Mr. Leaker Man wakes up bright and early, stretches, and greets the morning sun. A smile slowly creeps across his face as he imagines to himself that surely today will be a good day. He puts on his housecoat, walks to the kitchen, turns on the coffee maker, and pops some bread into the toaster. He soon takes his first sip of coffee and thinks to himself, "ah, pure bliss." With coffee mug in hand (adorned with "World's Best Leaker" of course), he steps out onto his front porch to get the morning paper.
As he bends over to reach it, a deafening roar and black smoke fills the air as a taxi barrels through his yard, destroying his mailbox and several decorative shrubs in the process. A man, no less than 7 feet tall and wearing nothing but a distinctive blue hat and cape, steps out of the taxi and is soon joined by no less than 50 people from inside the vehicle. With the smoke burning his eyes, Mr. Leaker Man struggles to read the writing on the side of the vehicle. To his horror, it reads "the Ass Kicker Express" in bold red letters...
In pure terror, the coffee mug falls from his hands and shatters on the pavement, a haunting metaphor for what would soon happen to all his bones. The nightmarishly tall man and his compatriots soon surround Mr. Leaker Man. What soon followed is too terrible to describe here... But... If you were to randomly place chicken bones into a pile of Jell-O, you'd have enough of a mental image to understand what happened that day...