You Can't Hide From Yourself...

[Tamed Shadow]

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A message to those who **** with me.. Read the whole thing before you say anything..

What would you do, if you knew there was nowhere to hide? Nowhere to go. No one to count on. Knowing that the problem lies in yourself. A deeper part of you, that will tear you to shreds every chance it gets. It knows everything. It will never let you go. You are a prisoner to your own mind. Lost. Nowhere to hide. Always living in a shadow that gets thicker by every tormented day that passes you by. You try to reason with it. You try to calm down. You try to fix yourself, by resting in the light. What if it can attack you even then? What if you have no more options left? Can you feel the insanity? Can you feel your mind, consciousness, senses, emotions melting away? Can all you feel is fear? Knowing that nightfall will only repeat itself? Knowing that your mind will continue it's eternal suffering? What is there left, if you are on the verge of losing control of yourself? Your mind. Your time. Your energy. Your LIFE..

I am DONE! I am done with trying to fight this monster inside me. I am done with trying to convince everyone I am not one of your pathetic kids who cry wolf. My life is nothing but a toy to my mind! I can't think straight. I can't react. It has been so long since I have felt normal, I even forgot what it feels like! I am suffering! Why can't anyone see this! I cannot go through life like a normal human being can. I am imprisoned by something that won't ****ing let me go. It doesn't help that people won't even ****ing take me serious, when I tell them WHY I am being attacked by my own mind! **** YOU. You are idiots for not understanding what I go through. IMAGINE what other people are going through? Imagine what you are doing to them, by laughing at them. Acting like we are all just making up **** to get attention! You are ****ing wrong! I never wanted attention! I never wanted what I was cursed with! I feel like something I cannot see sold my soul to devil! I am crying tears I cannot understand. I have lost control of myself. WHY am I still NOT doing drugs? Why am I still NOT going off and ****ing my life away. WHY am I even making this blog! Nobody cares! You are too busy looking at yourselves as this being who knows whats right. Who persists to attack us without any proper reason as to why. Keep driving the dagger deeper! I dare you too! You are nothing but a mock to our human race. Those who sit there and mock people like me, acting like you are any perfect even if what I say is undoubtably true!

IMAGINE a world where you are abandoned for something that isn't even your fault! This goes out to the people like me, who can't control their fear. This goes out to the amputees, to those who were mauled by a wild animal, to those who are deaf, to those who are blind, to those who can't even speak! All of you brilliant people in life! People abandon you because we are different. People abandon you because they project themselves onto us. They see their emotions, their problems, their memories in us. Things we do reminds them of themselves. Aspects that they don't want to ****ING ADMIT. Because we are weak, and they know they are WEAK, AND A COWARD. We are reminding them how much THEY are crippled! This is all it is about! IMPERFECTION AND PERFECTION. THIS IS THE MERCILESS BEAST THAT WILL DESTROY YOU NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY. If you aren't part of the mainstream. If you aren't part of their idea of ''normality''. Your life will be HELL. It's ****ING PATHETIC!

**** YOU Smooth Criminal. When I was 15, maybe 16 1/2. I was wrestling with a friend of mine at his house, being regular teenagers showing off to our girlfriends. His girlfriend decided to jump in. She attempted to grapple me, so by reflex I turned around and ducked. Instead of turning around to duck to sidestep away. I ended up bashing my ****ing head on the arm of the couch. I even heard a crack upon impact. Blood was running down my face. I felt like I was going to pass out. They applied redneck first aid, so it's not like I really got the medical treatment I should've gotten. I NEVER went to the doctors either. After lying about how I felt fine for a few more hours, I headed home to go straight to bed. After that head injury, I was drained of all my energy. I felt like I ran for miles. I was completely drained. I felt like I was drugged.
The next day I woke up. I COMPLETELY forgot about my head injury.. The day before, and everything BEFORE that. I completely forgot about those memories. I got off my couch, and I realized I could feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I actually could think for myself. Like I was on auto-pilot before. I felt like my mind was expanding exponetially. Whats even weirder is, my dad and mom who used to been *******s to me. That day I woke up, they were so much more different. It was like I woke up in a different world that looked like the other world. Later on I started realizing I could compose music at a high level, aswell as make pixel art, and manifest philosophical ideas.

Then about 3 months later from that day, I was lying in bed trying to sleep that night. The strangest thing happened to me. I felt like life rushed into me. My eyes filled with tears, and I remember the memories coming back to me. I remember me saying to myself ''Wait.. I had a head injury..'' I remember feeling my scar on my head. I don't care how cool it sounds. ITS A ****ING CURSE.


I am TIRED of people mocking me, when I AM the one who went through this. I AM the one who has to deal with it. YOU DONT KNOW ME. SO **** OFF. I am TIRED of being misunderstood as I am arrogant! I am tired of people seeing me as the monster when I speak my mind as how I manifested it. NOT MY FAULT our human race can't do a BETTER ****ing job. Not my fault you can't understand that there is no possible way I mean ''EVERYONE''. NOT MY FAULT my mind was replaced with another mind that is full of blanks that I DONT KNOW HOW TO FILL. SERIOUSLY.

Imagine sitting on a cliff within your mind. A cliff that connects to everything about you. What defines you. Now, imagine if this shadow kicked you off this cliff. Yep. IMAGINE. If this shadow kicked you off the cliff and EXPECTED you the climb all the way up. Unaware of what the **** just happened. Lost in the jungle below! IMAGINE if the people of this jungle mock you, and torture you for something that isn't even YOUR fault. Can you feel that anger? That sadness? That pain? CAN YOU FEEL IT? CAN YOU EVEN BEGIN TO FATHOM THE CHAINS I AM BOUND TO? IT GETS WORSE......

My head injury might've gave me stuff that people are too much of coward to understand. I don't care. You don't just wake up and magically understand things, aswell as do things at very high levels when you were were NOTHING but a white kid acting black before. SO **** ALL OF YOU NAYSAYERS. LIKE YOU KNOW ME. YOU ARE JUST A PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR LIFE. You have no idea how much it hurts every time somebody mocks me, when it's not even my fault....

Seriously..

This is where darkness has turned you into it's jailbait. Your shadow overwhelms you. You know this when you get mad for no reason. You know this when you are sad, but don't understand why. You know this when you experience terrible anxiety everyday. I don't care for anxiety. I dealt with it way before my head injury. I had a ****ing terrible childhood. I know how to ****ing handle my own when it's not EATING away at me. Every night I lose more and more face of reality. I am practically writing this entire blog out of my pain, and sorrow. I DONT CARE IF THERE ARE ERRORS. I DONT CARE HOW YOU SEE ME AFTERWARDS. ITS NOT LIKE PEOPLE DIDN'T MISUNDERSTAND ME IN THE FIRST DAMN PLACE. THERE IS NO WHERE FOR YOU TO ****ING HIDE. IN YOUR MIND, AND IN REALITY. FOR SOMETHING THAT ISN'T EVEN YOUR ****ING DAMN FAULT!!!!!!!!

I had nightmares EVERY night as a child. EVERY NIGHT. These nightmares are nowhere close to what I have now. This is something much more different. It happened soon after the head injury conveniently enough. It's almost as if my nightmares now have a life of it's own. It can grab me, it can mock me. It will spit on me, and throw me everywhere it wants to in my dream. Murdering me. Having things in my room attack me. My fan I now ****ing keep off because my night terrors like to make it run SUPER fast, shaking violently while making demonic sounds. GOD. You have no idea how much I go through when it comes to trying to get ATLEAST 2 hours of ****ING quality sleep. I don't 'wake up'' anymore from my dreams.. I RIP out of them. I CAN FEEL the transition between my reality and my dreamer world. I CAN feel the pain, and the every ounce of strength I am using to battle my mind to let me free for another zombified day. Seriously. you wonder why I haven't committed suicide by now. You wonder why I don't look at your God, or do drugs. You wonder why I am still able to even write this without saying FML, **** MY LIFE, I HATE YOU ALL, BLA BLA BLA. YOU WONDER WHY I AM THIS STRONG AND YOU STILL MOCK ME AS IF I AM WEAKER THAN YOU, WHEN THE TRUTH IS. I AM STRONGER THAN YOU. I ADMIT TO MY WEAKNESS. I WILL COME DOWN TO A LEVEL OF SOMEONE WHO IS A BEGINNER AT SOMETHING, AND HELP THEM. I am not proud of my philosophy. I am not proud of my music making. In fact I can't make music anymore. I ****ING QUIT. I can't ****ING concentrate anymore.. Go look up Insanctuary on Newgrounds. I DARE YOU TO. I AM NOT PROUD OF ANYTHING BUT THE FACT I AM HANGING ON BY WHAT? I don't even know what I am hanging on to..I JUST WONT GIVE UP. I DONT WANT TO BE SEEN AS A GENIUS. I DONT WANT TO BE SEEN AS SOME PERSON WHO HAS THIS COOL STORY BRO. OK? I WANT YOU PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND THE PAIN AND MISERY YOU BRING UPON THOSE WHO ARE REALLY DIFFERENT. It's not like they already don't have any place to hide!

