Girls/Guys/Relationships

[Jammer]

What adaptor says has some truth, but I think we all need to remember that "love" is not something you can trust to do the right thing.

Many young girls "love" older guys, right? And the older guys "love" the young girls. But this isn't true love--it's because the girl wants a father-figure and the guy wants sex with a young girl.

Two people who would be horrible for each other can fall in love. That's why I think you need to look for "external reasons" not to have a relationship with someone you love, if you know what I mean. Gratifying yourself by being with someone you like or love, and not caring about what other people think, especially people who have your best interests in mind, can lead to a very strange or damaging relationship.

 

[Pluvia's other account]

Now we're done with books and rubbish, we can finally concentrate on other things. I've been sitting here itching away to tell my story about me and Vikki.

 

[Pluvia's other account]

Double posts do not exist.

EDIT:

Actually I'll use this post to say,

Zook is that girl you like a Senior? And you're worried because you're a Sophomore?

 

[Cinder]

^That would be creepy...the same thing happened to me when I was a sophomore...I believe I've already mentioned it...she started going out with a football player...I'm going to try and remember to ask my orchestra teacher for her email...

 

[Jammer]

...she started going out with a football player...I'm going to try and remember to ask my orchestra teacher for her email...

Wait, you're the senior who likes the freshmen, right?

So, she's going out with another guy. I'm guessing he's a sophomore?

If you want to talk to her, don't ask your teacher for her email. First, I don't think teachers should just give out emails, and second, you should talk to her in person. I mean, it's not hard.

Well, it is hard for many people, so if it's hard for you, just pretend it isn't.

But if she's already going out with someone, maybe you shouldn't interfere.

 

[Cinder]

^Different girl...the girl I was referring to (about the football player) is a sophomore...in college...I just wanna catch up on old times...she was a very close friend until she graduated...as far as I know, the freshman doesn't have a boyfriend...the reason I'm having this dilema is because I think she may have a crush on me...

 

[OF 'til I OD]

How do you overcome being blatantly denied your feelings by someone of the opposite sex. I had never really felt this way about a girl before, and I was working my way to asking her out. I was her speech partner for our Speech Class, and we did talk in class and she smiled at me, laughed with me, etc. The girls I usually liked, I never really talked to, but this one I did.

I also have Social Anxiety, depression, social avoidant disorder, love shyness, and basically every type of disorder that makes it hard for me to talk to people and get to know them. This makes my self esteem very low, and in turn I have a low self confidence, and fear being rejected and judgded.

Back on topic, so I was talking with a friend about this girl and how I should go about asking her out, and he took it into his hands to email her and tell her how I felt. I think he overdid it too, as she said she was “freaked out”.

She doesn’t know I know that my friend sent the email, so she hasn’t said or done anything differently, but in the email she says right out she doesn’t want to date me. I’ve never felt this hurt before, and I don’t know how I can simply stop feeling for a girl. I will post the email in the next post.

Thank you for any and all input and I await all of your opinions.

 

[OF 'til I OD]

> From: Greg Huffman [mailto:kaosdragonslayer@hotmail.com]
> Sent: Thu 11/22/2007 2:54 PM
> To: Turner, Kathryn J
> Subject: Final Email from me -IMPORTANT-
>
>
> I've decided to just email you again and get to the point, it's a shame I have to make things awkward like this, but my friend Ryan isn't going to do this for himself. I've been pondering how to express this for a few minutes, and I realize there is no way to say this without making it even more awkward, so I'm just going to outright say it. I don't know if you notice how shy Ryan is, but he isn't a very social guy. He talks about you all the time to me, he talks about how you are doing a paper on Morel Mushrooms, he tells me every day how he wants to ask you out, but he just gets too nervous, and doesn't know if you feel the same about him.
>
>
> I know this isn't the best way to go about this, but I've been in Ryan's position before, where if this doesn't get out he is going to regret it for the rest of his life. If you don't feel the same way about him, well, better he be let down this way than not ever knowing. He says you guys talk during speech, but he can't tell if you like him or not. He's somewhat insecure but he's really a **** good guy, very intelligent and respects people. He just has this Social Anxiety problem, and has depression, so it causes his confidence to become low.
>
>
> Probably not the best way to advertise my friend, haha, but hell, like I said, if you do like him this shouldn't matter, but if you don't like him anyway, atleast I can say I tried to help my friend. I admit I feel like a lame *** just writing this corny letter, but I feel bad for Ryan, and I felt I owe him one for everything he's done for me. I only hope I didn't make things worse for him by doing this, and Ryan didn't put me up to this, trust me, he wouldn't want me too, so I can't let him know I sent this, or he would be nervous just going to class, and rightfully so. So if this comes off as weird, don't hold it against my friend, Ryan Werra.

> Subject: RE: Final Email from me -IMPORTANT-
> Date: Mon, 26 Nov 2007 16:18:30 -0600
> From: Kathryn.J.Turner@uwsp.edu
> To: kaosdragonslayer@hotmail.com
>
> I do realize how shy Ryan is, and im sure he is a great guy, but im just not interested in dating him. I am not sure how telling me has helped, because like you said- he doesnt know that you emailed me, and would freak out if he did. I am not sure what you can do with this information now, since he doesnt know that you know that I am not interested. I can see how you felt like you could help by telling me this, and it avoided an akward confrontation, but it was strange to keep getting messages by you, when I dont even know you. I guess it is all settled.
>
>
> Just for perhaps future references, sending a three paragraph long email about how much a person talks about you, will freak anybody out. I can see how you are trying to help a friend, but get to the point, and just wait for the answer.
>
> -Katy

So yeah, basically nothing will ever come of it, and i can't change that, so I simply need to learn to cope.

