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Girls/Guys/Relationships

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Livvers

Used to have a porpoise
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Even social problems that aren't caused chemically can take a very long time to overcome. Some people can do it quicker than others. Just because one person could just "wake up" and "snap out of it" doesn't mean everyone can. It has taken me years to become as "outgoing" and "open" as I am, and I still have a long way to go. I know in my mind it's stupid, and that I shouldn't act the way I do, but when it comes to actually being in a situation where I'm around people I don't know, or in some kind of social situation I'm uncomfortable in, it's VERY difficult for me to talk myself into reason. A lot of times my mind just goes blank. It is very difficult for people who aren't like this to understand what it's like(obviously).

Haha, and talking about serious mental disorders is a whole new bag. I used to date someone with bipolar and ADHD. If anyone tries to tell me it's completely psychological, it's all in their head, and that they can fix themselves, I will laugh in that person's face.
 

Jammer

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I always find myself agreeing with everything Livvers says. I had the same problem with being shy and closed-off.

I remember when I used to be so nervous and awkward around people. I would hate going to the mall or ordering pizza, because I would have to talk to the salespeople or the guy on the phone.

I got over that by being outgoing in little spurts. I would force myself to talk to a stranger (an adult usually) and use all of my acting skills to appear confident and calm. Then I'd need to be alone for a while to recharge. I'd keep on doing this until I was able to be normal around anyone without any problem, and I wasn't acting any more: just being myself.

Now I'm too outgoing sometimes, but I just blame that on the ADD.

EDIT: But I should have made it clear that when it is just in your head, it is always possible to fix it. If you want to get my entire opinion on that particular matter, read one of KoreanDJ's posts, strip out the causticity, and throw in some uncertainty.
 

Rici

I think I just red myself
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Oh, well at least you answered me correctly instead of keeping leading me on with your rubbish about braces.
That is not rubbish! THAT is science in it's purest of forms my friend!
 

McCloud

je suis l'agent du chaos.
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"So foul and f-air a day I have not seen.&quo
If you want to not be socially awkward, turn off the computer and go talk to people. As much as the internet can help you, you still need the real experience. Go up to people you don't know and introduce yourself. Confidently.

As for girls, the best thing I can tell you is pursue ONE at a time. Even if your eye is drawn to other girls. There'll ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS be beautiful girls around you. The least that you can do is focus on the one right in front of you.

I'm not joking man. Doing otherwise just ****s you over every time.
 

Xanderous

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McCloud is right. And pursuing girls may not even be the best course of action. Wait until one falls into your lap (metaphorically or literally). That's when you take action.
 

tmw_redcell

ULTRA GORGEOUS
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Expecting a great significant other to just fall into your lap when you really want one is like going on welfare and expecting a great job offer in the mail for no reason. Pursuing more than one woman at a time is just more efficient, it will not backfire on you. If someone expects to be in an exclusive relationship after one date, they are in high school.
 

Xanderous

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I disagree. I think the right person will come along and you shouldn't settle or get into a relationship you'll regret. Of course, I don't mean you shouldn't talk to girls. Just don't make it your #1 priority. Besides, girls are more attracted to someone that *doesn't* give them attention all the time. Being casual about it could end up beneficial.
 

Cinder

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^*Looks at past two relationships*...gotta agree with that...although I don't regret my last two relationships...I'm still close friends with both of them...I'm going to try and ease into a relationship with Geri (yes, that's her name...I think I spelled it right...), but not too slow...slower than my first two, for sure...
 

Xanderous

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On second thought, it's probably not a good idea to reduce love and relationships to numbers and strats, because it's one of the few experiences that is unique to everyone involved.

Really, you should just do what you feel comfortable doing. That's all the advice I can give.
 

McCloud

je suis l'agent du chaos.
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"So foul and f-air a day I have not seen.&quo
TMW: While I agree with the welfare analogy, I think it's not so much pursuing girls, but putting yourself out there. Which is another big point; get yourself noticed. I'm not saying do absurdly flashy things, but make sure you stick in their head.
 

plasmawisp6633

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Anyone got advice for me? (this thread's working out nice)

I dated a girl I had known for about a year or 2 for about two months. We have a ton in common in terms of values and we know how to openly communicate.

We had a long talk one day where she claimed that I was everything she wanted in a boyfriend, but something inside of her just wouldn't let her go further. We broke up about 2 weeks ago because she claims that she just wants to be a really good friend.

