Girls/Guys/Relationships

[forward]

This thread blew up!

After a few days at the gym, and working, I've been pretty tired. With a day off today, and the rain preventing me from going out anywhere, I had some time to do some personal reflection.

I see lots of people talking about personal problems that hold them back. It happens to all of us, and what's worst, is that for such a universal problem there is not a single answer. The answer is different for everyone, and lies inside themselves.

It all comes down to understanding oneself against the back drop of human existence. There are things that make people tick, basic actions will result in basic reactions. Every feeling of happiness, guilt, sorrow, attraction, and others are the consequence of words or actions from the self or others. The uniqueness comes not in the emotions themselves but how they are evoked.

For example, I say that "I am the best Falco player in the world." Depending on who you are this would trigger a different feeling. Some would feel empathetic, others would feel jealousy, anger, humbleness, etc.

In this case however the feeling is irrelevant, what is important is the fact that you feel something from the idea of smash. If this is true for you, than it means you are a smasher. On the stage of mankind your character stands out as a "smasher."

To speak personally, I am more than just a smasher. Many things evoke emotions in me. Of course I'm not perfect, but I have a good understanding of "my world." I know what makes "me" tick. I do not wonder why I feel certain feelings when I do, I am fully aware of why my actions happen.

Whether it be my family, video games, books, work, music, or girls, I know my views on each subject. I understand where I stood yesterday, where I stand now, and where I wish to stand tomorrow. When an emotion comes from within I analyze it. If it's good I attempt to hold onto it as long as possible, and use the positive energy to fuel all areas of my life. If the feeling is negative I accept it. Negative feelings should be rare, but they give you the chance to understand your true motives in life.

I slept in a good 3 hours today, in which normally I'd feel negatively about. However during my rest I dreamed I was overwhelmed, and needed assistance for my work. I felt I was trying to deliver a message to myself. Because of this I justify my actions of today. I don't feel guilty or lazy about the fact that I didn't shave this morning, didn't work, or didn't work out. Instead I spent the day reading, playing games, eating, and watching movies/tv. My belief in my dream gave me peace of mind for a rather unproductive day.

Because I feel bad for "wasting" days I understand a piece of my character, that I wish to accomplish things in life.

By understanding myself, I control myself, I control my life, and the world around me. I walk through life, enjoying the scenery, and if I don't like the scenery, I have the power to change it.

 

[Bailey]

tl;dr.

jk Forward and his amazing posts they never end

 

[Livvers]

Awesome story, Pluvia. Haha, I met my boyfriend at Nintendo World and got his number on Wii launch day. And when I told him I loved him, I was extremely drunk. Not quite as romantic

And good read Forward.

About being called a stalker, that's a tricky situation. Unfortunately, people are cruel, and once you're stuck with a stereotype in highschool, it's extremely difficult to break it. It might be because kids find it funny, or that kids want to believe in crap like that because they enjoy the "gossip" of it or whatever. My advice would be to just ignore it and not acknowledge it, or if it gets really bad, maybe you can talk to a counselor.

 

[cultofrubik]

Whether it be my family, video games, books, work, music, or girls, I know my views on each subject. I understand where I stood yesterday, where I stand now, and where I wish to stand tomorrow. When an emotion comes from within I analyze it. If it's good I attempt to hold onto it as long as possible, and use the positive energy to fuel all areas of my life. If the feeling is negative I accept it. Negative feelings should be rare, but they give you the chance to understand your true motives in life.

I couldn't agree more with that paragraph. Well put. If only we could always think rationally all the time, then life would be enjoyable more often than not.

 

[Cinder]

^Yeah, I hear ya

Hey just to revive this thread, I think I'll ask for some advice and give a quick little story...

Last year, I became good friends with a freshman (what IS it with me and freshmen )...anyway, she had a boyfriend, but I still had a little crush on her...after a few months, she stopped talking to me for no apparent reason...I talked to her several times, but she seemed disinterested, and said it wasn't anything I did...it was kind of confusing and depressing...her boyfriend being a douche didn't help either >_<...

This year, I happen to have orchestra class with her...she doesn't talk to me like she used to, but she seems a little more interested when I talk to her...she acts like she actually wants to talk now ...she apparently dumped her boyfriend, but I hear she's dating someone else...

What I could use a little help with (since I'm soooo awkward ) is getting things back to the way they were before she ever stopped talking to me...perhaps a relationship (hey, she's not a freshman anymore ), but reviving our friendship is more important

 

[Pluvia's other account]

How long has she been dating that other person? Do you know why she stopped talking to you? And also, what's the age difference?

 

[Cinder]

^No longer than a couple months, if they're still dating (how the hell should I know )...if she had a reason, it was cuz I was clingy (same reason my girlfriend dumped me )...and she's about sixteen, I just turned 18...