 

[Vijin]

Well first of all, it doesn't seem like your friend did the best job of talking you up. But that's besides the point. The point is that having a friend email your crush to tell her how you feel about her is a pretty wussy move. It shows her right away that you're not confident enough in yourself to even ask her to hang out or go on a date and what-not. I would say ONE way to get over that crummy feeling you've got right now is to go out and talk to other women. There's no reason to be attached to one when there are literally millions of others out there. Now, given your current situation, that piece of advice probably won't help to much either, seeing as how you're probably too shy to go out and talk to people, but maybe this will help: take baby steps. Just say "hi" to people you pass by. Get that down. When you're comfortable with that, try and start small conversations with them. You get the point.

Find out how to work on your self esteem issues. I used to be afraid to talk to women, ask them out on dates, etc. until I made myself start talking to them. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

 

[Pluvia's other account]

Actually, I think that was a good move that your friend did. She did say it avoided an awkward confrontation.

I guess there's nothing you can do really. Whether or not you tell her you knew about the E-Mail is up to you. I, personally, would not. It would just make things awkward. Atleast this way she'll still act normally around you.

And wow, If my friends sent an E-Mail to any girl up here, they would get a response that sounded like, "Lawl! Whut!"

 

[forward]

LOL black waltz with that pua ****. son got game?

Toecutter: How old are you? I understand that being social can be difficult, and the pressure of high school doesn't make it any easier. But if she is not into you than that's it, what you have doesn't attract her. Don't take it personally, EVERYBODY gets shot down, happens all the time. You know what is good tho? It gets easier over time, rejection that is.

I'd recommend that you work on yourself before you work on relationships though. It's hard to take care of someone else when you can't take care of your self, and you sound like you are quite a heavy load. Just start small by taking better care of yourself. Take more showers, run around the block a few times, clean your room and keep it clean, organize your school work, etc. It's just important that you stay busy. Try and make room every day for school, a social activity (even if it's just eating with your family), a physical activity (run, hike, bike, throw/kick a ball),, something fun/educational (playing smash, an instrument, reading), and relaxation (tv, movie, music, even staring at the wall and thinking).

I dunno about your eating habits but eating healthy will give you more energy, more energy = more confidence.

And to answer your very first question of how do you get over being rejected? Go talk to 10 other girls

--------------------------------------------------------------

Blah! I've been away from girls for awhile, it's been like a 2 week break since I've hung out with any females LOL but I've been busy on other things.

I just joined a gym recently though, that's a good place to meet people. Any one know any gym game?

Anyone got lines how to get girls to open up, on a personal level, to you?

Something I like to do when I meet a girl and shake her hand is to tell them about their hand shake. I also like to tell them what their name means, although I don't actually know, I just make up something kind of insulting to their character LOL. Oh ya and I heard this one the other day, "You and I have a lot in common, we're both big fans of me." HAHA 2 good

 

[Jammer]

Toecutter:

I'm thinking that because you've been diagnosed with those social anxiety issues, you're probably going to a therapist for them, right? If not, you probably should. A trained therapist can give you better advice and help you better than anyone here.

About your friend's email: I thought it was an excellent email. He didn't make you sound obsessed with the girl at all--to tell the truth, I think she might be insecure, or just looking for an excuse to not like you, as bad as that sounds. Knowing that someone talks about a paper you're doing shouldn't "freak you out". I truly believe your friend did what he thought was best for you, and I think he did a very good job. I don't think he embarrassed you at all--I mean, it's true that you'd never be able to ask her out yourself, right? He made it very clear what a great guy you are, and how you have really helped him out in his own life. There's no greater compliment when someone says nice things about you to another person, my friend.

That being said, and I really, really hate to say this, but when a girl says "I realize what a great guy he is, but I'm just not interested in dating him," it means what it sounds like. Many girls are nice and laugh with you, and if you talk to them a lot, like when doing a partner project or whatever, you may get the feeling that they are interested in you. But those feelings can be misleading. Of course, I hardly know either of you, so feel free to ignore that.

About feeling rejected: It's okay. It really is. Your worth as a person is not defined by whether a certain girl likes you. I don't want to say "forget about it", because it does hurt, but I hope you can bounce back quickly. And, just maybe, this can be a learning experience for you.

Good luck in your future endeavors, Toecutter.

 

[forward]

I just went back and read some other posts. KDJ speaks the truth.

 

[Livvers]

That e-mail is the worst way to tell someone. It really is. Your friend made a completely wrong move. Even if the girl had been interested, or if there was a chance she could be interested, that e-mail completely destroyed everything. Also, it's never a good idea to let a girl know right away what kind of personal baggage you have. No one wants to date someone that they think is going to have a ton of issues, or that they think they're going to have to constantly take care of. Also, a girl doesn't want to hear right away how much you think and talk about them. She even said that. And a girl doesn't like being asked out or told all this kind of stuff by the guy's frind she doesn't even know.

I agree with everything Forward had t say. It really does sound like you need to take care of yourself. I partially understand how you feel. I used to have social anxiety and social phobia very badly, and I always tried to keep attention away from me. I decided I couldn't take it anymore, saw a therapist for a short time(probably too short), and slowly just worked on improving myself. I even went as far as to go after a career that would force me to be more social. I still have a difficult time being social, but the progress I have made has made a huge difference in my self-esteem, life, and the people around me. People are attracted to a positive person. And no one else is going to help you if you don't start helping yourself first =) Hope this helps.

 

[Pluvia's other account]

Yet again, Jammer said everything that I was going to say.

But I disagree with Livvers. If someone told me that their friend thinks and talks about me all the time, then I would feel flattered.

 

[KoreanDJ111]

Forward with that PUA ****. Son got game.