Night Terror #1: I was in a house that I already knew the history of. Apparently this thing lives in the walls within a dimension leading to hell. I looked around me, and the windows were shattered. Blood was everywhere. Children were cut into pieces that I felt like were my sons and daughters. Everything was so vivid. I ran into the closet out of fear. Then that THING broke out of the wall, looking at me, holding a very demonic knife asking: ''Isn't there supposed to be a wife?'' I felt my soul shatter. (I KNEW what my night terror was mocking. How I felt like I would never find a girlfriend because of how I changed. How boring I have become. How I want to NOT take my life for granted even though my mind has no problem with doing so.)

Night Terror #2: I was making out with this hot chick in this forest. For some reason she got me to tie myself to a 2x4 with chains just underneath the front of a 18 wheeler truck. She did it aswell. I looked to my left and I saw this very bulky lumberjack, who looked insane, wielding an axe while walking towards us. I look at the chick and she ****ing said ''Sorry.......'' and somehow got free from the chains. She went to the lumbjack and gave him the ****tiest kiss I have ever seen. They laughed and pointed at me while getting into the 18 wheeler. (I can tell you what didn't happen. They backed up and left me there..)

Night Terror #3: I was in my house. No lights. No light would turn on. (I ****ing hate my back room, and the hallway bathroom in my dreams. Dear god. IT SUCKS.) I was forced to walk past the bathroom. Oh god.. These metallic bug looking things were shrieking in torment, flew out of the bathtub. They reminded me of how bees swarm when they are angry. THEY WERE ANGRY. They chased after me. After I reached the living room. I saw things coming out of the bathroom that looked insane. An old lady that had no head. GOD. (Ok I am done.. Remembering this ****.. I am gettin the shivers. Aswell as jumpy.)

Anyways.. I also suffered CHRONIC insomnia after the head injury. I used to just have insomnia. NOW ITS CHRONIC.
I suffer from severe migraines. I am always lightheaded. My anxiety has gotten so serious, I had to use two arms to get off of my couch. I won't be surprised if I have a heart attack at age 25..I can already feel my entire left side of my body feeling weird whenever my heart speeds up. Whenever my entire body feels like the blood was drained. Whenever I am experiencing cold sweats out of the blue. It's terrible guys..

I am a fish in my own barrel..I am my own shadow.. I can't hide. I can't run. It's so bad I can't even get some sleep with the ****ing light on. My night terrors won't leave me alone. I am crying for every bit of sanity I have left. I don't know what to do anymore. I have too much character to give up on my life. I have too much will to commit suicide and to live life for granted. I just wish people would stop projecting their own problems, and actually open up to people like me. To stop looking at me like I can fix all of this with a ****ing on/off switch. You don't know what I go through. If you felt what I have to go through. You would be suicidal. I may not have been beaten. I may not have had my dad leave me at birth. I may not have witnessed by parents murdered.. Pain is all the same.. It all boils down to same thing. It's good that we can handle pain and understand how to stop it. When you were hit by a meteor out of nowhere, that completely twisted your world into something different.. Then, people like me really are glass cannons. We are ****ing fragile, but we hit you full force whenever we can. We are tired of being seen as the monster. We are tired of having our life made harder because people are under my imperfection - perfection theory. I just don't anymore.. How to approach life. How I can do anything that relies on me, when I never got the chance to know who I wanted to be. The terrors that await me every night. The scarce sanctuary I will ever have.....

It's like somebody expects you to get up after beating you to death. Forcing you to do something when you know you just can't.. Thats how I feel when it comes to being tortured by my own mind..

This entire world is full of voids, and deceptive allocations that hinders us from making way for our own sake.

- A person inside me wants to talk to you, but the person inside you is sleeping right now.. -


~ Vicarious Game Over

 

[tirkaro]

So, did you just turn 15 yesterday or something?

 

[Tamed Shadow]

If you have nothing to say that says no different than what you imply. **** off.

 

[The Nameless Wanderer]

Feel much better man?

 

[Tamed Shadow]

I got what I wanted to get off my chest. Yes. Now if people mess with me. It's their own damn fault. When they should know what I go through now. Rather than my fault for not even mentioning it. It's not the fact they are messing me. It's the fact they mess with me when I have a problem. Whats the point of ****ing messing with me then?

This OP isn't just about me though. It's about everyone who are mocked due to their ''imperfections''. It's related to my imperfection - perfection theory..

 

[KKSlider60]

I watched a documentary about Tourette syndrome some weeks ago. The interviewed people who still suffer from Tourette seemed pretty optimist and bright. They all had a terrible childhood... One in particular broke in tears when remembering the days spent alone with his degenerative disorder. I cried too, with him. We could never understand what he felt, we could never pretend to understand him. So what to do?

Be strong just like the sufferer, and open to him, make him feel if not comfortable at least a little better. Think of what makes him feel better and what you can do to fulfill this. Even just listening to him without doing nothing but to stare him in his eyes, full of sorrow, and trying to understand his condition is an act of great humility and respect. We should all learn from everyone, even from "differences", letting those differences be a major part of our growth.

 

[Tamed Shadow]

Indeed. It's a very tough road for those who can't do anything about their problems. People out there just make it much more difficult. For no reason at all.. It's sick.

 

[tirkaro]

If you have nothing to say that says no different than what you imply. **** off.

Fine, let's do this your way then. :flinstone:

What would you do, if you knew there was nowhere to hide? Nowhere to go. No one to count on. Knowing that the problem lies in yourself. A deeper part of you, that will tear you to shreds every chance it gets. It knows everything. It will never let you go. You are a prisoner to your own mind. Lost. Nowhere to hide. Always living in a shadow that gets thicker by every tormented day that passes you by. You try to reason with it. You try to calm down. You try to fix yourself, by resting in the light. What if it can attack you even then? What if you have no more options left? Can you feel the insanity? Can you feel your mind, consciousness, senses, emotions melting away? Can all you feel is fear? Knowing that nightfall will only repeat itself? Knowing that your mind will continue it's eternal suffering? What is there left, if you are on the verge of losing control of yourself? Your mind. Your time. Your energy. Your LIFE..

I'd stop hanging out around the XXxxEmo4Lyfe420xxXX group on DeviantArt.

I am DONE! I am done with trying to fight this monster inside me.

k

I am done with trying to convince everyone I am not one of your pathetic kids who cry wolf.

Yeah! That'll show your brimming amounts of maturity!

My life is nothing but a toy to my mind! I can't think straight. I can't react. It has been so long since I have felt normal, I even forgot what it feels like! I am suffering! Why can't anyone see this!

Don't worry, when my mind feels all hazy, I just listen to the soothing sounds of Nujabes, and then I feel all better again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5-2-jD-42Q
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTxt__RqqYU

I cannot go through life like a normal human being can. I am imprisoned by something that won't ****ing let me go.

Oh boy, let's see where this goes.

It doesn't help that people won't even ****ing take me serious, when I tell them WHY I am being attacked by my own mind! **** YOU. You are idiots for not understanding what I go through. IMAGINE what other people are going through? Imagine what you are doing to them, by laughing at them. Acting like we are all just making up **** to get attention! You are ****ing wrong! I never wanted attention! I never wanted what I was cursed with! I feel like something I cannot see sold my soul to devil! I am crying tears I cannot understand. I have lost control of myself. WHY am I still NOT doing drugs? Why am I still NOT going off and ****ing my life away. WHY am I even making this blog! Nobody cares! You are too busy looking at yourselves as this being who knows whats right. Who persists to attack us without any proper reason as to why. Keep driving the dagger deeper! I dare you too! You are nothing but a mock to our human race. Those who sit there and mock people like me, acting like you are any perfect even if what I say is undoubtably true!

*sigh* Listen up sir, because what I'll say may blow your mind.
Once you stop being a teenage rebel, and put down the Linkin Park and Limp Bizkit albums, you'll realize you know much, much less about the world then you initially thought. Believe me, we were all kids like you once. During those teenage years, once you get a small spark of the outside world, you think you're suddenly smarter than Plato, Aristotle, and Nietzsche combined into one philosophical Megazord. I'd hate to burst your bubble and all, but really, you don't know Jack M. Schitt about how anything works whatsoever. You are, in fact, stupid. I won't say I'm the sharpest in the drawer either, but at least I can accept that.
But I'll give you credit, you are right about one thing. There is indeed, a black monster living inside you. It just so happens this monster is the manifestation of the natural condition that occurs within teenagers that makes them believe their way deeper than they actually are. I could just end this reply right here, but hey, I'll throw you a bone.