 

[Deleted member]

I slept in a good 3 hours today, in which normally I'd feel negatively about. However during my rest I dreamed I was overwhelmed, and needed assistance for my work. I felt I was trying to deliver a message to myself. Because of this I justify my actions of today. I don't feel guilty or lazy about the fact that I didn't shave this morning, didn't work, or didn't work out. Instead I spent the day reading, playing games, eating, and watching movies/tv. My belief in my dream gave me peace of mind for a rather unproductive day.

You feel negative about sleeping in? Care to explain? o_o

It seems like you don't like being "unproductive"..but how do you define productivity? Aren't you being productive if you're enjoying your day?

 

[Black Waltz]

^No longer than a couple months, if they're still dating (how the hell should I know )...if she had a reason, it was cuz I was clingy (same reason my girlfriend dumped me )...and she's about sixteen, I just turned 18...

uhhh, you could try to steal her from her bf by seducing her. IMO, thats what i would do. either that or move on.

 

[Cinder]

uhhh, you could try to steal her from her bf by seducing her. IMO, thats what i would do. either that or move on.

>_>...uh, yeeeaah...that's definately at the top of my list [/sarcasm]

Could someone give me an idea that doesn't involve seduction/sex?

 

[Pluvia's other account]

There's not much you can do, Cinder. Plus if she stopped talking to you randomly for no reason, then I'm sure you could do better.

EDIT:

Btw, I don't think Black Waltz means that kind of seduction, just the flirting kind.

 

[Black Waltz]

>_>...uh, yeeeaah...that's definately at the top of my list [/sarcasm]

Could someone give me an idea that doesn't involve seduction/sex?

i said you could also move on...which would probably be one of the better things to do.

 

[thaxceptional1]

This thread blew up!

After a few days at the gym, and working, I've been pretty tired. With a day off today, and the rain preventing me from going out anywhere, I had some time to do some personal reflection.

I see lots of people talking about personal problems that hold them back. It happens to all of us, and what's worst, is that for such a universal problem there is not a single answer. The answer is different for everyone, and lies inside themselves.

It all comes down to understanding oneself against the back drop of human existence. There are things that make people tick, basic actions will result in basic reactions. Every feeling of happiness, guilt, sorrow, attraction, and others are the consequence of words or actions from the self or others. The uniqueness comes not in the emotions themselves but how they are evoked.

For example, I say that "I am the best Falco player in the world." Depending on who you are this would trigger a different feeling. Some would feel empathetic, others would feel jealousy, anger, humbleness, etc.

In this case however the feeling is irrelevant, what is important is the fact that you feel something from the idea of smash. If this is true for you, than it means you are a smasher. On the stage of mankind your character stands out as a "smasher."

To speak personally, I am more than just a smasher. Many things evoke emotions in me. Of course I'm not perfect, but I have a good understanding of "my world." I know what makes "me" tick. I do not wonder why I feel certain feelings when I do, I am fully aware of why my actions happen.

Whether it be my family, video games, books, work, music, or girls, I know my views on each subject. I understand where I stood yesterday, where I stand now, and where I wish to stand tomorrow. When an emotion comes from within I analyze it. If it's good I attempt to hold onto it as long as possible, and use the positive energy to fuel all areas of my life. If the feeling is negative I accept it. Negative feelings should be rare, but they give you the chance to understand your true motives in life.

I slept in a good 3 hours today, in which normally I'd feel negatively about. However during my rest I dreamed I was overwhelmed, and needed assistance for my work. I felt I was trying to deliver a message to myself. Because of this I justify my actions of today. I don't feel guilty or lazy about the fact that I didn't shave this morning, didn't work, or didn't work out. Instead I spent the day reading, playing games, eating, and watching movies/tv. My belief in my dream gave me peace of mind for a rather unproductive day.

Because I feel bad for "wasting" days I understand a piece of my character, that I wish to accomplish things in life.

By understanding myself, I control myself, I control my life, and the world around me. I walk through life, enjoying the scenery, and if I don't like the scenery, I have the power to change it.

This is probably one of the best posts i have ever read so far. Everything you said about emotions and controlling your happiness is right. I deal with multiple emotions daily, just little things that will bother me or make me feel sad or depressed. Accepting these emotions and realizing the bigger picture does help and had made me feel good for a short period of time. What I soon came to realize though, is that making these type of judgments was just a way avoid my problems. No matter how your going to look at it, its like your trapping away your problems. Like an example would be how I feel when i practice hard in smash and end up getting 2-3 stocked. I feel very depressed and feel like I am wasting my time even trying to get better. To hide that feeling I would accept it as a sign to get better. But the true feeling of hard work failing still stays with me until I can prove myself. I know you can look at things in multiple ways and control your life, but in reality are we just avoiding our problems. And also what even matters more? reality or consciousness?