I read that email. And if you think he overdid it? No... he ****ing OVERKILLED it.
Mentioning things like Depression and awkwardness as attributes for a guy? Man, your friend really needs to learn how to communicate effectively with women...
But think about it... He was talking about YOU.

Now, read through the rest of what I'm going to say. Don't avoid my words.

I also have Social Anxiety, depression, social avoidant disorder, love shyness, and basically every type of disorder that makes it hard for me to talk to people and get to know them. This makes my self esteem very low, and in turn I have a low self confidence, and fear being rejected and judgded.

I can read this right now, and it may feel so REAL and tangible to you, but I think this is complete and utter bullsh*t.

Why do I say that?

You believe you have social anxiety, depression, and all these "disorders" which snowball into this momentum of you having low self esteem and low confidence.

Such bullcrap. You are limiting your potential as a MAN and a human being.

Your inner beliefs are so scrambled and messed up, that you really lost touch with who you really are.

It's all about your beliefs. Whenever you believe something strongly. your mind will find physical evidence to prove your belief, thus enhancing your belief even stronger, building fast momentum.

Let's use the example of attractive vs. unattractive.
If you believe you are unattractive because this one girl said to you "I don't date ugly guys", then you will think "Am I really unattractive?" Your mind then starts to find evidence that you are unattractive. People may give you weird looks when you walk down the street, people make fun of your looks, girls reject you, etc.
And then you come to the conclusion "I am right, I am unattractive. No girl likes me. No one wants to be around me. etc. etc. etc."
And your mind will STILL find evidence that you are unattractive, and then things will plummet down even FURTHER, causing your energy to drop, not feel comfortable in social situations, avoid interactions, and start to hate people in general. As years go by, your hatred for others start to increase, and you start hating society itself, snowballing even further to even more dangerous beliefs, enhancing your altered REALITY of what REALITY actually is.

But if you say "It's not about looks, but it's about what is inside me. It's about my personality, humor, confidence, and the way I walk through life, and what I want to accomplish in my life" then you will start to let go of your past thoughts and beliefs, and your mind will start to look for evidence to further enhance this belief.
You start to talk to girls, not looking for any relationships, but just to have fun. Girls will enjoy your time and company, and say that you are a very fun guy. As you realize the less you care about what people say about you, the more people respect you. You start to stop looking for validation for others because you realize you don't actually need validation from others. You start taking care of yourself, and you actually dress good, and have more respect for yourself. You start to enjoy life more, causing more people to like being around your presence. Your energy starts to get higher and brighter, and girls start to comment on how good you are looking today. You move through life without apology, and your confidence starts to rocket up. You have fun and enjoyment with your life, as well as accomplishing things you really want to do, without anyone interrupting your life dreams. You start to respect yourself a lot more, and in turn, people start respecting you a lot more. The more respect you get, the less you need validation from others because you finally realize you don't need it in the first place, and you are INTERNALLY validated. Girls start to feel a strong sense of attraction for you because you are a very positive, confident person that doesn't tolerate any disrespect from others and has a life purpose other than to please others. Whenever you talk to girls, girls love the energy you bring out in their lives, and you find yourself with a girl that truly loves you for who you are. As you accomplish your dreams, you feel even less need for validation, and whenever a problem occurs, you handle it with ease and move on with your proactive life. You finally understand your life purpose, and you finally achieve contentment in your life.

Do you understand how POWERFUL beliefs are?

Think about it. If you took away fear from your life, what would you have accomplished? What would you have done if fear never prevented you from doing things you truly wanted to accomplish?

I don't care who you are.
You are not your past. You are not your family. You are not where you are originally from.

You can be whatever you want to be, as long as you truly believe in it.

Throw away that bullsh*t mentality because it is completely off base of what you REALLY want to become.

Think about who you want to become and what is your life purpose. Then strive for that purpose fully, have respect for yourself, and believe things in a positive light. Everything else will take care of itself.

 

[Jammer]

Wow, KoreanDJ. Obviously, you have never been afflicted by social anxiety or other mental disorders.

Let me tell you, from personal experience: It's not a matter of just "being a man" and changing yourself. When I'm depressed, I can't just "snap out of it". It doesn't work that way. Sometimes, I just don't feel like going outside the house. Sometimes I don't feel like answering the phone. I would much rather do those things, but I just can't. It's not a matter of will-power--it's a matter of trying to do your best when your illnesses are holding you back. And sometimes your best just isn't good enough.

Social anxiety is not something that people say they have as an excuse for having low self esteem. It's a real problem without a simple solution.

I understand that you don't have much sympathy for people, because, if I remember correctly, you had very low self esteem at one time, but you managed to pull through and come out on top, "like a man". That is great for you, but not everyone can do that.

Please be a little more sensitive to people like Toecutter.

 

[Vijin]

But I disagree with Livvers. If someone told me that their friend thinks and talks about me all the time, then I would feel flattered.

You're not a female.
Anyway, the email obviously didn't work. WHat did his friend basically do?
"Well, let's see, my friend, who is way to shy to talk to people, wants to talk to you. He doesn't have the guts to talk to you himself, so I'm writing this email for him. Kinda pathetic, right?"
That's basically what that email said. No woman is going to be flattered or attracted to that. Hell, just like KoreanDJ said earlier, his FRIEND doesn't even know how to talk to women.

Toecutter, I think what you should do is work on your self esteem issues, just like what everybody else in this thread is saying. Think o it like this.
Even if by some miraculous reason that your crush still liked you after reading that email, what would you do? If you're too afraid to ask her out on a date, how are you even going to date her?

 

[KoreanDJ111]

Wow, KoreanDJ. Obviously, you have never been afflicted by social anxiety or other mental disorders.