Now I'm not gonna go all emo and s**t because we broke up, but at this point I still would prefer a relationship, even though I'm greatful at the same time that I have a good friend. For now, I know all I can do is be a good friend.

Does anyone feel that I could possibly work to getting her back into a relationship with time?
 

Cinder

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^Same thing happened to me...she dumped me cuz I was too clingy...

I'm at a crossroads with this situation myself...but I think you should try and move on...it hurts at first, and I'm sure you're thinking you won't get over it, but the wounds will heal...they just need time, dude...at least y'all are still friends...me and my ex are still friends, too, and we've vowed to stay friends for as long as we live (or at least as long as I keep in touch...she's the "you contact me, I contact you" kind of person)...

Best thing you can do is appreciate your friendship, and if fate has it that y'all will get back together, then so be it, but if not, you'll have to accept it...try and get into another relationship...maybe you'll find someone else who's even better for you...just have a little faith...
 

Jammer

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We had a long talk one day where she claimed that I was everything she wanted in a boyfriend...

Does anyone feel that I could possibly work to getting her back into a relationship with time?
This one is a simple "YES".

No doubt at all. It sounds like you guys are made for each other, and the only thing that's keeping you apart is her inability to have a relationship right now, for whatever reason. Since you guys have stayed close friends, it's not a dumb excuse, and you guys should be good to go when she's ready.

Now, as for the timeline for when that happens, I don't know. Maybe if you knew specifically why she couldn't go further, you could make her feel more comfortable, so that she knew it wouldn't go too far against her will. For example, if you were pushing her to perform sexual acts with you, you should tell her that you don't need that, and you are perfectly content with even holding hands.

Of course, only say that if it's true.

Good luck, mate.
 

tmw_redcell

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I disagree. I think the right person will come along and you shouldn't settle or get into a relationship you'll regret. Of course, I don't mean you shouldn't talk to girls. Just don't make it your #1 priority. Besides, girls are more attracted to someone that *doesn't* give them attention all the time. Being casual about it could end up beneficial.
Dating girls does not trap you in long term relationships. It does not mean it is your number one priority. Just because you're pursuing a woman doesn't mean you have to do so desperately. If you meet a woman you like, ask her out. Do not be afraid to date girls you haven't gotten to know--that is the point of dating. Being "casual" about it will not be beneficial, it will be an excuse for you to not ask girls out. Refusing to make dating "mathematical" is ridiculous. If you get to know more women, your odds of finding one you like increases.

McCloud: Just "putting yourself out there" is cowardly. Women tend to do relatively little about men they are interested in, it falls on you to start the relationship, even if it is something short-term.
 

McCloud

je suis l'agent du chaos.
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"So foul and f-air a day I have not seen.&quo
There's a difference between pursuit and putting oneself out there. It's not cowardly to show that you don't need a woman; it's actually pretty ****ed confident to not be the guy who is always running around trying to get girls.

The main premise is to pursue a girl if you really want her, but otherwise you need to project the image of a self confident independent.
 

joeysmash

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This entire discussion is pointless... YOUR ALL SMASH NERDS YOU HAVE NO LIVES!!!! just kidding

if she wants to be your friend, stick to friendship
if she wants more give it to her
 

Xanderous

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I don't know about that, Redcell. I guess the differences in our experiences and personalities (and taste in women) have created conflicting beliefs, but I can totally see where you're coming from and how it could work for you.

But me, well, I met a great girl after a series of bad relationships that started off good. We've been together for three years and I'll be popping the question in a matter of months.

*Actually, I fear you may have misunderstood me. When I said to wait for a girl to fall into your lap, I only meant to not make finding a girl your #1 priority. Not only does that come off as unattractive and desperate, but it's ****ed hard work. What I meant is to go about your daily routine. Doing this will guarantee that any women you meet will have interests similar to yours. And, like you said, if you're interested in the girl, ask her out!

joeysmash said:
if she wants more give it to her
**** yeah, this guy has been around.
 

Red Exodus

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I think getting a girl friend would be my last priority. I'm 16 so stuff like my health, my education, my music [I'm learning guitar, I might try to get into a band a year or 2 from now], my family and [yes] my games are more important to me than using up my energy in a relationship. The only good that comes out of getting girls at this age is the practice in terms of dating and managing relationships.
 

Jammer

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I think getting a girl friend would be my last priority. I'm 16 so stuff ... are more important to me than using up my energy in a relationship. The only good that comes out of getting girls at this age is the practice in terms of dating and managing relationships.
Well, while you may put energy in, you'll get energy out of the relationship, too. I don't mean that in a new-age way, what with the energy--having a relationship can really be quite invigorating.