IMAGINE a world where you are abandoned for something that isn't even your fault!

k

This goes out to the people like me, who can't control their fear. This goes out to the amputees, to those who were mauled by a wild animal, to those who are deaf, to those who are blind, to those who can't even speak! All of you brilliant people in life!

PFFFFTAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I'm sorry, I know you're just a kid and all, but this is just too rich. Are you ACTUALLY comparing your complete wussiness to people with ACTUAL disabilities!? SERIOUSLY?! Do you even KNOW the kind of drek you're spouting? You're just as bad as those f**ks who think having Asperger's Sydrome is a crippling disorder and an automatic Get-out-of-self-improvement-free card. Just LOL.

People abandon you because we are different. People abandon you because they project themselves onto us. They see their emotions, their problems, their memories in us. Things we do reminds them of themselves. Aspects that they don't want to ****ING ADMIT. Because we are weak, and they know they are WEAK, AND A COWARD. We are reminding them how much THEY are crippled! This is all it is about! IMPERFECTION AND PERFECTION. THIS IS THE MERCILESS BEAST THAT WILL DESTROY YOU NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY. If you aren't part of the mainstream. If you aren't part of their idea of ''normality''. Your life will be HELL. It's ****ING PATHETIC!

Life ain't perfect son, no matter who you are, or what you have. This whole mob of "normal" sheeple who run everything? Yeah, probably all in your head. Life will try and destroy you even if you have a Jack Atlas body and the mind of Carl Sagan. All you have to do is bear it like a man, stop being a dumba**, and deal with it.

**** YOU Smooth Criminal. When I was 15, maybe 16 1/2. I was wrestling with a friend of mine at his house, being regular teenagers showing off to our girlfriends.

Hold on, you're implying you're NOT a whiny high schooler now? Because if you aren't, then man..... that's just sad. So I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're either lying or just turned 16 3/4ths yesterday. Believe me, it's much better for you in the end.

His girlfriend decided to jump in. She attempted to grapple me, so by reflex I turned around and ducked. Instead of turning around to duck to sidestep away. I ended up bashing my ****ing head on the arm of the couch. I even heard a crack upon impact.

Sounds like a typical teenage experience. Hell, I don't know what you're whining about with this whole "normal people" spiel, because you certainly sound like a perfectly normal American kid to me.

Blood was running down my face. I felt like I was going to pass out. They applied redneck first aid, so it's not like I really got the medical treatment I should've gotten. I NEVER went to the doctors either. After lying about how I felt fine for a few more hours, I headed home to go straight to bed. After that head injury, I was drained of all my energy. I felt like I ran for miles. I was completely drained. I felt like I was drugged.

Yeah, that kinda happens.

The next day I woke up. I COMPLETELY forgot about my head injury.. The day before, and everything BEFORE that. I completely forgot about those memories. I got off my couch, and I realized I could feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I actually could think for myself. Like I was on auto-pilot before. I felt like my mind was expanding exponetially. Whats even weirder is, my dad and mom who used to been *******s to me. That day I woke up, they were so much more different. It was like I woke up in a different world that looked like the other world.

That kinda happens too.

Later on I started realizing I could compose music at a high level, aswell as make pixel art, and manifest philosophical ideas.

pfffthahaha, not even gonna touch this.

Then about 3 months later from that day, I was lying in bed trying to sleep that night. The strangest thing happened to me. I felt like life rushed into me. My eyes filled with tears, and I remember the memories coming back to me. I remember me saying to myself ''Wait.. I had a head injury..'' I remember feeling my scar on my head. I don't care how cool it sounds. ITS A ****ING CURSE.

I can understand you still being at that stage where getting knocked the hell out and waking up with a fresh new perspective on life seems like some kind superpower than nobody else has, but there's no need to start talking like a 90's comic book deconstruction now.

I am TIRED of people mocking me, when I AM the one who went through this. I AM the one who has to deal with it. YOU DONT KNOW ME. SO **** OFF. I am TIRED of being misunderstood as I am arrogant! I am tired of people seeing me as the monster when I speak my mind as how I manifested it. NOT MY FAULT our human race can't do a BETTER ****ing job. Not my fault you can't understand that there is no possible way I mean ''EVERYONE''. NOT MY FAULT my mind was replaced with another mind that is full of blanks that I DONT KNOW HOW TO FILL. SERIOUSLY.

Imagine sitting on a cliff within your mind

Man, f**k that, there better be internet up there, or I'm leaving.

A cliff that connects to everything about you. What defines you.

I'd ask who the hell would be so bored out of their mind to carve an entire piece of landmass composed entirely of Lolicon doujins and old /v/ memes.

Now, imagine if this shadow kicked you off this cliff. Yep. IMAGINE.

Well, first I'd question why I'm even on top of a cliff in the first place. Then, I'd wonder how a shadow would be able to apply any sort of physical pressure onto my body if it's just a shape caused by an object blocking light. But hey, I'll play along.

If this shadow kicked you off the cliff and EXPECTED you the climb all the way up.

Now why the hell would I want to climb back up again? Hell, I'm pretty sure if I made it to the top of a cliff, much less one that looks like this, I'm pretty sure my only real option would be to climb back down and go home before I catch something. So yeah, that shadow can go f**k itself. And I'd also say it had a crappy video game, and should stay out of Sonic sequels.

Unaware of what the **** just happened. Lost in the jungle below! IMAGINE if the people of this jungle mock you, and torture you for something that isn't even YOUR fault. Can you feel that anger? That sadness? That pain? CAN YOU FEEL IT? CAN YOU EVEN BEGIN TO FATHOM THE CHAINS I AM BOUND TO? IT GETS WORSE......

Wait, there's now a JUNGLE below this stupid-looking cliff? Well s**t man, why would I even be here in the first place? Hell, if I had to climb this cliff or whatever, wouldn't that require me to pass through the jungle in the first place? Not only that, but if I fell from a height that tall and still made it out only wondering "OH MAAAN THESE JUNGLE PEOPLE SURE LOOK SCARY OOOH GOLLY GWORSH" then I must be made of reinforced iron or some s**t. So yeah, I'd just use my iron powers to rip those jungle monsters or whatever in two and then go skydiving into the center of the earth and then go back to the jungle and rip them in two again oh god I'm having way too much fun with this, I'll stop, I swear.
Oh, and something about chains.

My head injury might've gave me stuff that people are too much of coward to understand. I don't care. You don't just wake up and magically understand things, aswell as do things at very high levels when you were were NOTHING but a white kid acting black before. SO **** ALL OF YOU NAYSAYERS. LIKE YOU KNOW ME. YOU ARE JUST A PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR LIFE. You have no idea how much it hurts every time somebody mocks me, when it's not even my fault....

This is where darkness has turned you into it's jailbait.

So the darkness turned you into something you already were?

....sorry, that sounded funnier in my head.

Your shadow overwhelms you. You know this when you get mad for no reason. You know this when you are sad, but don't understand why. You know this when you experience terrible anxiety everyday. I don't care for anxiety. I dealt with it way before my head injury. I had a ****ing terrible childhood. I know how to ****ing handle my own when it's not EATING away at me. Every night I lose more and more face of reality. I am practically writing this entire blog out of my pain, and sorrow. I DONT CARE IF THERE ARE ERRORS. I DONT CARE HOW YOU SEE ME AFTERWARDS. ITS NOT LIKE PEOPLE DIDN'T MISUNDERSTAND ME IN THE FIRST DAMN PLACE. THERE IS NO WHERE FOR YOU TO ****ING HIDE. IN YOUR MIND, AND IN REALITY. FOR SOMETHING THAT ISN'T EVEN YOUR ****ING DAMN FAULT!!!!!!!!

YEAH, THAT'LL SHOW THOSE STUPID ADULTS, DAWG, IMMA SHOOT UP THE WHOLE SCHOOL I'M THAT HARDCORE. EVERYTHING IS DARKNESS DARKNESS GOTTA GET DOWN ON DARKNESS.

I had nightmares EVERY night as a child. EVERY NIGHT.

I'd say to get therapy, but that's probably the exact response you want, so I'll play along. :flinstone:

These nightmares are nowhere close to what I have now. This is something much more different. It happened soon after the head injury conveniently enough. It's almost as if my nightmares now have a life of it's own. It can grab me, it can mock me. It will spit on me, and throw me everywhere it wants to in my dream. Murdering me. Having things in my room attack me. My fan I now ****ing keep off because my night terrors like to make it run SUPER fast, shaking violently while making demonic sounds. GOD. You have no idea how much I go through when it comes to trying to get ATLEAST 2 hours of ****ING quality sleep. I don't 'wake up'' anymore from my dreams.. I RIP out of them. I CAN FEEL the transition between my reality and my dreamer world. I CAN feel the pain, and the every ounce of strength I am using to battle my mind to let me free for another zombified day.