Let me tell you, from personal experience: It's not a matter of just "being a man" and changing yourself. When I'm depressed, I can't just "snap out of it". It doesn't work that way. Sometimes, I just don't feel like going outside the house. Sometimes I don't feel like answering the phone. I would much rather do those things, but I just can't. It's not a matter of will-power--it's a matter of trying to do your best when your illnesses are holding you back. And sometimes your best just isn't good enough.

Social anxiety is not something that people say they have as an excuse for having low self esteem. It's a real problem without a simple solution.

I understand that you don't have much sympathy for people, because, if I remember correctly, you had very low self esteem at one time, but you managed to pull through and come out on top, "like a man". That is great for you, but not everyone can do that.

Please be a little more sensitive to people like Toecutter.

If I become more "sensitive", my message won't work. I'm not here to babysit or become someone's shoulder for someone to cry on. Nor do I care, because this is for people who WANT to change, not people who want to receive pity.

I never said it was going to be easy. But you have to start somewhere, and the only thing you can change is YOURSELF.

My message may not be for everyone. Some people don't want to change. They are too comfortable in their own comfort zone, and they are afraid to change because it is in the unknown realm of what will happen. They don't want to give up their excuses, the attention they get for being depressed, pretty much all the secondary payoffs they get. They love their instant gratification.

Those who are like that, I am not interested in helping. If you continually want to act like a crybaby and a victim, you will only be hurting yourself in the long run.

If you keep doing the exact same things, you'll get the exact same results.

And Toecutter, move on. The moment you get over a girl, is the moment you find a new girl.

 

[Jammer]

If I become more "sensitive", my message won't work. I'm not here to babysit or become someone's shoulder for someone to cry on. Nor do I care, because this is for people who WANT to change, not people who want to receive pity.

KoreanDJ, your message doesn't work anyway.

I've been to a few psychologists. Not a single one of them went about helping in any way like way you're trying to help people on these forums. Their job is to make you feel better about yourself, and make you feel like you have the strength to change from within. They are invariably kind and considerate. They care a lot about you (or at least it's their job to seem that way), and they believe in you, no matter what.

Practically calling people names and telling them to fix themselves is not a good strategy. I promise you that.

Before you keep repeating your message of "if you want to change, then change, you weakling", please know that it is not, in fact, helping anyone.

 

[Red Exodus]

I agree with Jammer, you can't just up and fix depression, just like you can't up and fix OCD, it takes a lot of energy, effort and time to overcome mental blockades. I've tried to ignore depression but all I end up doing is suppressing it, it usually pops back up during downtime/alone-time. I've never told anyone I was depressed at any point in time so it's not like I gain anything from it, I don't see what could be worth more than feeling interested in what you like to do.

 

[OF 'til I OD]

I can't really respond now, due to me being in school, but I thank you all for the input, and will respond later today.

 

[KoreanDJ111]

I think Jammer needs a hug. Who wants to hug Jammer?

 

[Pluvia's other account]

Technically, you both said that it's all about feeling better about yourself, just in different ways.

 

[Jammer]

Correct, Pluvia, but KoreanDJ was going about it in an ineffective way.

Like lifting a barrel of oil onto a raised platform or rolling it up a ramp: They are two different ways of doing something, but only one actually works in practice.

 

[Black Waltz]

How do you overcome being blatantly denied your feelings by someone of the opposite sex. I had never really felt this way about a girl before, and I was working my way to asking her out. I was her speech partner for our Speech Class, and we did talk in class and she smiled at me, laughed with me, etc. The girls I usually liked, I never really talked to, but this one I did.

I also have Social Anxiety, depression, social avoidant disorder, love shyness, and basically every type of disorder that makes it hard for me to talk to people and get to know them. This makes my self esteem very low, and in turn I have a low self confidence, and fear being rejected and judgded.

Back on topic, so I was talking with a friend about this girl and how I should go about asking her out, and he took it into his hands to email her and tell her how I felt. I think he overdid it too, as she said she was “freaked out”.

She doesn’t know I know that my friend sent the email, so she hasn’t said or done anything differently, but in the email she says right out she doesn’t want to date me. I’ve never felt this hurt before, and I don’t know how I can simply stop feeling for a girl. I will post the email in the next post.

Thank you for any and all input and I await all of your opinions.

the email kinda reminded me of the type of stuff my sister watches on disney channel. im sorry, but your friend kinda just demolished your chances of getting that girl.

LOL black waltz with that pua ****. son got game?

Toecutter: How old are you? I understand that being social can be difficult, and the pressure of high school doesn't make it any easier. But if she is not into you than that's it, what you have doesn't attract her. Don't take it personally, EVERYBODY gets shot down, happens all the time. You know what is good tho? It gets easier over time, rejection that is.

I'd recommend that you work on yourself before you work on relationships though. It's hard to take care of someone else when you can't take care of your self, and you sound like you are quite a heavy load. Just start small by taking better care of yourself. Take more showers, run around the block a few times, clean your room and keep it clean, organize your school work, etc. It's just important that you stay busy. Try and make room every day for school, a social activity (even if it's just eating with your family), a physical activity (run, hike, bike, throw/kick a ball),, something fun/educational (playing smash, an instrument, reading), and relaxation (tv, movie, music, even staring at the wall and thinking).

I dunno about your eating habits but eating healthy will give you more energy, more energy = more confidence.

And to answer your very first question of how do you get over being rejected? Go talk to 10 other girls

--------------------------------------------------------------

Blah! I've been away from girls for awhile, it's been like a 2 week break since I've hung out with any females LOL but I've been busy on other things.

I just joined a gym recently though, that's a good place to meet people. Any one know any gym game?

Anyone got lines how to get girls to open up, on a personal level, to you?

