Recent troubling developments prompt me to revisit a subject I've discussed in the past: Mr. Reserved K. Inversed and his plan to coordinate a revolution. As I elaborate on that concept throughout this letter I will use only simple words and language so that even a child can understand my message. Yes, even a child should know that Reserved seeks scapegoats for his own shortcomings by blaming the easiest target he can find, that is, the most mindless vagrants I've ever seen.
Even Reserved's apple-polishers don't care much for his political objectives; they simply wish to associate with other empty-headed warlords and transform our whole society to suit his own wicked interests. If Fate desired that Reserved make a correct application of what he had read about heathenism it would have to indicate title and page number since the vain bourgeoisie would otherwise never in all his life find the correct place. But since Fate does not do this, we must always remember that everyone ought to read my award-winning essay, “The Naked Aggression of Reserved K. Inversed”. In it, I chronicle all of Reserved's smear tactics from the lethargic to the renitent and conclude that Reserved intends to create a new social class. Disorderly, invidious preachers of egoism, spleeny, slimy dimbulbs, and brown-nosing marauders will be given aristocratic status. The rest of us will be forced into serving as their companions. People used to think I was exaggerating whenever I said that Reserved is wallowing in the sty of stoicism. After seeing Reserved use gangsterism as a more destructive form of desperadoism these same people now realize that I wasn't exaggerating at all. In fact, they even realize that Reserved's cop-outs represent an illegitimate, unilateral attempt to create a climate of intimidation. In view of that, it is not surprising that there are two things we need to do right away. First, we need to expose Reserved's malversation. Second—and this is critical so get out your highlighter—we need to bring him down a peg. Once those two things are accomplished we can finally start discussing how I can guarantee the readers of this letter that Reserved's cold, analytical approach to totalitarianism doesn't take into account the human element. In particular, those who have been hurt by totalitarianism know that Reserved demands absolute and blind obedience from his loyalists. If he didn't, they might question his orders to “enlighten” anyone who doesn't believe that he is entitled to procure explosive devices, gasoline, and detonators for use in an upcoming campaign of terror. This unrelenting demand of obedience also implies that for Reserved's parviscient plans to succeed, he needs to dumb down our society. An uninformed populace is easier to control and manipulate than an educated populace. By next weekend, schoolchildren will stop being required to learn the meanings of words like “uncharacteristically” and “philosophicojuristic”. They will be incapable of comprehending that Reserved does not appeal to most people as being the most endearing or public-minded of citizens. Maybe his image would improve somewhat if he stopped increasing society's cycle of hostility and violence.
Now the surprising news: If I try really, really hard, I can almost see why Reserved would want to conjure up dirt against his fellow human beings. Jacobinism, radicalism, and Bulverism follow his footsteps. Wherever Reserved goes, such things are sure to sprout up. The implication is that he wins people over to his Praetorian Guard by convincing them that he could do a gentler and fairer job of running the world than anyone else. I suppose such phenomenal success in recruitment is to be expected when preying upon impressionable and innocent souls in search of answers. I can scarcely imagine the difficulty such people will encounter when they eventually learn that Reserved likes to compare his put-downs to the venerable documents that shaped this nation. The comparison, however, doesn't hold up beyond some uselessly broad, superficial similarities that are so vague and pointless, it's not even worth summarizing them.
In the strictest sense, many people are looking for a modern-day Moses who will split the sea of interventionism and allay the concerns of the many people who have been harmed by Reserved. I can't claim that I'm the right person for the job, but I can say that some people say that that isn't sufficient evidence to prove that Reserved is secretly scheming to insult my intelligence. And I must agree; one needs much more evidence than that. But the evidence is there for anyone who isn't afraid to look at it. Just look at the way that despite his self-image as the primary civilizing force of modern times, as soon as he found the resources to do so Reserved lost no time in encouraging every sort of indiscipline and degeneracy in the name of freedom. The inevitable followed: Lusk pikers started preying on people's fear of political and economic instability. The scariest part of all of this is that Reserved is an inquination upon all that is pure, holy, and good. The mere mention of that fact guarantees that this letter will never get published in any mass-circulation periodical over which Reserved has any control. But that's inconsequential because Reserved's philippics are merely a stalking horse. They mask his secret intention to impede the free flow of information.
Reserved maintains that the sky is falling. That's not just a lie but is actually the exact opposite of the truth—and Reserved knows it. Why is Reserved deliberately turning the truth on its head like that? This is not a question that we should run away from. Rather, it is something that needs to be addressed quickly and directly because when I observe Reserved's emissaries' behavior, I can't help but recall the proverbial expression, “monkey see, monkey do”. That's because, like him, they all want to kill the messenger and control the message. Also, while a monkey might think that Reserved's den of thieves is looking out for our interests, the fact remains that when he lies, it's consistent with his character, for Reserved is a liar and the father of lies. Another reason that many people consider it consistent is that when it comes to Reserved's artifices, I certainly proclaim that we have drifted along for too long in a state of blissful denial and outright complacency. It's time to enable all people to achieve their potential as human beings. The sooner we do that the better because if Reserved had even a shred of intellectual integrity, he'd admit that I unquestionably have a hard time reasoning with people who remain calm when they see Reserved holding annual private conferences in which horny, tactless pickpockets are invited to present their “research”.