Mmmhmm, sure.

You wonder why I am still able to even write this without saying FML, **** MY LIFE, I HATE YOU ALL, BLA BLA BLA. YOU WONDER WHY I AM THIS STRONG AND YOU STILL MOCK ME AS IF I AM WEAKER THAN YOU, WHEN THE TRUTH IS. I AM STRONGER THAN YOU. I ADMIT TO MY WEAKNESS. I WILL COME DOWN TO A LEVEL OF SOMEONE WHO IS A BEGINNER AT SOMETHING, AND HELP THEM. I am not proud of my philosophy. I am not proud of my music making. In fact I can't make music anymore. I ****ING QUIT. I can't ****ING concentrate anymore..

Ah, so you are an artist then? Yeah, making truly good music, or any art for that matter, relies on a pretty hefty amount of patience and concentration. Don't worry, you'll find that spark once you grow up and realize how embarrassing and cliche this blog is. Believe me, I know that feel.

Go look up Insanctuary on Newgrounds. I DARE YOU TO. I AM NOT PROUD OF ANYTHING

Aight, my speakers kinda suck right now, but I'll bite.
........
K, they're not too bad. I'm not an expert on music-making or anything, but it's kinda passable. Hold on, was this all just a clever way to get people to listen to your songs or something? Because then d**m you're one smooth criminal.

I JUST WONT GIVE UP. I DONT WANT TO BE SEEN AS A GENIUS. I DONT WANT TO BE SEEN AS SOME PERSON WHO HAS THIS COOL STORY BRO. OK? I WANT YOU PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND THE PAIN AND MISERY YOU BRING UPON THOSE WHO ARE REALLY DIFFERENT. It's not like they already don't have any place to hide!

Well, you're in luck kid, because nobody is viewing you as a genius at all. Just another typical kid who wants internet-pity. (As I can see you're clearly fishing for at Newgrounds.) And internet pity for...what exactly? As far as you told us, you sound like a perfectly normal kid. Oh noes, you have a couple bad dreams, that's right, ooOOOoooOoooh

Anyways.. I also suffered CHRONIC insomnia after the head injury. I used to just have insomnia. NOW ITS CHRONIC.

Pfft, what a casual. I've been pulling 3 day all-nighters since I was 13.

I suffer from severe migraines. I am always lightheaded. My anxiety has gotten so serious, I had to use two arms to get off of my couch. I won't be surprised if I have a heart attack at age 25..I can already feel my entire left side of my body feeling weird whenever my heart speeds up. Whenever my entire body feels like the blood was drained. Whenever I am experiencing cold sweats out of the blue. It's terrible guys..

I am a fish in my own barrel..I am my own shadow.. I can't hide. I can't run. It's so bad I can't even get some sleep with the ****ing light on. My night terrors won't leave me alone. I am crying for every bit of sanity I have left. I don't know what to do anymore. I have too much character to give up on my life. I have too much will to commit suicide and to live life for granted. I just wish people would stop projecting their own problems, and actually open up to people like me. To stop looking at me like I can fix all of this with a ****ing on/off switch. You don't know what I go through. If you felt what I have to go through. You would be suicidal. I may not have been beaten. I may not have had my dad leave me at birth. I may not have witnessed by parents murdered.. Pain is all the same.. It all boils down to same thing. It's good that we can handle pain and understand how to stop it. When you were hit by a meteor out of nowhere, that completely twisted your world into something different.. Then, people like me really are glass cannons. We are ****ing fragile, but we hit you full force whenever we can. We are tired of being seen as the monster. We are tired of having our life made harder because people are under my imperfection - perfection theory. I just don't anymore.. How to approach life. How I can do anything that relies on me, when I never got the chance to know who I wanted to be. The terrors that await me every night. The scarce sanctuary I will ever have.....

Cool story bro. But all that "pain" you're feeling right now? Yeah, nothing compared to the pain I had to go through reading all that 13 year old MySpace drivel. See, you got the attention you wanted, now go home and do whatever it is you little kids do when you're so f**king bored.

It's like somebody expects you to get up after beating you to death. Forcing you to do something when you know you just can't.. Thats how I feel when it comes to being tortured by my own mind..

This entire world is full of voids, and deceptive allocations that hinders us from making way for our own sake.

- A person inside me wants to talk to you, but the person inside you is sleeping right now.. -


~ Vicarious Game Over

OH THANK GOD IT'S FINALLY OVER.
So, as a closing note, I know nothing I'll say will change your young mind. But believe me, as much as I may be antagonizing you right now, you're probably a good kid IRL and I'm glad you got that off your chest so that I could imprint my manly and godly image upon your poor unfortunate soul. Now run off, into the sunset, brave cowboy!

 

[Tamed Shadow]

I got my message across. Trolling me, and acting like you know me, isn't proving a damn point. I must admit though. You are really good at it. Better than Smooth Criminal. I know what I go through. You lost all credibility by comparing me to those kids who don't know how to face life though. You must've forgot something while reading How to Troll for Dummies. I talked about my mind, and how it imprisoned me. Yet.. I never said anything about what happened in my childhood. Those kids on Myspace, who listen to all that bull****, would've let you have it all. Obviously, I had control in my OP. You have no control in your analysis.

Troll harder.

 

[KKSlider60]

Bunch of bull****

In a word: Fail.

So sad.

 

[tirkaro]

I got my message across. Trolling me, and acting like you know me, isn't proving a damn point.

WAAAAH, HE DOESN'T AGREE WITH ME, HE MUST BE A TROLL, WAAAAAAH

Also, I find human nature to be much more predictable than you'd think, but that's just like, my opinion man.

I must admit though. You are really good at it. Better than Smooth Criminal. I know what I go through. You lost all credibility

Woah, woah, hold on, hold on! I know exactly where this is going, so let me give you a little tidbit first.
You probably don't like me for calling you out as an immature idiot. Believe me, I wouldn't like me either. In fact, if I saw me IRL, my first reaction would be to punch me in the face and drown me in a pool of battery acid filled with mutant battery-acid-proof piranhas while being lowered into a volcano filled with more battery acid while battery acid rains from the sky. But you gotta bear with me for a second.
Surely you must think I'm just a complete goon who knows nothing about anything and am just ramming my head into some poor kid's blog. That's perfectly fine, a natural reaction on your part. After all, how on earth could YOU, a philosophical mastermind who's at the same time tortured by a cruel, clueless world that just won't listen, be wrong about ANYTHING? Anyone who says otherwise must truly be a real Grade A master troll, or-god forbid- one of those "normal" sheeple that keep putting the little guys like you down!
But no. Before you go around screaming "TROLL! THERE'S A TROOOOLL UP IN THIS HOUSE!", let's both clear our minds first. In fact, I'll clear my mind with you. You are in fact, a truly tortured individual. You don't know what's eating away at you, but man is it terrible. Best way to respond is to let out all those feelings in a truly chilling piece of blogwork. This epic poem crafted by your psyche will truly get everyone to know that feel. Know WHAT feel though? NOBODY else knows what you, a true individual, feels, unless lady luck decided to give them the middle finger and make it so that they're rejected by everything and everyone thanks to a flaw that wasn't their fault!
So once you're done posting this masterpiece, the first post isn't quite what it seems.... In fact, it's...it's....oh god, it's a guy with a goofy looking avatar, and-get this-INSULTING you despite that giant wall of pity you crafted out of your bare hands! A monster! A true MONSTER must stand before you! But wait, there is no such monster! Nothing in this world could possibly read that craft and come away from it thinking "lol, tahts stoopid s**t." Obviously, all he wants is a rise from you. So, the natural reaction must be "f**k off troll." Yes, THAT will show him!
But no. No, I am completely, 100%, f**king serious. My words may be mean, sting like venom, and sound insincere and rude, maybe a bit clumsy. And yes, I do employ loads of troll-like habits in my work. But when in all comes together, you will see I am no true troll. I'm terrible at trolling anyway. When you put something on the internet, you can't expect everyone to either respectfully agree or disagree. No, occasionally you'll get brutally honest a**holes like me, deal with it bub.

by comparing me to those kids who don't know how to face life though. You must've forgot something while reading How to Troll for Dummies. I talked about my mind, and how it imprisoned me. Yet.. I never said anything about what happened in my childhood. Those kids on Myspace, who listen to all that bull****, would've let you have it all. Obviously, I had control in my OP. You have no control in your analysis.

Troll harder.