Something I like to do when I meet a girl and shake her hand is to tell them about their hand shake. I also like to tell them what their name means, although I don't actually know, I just make up something kind of insulting to their character LOL. Oh ya and I heard this one the other day, "You and I have a lot in common, we're both big fans of me." HAHA 2 good

**** yeah dude, pua f0' lYfe.

Forward with that PUA ****. Son got game.

I read that email. And if you think he overdid it? No... he ****ing OVERKILLED it.
Mentioning things like Depression and awkwardness as attributes for a guy? Man, your friend really needs to learn how to communicate effectively with women...
But think about it... He was talking about YOU.

Now, read through the rest of what I'm going to say. Don't avoid my words.



I can read this right now, and it may feel so REAL and tangible to you, but I think this is complete and utter bullsh*t.

Why do I say that?

You believe you have social anxiety, depression, and all these "disorders" which snowball into this momentum of you having low self esteem and low confidence.

Such bullcrap. You are limiting your potential as a MAN and a human being.

Your inner beliefs are so scrambled and messed up, that you really lost touch with who you really are.

It's all about your beliefs. Whenever you believe something strongly. your mind will find physical evidence to prove your belief, thus enhancing your belief even stronger, building fast momentum.

Let's use the example of attractive vs. unattractive.
If you believe you are unattractive because this one girl said to you "I don't date ugly guys", then you will think "Am I really unattractive?" Your mind then starts to find evidence that you are unattractive. People may give you weird looks when you walk down the street, people make fun of your looks, girls reject you, etc.
And then you come to the conclusion "I am right, I am unattractive. No girl likes me. No one wants to be around me. etc. etc. etc."
And your mind will STILL find evidence that you are unattractive, and then things will plummet down even FURTHER, causing your energy to drop, not feel comfortable in social situations, avoid interactions, and start to hate people in general. As years go by, your hatred for others start to increase, and you start hating society itself, snowballing even further to even more dangerous beliefs, enhancing your altered REALITY of what REALITY actually is.

But if you say "It's not about looks, but it's about what is inside me. It's about my personality, humor, confidence, and the way I walk through life, and what I want to accomplish in my life" then you will start to let go of your past thoughts and beliefs, and your mind will start to look for evidence to further enhance this belief.
You start to talk to girls, not looking for any relationships, but just to have fun. Girls will enjoy your time and company, and say that you are a very fun guy. As you realize the less you care about what people say about you, the more people respect you. You start to stop looking for validation for others because you realize you don't actually need validation from others. You start taking care of yourself, and you actually dress good, and have more respect for yourself. You start to enjoy life more, causing more people to like being around your presence. Your energy starts to get higher and brighter, and girls start to comment on how good you are looking today. You move through life without apology, and your confidence starts to rocket up. You have fun and enjoyment with your life, as well as accomplishing things you really want to do, without anyone interrupting your life dreams. You start to respect yourself a lot more, and in turn, people start respecting you a lot more. The more respect you get, the less you need validation from others because you finally realize you don't need it in the first place, and you are INTERNALLY validated. Girls start to feel a strong sense of attraction for you because you are a very positive, confident person that doesn't tolerate any disrespect from others and has a life purpose other than to please others. Whenever you talk to girls, girls love the energy you bring out in their lives, and you find yourself with a girl that truly loves you for who you are. As you accomplish your dreams, you feel even less need for validation, and whenever a problem occurs, you handle it with ease and move on with your proactive life. You finally understand your life purpose, and you finally achieve contentment in your life.

Do you understand how POWERFUL beliefs are?

Think about it. If you took away fear from your life, what would you have accomplished? What would you have done if fear never prevented you from doing things you truly wanted to accomplish?

I don't care who you are.
You are not your past. You are not your family. You are not where you are originally from.

You can be whatever you want to be, as long as you truly believe in it.

Throw away that bullsh*t mentality because it is completely off base of what you REALLY want to become.

Think about who you want to become and what is your life purpose. Then strive for that purpose fully, have respect for yourself, and believe things in a positive light. Everything else will take care of itself.

ummm, quoted for mother****ing truth?

 

[Mr P]

I know what it is like to have severe depression and anxiety problems, it is something i had struggled with for a lot of my life but i got to a certain age and i made a lot of realisations about how to cope with those problems. When i was depressed i used to talk to myself internally like i was a victim, i would make excuses and act like i wasn't the one who was in control of my life or the way i thinking, i spent a lot of time feeling sorry myself. Depression can be a vicious cycle but when you accept that you yourself ARE IN CONTROL OF WHAT YOU ARE THINKING and that you are in control of your life then you can realise the possibilities that are right in front of you.

A psychologist isnt the answer to any problems, he can help guide you but you have to figure things out for yourself, YOU HAVE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. In short getting over depression can be summed up with the expression "to man the **** up" which is kind of what Koreandj was saying. It's a long and hard battle but the first step in getting over your problems is recognising when you are thinking negatively and replacing those thoughts with positive ones. The way you think in your head is expressed in your body language and your general appearance as a person and for someone who is depressed it can be a very unattractive quality to the opposite sex. SORT YOURSELFS OUT.

 

[Pluvia's other account]

Wait,

Is he depressed or anxious?

 

[Jammer]

Toecutter is has anxiety. We're just talking about mental illness in general, and, I suppose, how best to combat it and get into a normal, healthy lifestyle.

 

[Rici]

Mr.P is absolutely right. My mother is some sort of psychiatrist and she ALWAYS says to there patients that she can't help them, they have to do it themselves. The only thing my mother does is helping them find the problem so they can solve it on their own.

 

[Jammer]

The way you guys talk about it, depression and anxiety seem to just be something that you can control if you really want to. While some mental illnesses are like that, many aren't.