I guess you could say that yes, dating at that age is just practice, but practice can be fun, too. When I practice my saxophone for a concert, I have fun. In fact, the concert itself isn't that fun, but I don't want to extend that into marriage...

I'm not telling you to date if you don't want to. But you might want to at least give it a try.
 

KoreanDJ111

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Anyone got advice for me? (this thread's working out nice)

I dated a girl I had known for about a year or 2 for about two months. We have a ton in common in terms of values and we know how to openly communicate.

We had a long talk one day where she claimed that I was everything she wanted in a boyfriend, but something inside of her just wouldn't let her go further. We broke up about 2 weeks ago because she claims that she just wants to be a really good friend.

Now I'm not gonna go all emo and s**t because we broke up, but at this point I still would prefer a relationship, even though I'm greatful at the same time that I have a good friend. For now, I know all I can do is be a good friend.

Does anyone feel that I could possibly work to getting her back into a relationship with time?
Nope.
You fell for the "Let's just be friends" trap.
And the reality is, it wasn't about her, it was about you, my friend.
You got her into a relationship, but you didn't spark enough attraction in the relationship, only rapport and affection.
Affection is important to tying a relationship together, but if there is no attraction, she will be bored, say you are a nice friend, and leave you for some other guy who massively sparks her attraction.

People who say "yes, definitely" it may sound good in the internet chair game, but in REAL LIFE, you have a very slim fvcking chance of you getting back together with this girl. I'm not denying it is possible, but the best thing you can do in this situation is move on. Begging for her love and trying to win her approval to get back into a relationship is not a good approach, and she will have less respect for you, and that my friend, sucks.

You are not going emo about this girl? Good.
You still have this feeling you still want to get with this girl after she said "lets just be friends?" Not good.

You gotta understand you held the responsibility for her saying that.
If you don't change the way how you act in a relationship, you will continually get girls to be saying to you "Wow, you are the perfect boyfriend for me....but, I think we should just be friends."

And a key quote from this is
"The moment you get over your old girlfriend is the moment you will find a new one."
 

Pluvia's other account

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No Internet?!?
OK I've been itching to tell this story for ages now. Reading through this thread and everyone will just think we're such the cheery bunch. :laugh:

Anyway, some of you may have read this story before, but I just like telling it and plus it'll lighten the mood. :)

Here's my story. Make sure you have popcorn and aren't busy.

Almost two years ago, I met this girl. She was amazing! She had a great body, a beautiful smile, fair blond hair, and looks to die for! Plus she had an amazing personality. She was flirtatious, but not arrogant or proud, as she seemed to not notice or admire how great she was Infact, she didn't think she was all that special. To top it off, she was smart and she loved computer games!

Unfortunately, she was almost two years my senior (well, a year and 5 months). She made friends with everybody quickly, including me. After about 2-3 months, we became close friends. I was used to this, as I seemed to make friends with females, but never anything more. I had a crush on her (obviously) and always felt embarrassed around her, but not enough for her to notice.

I thought my crush would pass, but it never, the only thing that happened was we got closer and closer and it got stronger and stronger. I could feel this happening and I tried to ignore it as though it was nothing. But it got to the point where my heart bet so fast around her and I could do nothing but constantly think about her.

We became the best of friends, and would constantly talk to each other. My male friends noticed this and started dropping hints to her that I clearly liked her. They often told us that if I was female, I would be her, and vice versa. She never picked up on these hints though. Annoyed at how useless I was at flirting, I kept to myself, but she told me that I could try practicing my lines on her if I wanted. I longed to tell her how much she meant to me, or how much I thought about her, or how fast my heart beat when I was with her. But I couldn't.

So I practiced my flirting on her whenever I had the chance, (Which usually involved a nudge from one of my friends, after she said something, to tell me that now was my chance to say something flirtatious). My confidence grew and my chat-up lines got better, but my feelings for her just got stronger. But she was completely oblivious to this.

Almost a year after we'd met, a guy in her year asked her out, she accepted. I went back to keeping to myself, but they quickly broke up. But to ruin my moment of happiness, my best friend told me that he's going to ask her out. (He didn't know how I felt about her). I could've strangled him.