 

[AColdFrictionySamus 2 PoopOn']

I once loved someone... Then she found out my smashboards name was AColdFrictionySamus 2 poopon' and left me.

Long story short, keep video games and girlfriends separated.

 

[Pluvia's other account]

If you like computer games, then so be it. You don't have to change yourself drastically just to impress others. Find someone who has the same likes and dislikes as you.

I bought Pokemon Diamond a few days after it came out, played it geekily for a while until Vikki noticed, then she bought a DS and got Pearl.

 

[Cinder]

If you like computer games, then so be it. You don't have to change yourself drastically just to impress others. Find someone who has the same likes and dislikes as you.

I bought Pokemon Diamond a few days after it came out, played it geekily for a while until Vikki noticed, then she bought a DS and got Pearl.

...that's so sweet...

btw, as for my little situation, she IS talking to me now...I talked to some other people back when she stopped talking to me, and apparently, she did the same thing to a lot of her friends...I think she was having some kind of stress/emotional problem...either way, our friendship is starting to revive itself...it just isn't 100% back to normal...

 

[estion11]

im not gonna name names, but there is one of the creepiest relationships ive ever seen going on at my school. It involves a girl in my grade (junior at the time) and a guy a grade above. Anyway the guy is a total creeper and for some reason he decided he liked this girl. So basically he starts following her around always talking to her giving her attention and at first shes okay with it, but still wants him to leave her alone. Then it starts to get the point where this guy has memorized her classes and basically stalks her (i never saw them apart until he graduated). He was always walking with her and putting his hands on her (very awkwardly... pedoish) and it seems like through all of her complaints she liked it to some extent or she would have been able to really make it stop (which is the really creepy part). But then it got really bad ...long story short he basically force fingered her(i know... eww). And it was no secret the authorities were involved the parents were aware of what happened. But after that all blew over he was right back on her doing the same gross $h!t, but anyway it kept going on like this until she finally really wanted him to stop (Finally... jesus!, multiple people had called the anonymous tip line on him by this time), but he started threatening to kill himself if she left him. So this guy basically went on ruining her life until this year when he graduated.

have you guys witnessed any relationships similliar to this at your school

 

[Blackadder]

QUOTE=estion11;3419239]
have you guys witnessed any relationships similliar to this at your school[/QUOTE]

Thankfully, no. But I don't pay much attention to that stuff so..who knows?
He's clearly a nutter though. Poor girl.

Aaaaaaanywaaaaays.
I figure I may as well jump in on my situation.
I have 3 girls I'm interested in basically.
Trouble is:
One of them is in year 7, an astoundingly beautiful girl. But she's dating anyways, and in year 7. So...no.
The other one is a year higher than I, in year 11.
She's closer to my level, and pretty nice. 'Course, I have no idea if she's taken for anyways.
The last one is in my year. ...That's all there is to her that I know. Pretty girl though, and seems very nice.

Then you have to note that I'm fairly outspoken and the theatrical type.
I do a lot of stand-up comedy at my school.
Willing to do anything for the sake of fun, I make friends easily, but make enemies or make people think I'm totally nuts (Which I may well be) even easier. The year 7 one thinks I'm dang odd, but “hilarious”. Screw her anyways, too young. The one in year 11 described me as the "Oddest and funniest person ever" so that’s a plus…sorta.
Aaaaand no idea about the other one.
I have trouble looking at an audience when I'm doing a comedy routine, so I have no idea if she thinks I'm amusing or interesting or whatnot.

Anyways, while I'm fairly outspoken and such, I'm dang bad socially. If someone says "Hi!" and smiles, I tend to sort of look at the ground and have no idea what to say, once taking this to an extreme.

Girl at my school: Hey!
Me: Awkwarrrrd....
Angus: You know you just said that loud, right?

And then I sort of left very quickly.
*Cough*

So…yeah. That’s my situation. …You guys are the experts, waddayathink?

 

[McCloud]

You're gonna have to translate by age.. I have no idea what year 7 and year 11 is, but as much as age doesn't matter the advice given will change.

You're going to have to learn to talk to people- plain and simple. Conversation is key to any sort of human interaction. Work on that before you think about being in a relationship. Being able to converse normally is a much more crucial skill.

 

[Blackadder]

You're gonna have to translate by age.. I have no idea what year 7 and year 11 is, but as much as age doesn't matter the advice given will change.