For example, people with bipolar disorder have chemical imbalances in their brain that make them depressed, then manic, in a cycle. It's not something you can just "change from within". Did you know that MRI or CAT scans (I can't remember which) of the brains of people with schizophrenia actually look different from the scans of people without schizophrenia? My depression is caused, in part, by not enough of some neurotransmitter, and too much of another. The same with my ADD.

I think that Mr P and Riciardos are talking more about the kind of shrink who puts you on the couch and talks to you about how your dog died and how much you loved your dog, and how you're so sad and now you hate the world and especially the guy who ran over your dog...

Well, yeah, get over it. It's just a dog. Try to think of happy memories or whatever. That is something you can control.

That's not what I'm talking about, and it's not what I, or anyone else with chronic depression, needs.

People with strong social anxiety disorder take medications, such as antidepressents and Xanax, to help them cope. Sometimes, you just can't do it by yourself, you matter how hard you want to change.

 

[OF 'til I OD]

Well first of all, it doesn't seem like your friend did the best job of talking you up. But that's besides the point. The point is that having a friend email your crush to tell her how you feel about her is a pretty wussy move. It shows her right away that you're not confident enough in yourself to even ask her to hang out or go on a date and what-not. I would say ONE way to get over that crummy feeling you've got right now is to go out and talk to other women. There's no reason to be attached to one when there are literally millions of others out there.

I agree. I didn't tell my friend to email her, he just did it thinking it's what I would want or because I don't know how to talk to girls. I was trying to find a way to ask her out, it simply was talking longer. But who knows, maybe I would never have. We'll never know now. I just think it's kinda sad how even though she knows I like her, she won't acknowledge it at all, maybe she would have had I done it personally, at least talked to me more often or something.

Actually, I think that was a good move that your friend did. She did say it avoided an awkward confrontation.

I guess there's nothing you can do really. Whether or not you tell her you knew about the E-Mail is up to you. I, personally, would not. It would just make things awkward. Atleast this way she'll still act normally around you.

I also agree here, I know he was doing it to help me, regardless of if it did. True, it probably did avoid an awkward situation as when I get nervous I stumble on words, turn red, etc. She does the same thing, she said when she was nervous she got red faced, etc.

LOL black waltz with that pua ****. son got game?

Toecutter: How old are you? I understand that being social can be difficult, and the pressure of high school doesn't make it any easier. But if she is not into you than that's it, what you have doesn't attract her. Don't take it personally, EVERYBODY gets shot down, happens all the time. You know what is good tho? It gets easier over time, rejection that is.

I'd recommend that you work on yourself before you work on relationships though. It's hard to take care of someone else when you can't take care of your self, and you sound like you are quite a heavy load. Just start small by taking better care of yourself. Take more showers, run around the block a few times, clean your room and keep it clean, organize your school work, etc. It's just important that you stay busy. Try and make room every day for school, a social activity (even if it's just eating with your family), a physical activity (run, hike, bike, throw/kick a ball),, something fun/educational (playing smash, an instrument, reading), and relaxation (tv, movie, music, even staring at the wall and thinking).

I dunno about your eating habits but eating healthy will give you more energy, more energy = more confidence.

And to answer your very first question of how do you get over being rejected? Go talk to 10 other girls

Actually, I'm in college (which makes the email more lame imo, but regardless), I'm 18. Yes, I realize I don't have what attracts, I thought i may though, as when we talked it seemed genuine (enough). But I've never really been rejected before, so this is a new feeling, and it does hurt. I know it will pass with time, but for now, it is so hard to bear.

About the showers, exercise, and eating right, I do all of those. I do shower daily, I exercise (not an enormous amount, but I lift weights, walk/jog, but I'm skinny anyway 6'1 145ish). And I eat alright I guess, I don't overeat often, I dont eat fast food often, etc.

Thank you for your advice.

Toecutter:

I'm thinking that because you've been diagnosed with those social anxiety issues, you're probably going to a therapist for them, right? If not, you probably should. A trained therapist can give you better advice and help you better than anyone here.

About your friend's email: I thought it was an excellent email. He didn't make you sound obsessed with the girl at all--to tell the truth, I think she might be insecure, or just looking for an excuse to not like you, as bad as that sounds. Knowing that someone talks about a paper you're doing shouldn't "freak you out". I truly believe your friend did what he thought was best for you, and I think he did a very good job. I don't think he embarrassed you at all--I mean, it's true that you'd never be able to ask her out yourself, right? He made it very clear what a great guy you are, and how you have really helped him out in his own life. There's no greater compliment when someone says nice things about you to another person, my friend.

That being said, and I really, really hate to say this, but when a girl says "I realize what a great guy he is, but I'm just not interested in dating him," it means what it sounds like. Many girls are nice and laugh with you, and if you talk to them a lot, like when doing a partner project or whatever, you may get the feeling that they are interested in you. But those feelings can be misleading. Of course, I hardly know either of you, so feel free to ignore that.

About feeling rejected: It's okay. It really is. Your worth as a person is not defined by whether a certain girl likes you. I don't want to say "forget about it", because it does hurt, but I hope you can bounce back quickly. And, just maybe, this can be a learning experience for you.

Good luck in your future endeavors, Toecutter.

Thanks, your advice was well thought out and wasn't putting me down or doing anything of the sort. I realize all of what you said is true, that one girl doesn't prove my worth, and that it isn't the end of the world.

I am seeing a therapist for numerous things (depression, anxiety), and I'm not too certain it's helping. Granted, I've only been seeing my therapist for about a month, while these problems have been going on for around 2 years.

My friend's email did make me feel good, with how he complimented me, which was nice. I told him that, and thanked him for him being a good friend, whether or not he helped, he was trying to.

Forward with that PUA ****. Son got game.