You're going to say I shouldn't sympathize with actual IRL experiences, but I should respect your little imaginary brain monsters or something

I'll take your word for it then. But before I go, let me turn the entire topic around on you for a second. Maybe you truly can't hide from yourself. I know I'm a dumb d**kweed who likes to pick fights on the internet. You know you're a tortured spirit who's mind traps yourself in an endless spiral of true despair. But alas, all is not that simple. There are various little tricks and traps in your mind that enforces typical d-bag behavior, such as believing your little problems are 1000000x worse than everyone else's. Your mind also presents the illusion that you're an infallible paragon of goodness, and everyone else is only being a big stinky doo-doo head because they're trolls/a**holes, and everyone else is also stupid because they don't know what YOU'RE going through. But no, it's all smoke and mirrors created by your mind. If others are being dumb brutes towards you, that's perhaps because you're a dumb brute too.
Basically, I'll make this short/long by pointing you to this popularly-linked article.
Truly chilling stuff. After all, it could be happening to you RIGHT NOW!(And by that, I mean it is.) And heck, I'm probably overestimating myself as well, no matter how much I self-depreciate myself!

Whether you agree or not,(You won't, the mind is hard-wired to not accept any counter-opinion if you feel strongly enough about it. But you probably already know that.) you gotta admit it's fascinating stuff.

 

[Life]

So let me get this straight.

You suffered a head injury. Had some amnesia. Now you can't sleep and have night terrors. So you come here to vent about it.

Uh... IDK what to say? You seem to be susceptible to trolling...

 

[¯\_S.(ツ).L.I.D._/¯]

Calm down, jesus. Stop acting like you're special or something because you had some 'traumatic experience' or some ****. We don't know what you've been through? Well you don't have a ****ing clue what people with some of the ACTUAL PROBLEMS you described have been through, so don't compare yourself to them, that's ridiculous.

Take a step back, look at your life compared to others' lives, and maybe once you look past the web of pity and lies that you've created for yourself you'll realize you're just a regular high school student, and you're lucky, because other people, with legitimate problems, have it a hundred times worse.

Also why the **** would you not go to the doctor?

 

[Tamed Shadow]

Where do you guys keep getting this ''He thinks he is better than all of us. He is so MIGHTY!

Spoiler

at being arrogant''

idea from? I never said I was better than all of you. I never said anything that made me superior to you, unless you are one of those whom mock me with BS. Yes I am stronger than you. Got a problem?

tirkaro, you are trolling. You are really good at it, but you still fail at it. Since you never actually replied to the most important part of my ****ing response. You completely see me for everything but what I am. Same goes for Solid. Aswell as IC. All of your credibility evaporates, if you can't actually make a reasonable response. All you guys are doing is responding with all this highschool crybaby bull****, when you are far from it. Regurgitating your feelings for them, and ruining any genuine analysis you could've had. Stop comparing me to those kids, and actually look deeper into my OP. Instead of misunderstanding what I am trying to get across. The rest of it, is nothing but your premature bile. Clean up your act, and I will give you guys more respect.

So let me get this straight.

You suffered a head injury. Had some amnesia. Now you can't sleep and have night terrors. So you come here to vent about it.

Uh... IDK what to say? You seem to be susceptible to trolling...

You expect me to be humble with these kind of responses? Like you REALLY know what I go through? Like EVERYTHING I have aforementioned is just some cooped up scapegoat I created to ignore the responsibilities that life has to offer? Please. If you are going to respond. Atleast respond properly. You guys act like you are all so tough. Sick of you people who only coward in fear behind close doors. Don't tell me you don't have fear of anything. Stop pointing fingers at my problems. Start looking at yours, you intolerable gits. It looks like simple problems when you read it, but when you live them. It's a whole new world of bull****.

Also why the **** would you not go to the doctor?

This is the only part I actually fall to ignorance. I have always hated doctors. Not because of any of that conspiracy bull****. I just hate them.

 

[Super_Sonic8677]

Well I read the whole thing and it doesn't sound that bad honestly..=\

Don't hit the reply button yet, read the rest.

I've fallen off a bridge and hit my head bleeding and all that. I walked home took a shower was light headed for a day or so and then was fine.

I have nightmares from time to time where they are as seemingly real as life itself. I had a dream where some dude broke into the house when I was asleep and he woke me up and started firing a machine gun into my stomach. I literally jumped out of bed and grabbed my stomach in pain when I woke up. Not fun of course.

But, you need to realise dreams are not real. Shadow's are just what the light misses as it casts on whatever it shines at. They can do nothing physcial to you. EVER.

And with the whole cliff thing, why do you care what the shadow expects you to do? The only reason I'd climb back up is to kick said shadow's *** for pushing me over lol

You sound like you have to much time to yourself. Keep yourself busy, get a job or go to school or both. And you will find these things will pass in time.

I don't know what you have against Smooth Criminal but he was always a cool guy when back when I knew him. A smart *** sometimes lol but always cool.

Also there's no need to lash out so much. And I'm not wondering any of those things you were asking.
I went through more than my fair share of anxiety and hardships myself, and I'll tell you right now whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Have the will to win and you will. You're losing because you're giving up.

Also I thought being different was the in thing now? I don't really pay attention to social norms as I honestly could care less. I wear what I want, do what I like and if people got a problem with that then **** em. If I'm not hurting anybody doing what I do and being how I be then it's none of their concern whether I'm "normal" or not.

You as others nicely and not so nicely have put, have some growing up to do. And that's nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone matures at different speeds. Being around other people and friends helps alot though. And I think given the way you're talking on here..it's something you need to do more often for your own sake.

Also if the main person out to get you is um...you lol then what do you have to worry about? Don't you know yourself well enough to beat yourself? lol that's sounds wrong oh well anyways you've lived with yourself your whole life afterall. What are you so afraid of? This isn't Kingdom Hearts this is the real world and where shadows are mearly the absense of light, nothing more or less.

I hate having lights on it makes it so I can't sleep. It bothers the hell out of me. The darker the better.

Also if you're having recurrent nightmares and they bother you that much. Talk to a counselor or somehting about it. And in the mean time, teach yourself how to control your dreams. Lucid Dreaming is what's called I believe.

One time I was having a nightmare and I relaized it was not real and went all SS Goku on that **** lol it turned out awesome. Your mind is your own, you can do whatever you want with it. You need to stop seperating yourself like there's a Jekyll and Hyde part of you or soemthing. It's All you dude. All you. The nightmares, the shadow things all of it. It's your mind, your body and unless there is something physically wrong with you, you have comeplete and utter control even when you "think" you don't.

it's a cry out for attention. You make yourself feel bad, horrible even and then come to places like this or talk to others about how horrible things are. It's easy to do and you don't evenm have to intentionally do it, some people don't even realise they're doing it to themselves. I've known a few people like that. And keeping busy and being around people you can open up to even a little bit helps alot. And eventually, they grow out of it. One day you look back on this blog and you will laugh at how you are now. The problems you face now are just stepping stones to the ever bigger problems you will face as time goes on.

And to add I don't think you think that, I think you're a lonely and somewhat social inept person who's going through maybe slightly worse than usual teenage angst and alll that, if that makes you feel better.

 

[Tamed Shadow]

Ok. I give up. People just misunderstand every point I get across. Whatever.

I am curious as to why I am able to respond to that ''troll'' the way I did, if I was some kid who didn't know how to grow up. I wonder why I am still here responding, not crying my little blind eyes out, like a ***** that I am. I wonder why I persist to shed light on my troubles, and my pain. To no avail.

Whatever. You people persist to degrade the depth of my pain because you always reflect off your personal past. Who are you to say with any lack of doubt, that your past is worse than mine? How are you able to say without any doubt, I am just like every kid who over exaggerates things in his life. This is why I will never become better. I am shut out from this world, and my own world. You people don't understand that this head injury has completely jacked up my persona, and who I am as a person. If you can't ****ing comprehend this. It's fine. What did I expect from humanity? Nothing but theoretical bull****, that is flawed by your blind perfection. Pointing fingers at everyone but yourself. Calling me a 15 year old, when you waste your time responding useless ****. Sonic, KKSlider, and Wanderer are the only people who actually tried to show what they thought from my OP. Still, Sonic, you misunderstand my point I was trying to get across.

I am not going to try to even talk to you guys anymore. You persist to look at me like I need to grow up. Sadly, you guys can't comprehend my OP, and persist to tell me things that would hurt alot of other people, but it doesn't work on me.

I have already said it. It's done. You still don't ****ing take me seriously, nor understand my point I want to get across. You ****ing excoriate like a hillbilly, and insult me with groundless accusations. Whatever.

It is time for me to turn my wings black and go in my emo corner because..

Spoiler

ppl don undrstnd mi, *** u, lolololol111one111

 

[¯\_S.(ツ).L.I.D._/¯]

Where do you guys keep getting this ''He thinks he is better than all of us. He is so MIGHTY!