Sorry! I forgot that I wasn't talking to Australians. I don't know your High-schooling system so I will do it by age/

Year 7: 13 (Too young, no point)
Year 8: 14 (Same deal, really)
Year 9: 15
Year 10: 16 (Ooooo, me!)
Year 11: 17
Year 12: 18

You're going to have to learn to talk to people- plain and simple. Conversation is key to any sort of human interaction. Work on that before you think about being in a relationship. Being able to converse normally is a much more crucial skill.

It's really odd. Whenever I'm in a very silly mood (Which is often enough) I can talk to anyone freely. And with friends I'm **** boisterous and loud. Any other time though, I'm very to myself, which tends to contradict my general personality. I guess I'll just have to get better at socialism, yeah. I just…sorta...suck.

I guess half the trouble might be my lack of care really. I’m really not considering dating very seriously at all right now, but I may as well try. I guess I’m scared of having someone say “I love you” ‘cause…let’s face it…in High school at my age…you don’t. You only have a crush.
Or am I being to cynical? I don’t know.

 

[Livvers]

Hahaha. I'm not really sure how to help you out BlackAdder, because I have the same problems when talking to people(my mind just goes blank), but I just had to say that saying "Awkwarrrd" out loud was too funny =D

And Estion, never heard of anything like that happening at my school, thankfully. It sounds like that guy needs some serious counseling before he escalates into doing more harmful crimes. She needs a restraining order on him.

I had an ex try to pull the "killing himself" thing on me. Didn't work. I don't fall into that kind of **** and let someone control me that way.

 

[Crystallion]

First of all, let me start by saying "hello" to you fellow SWF members.
I've been thinking about whether or not I should post in this thread. I made up my mind, so here I am.
Let me start by telling you what it's about. In the big picture of things, it's nothing to actually go vent about, and it certainly is hard for people over the internet to judge and give advice over one's current situation, I'm aware of that, but I feel like telling someone.

To be straightforward, this is actually my first true relationship and I'm not used to it. Then, I'd like to say the following: I'm probably one of the most special people you'll find, and I don't mean this in a positive way. I've got real issues, not only because of ADD, but I'm a very emotional person in the first place. It is not very fortunate that my boyfriend suffers from these very same problems, but he's way older (actually, twice as old as I am) and way more experienced than me and knows how to take care of these things.
Now the problem is, him and me lived now for two months under the same roof, but we already knew each other for six whole years. He always worked at a fun fair here in my country, he's always travelling around (his car is his home, need I say more?), so he actually doesn't really have a place to call "home" where he resides and such. So while he worked at that fun fair, my mom invited him to a barbeque evening over at our house. My mom likes him, but there was a reason for it. Why do you think she told him to go and sleep in my room? Exactly what you thought!

It was wonderful. And it didn't take much time for me to realize I was in love with him. We're together since two months now.
The thing is, he has been exploited by women one to many times, that's why he's in an OPEN relationship, meaning that he's got others too, so I have to share him. Well, it's not bad really, since that means I can't lose him to anyone. And that's not really the problem either. In addition to that, I really think he's in love with me, I mean that because my mom told me that he said once that he's never felt that way before.

Now, he's got to go back to England every other winter and I can't communicate with him that much. I already mentioned that I'm very emotional, I have meds to keep that under control, it works too. But now it's been almost three days since he last wrote me a short message. It's not much time, but I'm just worried about him.

To get you to know a bit of his personality: He's always fooling around (even while we're having sex o_O), he's kind, he's always there for me, but something just sometimes frustrates me and I don't really know what it is. Well, first things first: He's someone who's honest to the bone and sometimes it keeps hurting me, he often tells things he shouldn't even be talking about, in that case he's very special. He often confuses me and the fact that he's got ADD like me doesn't really help. I'm so **** frustrated that he's not here (he doesn't even want to go to England, but he's got to go for personal reasons), I've never felt something like that before and I don't know what to do. Every time I talk to him via Skype, it's just another blow to my stomach, I cry often and he tries to soothe me with jokes. But I sometimes get the feeling he doesn't understand me (which is hard, I admit), and he always says that he's sorry for making me suffer like that which gets me infuriatingly mad since it's only because of him I can love to the fullest. So I vent about things and end up crying and saying stuff that are completely off. I also can't comprehend how he can put up with me and how he could possibly love me (I have very low self esteem as you might've noticed).

I always feel like **** every time I do this since I don't want to hurt him (although he assures me that this isn't the case).



So, question: What should I do to fill this emptiness? The last few days, I didn't give much thought about that, but reality starts to rear its ugly head again. So how should I get rid of these negative feelings?

(and sorry for the excrutiatingly long post)

 

[Jammer]

he's way older (actually, twice as old as I am) and way more experienced than me and knows how to take care of these things.
Now the problem is, him and me lived now for two months under the same roof, but we already knew each other for six whole years.

