NeighborhoodP
Smash Hero
It's true. And there's no getting me to come back.
I know everyone is going to wonder why. See, a part of me envies you guys, because you guys are still so enthralled with the game, so consumed with the passion to play, that you can't ever fathom anyone else within the community not feeling the same way. But now I understand how Hugo and Luigi and all the old dinosaurs feel.
I've been playing this game since 2006. My first tournament was DSF's garage tourny, I believe in June. I went in just overwhelmed by everything. From Romeo's Donkey Kong ****** the **** out of Jay in a money match, to being nervous and getting waveshined across Pokemon Stadium from DSF in my first friendly, to the pride of not getting last place at my first tournament -- I was hooked from the beginning. I remember when I first joined, I always knew who else had jointed in around that same time -- Kira, Blitz, JTB, a couple of others I forgot. My goal was just to get ahead of my peers; I knew I'd never get on the level of the very best. But if I was above average and could just give people a challenge, then my job was done.
I'd say I have accomplished that. And I learned more in the process than I ever thought I would.
I used to be embarassed and self-conscious of my participation in the whole video game community. I never wanted people to think I was wasting my time for something I loved. After just ******* around in the community for a little over a year -- and I do mean ******* around; read my earliest posts and I was a total ******* who no one liked -- I came to an epiphany. You know, I really love this game, and if I see myself still playing six months from now, why not put everything into it and try to get as good as possible? I used to pride myself on maintaining distance from the Melee community, but I realized I was just being a stupid little kid. I wasn't being a rebel; I was just being a *******. All of us unite over the glory of one game, and if we all share such a deep passion for one common thing, then why don't I just embrace that?
So I grew up and I did. It was that first trip to Norcal, with Khepri, AJ, Kira, and Mike Haze. That was the first time I actually felt happy for other people's success in this game. When Khepri beat Zelgadis in pools, when Kira beat Meep and took a game off of ShadowBTZO, and the improvement we gave AJ the entire time there playing Melee in the car. That was the first time I felt apart of the community.
And ever since then I just dedicated myself to getting better at the game. I must've watched nearly every single video on You Tube between all the pros. I knew who Colbol and QueenDVS and Lambchops were back in 2007, before they became household names. I studied play styles of every good Fox/Falco/Marth/Sheik main. I scoured all the character specific boards, just soaking up all the information I could. I knew I would never have the natural talent of a Romeo, but I also knew I could outsmart everyone else who didn't. I had a serious drive to get better; the only thing I regret never doing was practicing tech skill in my room all day. Who knows how good I could've become if I mastered tech.
But now? I just don't care about improving that much. I remember a post in the old PR thread, where San Diegoans were trying to campaign for Rickety on the PR. And someone made a post of the good Sheiks -- Aesis, Kira, Rickety. No one mentioned me, even though I ***** Rickety in tournament at Nexus a few weeks ago, even though I had beaten just as many ranked players as he had. I used that as motivation to improve.
Nowadays, though, that competition is non-existent. And with no competition, there's no reason to play. I'm human, and I really do believe humans get more motivation from other humans than from themselves. And when the community as a whole lacks that competition, then it's only natural for that to affect you. Overall, he community's passion and drive has just really died out. Now everyone thinks they can be good without knowing what it really takes to be good. It used to be that you had to work to play all the good people in SoCal in tournament. Now you can play them in first round and it doesn't even matter; there's no drama. Kira, Mike Haze, myself, a couple of others -- we were the little people. And we were the people trying our ****dest to get on the level of everyone better than us. But now we're the big people, and no one is chasing us at all. They're just sitting back chilling. Even our peers don't care. There's nothing to work for. Booooooring.
I'm not sure when exactly it happened, sometime over the past three or four months, but I tried not to let it go without a fight. I tried to do my best to help revive the community, tried to just play through the lack of motivation and find some way to rekindle the fire. But it's not the same and it never will be, and it's stupid to get mad over that fact. It's just a reality, and you have to accept it and deal with it. I can't just play for fun, though; I'm either in it 100 percent or not at all. I remember back in the day there would be no question about giving it my all -- it was a given. In friendlies I would be the dude trying my hardest to win every single match. Now the only people I try against in friendlies are Lucky, Zhu and Tofu. The last time I had intense friendlies with anyone outside of those three people was last summer, when I was training Joe. It probably sounds like a john, but with few exceptions (OoS), that's just how it was.