I read that email. And if you think he overdid it? No... he ****ing OVERKILLED it.
Mentioning things like Depression and awkwardness as attributes for a guy? Man, your friend really needs to learn how to communicate effectively with women...
But think about it... He was talking about YOU.


I can read this right now, and it may feel so REAL and tangible to you, but I think this is complete and utter bullsh*t.

Why do I say that?

You believe you have social anxiety, depression, and all these "disorders" which snowball into this momentum of you having low self esteem and low confidence.

Such bullcrap. You are limiting your potential as a MAN and a human being.

Your inner beliefs are so scrambled and messed up, that you really lost touch with who you really are.

It's all about your beliefs. Whenever you believe something strongly. your mind will find physical evidence to prove your belief, thus enhancing your belief even stronger, building fast momentum.

Let's use the example of attractive vs. unattractive.
If you believe you are unattractive because this one girl said to you "I don't date ugly guys", then you will think "Am I really unattractive?" Your mind then starts to find evidence that you are unattractive. People may give you weird looks when you walk down the street, people make fun of your looks, girls reject you, etc.
And then you come to the conclusion "I am right, I am unattractive. No girl likes me. No one wants to be around me. etc. etc. etc."
And your mind will STILL find evidence that you are unattractive, and then things will plummet down even FURTHER, causing your energy to drop, not feel comfortable in social situations, avoid interactions, and start to hate people in general. As years go by, your hatred for others start to increase, and you start hating society itself, snowballing even further to even more dangerous beliefs, enhancing your altered REALITY of what REALITY actually is.

But if you say "It's not about looks, but it's about what is inside me. It's about my personality, humor, confidence, and the way I walk through life, and what I want to accomplish in my life" then you will start to let go of your past thoughts and beliefs, and your mind will start to look for evidence to further enhance this belief.
You start to talk to girls, not looking for any relationships, but just to have fun. Girls will enjoy your time and company, and say that you are a very fun guy. As you realize the less you care about what people say about you, the more people respect you. You start to stop looking for validation for others because you realize you don't actually need validation from others. You start taking care of yourself, and you actually dress good, and have more respect for yourself. You start to enjoy life more, causing more people to like being around your presence. Your energy starts to get higher and brighter, and girls start to comment on how good you are looking today. You move through life without apology, and your confidence starts to rocket up. You have fun and enjoyment with your life, as well as accomplishing things you really want to do, without anyone interrupting your life dreams. You start to respect yourself a lot more, and in turn, people start respecting you a lot more. The more respect you get, the less you need validation from others because you finally realize you don't need it in the first place, and you are INTERNALLY validated. Girls start to feel a strong sense of attraction for you because you are a very positive, confident person that doesn't tolerate any disrespect from others and has a life purpose other than to please others. Whenever you talk to girls, girls love the energy you bring out in their lives, and you find yourself with a girl that truly loves you for who you are. As you accomplish your dreams, you feel even less need for validation, and whenever a problem occurs, you handle it with ease and move on with your proactive life. You finally understand your life purpose, and you finally achieve contentment in your life.

Do you understand how POWERFUL beliefs are?

Think about it. If you took away fear from your life, what would you have accomplished? What would you have done if fear never prevented you from doing things you truly wanted to accomplish?

I don't care who you are.
You are not your past. You are not your family. You are not where you are originally from.

You can be whatever you want to be, as long as you truly believe in it.

Throw away that bullsh*t mentality because it is completely off base of what you REALLY want to become.

Think about who you want to become and what is your life purpose. Then strive for that purpose fully, have respect for yourself, and believe things in a positive light. Everything else will take care of itself.

KDJ, mental health illnesses are as real as any other type of illnesses. If someone has cancer, or AIDS, or any other illness, they DO have it, it's not in their head. Science today is realizing the importance and reality of mental health, and putting more of a priority on them, with medicinces, therapy, and the like. Unfortunetly for me, neither medicine or therapy has had a great effect on me as of yet.

It is easy for people to say that Mental illnesses don't exist, but they do. I don't even remeber why this stuff happened, upon reading up on it, some people go through years of traumatizing experiences which makes the illness occur, that never happened for me. I do have a few ideas on what brought them on, but nothing solid.

Anyway, again I thank you for all your advice, really I was just looking for somewhere to express how I felt. This may or may not have been a good place, but w/e. Thanks again. The thing is, I just have to realize that she won't like me the way I do her, and get over it.

I doubt,even if I overcame all these illnesses, that she would undergo a radical change, or I would undergo one, that would change her opinion on me.

 

[Mr P]

The way you guys talk about it, depression and anxiety seem to just be something that you can control if you really want to. While some mental illnesses are like that, many aren't.

For example, people with bipolar disorder have chemical imbalances in their brain that make them depressed, then manic, in a cycle. It's not something you can just "change from within". Did you know that MRI or CAT scans (I can't remember which) of the brains of people with schizophrenia actually look different from the scans of people without schizophrenia? My depression is caused, in part, by not enough of some neurotransmitter, and too much of another. The same with my ADD.

I think that Mr P and Riciardos are talking more about the kind of shrink who puts you on the couch and talks to you about how your dog died and how much you loved your dog, and how you're so sad and now you hate the world and especially the guy who ran over your dog...

Well, yeah, get over it. It's just a dog. Try to think of happy memories or whatever. That is something you can control.

That's not what I'm talking about, and it's not what I, or anyone else with chronic depression, needs.