Your profile says you are 19. That would make him 38, or at least 30 if you were using hyperbole for "twice as old as me". That would make you 13 and him 24-32 the first time you met.

You fell in love with 32-year-old when you were 13?

My mom likes him, but there was a reason for it. Why do you think she told him to go and sleep in my room? Exactly what you thought!

I seriously have no idea what to think. I strongly hesitate to say that your mother was hooking you, a young teenages, up with a 30-year-old. But I'm not sure what you mean by that.

Okay, I hate to say this because I really like you as a person, Crystallion, but I think you're making a huge mistake if I understand the situation correctly. Here's what I think: He's a pedophile who also enjoys having sex with 20-year-olds, he's just using you for the sex, when he goes to England it's for a much darker reason than he's told you, and other things like that. The fact that he doesn't really care about you may be evidenced by your feeling of emptiness and that he "doesn't understand" you. Also, an "open relationship"? I wonder how many other 19-year-olds he's fvcking, if I may be very crude.

Like, what does your mother think about all this?

I'm very sorry this post was so harsh. You should know that what you wrote, Crystallion, is very alarming to me. Please telling me either you were joking or that I misunderstood you.

 

[Crystallion]

Your profile says you are 19. That would make him 38, or at least 30 if you were using hyperbole for "twice as old as me". That would make you 13 and him 24-32 the first time you met.

You fell in love with 32-year-old when you were 13?



I seriously have no idea what to think. I strongly hesitate to say that your mother was hooking you, a young teenages, up with a 30-year-old. But I'm not sure what you mean by that.

Okay, I hate to say this because I really like you as a person, Crystallion, but I think you're making a huge mistake if I understand the situation correctly. Here's what I think: He's a pedophile who also enjoys having sex with 20-year-olds, he's just using you for the sex, when he goes to England it's for a much darker reason than he's told you, and other things like that. The fact that he doesn't really care about you may be evidenced by your feeling of emptiness and that he "doesn't understand" you. Also, an "open relationship"? I wonder how many other 19-year-olds he's fvcking, if I may be very crude.

Like, what does your mother think about all this?

I'm very sorry this post was so harsh. You should know that what you wrote, Crystallion, is very alarming to me. Please telling me either you were joking or that I misunderstood you.

He's almost 38. Yeah, he's way older than me as I already said xD;;
I met him when I was 13. At the fun fair, he would tell us parts of his lifestory (he enjoys talking, a LOT) and eventually, it came to this 6 years later. Of course my mother is a sceptic extraordinaire, and she wouldn't let anyone get as close than this to me, I know her, trust me. But he's actually the first person she thinks highly of. And she only wanted the best for me, a guy with actual experience. And who said I didn't want to have sex with him? It was a good thing...

I think you misunderstood the whole thing, but it's okay, I know that I'm a lousy explainer, so it's not your fault, I'm not that good in expressing myself, and English isn't even my first language to begin with xD;; He's by no means a pedophile, he himself said he only prefers women who are of legal age, so under 18 = no chance.
He made it clear from the start that he also loves other women, I just sense something that he not only loves me, but loves me the most. That's what I was trying to say. But that's not the real problem. I actually know why he goes to England, but I won't tell as it's personal and let's just say, it's guilt-driven towards an other woman who he is connected too (he'd rather not have that connection, he does not really enjoy being with her).

He actually wants me and other girls to meet each other, so he's a "no secrets" type of guy. Just sometimes he can be harsh without wanting to be.

I mean, I know him a bit better than that, as he has not only proven to be trusted, he's also shown his emotions to me, he is a guy who's not afraid to show his tears and I must say I couldn't respect him more. And he's actually trying to help me with my life and my troubles, he has long discussions with my mother, and he's generally being so sincere.

So you got the wrong picture of him. Again, sorry because I'm not that much of a writer ^^; And I appreciate it that you care for me, thank you.

 

[Foe]

You keep saying, "He said.."

Honestly, anyone can say anything. Doesn't mean it's true. If a 30 year old is going out with a 19 year old, it's creepy no matter what circumstances. At least to me.

 

[Crystallion]

Yeah, that's true, I guess, you got a point. It's hard explaining that one on the intarnetz! xD It often sounds fake, but oh well...But I know I can trust him, because he loves me for who I am. He neither tries to change me or lie to me since that's the only thing in the world he really despises is lying, that's why he's so honest with everyone btw.
While I wouldn't say that I trust men (actually, it's quite the opposite), I must say that he's really trying to help me and well, he did a lot to make me feel better and make me more sure of myself. It's just that I'm sad he's not there at the moment.

 

[Frozenserpent]

Hm, several of the girls that are in my dorm thought I was creepy initially (because I told them I watch **** porn), but now we're friends. They say I grow on them, and their advice for me on dates? "Don't **** her."

