btw) Don't understand all the link hate because honestly there are characters that are super OP in 3.5 IMO cough...Ganon.....cough spacies..cough Falcon.

super OP

Ganon

 

[JOE!]

Snake's Sticky lasts wayyyy too long on a character

 

[Binary Clone]

I'm telling you, Vigilante really plays with his controller upside down, no jokes.

I know this is a little late to be replying, but my friend's little brother plays games with an upside-down controller. He's apparently very, very good for his age (like 4 or 5 I think) according to my friend, and he holds the controller upside down because his hands are too small to hold them regularly.

My usual john is "I've only been playing this character for like 2 months"

 

[JOE!]

Seriously, the sticky lasts for 59 seconds and he has 30948723948 ways to guarentee a stick. Wtf

 

[Bazkip]

Seriously, the sticky lasts for 59 seconds and he has 30948723948 ways to guarentee a stick. Wtf

It was 58 seconds and that was in 3.0, in 3.5 there's no timer on it.

It's worse than you thought mwahahahaha.