Spoiler

at being arrogant''

idea from? I never said I was better than all of you. I never said anything that made me superior to you, unless you are one of those whom mock me with BS. Yes I am stronger than you. Got a problem?

Look at your own ****ing words. You've infused your not-at-all-one-of-a-kind story with enough drama to make a ninth grade girl go crazy. Even if you don't think you're better than people, for some reason you seem to think this experience is terrible and damaging and bla bla bla and quite frankly I just want you to shut the **** up.

You completely see me for everything but what I am.

No, I see you for what you are: a pity seeking attention *****. You're too ignorant to realize it though.

All of your credibility evaporates, if you can't actually make a reasonable response. All you guys are doing is responding with all this highschool crybaby bull****, when you are far from it. Regurgitating your feelings for them, and ruining any genuine analysis you could've had.

You are a high school crybaby, I don't know how you aren't seeing it. Please tell me what sets you apart from any other high school student? You hit your head? Tough ****, suck it up. I'm not regurgitating my feelings for anyone else, I'm telling you how I feel about you. Here, I'll spell it out for you again in case you weren't sure: you're an ignorant, attention whoring, pity seeking, high school freshman.

Stop comparing me to those kids, and actually look deeper into my OP. Instead of misunderstanding what I am trying to get across. The rest of it, is nothing but your premature bile. Clean up your act, and I will give you guys more respect.

There's nothing deep in your OP. Quite frankly I couldn't care less about what you're trying to get across, all I see is some attention whoring kid who thinks he's special because he had an experience that millions of others have had. I don't give a **** if I have your respect, you sure as hell don't have mine.

Also, you didn't respond to my post, so I'm sure as hell not going to respond to 'the deepness' of your OP.

This is the only part I actually fall to ignorance.

I beg to differ.

I have always hated doctors. Not because of any of that conspiracy bull****. I just hate them.

Well that's just plain stupid.

 

[Super_Sonic8677]

And what point was that? Aside that you are absolutely miserable and feel like you're going to die if you don't kill yourself first? =\

If the problem is first and formost your head injury. Then Go. To. The. Doctors.
It's that simple. Do it like today or better yet five minutes ago.
How old ARE you btw?

 

[Falconv1.0]

Man someone is incredibly upset.

 

[Crooked Crow]

And overly dramatic.

In attempting to be unique and different, and going out of your way to accomplish this, you actually join a previously existing clique and become more conformist. You're not special. You're spouting illusions here.

 

[Falconv1.0]

What? Nah. No one has ever written overly dramatic **** on the internet because of something bad that happened to them. Totally.

 

[§witch]

I never said I was better than anyone.

Phew.

I am stronger than you though.

WAIT A MINUTE

 

[El Nino]

Tamed Shadow:

The symptoms that you describe are consistent with a neurological condition. You may have suffered a concussion on the day of the accident. Concussions can cause symptoms like what you describe: the amnesia and the emotional disturbances. After a concussion, sometimes people feel as if they are able to think and problem solve in a different way than before, and others may experience changes to their personality.

For your reference:
http://www.webmd.com/brain/tc/traumatic-brain-injury-concussion-overview?page=2

Also look up "postconcussive syndrome":
http://www.webmd.com/hw-popup/postconcussive-syndrome

You may want to go to a doctor because head injuries are serious. There's also the chance that you have something else going on up there that needs to be checked out. You could have a slow hemorrhage and not know it. Tumors can interfere with brain functions too.

 

[Omnicron's Baklava Enterprises]

Spoiler

Link to original post: [drupal=4427]You Can't Hide From Yourself...[/drupal]



A message to those who **** with me.. Read the whole thing before you say anything..

What would you do, if you knew there was nowhere to hide? Nowhere to go. No one to count on. Knowing that the problem lies in yourself. A deeper part of you, that will tear you to shreds every chance it gets. It knows everything. It will never let you go. You are a prisoner to your own mind. Lost. Nowhere to hide. Always living in a shadow that gets thicker by every tormented day that passes you by. You try to reason with it. You try to calm down. You try to fix yourself, by resting in the light. What if it can attack you even then? What if you have no more options left? Can you feel the insanity? Can you feel your mind, consciousness, senses, emotions melting away? Can all you feel is fear? Knowing that nightfall will only repeat itself? Knowing that your mind will continue it's eternal suffering? What is there left, if you are on the verge of losing control of yourself? Your mind. Your time. Your energy. Your LIFE..

I am DONE! I am done with trying to fight this monster inside me. I am done with trying to convince everyone I am not one of your pathetic kids who cry wolf. My life is nothing but a toy to my mind! I can't think straight. I can't react. It has been so long since I have felt normal, I even forgot what it feels like! I am suffering! Why can't anyone see this! I cannot go through life like a normal human being can. I am imprisoned by something that won't ****ing let me go. It doesn't help that people won't even ****ing take me serious, when I tell them WHY I am being attacked by my own mind! **** YOU. You are idiots for not understanding what I go through. IMAGINE what other people are going through? Imagine what you are doing to them, by laughing at them. Acting like we are all just making up **** to get attention! You are ****ing wrong! I never wanted attention! I never wanted what I was cursed with! I feel like something I cannot see sold my soul to devil! I am crying tears I cannot understand. I have lost control of myself. WHY am I still NOT doing drugs? Why am I still NOT going off and ****ing my life away. WHY am I even making this blog! Nobody cares! You are too busy looking at yourselves as this being who knows whats right. Who persists to attack us without any proper reason as to why. Keep driving the dagger deeper! I dare you too! You are nothing but a mock to our human race. Those who sit there and mock people like me, acting like you are any perfect even if what I say is undoubtably true!

IMAGINE a world where you are abandoned for something that isn't even your fault! This goes out to the people like me, who can't control their fear. This goes out to the amputees, to those who were mauled by a wild animal, to those who are deaf, to those who are blind, to those who can't even speak! All of you brilliant people in life! People abandon you because we are different. People abandon you because they project themselves onto us. They see their emotions, their problems, their memories in us. Things we do reminds them of themselves. Aspects that they don't want to ****ING ADMIT. Because we are weak, and they know they are WEAK, AND A COWARD. We are reminding them how much THEY are crippled! This is all it is about! IMPERFECTION AND PERFECTION. THIS IS THE MERCILESS BEAST THAT WILL DESTROY YOU NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY. If you aren't part of the mainstream. If you aren't part of their idea of ''normality''. Your life will be HELL. It's ****ING PATHETIC!

**** YOU Smooth Criminal. When I was 15, maybe 16 1/2. I was wrestling with a friend of mine at his house, being regular teenagers showing off to our girlfriends. His girlfriend decided to jump in. She attempted to grapple me, so by reflex I turned around and ducked. Instead of turning around to duck to sidestep away. I ended up bashing my ****ing head on the arm of the couch. I even heard a crack upon impact. Blood was running down my face. I felt like I was going to pass out. They applied redneck first aid, so it's not like I really got the medical treatment I should've gotten. I NEVER went to the doctors either. After lying about how I felt fine for a few more hours, I headed home to go straight to bed. After that head injury, I was drained of all my energy. I felt like I ran for miles. I was completely drained. I felt like I was drugged.
The next day I woke up. I COMPLETELY forgot about my head injury.. The day before, and everything BEFORE that. I completely forgot about those memories. I got off my couch, and I realized I could feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I actually could think for myself. Like I was on auto-pilot before. I felt like my mind was expanding exponetially. Whats even weirder is, my dad and mom who used to been *******s to me. That day I woke up, they were so much more different. It was like I woke up in a different world that looked like the other world. Later on I started realizing I could compose music at a high level, aswell as make pixel art, and manifest philosophical ideas.

Then about 3 months later from that day, I was lying in bed trying to sleep that night. The strangest thing happened to me. I felt like life rushed into me. My eyes filled with tears, and I remember the memories coming back to me. I remember me saying to myself ''Wait.. I had a head injury..'' I remember feeling my scar on my head. I don't care how cool it sounds. ITS A ****ING CURSE.


I am TIRED of people mocking me, when I AM the one who went through this. I AM the one who has to deal with it. YOU DONT KNOW ME. SO **** OFF. I am TIRED of being misunderstood as I am arrogant! I am tired of people seeing me as the monster when I speak my mind as how I manifested it. NOT MY FAULT our human race can't do a BETTER ****ing job. Not my fault you can't understand that there is no possible way I mean ''EVERYONE''. NOT MY FAULT my mind was replaced with another mind that is full of blanks that I DONT KNOW HOW TO FILL. SERIOUSLY.

Imagine sitting on a cliff within your mind. A cliff that connects to everything about you. What defines you. Now, imagine if this shadow kicked you off this cliff. Yep. IMAGINE. If this shadow kicked you off the cliff and EXPECTED you the climb all the way up. Unaware of what the **** just happened. Lost in the jungle below! IMAGINE if the people of this jungle mock you, and torture you for something that isn't even YOUR fault. Can you feel that anger? That sadness? That pain? CAN YOU FEEL IT? CAN YOU EVEN BEGIN TO FATHOM THE CHAINS I AM BOUND TO? IT GETS WORSE......