I warned her about him, telling her that she would be his 15th girlfriend in 3 years, and how he doesn't treat ladies right, but she didn't seem to pick up on these hints either. Then one night when we were together, I asked her why she broke up with that guy, was it because she liked someone else? My best friend? Someone I knew? She told me that I knew this person very well. If my heart wasn't beating so fast at that moment, then I would've said something like "Oh? Who?", but instead I blurted out something along the lines of:

"I love you Vikki, I've loved you for ages, since the first time we met, I've never felt this way for anyone else.."

She was caught completely off guard. There was a pause whilst we looked at each other. It'd taken all my energy just to say that one line, I couldn't do anything but sit there and look into her eyes.

"I love you too, Tyler.."

I was caught completely off guard too. That was the one thing I didn't expect her to say. I waited for her to laugh, but she didn't. I waited for her to say anything, but she just sat there and looked into my eyes. It wasn't until then that I noticed how close together we were. Suddenly she leaned forward, and kissed me..

That was over a year ago. We're moving in together in a few months, and moving away. I tell her I love her every single day. :)
 

Jammer

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Pluvia! I usually don't say this, but I want to give you a hug!

That's very sweet. And my heart was beating quickly when I read it.

And way to brag, once more, about you-know-what!

And now I know your name is Tyler. I wouldn't have guessed you'd be a Tyler, but I guess it makes sense.
 

Cinder

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Jag förstår inte. Vad sa du?
*Sniff*...that was beautiful...I'm getting all emotional (not really crying, but unexplained laughter...)

That is a very moving story, Pluvia...or should I say, Tyler:laugh:...I wish you the best of luck in your relationship...it sounds to me like y'all really love each other...I guess some people do find their soulmate early...and yes, my heart was beating rather fast...
 

smashman90

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Pimpin out chicks with my power rings
Today I found out that the girl that I liked thought that I was a stalker before hand(and the friend wasn't the cause, it turned out that he was actually just joking but it was a bad joke I might add) and I while I was waiting at my car, I saw her at a pizza place and I felt like talking to her and proving to her that I am not a stalker.

But there were alot of people getting their pizza there. I didn't know if I should go in there and talk to her or not talk to her and make a scene there. I didn't talk to her, I felt that it was the right thing to do but a part of me is saying that I am a coward for not facing her. Did I do the right thing and not talk to her there?
 

plasmawisp6633

Smash Journeyman
Joined
Mar 28, 2006
Messages
398
worth it, totally worth it

my story is a little like that, but yours falls into place very well. Don't you love how life works out like that?
 

Cinder

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Jag förstår inte. Vad sa du?
Today I found out that the girl that I liked thought that I was a stalker before hand(and the friend wasn't the cause, it turned out that he was actually just joking but it was a bad joke I might add) and I while I was waiting at my car, I saw her at a pizza place and I felt like talking to her and proving to her that I am not a stalker.

But there were alot of people getting their pizza there. I didn't know if I should go in there and talk to her or not talk to her and make a scene there. I didn't talk to her, I felt that it was the right thing to do but a part of me is saying that I am a coward for not facing her. Did I do the right thing and not talk to her there?
I'd say you did the right thing...you woulda made a scene, and she probably would've thought you were a stalker if you went in (how did you end up there, anyway?)
 

smashman90

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Pimpin out chicks with my power rings
I'd say you did the right thing...you woulda made a scene, and she probably would've thought you were a stalker if you went in (how did you end up there, anyway?)
We ordered a pizza there and she also happens to work there occasionally(her grandparents own the pizza place). I thought that she didn't work there anymore since she moved, but apparently she still works there.
 

thaxceptional1

Smash Lord
Joined
Feb 24, 2007
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Pluto
^c'mon man, thats real childish stuff. if she thinks your a stalker, then you should do something funny with it. like pretend your actually a stalker n go to her n be like "im stalking you". depends on the girl though, if shes some serios emo type girl, she'll scream n talk about how people are annoying. in that case i would move on and find somebody else.
 

Cinder

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Jag förstår inte. Vad sa du?
I'm starting to have some memories...that may be of use to you, Smashman...

This little incident started last year...I always waited for a friend in the hall right after lunch...a girl I had a crush on the year before (the one who stood me up) happened to walk by with her boyfriend/friends everyday...she obviously thought I was stalking her, so she had one of her guy friends come over and talk to me after lunch, while she took a different route...after class, I talked to the girl about what happened, and asked if she thought I was stalking her...her reaction: "of course not...Justin's just a friend, he has no idea what he's talking about"...a few weeks later, I hear one of her friends say "hey look, Jess, it's your stalker"...I haven't spoken to Jessica ever since >_>...

