I don't appreciate the trolling. And it's completely not true at all you suggest this is "my character", especially since my main is actually G&W for this game (and then I use a bunch of characters seriously on the side, Mario is one of them, but he's my main specifically for Melee). I'm merely making an observation and suggesting why Mike places where he does in low tiers. I don't think it's really because he's any good with Mario. I just think various people haven't bothered playing as gay as him. Like honestly, I was definitely not that good of a player back in 08-09, and my matches against Mike for the most part were close enough to have gone either way, before my realization of how gay Mario's strategy and ditto matchup actually were. If I could go down to the wire against Mike pretty much only knowing mostly the aggro aspect of Mario (which was my strategy back then) and he just barely beats me camping me out, I'm pretty certain that my significantly more campy playstyle would have the edge on Mike today.
And if any one of you played as gay as I currently do, I don't see why most of you would lose to Mike in the ditto though. The Mario ditto is won by the gayest player for the most part (I mean lol, Pierce beat Boss in the ditto, it's a pretty stupid matchup and Pierce probably had the edge since he's probably more patient and knows a lot), but there's a lot of smaller things that Mike probably doesn't know about Mario since he never frequents these boards. If Mike actually knew the character, I would wager him probably placing top 3-4ish without fail, but that's not the case, and I'm confident that most of the people who frequent this board could definitely place better than him.
With that that's my statement of confidence assuming that most of the Mario users here know what their options are. And back to your point Vato, your Mario is almost certainly better than Mike's. I just think you sometimes need to take things a little slower, and like almost all of us, we can work on making smarter choices.