My head injury might've gave me stuff that people are too much of coward to understand. I don't care. You don't just wake up and magically understand things, aswell as do things at very high levels when you were were NOTHING but a white kid acting black before. SO **** ALL OF YOU NAYSAYERS. LIKE YOU KNOW ME. YOU ARE JUST A PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR LIFE. You have no idea how much it hurts every time somebody mocks me, when it's not even my fault....

Seriously..

This is where darkness has turned you into it's jailbait. Your shadow overwhelms you. You know this when you get mad for no reason. You know this when you are sad, but don't understand why. You know this when you experience terrible anxiety everyday. I don't care for anxiety. I dealt with it way before my head injury. I had a ****ing terrible childhood. I know how to ****ing handle my own when it's not EATING away at me. Every night I lose more and more face of reality. I am practically writing this entire blog out of my pain, and sorrow. I DONT CARE IF THERE ARE ERRORS. I DONT CARE HOW YOU SEE ME AFTERWARDS. ITS NOT LIKE PEOPLE DIDN'T MISUNDERSTAND ME IN THE FIRST DAMN PLACE. THERE IS NO WHERE FOR YOU TO ****ING HIDE. IN YOUR MIND, AND IN REALITY. FOR SOMETHING THAT ISN'T EVEN YOUR ****ING DAMN FAULT!!!!!!!!

I had nightmares EVERY night as a child. EVERY NIGHT. These nightmares are nowhere close to what I have now. This is something much more different. It happened soon after the head injury conveniently enough. It's almost as if my nightmares now have a life of it's own. It can grab me, it can mock me. It will spit on me, and throw me everywhere it wants to in my dream. Murdering me. Having things in my room attack me. My fan I now ****ing keep off because my night terrors like to make it run SUPER fast, shaking violently while making demonic sounds. GOD. You have no idea how much I go through when it comes to trying to get ATLEAST 2 hours of ****ING quality sleep. I don't 'wake up'' anymore from my dreams.. I RIP out of them. I CAN FEEL the transition between my reality and my dreamer world. I CAN feel the pain, and the every ounce of strength I am using to battle my mind to let me free for another zombified day. Seriously. you wonder why I haven't committed suicide by now. You wonder why I don't look at your God, or do drugs. You wonder why I am still able to even write this without saying FML, **** MY LIFE, I HATE YOU ALL, BLA BLA BLA. YOU WONDER WHY I AM THIS STRONG AND YOU STILL MOCK ME AS IF I AM WEAKER THAN YOU, WHEN THE TRUTH IS. I AM STRONGER THAN YOU. I ADMIT TO MY WEAKNESS. I WILL COME DOWN TO A LEVEL OF SOMEONE WHO IS A BEGINNER AT SOMETHING, AND HELP THEM. I am not proud of my philosophy. I am not proud of my music making. In fact I can't make music anymore. I ****ING QUIT. I can't ****ING concentrate anymore.. Go look up Insanctuary on Newgrounds. I DARE YOU TO. I AM NOT PROUD OF ANYTHING BUT THE FACT I AM HANGING ON BY WHAT? I don't even know what I am hanging on to..I JUST WONT GIVE UP. I DONT WANT TO BE SEEN AS A GENIUS. I DONT WANT TO BE SEEN AS SOME PERSON WHO HAS THIS COOL STORY BRO. OK? I WANT YOU PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND THE PAIN AND MISERY YOU BRING UPON THOSE WHO ARE REALLY DIFFERENT. It's not like they already don't have any place to hide!

Night Terror #1: I was in a house that I already knew the history of. Apparently this thing lives in the walls within a dimension leading to hell. I looked around me, and the windows were shattered. Blood was everywhere. Children were cut into pieces that I felt like were my sons and daughters. Everything was so vivid. I ran into the closet out of fear. Then that THING broke out of the wall, looking at me, holding a very demonic knife asking: ''Isn't there supposed to be a wife?'' I felt my soul shatter. (I KNEW what my night terror was mocking. How I felt like I would never find a girlfriend because of how I changed. How boring I have become. How I want to NOT take my life for granted even though my mind has no problem with doing so.)

Night Terror #2: I was making out with this hot chick in this forest. For some reason she got me to tie myself to a 2x4 with chains just underneath the front of a 18 wheeler truck. She did it aswell. I looked to my left and I saw this very bulky lumberjack, who looked insane, wielding an axe while walking towards us. I look at the chick and she ****ing said ''Sorry.......'' and somehow got free from the chains. She went to the lumbjack and gave him the ****tiest kiss I have ever seen. They laughed and pointed at me while getting into the 18 wheeler. (I can tell you what didn't happen. They backed up and left me there..)

Night Terror #3: I was in my house. No lights. No light would turn on. (I ****ing hate my back room, and the hallway bathroom in my dreams. Dear god. IT SUCKS.) I was forced to walk past the bathroom. Oh god.. These metallic bug looking things were shrieking in torment, flew out of the bathtub. They reminded me of how bees swarm when they are angry. THEY WERE ANGRY. They chased after me. After I reached the living room. I saw things coming out of the bathroom that looked insane. An old lady that had no head. GOD. (Ok I am done.. Remembering this ****.. I am gettin the shivers. Aswell as jumpy.)

Anyways.. I also suffered CHRONIC insomnia after the head injury. I used to just have insomnia. NOW ITS CHRONIC.
I suffer from severe migraines. I am always lightheaded. My anxiety has gotten so serious, I had to use two arms to get off of my couch. I won't be surprised if I have a heart attack at age 25..I can already feel my entire left side of my body feeling weird whenever my heart speeds up. Whenever my entire body feels like the blood was drained. Whenever I am experiencing cold sweats out of the blue. It's terrible guys..

I am a fish in my own barrel..I am my own shadow.. I can't hide. I can't run. It's so bad I can't even get some sleep with the ****ing light on. My night terrors won't leave me alone. I am crying for every bit of sanity I have left. I don't know what to do anymore. I have too much character to give up on my life. I have too much will to commit suicide and to live life for granted. I just wish people would stop projecting their own problems, and actually open up to people like me. To stop looking at me like I can fix all of this with a ****ing on/off switch. You don't know what I go through. If you felt what I have to go through. You would be suicidal. I may not have been beaten. I may not have had my dad leave me at birth. I may not have witnessed by parents murdered.. Pain is all the same.. It all boils down to same thing. It's good that we can handle pain and understand how to stop it. When you were hit by a meteor out of nowhere, that completely twisted your world into something different.. Then, people like me really are glass cannons. We are ****ing fragile, but we hit you full force whenever we can. We are tired of being seen as the monster. We are tired of having our life made harder because people are under my imperfection - perfection theory. I just don't anymore.. How to approach life. How I can do anything that relies on me, when I never got the chance to know who I wanted to be. The terrors that await me every night. The scarce sanctuary I will ever have.....

It's like somebody expects you to get up after beating you to death. Forcing you to do something when you know you just can't.. Thats how I feel when it comes to being tortured by my own mind..

This entire world is full of voids, and deceptive allocations that hinders us from making way for our own sake.

- A person inside me wants to talk to you, but the person inside you is sleeping right now.. -


~ Vicarious Game Over

Spoiler

Fine, let's do this your way then. :flinstone:



I'd stop hanging out around the XXxxEmo4Lyfe420xxXX group on DeviantArt.



k


Yeah! That'll show your brimming amounts of maturity!


Don't worry, when my mind feels all hazy, I just listen to the soothing sounds of Nujabes, and then I feel all better again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5-2-jD-42Q
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTxt__RqqYU



Oh boy, let's see where this goes.



*sigh* Listen up sir, because what I'll say may blow your mind.
Once you stop being a teenage rebel, and put down the Linkin Park and Limp Bizkit albums, you'll realize you know much, much less about the world then you initially thought. Believe me, we were all kids like you once. During those teenage years, once you get a small spark of the outside world, you think you're suddenly smarter than Plato, Aristotle, and Nietzsche combined into one philosophical Megazord. I'd hate to burst your bubble and all, but really, you don't know Jack M. Schitt about how anything works whatsoever. You are, in fact, stupid. I won't say I'm the sharpest in the drawer either, but at least I can accept that.
But I'll give you credit, you are right about one thing. There is indeed, a black monster living inside you. It just so happens this monster is the manifestation of the natural condition that occurs within teenagers that makes them believe their way deeper than they actually are. I could just end this reply right here, but hey, I'll throw you a bone.


k

PFFFFTAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I'm sorry, I know you're just a kid and all, but this is just too rich. Are you ACTUALLY comparing your complete wussiness to people with ACTUAL disabilities!? SERIOUSLY?! Do you even KNOW the kind of drek you're spouting? You're just as bad as those f**ks who think having Asperger's Sydrome is a crippling disorder and an automatic Get-out-of-self-improvement-free card. Just LOL.