I've just fallen into a routine the past couple of months. You have to understand, for almost three years, going to a tournament every Saturday was my life. It would get me through the weeks. Every morning I would be like a little kid on Christmas day. I would get butterflies in my stomach on the drive to tournaments. I would feel tingling in my limbs as I entered the venue. Your mind and body gets used to that; if it's all you know, it's hard to let go. So it got to the point I would just go to tournaments and enter doubles and singles just because it was what had become expected of me; not expected of me by others but by myself. It's taking me being honest with myself to tear myself away from that routine.
That's just not how I want to play the game. So for all intents and purposes, this is the end of my competitive career. I don't even have a desire to go to Genesis. Yeah, I know all these great players are going to be there, and a part of me wants to go. But when I'm honest with myself, the only reason I want to go is because everyone else is going. Monkey see, monkey do. If everyone else is going, I must be missing out on something if I don't go! And if I don't even care about missing what looks sure to be the biggest tournament in history, playing a bunch of people I only ever dreamed of playing, that's really a testament to my lack of drive.
I don't view it as a sad thing, though. My love for the game is never going to leave me. There are going to be times when I play, and I'm having so much fun, and I'm going to say to myself, "Oh, why don't I play this competitively again?" That's just reality. But rather than harping on the past, I'm excited about the future. I learned more about life in that year of seriously dedicating myself to this game than I ever learned in school or any of the preceding years. I learned how to be a better person, I learned how to work hard to accomplish my goals, and I learned how to value the process and not the results. This game has expedited my adulthood in ways I never fathomed. So I've enjoyed all my time here. This thread is just kind of drawing the finish line for myself, just a reference point. From now it's on to bigger and better things, and making this thread is for myself, just for those moments when my motivation slips -- now there's no looking back. Live in the present.
So if you read this whole post, thanks. I am a writer; I tend to go on and on, getting out everything I want to say before I feel completely satisfied. Because I was such an ******* early on, I never felt like anyone would care about what I had to say. I used to be one of those posters you would just read and be like, Wow, this dude sure hates his life. And I deserved that. So if I've rebuilt my reptuation to the point where you actually read this big, long *** post, and actually care about why I'm removing myself from the Melee community, then that means a lot. That means I met my goal and had an impact.
Outside of that, I just want to thank a couple of people. Yeah, I know, I didn't win an Academy Award or something, and this probably sounds mad homo coming from me, but I don't give a ****. I'm not ashamed to let it be known how much I cared for this game and the community.
TL;DR; Cliffnotes:
I'm moving on with my life. Love smash but it's time to grow up. Holla at cha boy!!!
Shoutouts
Kira: The first person I would actually consider a friend within the community, a cool guy I wouldn't be ashamed to have anyone I know meet.
Tofu: My last and best friend from the community. <3333 When you moved to Norcal, that's when I really knew I was done. Bromance fo life, even if you are a flaky piece of ****!!!!
Plank: !!!! My East Coast brother!!!! It is scary sometimes how similar we are
Mango: Might be the most fun person I've ever met to be around
Midgey: One of the funniest dudes I've ever met, bar none. This guy is a ****ing master of tone inflection. "It's not what you say, it's how you say it."
Norcal: I ****ing love you guys. The best area in the country for smash!!!! If I lived up there I would never quit!
extragrandeben, Seng, Emil, and all the other chill *** *****s I smoked with!!!! Weed smoke
+ smash = instant bond. And I owe all of you guys some drugs so I'm gonna hook it up one of these days! Hopefully when I get this acid or some ****.
Zhu: Proof positive that no matter how talented you might be, you have to work as hard as you are talented to be successful. An inspiration.
Hugo: I respect your mental mindset and preparation more than anyone's. Also the best play style in smash history.
Fabian: Iono why I didn't like you for the longest, you're mad cute son
Luigi: My smash godfather no homo. Will forever be the original Best Falco in SoCal. The barometer I would use to test my true skill against. He never taught me **** though, I had to learn it all the hard way!
Jason: Get a car and I'll take you under my wing. 'Til then, you are dead to me!
Joe: You and Tofu are the only people I've met who I feel dedicate themselves to improving as much as me.
That's it *****!!!!