Point is...uhh...idk...see what you can gather from it...I'm sure something I said will be of use...
 

Pluvia's other account

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No Internet?!?
The point is, if she's like the girl Cinder mentioned, then you can do waaay better.

And I'm glad to see my story gave you all butterflies. I assure you it sounds much more romantic than it actually was. :laugh:
 

smashman90

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Pimpin out chicks with my power rings
Right now, a part of me wants to prove her wrong that I am not a stalker but then there's another part of me that just wants to say "Screw her, if she's not smart enough to realize the truth than tough luck.". What should I do?
 

cultofrubik

Smash Journeyman
Joined
Jul 19, 2006
Messages
452
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Orlando, Florida
Okay this isn't going on right now or anything, and it's long in the past, but I'm dying to know some of your opinions. Stereotypical dramatic situation:

1. I meet this girl and befriend her in summer school.
2. I introduce her to my best friend
3. At this point, I already have a bit of a crush on her
4. I realize my crush is definitely a crush
5. She and I would walk together, spend hours on the phone, talk about pretty much anything
6. I mention my brother's name, and from this point on, things spiral down.
7. She replies: "Oh? That's interesting. My boyfriend's name is Matthew."
8. :0
9. :S
10. :W
11. :T
12. :F
13. :?
14. My best friend wasn't there during the conversation
15. I start to back off, because I realize trying to "win her heart" could break the heart of someone I don't know
16. Time goes bye, and school starts up a little bit
17. My best friend tells me and a bunch of our other friends who he likes. Her.
18. See #'s 10-13
19. Continue and continue, realize that I would never have been able to tell him that I, too had feelings for her. I guess it was the innocent, good nature I used to have. Anyway...
20. You guessed it, he asked her out. [But I don't know yet...]
21. About a week after number 20, I decide to call her to tell her something really important. [That I have feelings for her]. When we start talking and I feel I'm ready to tell her, I tell her literally that "I have something to tell you." On that note, she replied, "I have something to tell you as well!"
22. Me trying to be the gentleman, didn't realize what she could possible be telling me, and told her to go first.
23. "I broke up with my boyfriend"
24. I didn't know what to say. I was speechless for quite some time. [At least it felt like that] Then I went on, realizing that reality is a b****. I told her my feelings anyways, and wohoo.
25. The following Monday I go to school after seeing her Myspace status. Oh technology, technology. There they were together.
26. Two weeks of depression, followed by
27. A s***load of really awkward moments

There is a lot more to the story as you could imagine, but it really isn't necessary to have all of the details. But yeah, what should I have done?
 

Eor

Banned via Warnings
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Show her your not a stalker. Then you can decide if you want to pursue a relationship with her or not. Rumors about you being a stalker can have a great impact on you later on, and it's never good to have people think you're doing something creepy like that, good or bad.
 

kiwiii

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nova
you can't change whatever the girl thinks, regardless of what you do. you're already in a bad position and if you wanna save yourself the embarrassment, drop it entirely
 

Formula1

Smash Apprentice
Joined
Sep 18, 2007
Messages
178
what kind of dude is her boyfreind?
Is he someone who you can chill with?
If not, she seems like a bad trip, I would stay away from her emotionally
 

Red Exodus

Smash Master
Joined
Dec 7, 2006
Messages
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Hell
Well, while you may put energy in, you'll get energy out of the relationship, too. I don't mean that in a new-age way, what with the energy--having a relationship can really be quite invigorating.

I guess you could say that yes, dating at that age is just practice, but practice can be fun, too. When I practice my saxophone for a concert, I have fun. In fact, the concert itself isn't that fun, but I don't want to extend that into marriage...

I'm not telling you to date if you don't want to. But you might want to at least give it a try.
I guess so but it'd be kinda hard for me to get into seeing as I don't go out much [there's like one good mall on the whole island, and it pales in comparison to most in America] and most people/girls think I'm a lazy class clown so I'd have trouble getting them to give me a chance, plus most have boyfriends or guys they want to be their boyfriends.

It's a pretty vicious cycle though, but the worst thing about it is the ghetto girls. It's like I'd see this hot girl but when she opens he mouth it's like a train wreck. Instant turn off.


@ topic at hand

Lol, I'm surprised no one thinks I'm a stalker, then again, I'm so indifferent and care-free I wouldn't be able to keep at it for too long.
 
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