I don't know how to break the stalker notion, though. I guess rapists get more love. ^^

 

[Shök]

damm dude to much power

 

[Pluvia's other account]

@Crystallion,

Well if he makes you happy then that's all that matters really. That open relationship bit seemed a bit iffy to me but, that doesn't matter, if you're fine with it then pay no attention to me.

And if you're sad that he's not here at the moment, then just look forward to the moment that he's back with you.

@Frozenserpent,

That post makes me really angry for some reason.

 

[Crystallion]

Yeah, you're right, Pluvia. Thanks, that cheered me up a little. It's not that long, he'll be back soon, I try to be a bit more positive.
Well, at least it felt good to write that wall of text above ^^;

 

[Livvers]

Yeah, being away from someone you care about sucks. I've been in Paris for two months, and I'll finally be going home to NY(and my boyfriend)in ten days. I'm super excited. Traveling, or dating someone who travels, is tough, but it's worth it if you're with someone you love.

 

[Red Exodus]

Sorry! I forgot that I wasn't talking to Australians. I don't know your High-schooling system so I will do it by age/

Year 7: 13 (Too young, no point)
Year 8: 14 (Same deal, really)
Year 9: 15
Year 10: 16 (Ooooo, me!)
Year 11: 17
Year 12: 18



It's really odd. Whenever I'm in a very silly mood (Which is often enough) I can talk to anyone freely. And with friends I'm **** boisterous and loud. Any other time though, I'm very to myself, which tends to contradict my general personality. I guess I'll just have to get better at socialism, yeah. I just…sorta...suck.

I guess half the trouble might be my lack of care really. I’m really not considering dating very seriously at all right now, but I may as well try. I guess I’m scared of having someone say “I love you” ‘cause…let’s face it…in High school at my age…you don’t. You only have a crush.
Or am I being to cynical? I don’t know.

You're like my twin [I'm 16 too]! I'm exactly like this, once I'm with friends it's like I'm talkative and full of energy, the more friends the more energy but when no one I know is around I get really shy and silent, not to mention the number of awkward moments I get would be too much to count.

 

[Jammer]

He's almost 38. Yeah, he's way older than me as I already said xD;;
I met him when I was 13. At the fun fair, he would tell us parts of his lifestory (he enjoys talking, a LOT) and eventually, it came to this 6 years later. Of course my mother is a sceptic extraordinaire, and she wouldn't let anyone get as close than this to me, I know her, trust me. But he's actually the first person she thinks highly of. And she only wanted the best for me, a guy with actual experience. And who said I didn't want to have sex with him? It was a good thing...

Okay, you still haven't answered me about why your mother told him to sleep in your room when you were 13. After everything I've heard, I'm seriously considering that the worst I am imagining actually happened. What happened there?

Another thing: Be very wary of people who tell you how honest they are. Seriously. Saying that you always tell the truth, even to explain to someone why you said something hurtful (which I think he's done with you), for example, is very suspicious. These "truths" that he is telling you could easily be lies covering up a far more dangerous reality. Such as what he really does when he's in England.

His "ADHD" sounds like another thing someone would use to gain the respect and trust of a woman. Heck, even I try to impress girls sometimes by saying I have ADD (which I really do, by the way). I assume he's told you other tidbits like that, like he has no sense of smell, or he has sleep paralysis, or that he has a funny allergy, or other things like that. This thing would sort of be like telling a woman you're a secret government agent. I promise you that that has happened before, many times, and it can actually work, even on the most "skeptical" women, like your mother and, by extension, you.

Please know that, if he is completely conning you, that it won't be the first time a woman has been in love with a sociopath whom she believes is an amazing person, who has also convinced her mother that he is a good person. Seriously, every other Dr. Phil is just this thing. It is practically impossible to convince a girl that the man she loves has been lying to her and has been using her, because she is blinded by the love that he has entrapped her with. I'm not saying I know exactly what's going on, but please, please be very, very careful.

He's almost 38 and you're 19. He first met you 6 years ago. I would assume that he saw that you, as a 13-year-old, loved him, and he's been "tending" you to get his "harvest", if I may use a horticultural analogy. Perhaps he's been doing the same thing with other teenagers. This "open relationship" sounds a lot like tending and harvesting a whole crop of young sexual partners to me.

I don't know exactly what's going on, but I can say that, even though you say you are bad at explaining things on the Internet, your story reveals a lot more than you think. You gave me the facts, making me a relatively objective observer. When we disagree so fundamentally in our opinions, it means that something funny is going on.

Please, please, please take a few days to try to think very objectively about what is going on here. Could you at least try to entertain the notion that he is, in fact, a womanizing psychopath, and see where that leads you?