People with strong social anxiety disorder take medications, such as antidepressents and Xanax, to help them cope. Sometimes, you just can't do it by yourself, you matter how hard you want to change.

no no no, you are completely wrong so stop making excuses. I was diagnosed at the age of 8 With severe chronic depression (the chemical kind) same as you im pretty sure. It took me pretty much a decade to make the realisations that i typed up in my last post. By labelling yourself with these problems you are only making it harder for yourself to get over the problem. I spent the most part of my childhood talking to psychiatrists about my problems, i felt like an alien as a kid, i felt like i was deformed and they gave all these labels like OCD depression bla bla bla..... you need to get over all that crap and understand that happiness is a choice regardless of whatever a doctor tells you what is "wrong" with you.... I'm doing my best to make you understand what i am saying here, but it's upto you to realise it for yourself. If you want to be happy, you CAN BE HAPPY

 

[Jammer]

Well, I'm glad we were able to collectively give you some good advice, Toecutter.

I doubt,even if I overcame all these illnesses, that she would undergo a radical change, or I would undergo one, that would change her opinion on me.

Hey, you never know.

When I was younger, like in elementary school and early middle school, I had ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) so bad that I was constantly put in time-out for misbehaving, and I had a really hard time interacting with the other kids normally.

As I grew older, my ADD got better, and I really noticed an improvement in my life. Right now, my ADD only affects my school work, so I'm pretty happy.

Things can get better. If you can conquer your anxiety and depression, new doors will open for you. Just something to look forward to.

 

[Jammer]

no no no, you are completely wrong so stop making excuses. I was diagnosed at the age of 8 With severe chronic depression (the chemical kind) same as you im pretty sure. It took me pretty much a decade to make the realisations that i typed up in my last post. By labelling yourself with these problems you are only making it harder for yourself to get over the problem. I spent the most part of my childhood talking to psychiatrists about my problems, i felt like an alien as a kid, i felt like i was deformed and they gave all these labels like OCD depression bla bla bla..... you need to get over all that crap and understand that happiness is a choice regardless of whatever a doctor tells you what is "wrong" with you.... I'm doing my best to make you understand what i am saying here, but it's upto you to realise it for yourself. If you want to be happy, you CAN BE HAPPY

Thanks for your concern, Mr P. I know it must hurt you to see someone going through what you went through yourself earlier.

Happiness is a state of mind; that's what you're saying, right? In that case, I'm plenty happy. I usually try to look for the good things in others and in life. I probably seem really serious on Smashboards, because I'm usually talking about serious topics, but I'm actually a funny, pleasant guy. I make people laugh, and I make myself laugh (more myself than anyone else, actually, because most people don't get my jokes).

My depression doesn't make me sad, as in the emotion. A better description would be that it robs me of my energy. I lose interest in things, and I just want to sleep. And I don't have enough energy to fight it.

Imagine yourself really, really tired. You've been up for 3 days straight, just walking. You know how much you want to just get under the covers and zonk out for a few hours. But you know you can't, because you should be awake and active. You should be getting on with your life. But you know that it is not physically possible to just keep going and going and going when you're so exhausted.

Well, that's what my depression does to me. It's not something you can just "will" away.

I hope this helps you understand a bit better.

 

[Rici]

FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO BE A LADIES MAN!​

Look no further! I have now found out the secret behind the female psyche! Yes, some say it's impossible to do, but those are just people not able to grasp this knowledge! Are you ready to be a ladies man? Are you willing to give up all your free time to please women? Can you handle being chased on by many different females(and maybe some males too!)? Proceed with caution, because what I'm about to tell you is not only highly dangerous for your precious gaming time, it will also stick with you forever. Once you know, you won't be able to forget and thus will be chased on by women for the rest of your wonderful life.

The Secret

Spoiler

Get some braces!

Ha, there maybe some who are laughing right now and thinking this is a joke. I'm telling ya it isn't.

Spoiler

It is, actually.

Now for all seriousness, since I've got my braces (about 1,5 month ago), I've been getting more attention from girls than I actually want! It's truly unbelievable. And it's definetly not because I had really bad teeth before I had my braces(honestly, every person I know are always asking "What do you need braces for" the first time they've seen them).

Maybe I was "too hot" before I got them and now they've lowered me to acceptable level xD.

I'm now wondering what it will be like when they are finally out of my mouth again(in about 17 months >_<)

 

[Cinder]

^Uhhh...okay...w/e...

As for my issue, with the freshman...I think I've made my decision...I'm going to go for it...the way I see it, it's a casual relationship (not to sound shallow, but I could use some casual relationships to get over being dumped )...so it doesn't seem like a huge deal...besides, it's only three years, and it's been done before...

 

[Jammer]

Heh, good for you, Riciardos!

I top front two teeth are medium buck-teeth (not badly, but it is noticeable) and the two teeth around them (one on either side) are moderately twisted, and the teeth outside those ones are much pointier than most people's.

You know what? I'll just steal a picture from the Las Pictoras thread.


This is me in a (not so good) picture that shows my teeth. Riciardos, in your infinite wisdom, would you suggest that I get braces? Keep in mind that I'm 17 years old, and if I get braces, I'll have them on just in time for college.

But seriously, do they really make a real difference? I mean, I don't see how the girls could be interested in you because you are currently wearing braces. I don't think they'd look that far ahead.

 

[Rici]

FYI, I'm 17 too . And honestly I don't think you need them, but hey, who am I to hold you back from the secret to pick up girls.

Also, no I don't think they make a difference. I think it's just me finally growing up socially. I used to be bit awkward around girls I didn't know. I would never talk to a girl I didn't know, but this has changed I think. I also think it's because I care less now about being rejected. And I learned that you can't write poetry/care too much/do whatever she wants/stuff like this the hard way.


But I still like to think I was "too hot" before I got them xD. (j/k )

 

[Jammer]

Oh, well at least you answered me correctly instead of keeping leading me on with your rubbish about braces.

You know what? I'm kinda attached to my wacky teeth. I think I'm gonna keep them, at least until dentistry gets to the point where I can have cheap invisible braces.