Tip #1: Always, ALWAYS be gentle.
Those porn clips you see where the guy or girl is pounding the crap out of a person’s vagina with his/her finger (or fingers) or rubbing the **** with brute force while their partner is having a screaming orgasm? FORGET YOU’VE EVER WATCHED THEM. The orgasms those people are having are fake, fake, fake most of the time, and the way the person penetrating finger people in those clips is for show much more than to actually get the person off.
Even though female genitals are tough and can take a lot of stress (they’re designed to stretch wide enough to unleash a baby), that does not mean it’s pleasurable to treat that area with roughness and force. The tissues in and around the labia, especially the clitoris, are very sensitive and delicate. It can chafe easily and too much pressure or too much friction can really hurt rather than bring any pleasure.
Think about how you like your own genitals to be touched - firm but gentle strokes, soft caresses, gentle teases, treated with attention and care. The same applies to female genitals. Always be gentle.
Tip #2: Don’t just aim for the clitoris.
The clitoris, while the most profoundly arousing area for a person with female genitals, is not the only part of the genital anatomy that feels pleasure. More often than not, heading straight for the clitoris and rubbing it fast and furiously isn’t going to get your partner off at all. Use your fingers to explore. Trace the labia with your fingertips. Massage the entrance of your partner’s vagina. Experiment with slipping your finger inside and letting your partner ride against your finger instead of you just sliding it in and out. Use your entire palm to rub and stimulate. Repeat after me: don’t just aim for the clitoris.
Tip #3: The journey matters much more than the destination.
Following on from the previous point - you must take it slow when you finger a person with a vagina if you want them to get the most out of it. You need to treat fingering just like foreplay in order to make it good for your partner.
Start of slow and soft. Tease the clitoris in gentle circles or up and down strokes, glide your fingers along the labia, dip your finger into the vagina to gather a bit of fluid as natural lubricant and rub that along the labia to prevent friction. Use your mouth (here is a good guide on how to do that). Build it up slowly, like a gradual slow burn. Apply pressure (carefully) only when your partner seems to be getting more aroused and wanting more. Alternate where and how you touch.
Tip #4: Trim your fingernails.
This is pretty self-explanatory. Jagged fingernails catching on sensitive skin is not conducive to pleasurable fingering. I don’t need to expand on this point - I just wanted to mention it because it’s important to take note of this.
Tip #5: Don’t try and fit all your fingers in at once.
So, you’ve gotten to the part where you’re focusing a lot more on the vagina. You want to slide your fingers in and out and feel the muscles tighten. Before you do that, a word of advice: only start with one finger. Even though a single finger is very thin, it’s amazing how much sensation you can bring a person if you know how to use that one finger.
Don’t just thrust it in and out. Don’t just twist it or crook it and definitely don’t go digging around in there. A lot of people have the misconception that if they dig and jab and prod with force, it will feel wonderful for the other person. WRONG. Those are the worst possible techniques you could ever employ. Your movements should be steady, slow, smooth. You should only speed up when it seems your partner wants that. Think of fingering as like a massage. You want to massage the inner walls with your fingers with firm but gentle rubs and strokes. Focus on the g-spot - here is a guide on how to find that.
When you introduce a second finger, do it slowly and smoothly. Don’t force your finger in. Don’t twist your fingers while introducing that second finger, either. When your finger (or fingers) are fully sheathed inside, press up against the anterior wall of the vagina as you rub and massage it. At the same time, use your mouth or your other hand to stimulate the clitoris.
If you want to mimic ****ing your partner, turn your hand so it’s palm down and press down against the vaginal wall, the rest of your fingers that aren’t inside bunched into a fist, while thrusting your fingers in and out. This will give a much more powerful thrust that will rock your partner’s whole body with each thrust.
Tip #6: Fingering techniques.
• Finger drill. Kneel between your partner’s spread legs and with just your middle finger, thrust it in and out fast and hard, like you’re drilling into them. This requires a fair bit of arm work so I only suggest this technique when you’re close to getting your partner to orgasm, or when you’re just looking to change pace a little.
• Helping Hand. Kneel between your partner’s spread legs again, or kneel or sit beside them. Use one hand to thrust your fingers in and out and use the other to stimulate the clitoris. This technique is a bit like trying to rub your belly and pat your head at the same time - the tempo may be interrupted and a bit erratic because you’re trying to focus on two areas at once. However, the combined stimulation will likely makeyour partner extremely wet and very aroused.
• G marks the spot. Again, kneel between your partner’s spread legs. With only one finger inside (middle is best), crook your finger like you’re beckoning your partner to you. Do this very gently and slowly at first, as it can feel very uncomfortable if you get too aggressive with this technique too quickly. But this technique is a direct g-spot stimulator. Definitely make sure your fingernails are trimmed for this.
• The Slider. You will need good lubrication for this technique, preferably from a water-based lubricant such as K-Y Jelly. Lube your fingertips up so everything will be nice and slippery. Hold the labia open with one hand so the area is exposed and you can see the clitoris. Place your fingertips (just the fingertips) either side of the clitoris. Slowly and teasingly slide your fingers down along the labia, to the entrance of the vagina. Keep doing this over and over, increasing speed and pressure the more aroused your partner gets.
• Corkscrew. This technique requires your partner to be pretty aroused and wet already before attempting this. With two fingers inside (index and middle will probably be best), push them fully inside, palm up, then twist your hand palm down, then back the other way again. Alternatively, you may wish to thrust your fingers in and out at the same time as twisting them inside your partner. Just make sure you don’t do this too forcefully. For added sensation, tap the clitoris with your other hand in sync with the strokes in and out. Or, if you find that too hard to coordinate, tap the thumb of your hand that’s pleasuring your partner on the clitoris each time you twist your fingers palm up.
Tip #7: The key may lie at the entrance rather than inside.
So, you can **** with your fingers. But you don’t necessarily have to have your fingers in there to give your partner an explosive orgasm. The entrance to a vagina holds millions of nerve endings, much more than inside the vagina itself. Simply rubbing and massaging the entrance with your fingers can sometimes be enough to bring a person with a vagina to climax. Experiment with that area. Tease just the entrance with your fingertip, slip your finger inside only up to the first knuckle, use your mouth to lick and suck at that spot. It’s almost always guaranteed to bring a person to a state of shaky, trembling, gasping need, where they’ll be dripping wet and begging you to give them more.
Tip #8: “One in the pink, one in the stink.”
It’s a horrible sexual idiom, that. It’s also not for everyone. But it’s a fingering technique that many love when done with care. The idea is to have a finger or two inside and, while sucking the ****, pushing your pinkie finger into the anus and in essence double-penetrating your partner. Be sure your fingernail is short and free of jagged bits, and be very careful to treat the anal area gently. Most importantly, do not introduce any finger that was in the anus into the vagina. You will spread bacteria and possibly cause a very nasty infection.
Tip #9: Keep communications lines open. If you’re fingering your partner and you’re really not sure if they are enjoying it, ask them. If they respond with, “it’s nice” or “it’s good” and you’re not satisfied with that answer, tell your partner that you want to know where the hotspots are. Tell your partner to guide your fingers to exactly where they want them. Tell them to show you how to rub or how to tease or penetrate with your fingers.
Or, if your partner is not embarrassed to do so, ask your partner to masturbate in front of you. Not only is watching your partner get themselves off extremely hot, it can give you the opportunity to really observe how they touche themselves and what seems to get them off the most effectively. Like I said, don’t use porn clips as a guide for how to finger a person with a vagina - if your partner is comfortable enough to show you, learn first-hand from them instead.
That is all.