Everything about this just feels wrong to me.

Again, I apologize for what must be a very depressing post to you.

 

[Crystallion]

Okay, you still haven't answered me about why your mother told him to sleep in your room when you were 13. After everything I've heard, I'm seriously considering that the worst I am imagining actually happened. What happened there?

Another thing: Be very wary of people who tell you how honest they are. Seriously. Saying that you always tell the truth, even to explain to someone why you said something hurtful (which I think he's done with you), for example, is very suspicious. These "truths" that he is telling you could easily be lies covering up a far more dangerous reality. Such as what he really does when he's in England.

His "ADHD" sounds like another thing someone would use to gain the respect and trust of a woman. Heck, even I try to impress girls sometimes by saying I have ADD (which I really do, by the way). I assume he's told you other tidbits like that, like he has no sense of smell, or he has sleep paralysis, or that he has a funny allergy, or other things like that. This thing would sort of be like telling a woman you're a secret government agent. I promise you that that has happened before, many times, and it can actually work, even on the most "skeptical" women, like your mother and, by extension, you.

Please know that, if he is completely conning you, that it won't be the first time a woman has been in love with a sociopath whom she believes is an amazing person, who has also convinced her mother that he is a good person. Seriously, every other Dr. Phil is just this thing. It is practically impossible to convince a girl that the man she loves has been lying to her and has been using her, because she is blinded by the love that he has entrapped her with. I'm not saying I know exactly what's going on, but please, please be very, very careful.

He's almost 38 and you're 19. He first met you 6 years ago. I would assume that he saw that you, as a 13-year-old, loved him, and he's been "tending" you to get his "harvest", if I may use a horticultural analogy. Perhaps he's been doing the same thing with other teenagers. This "open relationship" sounds a lot like tending and harvesting a whole crop of young sexual partners to me.

I don't know exactly what's going on, but I can say that, even though you say you are bad at explaining things on the Internet, your story reveals a lot more than you think. You gave me the facts, making me a relatively objective observer. When we disagree so fundamentally in our opinions, it means that something funny is going on.

Please, please, please take a few days to try to think very objectively about what is going on here. Could you at least try to entertain the notion that he is, in fact, a womanizing psychopath, and see where that leads you?

Everything about this just feels wrong to me.

Again, I apologize for what must be a very depressing post to you.

Oh no! Now I now what you misunderstood. Don't worry, I told you he's not a pedo, thus he wouldn't sleep with me if I was still 13. When I was 13, I first met him, and to that day, nobody would've imagined what would happen years later Don't worry, pal, I didn't think of sex till I was 16, lol.

I can honestly say that the man speaks the truth, because he's actually proven it, with pics, webcam and everything (we also chat via webcam, should've told you). I know many of his contacts and I can assure you that everything's okay.

Now to that ADHD thing: Nope, he nowhere told me about this, I just figured out myself. I was diagnosed with it, so I went to numerous pages to look it up, what it actually does, what the symptoms are, and he's clearly in that category. I know, labeling things is not the nicest way, but I had to tell you this. He didn't even know. I gave him the website, and the first thing he said is: That's definetely me there. He's actually a pretty heavy case of insomnia btw x_x

I know you're very suspicious about him, but he's one of the guys you can't seriously detest, he's just special, as everyone is in their own way. I understand you, but I assure you, in that area, everything's fine. And no, I didn't love him when I was 13, it was by no means love at first sight. I just recently realized I love him, it just came much much later, but at age thirteen, as I said, I didn't even spend a single thought on it xD

The thing with the open relationship is that that somewhere in his life, he had trouble trusting women, and he realized that one can not only love one person, love is something very precious to him. There was a time he was only focused on one woman, but that relationship broke apart due to various reasons. After that, he had only bad luck. He just created some sort of self-defense. He tells the women he's with what being together with him means (as several of his friends have told me) and they are okay with it. Plus, he tells me he wouldn't do anything that I wouldn't want to. There's an example to it, but I don't think I can put it in this message since it's a bit personal

But the thing is, he cares for me, I tell him the things he said that were hurting me and he sincerely apologizes. I mean, I say stupid stuff a lot more often than he does, it's only human nature, I guess.

And to reassure you, I am a VERY careful person. And my trust can only be earned by hard work, it's like that. So it's not that I didn't have these same thoughts like you do. So don't be afraid, it's not like I don't know what to do, I just don't know what to do right now when he's gone ^^; Oh well, it's only two months, I'll survive

EDIT: You know, he stayed at our house in late August till October when he supposedly had to leave (he had it booked, I don't know how to say this, I hope you understand anyway). But you know what he did? He called and changed it to November, then changed it again to one and a half week later because he didn't want to leave. Now that's proof.