I know everyone is going to wonder why. See, a part of me envies you guys, because you guys are still so enthralled with the game, so consumed with the passion to play, that you can't ever fathom anyone else within the community not feeling the same way. But now I understand how Hugo and Luigi and all the old dinosaurs feel.
I've been playing this game since 2006. My first tournament was DSF's garage tourny, I believe in June. I went in just overwhelmed by everything. From Romeo's Donkey Kong ****** the **** out of Jay in a money match, to being nervous and getting waveshined across Pokemon Stadium from DSF in my first friendly, to the pride of not getting last place at my first tournament -- I was hooked from the beginning. I remember when I first joined, I always knew who else had jointed in around that same time -- Kira, Blitz, JTB, a couple of others I forgot. My goal was just to get ahead of my peers; I knew I'd never get on the level of the very best. But if I was above average and could just give people a challenge, then my job was done.
I'd say I have accomplished that. And I learned more in the process than I ever thought I would.
I used to be embarassed and self-conscious of my participation in the whole video game community. I never wanted people to think I was wasting my time for something I loved. After just ******* around in the community for a little over a year -- and I do mean ******* around; read my earliest posts and I was a total ******* who no one liked -- I came to an epiphany. You know, I really love this game, and if I see myself still playing six months from now, why not put everything into it and try to get as good as possible? I used to pride myself on maintaining distance from the Melee community, but I realized I was just being a stupid little kid. I wasn't being a rebel; I was just being a *******. All of us unite over the glory of one game, and if we all share such a deep passion for one common thing, then why don't I just embrace that?
So I grew up and I did. It was that first trip to Norcal, with Khepri, AJ, Kira, and Mike Haze. That was the first time I actually felt happy for other people's success in this game. When Khepri beat Zelgadis in pools, when Kira beat Meep and took a game off of ShadowBTZO, and the improvement we gave AJ the entire time there playing Melee in the car. That was the first time I felt apart of the community.
And ever since then I just dedicated myself to getting better at the game. I must've watched nearly every single video on You Tube between all the pros. I knew who Colbol and QueenDVS and Lambchops were back in 2007, before they became household names. I studied play styles of every good Fox/Falco/Marth/Sheik main. I scoured all the character specific boards, just soaking up all the information I could. I knew I would never have the natural talent of a Romeo, but I also knew I could outsmart everyone else who didn't. I had a serious drive to get better; the only thing I regret never doing was practicing tech skill in my room all day. Who knows how good I could've become if I mastered tech.
But now? I just don't care about improving that much. I remember a post in the old PR thread, where San Diegoans were trying to campaign for Rickety on the PR. And someone made a post of the good Sheiks -- Aesis, Kira, Rickety. No one mentioned me, even though I ***** Rickety in tournament at Nexus a few weeks ago, even though I had beaten just as many ranked players as he had. I used that as motivation to improve.
Nowadays, though, that competition is non-existent. And with no competition, there's no reason to play. I'm human, and I really do believe humans get more motivation from other humans than from themselves. And when the community as a whole lacks that competition, then it's only natural for that to affect you. Overall, he community's passion and drive has just really died out. Now everyone thinks they can be good without knowing what it really takes to be good. It used to be that you had to work to play all the good people in SoCal in tournament. Now you can play them in first round and it doesn't even matter; there's no drama. Kira, Mike Haze, myself, a couple of others -- we were the little people. And we were the people trying our ****dest to get on the level of everyone better than us. But now we're the big people, and no one is chasing us at all. They're just sitting back chilling. Even our peers don't care. There's nothing to work for. Booooooring.
I'm not sure when exactly it happened, sometime over the past three or four months, but I tried not to let it go without a fight. I tried to do my best to help revive the community, tried to just play through the lack of motivation and find some way to rekindle the fire. But it's not the same and it never will be, and it's stupid to get mad over that fact. It's just a reality, and you have to accept it and deal with it. I can't just play for fun, though; I'm either in it 100 percent or not at all. I remember back in the day there would be no question about giving it my all -- it was a given. In friendlies I would be the dude trying my hardest to win every single match. Now the only people I try against in friendlies are Lucky, Zhu and Tofu. The last time I had intense friendlies with anyone outside of those three people was last summer, when I was training Joe. It probably sounds like a john, but with few exceptions (OoS), that's just how it was.