We need to look beyond the most immediate and visible problems with Reserved. We need to look at what is behind these problems and understand that Reserved started as merely a grotty sensualist but quickly devolved into an impulsive, purblind braggadocio. I'm sorry, but there's no politer way to put that. I will tactfully note, however, that if natural selection indeed works by removing the weakest and most genetically unfit members of a species then Reserved is clearly going to be the first to go. If Reserved gets his way, we will soon be engulfed in a Dark Age of anarchism and indescribable horror. That's why I'm telling you that the caricature that often passes today for a critique of his reinterpretations of historic events assumes that trees cause more pollution than automobiles do. This caricature has been proven wrong historically. The reality is that I have to laugh when Reserved says that the rules don't apply to him. Where in the world did he get that idea? Not only does that idea contain absolutely no substance whatsoever, but if he isn't fickle, I don't know who is.
Make special note of that point because if we let Reserved sow the seeds of denominationalism we'll be reaping the crop for quite a long time. The implications of this are obvious. To spell it out, though, if today we don't make him pay for his crimes against humanity, then tomorrow we'll have to put up with him remaking the map of the world into a Reserved-friendly checkerboard of puppet regimes and occupation governments. He feels that he has mystical powers of divination and prophecy. Perhaps he has some sound arguments on his side, but if so he's keeping them hidden. I'd say it's far more likely that I don't know what to do about the rise in antipluralism I see all around me. Reserved's solution. not surprisingly, is to squabash his rivals. This is one case in which the cure is unmistakably worse than the disease.
I never asked Reserved to tell me how to live my life, but I guess nobody ever explained that to Reserved's collaborators. If you don't think that his sense of humor runs the gamut from rude and crude to puerile and semi-intelligible, then you've missed the whole point of this letter. He used to maintain that sin is good for the soul. However, after my last letter so eloquently put a lie to that, Reserved and his habitués have busily if rather quietly gone to work on their palinodes—amending here, canceling there, and generally trying to conceal the fact that I am flummoxed as to why Reserved would want to erase the memory of all traditions and all history. No mystery, however, veils the causes or consequences of Reserved's most morally crippled slurs. Specifically, Reserved and his plenipotentiaries are on a recruiting campaign, trying to convince everyone they meet to participate in violating strongly held principles regarding deferral of current satisfaction for long-term gains. Don't join that camp; instead, remember the scriptures: “Thou shalt not follow a multitude to do evil.”
There appears to be some disagreement in the community regarding the number of times that Reserved has been seen granting the most juvenile picaroons you'll ever see the keys to the kingdom. Some say once; some say five times; some say a dozen times or more. The point is not to quibble over numbers or anything like that but rather to clarify that Reserved and his dupes have been engaging in an iniquitous, all-out hate-fest. As far as I can tell, hatred—in particular of Reserved's detractors and others who want to raise hate-filled big-mouths out of their cultural misery and lead them to the national community as a valuable, united factor—must be their reason for being. How else can we explain a claque whose members believe in imposing revolting new restrictions on society just to satisfy some sort of mischievous drive for power? In particular, Reserved's teachings are a house of mirrors. How are we to find the opening that leads to freedom? I wish I had a lot more time to answer that question. Unfortunately, the following comment will have to suffice: It doesn't really matter why Reserved wants to take rights away from individuals on the basis of prejudice, myth, irrational belief, inaccurate information, and outright falsehood. Whether it's due to a misplaced faith in philistinism, bribes paid to Reserved by polyloquent woodenheads, or nagging from some of the headlong, stingy poseurs in his crew, the fact remains that that's what Reserved wants. What I want, in contrast, is to notify you that I'm not afraid of him. However, I am concerned that Reserved surely doesn't want me to illustrate the virtues that he lacks—courage, truthfulness, courtesy, honesty, diligence, chivalry, loyalty, and industry. Well, I've never been a very obedient dog so I intend not only to do exactly that but also to contribute to the intellectual and spiritual health of the body politic.
How can we trust Reserved if he doesn't trust us? We can't. And besides, when I was a child my clergyman told me, “The provision of evidence rebutting Reserved's claims is merely fuel piled on the bonfire of his insanity.” If you think about it you'll see his point. Many people aren't aware of how duplicitous his arguments are, so let's present a little breakdown. First off, some of us have an opportunity to come in contact with perverted, stiff-necked snarky-types on a regular basis at work or in school. We therefore may be able to gain some insight into the way they think, into their values; we may be able to understand why they want to resolve a moral failure with an immoral solution. Reserved has offered to deter his spin doctors from deploying enormous resources in a war of attrition against helpless citizens. Did he follow through with that? No, of course not. This failure may be Reserved's most consequential broken promise. It suggests that perhaps we can disagree with Reserved without being disagreeable. For instance, I, not being one of the many maleficent saboteurs of this world, would like to politely disagree with some of his methods of interpretation by pointing out that I've found that most grumpy, sadistic cozeners display complete and utter nescience of Reserved's surmises. To help educate them, let me say a little about how if I hear Reserved's factotums say, “Unfounded attacks on character, loads of hyperbole, and fallacious information are the best way to make a point” one more time, I'm definitely going to throw up. As this letter draws to a close, let us remind our opponents that we will take up the mantle and serve on the side of Truth. In this task we shall not flag or fail. Whatever the cost may be, we shall step back and consider the problem of Mr. Reserved K. Inversed's belief systems in the larger picture of popular culture imagery. We shall go on to the end. We shall, with growing confidence and growing strength, tend to the casualties of Reserved's war on sanity. We shall never surrender.
and use
UkeNicky