 

[choknater]

I am 18 and I am kinda with a girl who is three and a half years younger than me. It's in its early stages but it's working out very well, as far as we're concerned.

I ask you, Pool Room, not to judge me by the age difference (after all, I haven't told you anything about the relationship itself), but I realize there might be a little social stigma with the the 18 freshman in college/14 freshman in high school thing. Personality wise we are very compatible so I'm not worried about the relationship itself, just dealing with what other people think. I can't simply ignore it... so any advice?

One thing she likes to tell me is that "When you're 100 and I'm 96 I don't think it will matter."

 

[Black Waltz]

I am 18 and I am kinda with a girl who is three and a half years younger than me. It's in its early stages but it's working out very well, as far as we're concerned.

I ask you, Pool Room, not to judge me by the age difference (after all, I haven't told you anything about the relationship itself), but I realize there might be a little social stigma with the the 18 freshman in college/14 freshman in high school thing. Personality wise we are very compatible so I'm not worried about the relationship itself, just dealing with what other people think. I can't simply ignore it... so any advice?

One thing she likes to tell me is that "When you're 100 and I'm 96 I don't think it will matter."

theres a girl at my school who's in that kind of relationship; her bf is already in college. uhh, i go by a 3 year rule but whatever works for you.

 

[Pluvia's other account]

Just avoid the public.

 

[Jammer]

Okay, Crystallion. I'll stop bashing your 38-year-old boyfriend. (Crap! I did it again!)

Nevermind--I just need to say a couple more things before I can feel like I have done everything possible to assure your happiness:

Some guys, who seem very nice, are actually completely rotten on the inside. They can bide their time until they feel they have captured their prey, and then they pounce. If he starts to change on you, by getting abusive or controlling, get out of there quick. The sad part is that may not happen until you get married or travel together, and then it's too late.

Having something happen to you that makes you unable to "trust women" does not give you a reason to be polygamous in your sexual relations. In fact, I don't see how the two are even connected. I assume that I didn't get the whole story about this particular aspect, though. I can see that it's okay with you, but there is a very good chance, in my opinion, that it is as simple as that he likes to have sex, and he likes to have multiple partners half his age.

Let me give you my idea of a conversation he might have with a friend in private (we'll call your boyfriend "John"):

Friend: Hey there, John.
John: Hey. What's going on?
Friend: Oh, the usual. You?
John: Well, my birthday is coming up in a few days. I'll be 38.
Friend: Wow. Getting towards 40, huh? Hey, you still banging that 19-year-old?
John: Oh yeah! Actually, I've got a few of them.
Friend: Really? What do you mean?
John: Well, I've somehow convinced several girls that I was hurt by a woman before, and that I can't have a relationship with a single person because of "trust issues". I make it sound like I'm so sorry I'm doing this to them, and I ask them if they can still trust me, and **** like that.
Friend: Ah...
John: I seriously can't believe I'm actually getting away with this. I've known this one girl for 6 years now. She couldn't help but fall in love with me ever since I started putting myself in her life, and now I've got a good lay any time I want.
Friend: Okay, John. But don't you ever think about getting married? I'm so glad I settled down with Jane.
John: Who needs marriage? I'm free to travel around, and I get all the sex I want, with hot young girls. Sure, it means I have to be a pathological liar, but you should see how they eat up my stories and "nice, considerate guy" persona.
Friend: Well, that doesn't sound too--
John: It's great! It's not like I'm hurting the girls. They love me, and they're all very happy. It's so funny how, whenever I'm with one of them, all the rest are just anxiously waiting for me to return. It's like they're little pets. But, you can't blame them. They're just so inexperienced, you know? Once I get to them, they never know what hit them!
Friend: Yeah, John. Hey, I was thinking that maybe you could come over Saturday night...

It's just a hypothetical, Crystallion, and I'm sorry if it angered you. But I have seen it happen before, in a way pretty similar to what's going on with you.

I don't want to ruin your opinion of "John" if he isn't like the John in my little dialogue. I just want you to know that, no matter how highly you think of him, he could be what some would consider a "lowlife".

It just feels wrong to me. I would normally just be like, "Okay, big age difference, but that's okay", but when you add the infidelity, the traveling, the incredible "honesty", and other things, it just doesn't compute.

I really hope I'm not just making you angry. I'm just saying my opinion. I understand that I'm not close to your situation, but maybe that's exactly what you need: Someone who's never seen this guy in person.

Some crooks can be extremely kind, likeable, even humble and honest, but to them, it's all just a game.

 

[KoreanDJ111]

Wow Jammer, you are pretty **** creative with your sh*t.

 

[Crystallion]

If you don't mind, I'll post my answer tomorrow, because I feel like ****, sorry