I've just fallen into a routine the past couple of months. You have to understand, for almost three years, going to a tournament every Saturday was my life. It would get me through the weeks. Every morning I would be like a little kid on Christmas day. I would get butterflies in my stomach on the drive to tournaments. I would feel tingling in my limbs as I entered the venue. Your mind and body gets used to that; if it's all you know, it's hard to let go. So it got to the point I would just go to tournaments and enter doubles and singles just because it was what had become expected of me; not expected of me by others but by myself. It's taking me being honest with myself to tear myself away from that routine.
That's just not how I want to play the game. So for all intents and purposes, this is the end of my competitive career. I don't even have a desire to go to Genesis. Yeah, I know all these great players are going to be there, and a part of me wants to go. But when I'm honest with myself, the only reason I want to go is because everyone else is going. Monkey see, monkey do. If everyone else is going, I must be missing out on something if I don't go! And if I don't even care about missing what looks sure to be the biggest tournament in history, playing a bunch of people I only ever dreamed of playing, that's really a testament to my lack of drive.
I don't view it as a sad thing, though. My love for the game is never going to leave me. There are going to be times when I play, and I'm having so much fun, and I'm going to say to myself, "Oh, why don't I play this competitively again?" That's just reality. But rather than harping on the past, I'm excited about the future. I learned more about life in that year of seriously dedicating myself to this game than I ever learned in school or any of the preceding years. I learned how to be a better person, I learned how to work hard to accomplish my goals, and I learned how to value the process and not the results. This game has expedited my adulthood in ways I never fathomed. So I've enjoyed all my time here. This thread is just kind of drawing the finish line for myself, just a reference point. From now it's on to bigger and better things, and making this thread is for myself, just for those moments when my motivation slips -- now there's no looking back. Live in the present.
So if you read this whole post, thanks. I am a writer; I tend to go on and on, getting out everything I want to say before I feel completely satisfied. Because I was such an ******* early on, I never felt like anyone would care about what I had to say. I used to be one of those posters you would just read and be like, Wow, this dude sure hates his life. And I deserved that. So if I've rebuilt my reptuation to the point where you actually read this big, long *** post, and actually care about why I'm removing myself from the Melee community, then that means a lot. That means I met my goal and had an impact.
Outside of that, I just want to thank a couple of people. Yeah, I know, I didn't win an Academy Award or something, and this probably sounds mad homo coming from me, but I don't give a ****. I'm not ashamed to let it be known how much I cared for this game and the community.
TL;DR; Cliffnotes:
I'm moving on with my life. Love smash but it's time to grow up. Holla at cha boy!!!
Shoutouts
Kira: The first person I would actually consider a friend within the community, a cool guy I wouldn't be ashamed to have anyone I know meet.
Tofu: My last and best friend from the community. <3333 When you moved to Norcal, that's when I really knew I was done. Bromance fo life, even if you are a flaky piece of ****!!!!
Plank: !!!! My East Coast brother!!!! It is scary sometimes how similar we are
Mango: Might be the most fun person I've ever met to be around
Midgey: One of the funniest dudes I've ever met, bar none. This guy is a ****ing master of tone inflection. "It's not what you say, it's how you say it."
Norcal: I ****ing love you guys. The best area in the country for smash!!!! If I lived up there I would never quit!
extragrandeben, Seng, Emil, and all the other chill *** *****s I smoked with!!!! Weed smoke
+ smash = instant bond. And I owe all of you guys some drugs so I'm gonna hook it up one of these days! Hopefully when I get this acid or some ****.
Zhu: Proof positive that no matter how talented you might be, you have to work as hard as you are talented to be successful. An inspiration.
Hugo: I respect your mental mindset and preparation more than anyone's. Also the best play style in smash history.
Fabian: Iono why I didn't like you for the longest, you're mad cute son
Luigi: My smash godfather no homo. Will forever be the original Best Falco in SoCal. The barometer I would use to test my true skill against. He never taught me **** though, I had to learn it all the hard way!
Jason: Get a car and I'll take you under my wing. 'Til then, you are dead to me!
Joe: You and Tofu are the only people I've met who I feel dedicate themselves to improving as much as me.
That's it *****!!!!
If you want some advice or are just in the area and wanna play, you know I'll never say no if I can help it! Smashums dashums (c) Fabian