Life ain't perfect son, no matter who you are, or what you have. This whole mob of "normal" sheeple who run everything? Yeah, probably all in your head. Life will try and destroy you even if you have a Jack Atlas body and the mind of Carl Sagan. All you have to do is bear it like a man, stop being a dumba**, and deal with it.



Hold on, you're implying you're NOT a whiny high schooler now? Because if you aren't, then man..... that's just sad. So I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're either lying or just turned 16 3/4ths yesterday. Believe me, it's much better for you in the end.


Sounds like a typical teenage experience. Hell, I don't know what you're whining about with this whole "normal people" spiel, because you certainly sound like a perfectly normal American kid to me.



Yeah, that kinda happens.



That kinda happens too.



pfffthahaha, not even gonna touch this.



I can understand you still being at that stage where getting knocked the hell out and waking up with a fresh new perspective on life seems like some kind superpower than nobody else has, but there's no need to start talking like a 90's comic book deconstruction now.

Man, f**k that, there better be internet up there, or I'm leaving.


I'd ask who the hell would be so bored out of their mind to carve an entire piece of landmass composed entirely of Lolicon doujins and old /v/ memes.



Well, first I'd question why I'm even on top of a cliff in the first place. Then, I'd wonder how a shadow would be able to apply any sort of physical pressure onto my body if it's just a shape caused by an object blocking light. But hey, I'll play along.


Now why the hell would I want to climb back up again? Hell, I'm pretty sure if I made it to the top of a cliff, much less one that looks like this, I'm pretty sure my only real option would be to climb back down and go home before I catch something. So yeah, that shadow can go f**k itself. And I'd also say it had a crappy video game, and should stay out of Sonic sequels.



Wait, there's now a JUNGLE below this stupid-looking cliff? Well s**t man, why would I even be here in the first place? Hell, if I had to climb this cliff or whatever, wouldn't that require me to pass through the jungle in the first place? Not only that, but if I fell from a height that tall and still made it out only wondering "OH MAAAN THESE JUNGLE PEOPLE SURE LOOK SCARY OOOH GOLLY GWORSH" then I must be made of reinforced iron or some s**t. So yeah, I'd just use my iron powers to rip those jungle monsters or whatever in two and then go skydiving into the center of the earth and then go back to the jungle and rip them in two again oh god I'm having way too much fun with this, I'll stop, I swear.
Oh, and something about chains.

So the darkness turned you into something you already were?

....sorry, that sounded funnier in my head.



YEAH, THAT'LL SHOW THOSE STUPID ADULTS, DAWG, IMMA SHOOT UP THE WHOLE SCHOOL I'M THAT HARDCORE. EVERYTHING IS DARKNESS DARKNESS GOTTA GET DOWN ON DARKNESS.


I'd say to get therapy, but that's probably the exact response you want, so I'll play along. :flinstone:



Mmmhmm, sure.



Ah, so you are an artist then? Yeah, making truly good music, or any art for that matter, relies on a pretty hefty amount of patience and concentration. Don't worry, you'll find that spark once you grow up and realize how embarrassing and cliche this blog is. Believe me, I know that feel.


Aight, my speakers kinda suck right now, but I'll bite.
........
K, they're not too bad. I'm not an expert on music-making or anything, but it's kinda passable. Hold on, was this all just a clever way to get people to listen to your songs or something? Because then d**m you're one smooth criminal.



Well, you're in luck kid, because nobody is viewing you as a genius at all. Just another typical kid who wants internet-pity. (As I can see you're clearly fishing for at Newgrounds.) And internet pity for...what exactly? As far as you told us, you sound like a perfectly normal kid. Oh noes, you have a couple bad dreams, that's right, ooOOOoooOoooh


Pfft, what a casual. I've been pulling 3 day all-nighters since I was 13.

Cool story bro. But all that "pain" you're feeling right now? Yeah, nothing compared to the pain I had to go through reading all that 13 year old MySpace drivel. See, you got the attention you wanted, now go home and do whatever it is you little kids do when you're so f**king bored.



OH THANK GOD IT'S FINALLY OVER.
So, as a closing note, I know nothing I'll say will change your young mind. But believe me, as much as I may be antagonizing you right now, you're probably a good kid IRL and I'm glad you got that off your chest so that I could imprint my manly and godly image upon your poor unfortunate soul. Now run off, into the sunset, brave cowboy!

Spoiler

I got my message across. Trolling me, and acting like you know me, isn't proving a damn point. I must admit though. You are really good at it. Better than Smooth Criminal. I know what I go through. You lost all credibility by comparing me to those kids who don't know how to face life though. You must've forgot something while reading How to Troll for Dummies. I talked about my mind, and how it imprisoned me. Yet.. I never said anything about what happened in my childhood. Those kids on Myspace, who listen to all that bull****, would've let you have it all. Obviously, I had control in my OP. You have no control in your analysis.

Troll harder.

Spoiler

WAAAAH, HE DOESN'T AGREE WITH ME, HE MUST BE A TROLL, WAAAAAAH

Also, I find human nature to be much more predictable than you'd think, but that's just like, my opinion man.


Woah, woah, hold on, hold on! I know exactly where this is going, so let me give you a little tidbit first.
You probably don't like me for calling you out as an immature idiot. Believe me, I wouldn't like me either. In fact, if I saw me IRL, my first reaction would be to punch me in the face and drown me in a pool of battery acid filled with mutant battery-acid-proof piranhas while being lowered into a volcano filled with more battery acid while battery acid rains from the sky. But you gotta bear with me for a second.
Surely you must think I'm just a complete goon who knows nothing about anything and am just ramming my head into some poor kid's blog. That's perfectly fine, a natural reaction on your part. After all, how on earth could YOU, a philosophical mastermind who's at the same time tortured by a cruel, clueless world that just won't listen, be wrong about ANYTHING? Anyone who says otherwise must truly be a real Grade A master troll, or-god forbid- one of those "normal" sheeple that keep putting the little guys like you down!
But no. Before you go around screaming "TROLL! THERE'S A TROOOOLL UP IN THIS HOUSE!", let's both clear our minds first. In fact, I'll clear my mind with you. You are in fact, a truly tortured individual. You don't know what's eating away at you, but man is it terrible. Best way to respond is to let out all those feelings in a truly chilling piece of blogwork. This epic poem crafted by your psyche will truly get everyone to know that feel. Know WHAT feel though? NOBODY else knows what you, a true individual, feels, unless lady luck decided to give them the middle finger and make it so that they're rejected by everything and everyone thanks to a flaw that wasn't their fault!
So once you're done posting this masterpiece, the first post isn't quite what it seems.... In fact, it's...it's....oh god, it's a guy with a goofy looking avatar, and-get this-INSULTING you despite that giant wall of pity you crafted out of your bare hands! A monster! A true MONSTER must stand before you! But wait, there is no such monster! Nothing in this world could possibly read that craft and come away from it thinking "lol, tahts stoopid s**t." Obviously, all he wants is a rise from you. So, the natural reaction must be "f**k off troll." Yes, THAT will show him!
But no. No, I am completely, 100%, f**king serious. My words may be mean, sting like venom, and sound insincere and rude, maybe a bit clumsy. And yes, I do employ loads of troll-like habits in my work. But when in all comes together, you will see I am no true troll. I'm terrible at trolling anyway. When you put something on the internet, you can't expect everyone to either respectfully agree or disagree. No, occasionally you'll get brutally honest a**holes like me, deal with it bub.



You're going to say I shouldn't sympathize with actual IRL experiences, but I should respect your little imaginary brain monsters or something

I'll take your word for it then. But before I go, let me turn the entire topic around on you for a second. Maybe you truly can't hide from yourself. I know I'm a dumb d**kweed who likes to pick fights on the internet. You know you're a tortured spirit who's mind traps yourself in an endless spiral of true despair. But alas, all is not that simple. There are various little tricks and traps in your mind that enforces typical d-bag behavior, such as believing your little problems are 1000000x worse than everyone else's. Your mind also presents the illusion that you're an infallible paragon of goodness, and everyone else is only being a big stinky doo-doo head because they're trolls/a**holes, and everyone else is also stupid because they don't know what YOU'RE going through. But no, it's all smoke and mirrors created by your mind. If others are being dumb brutes towards you, that's perhaps because you're a dumb brute too.
Basically, I'll make this short/long by pointing you to this popularly-linked article.
Truly chilling stuff. After all, it could be happening to you RIGHT NOW!(And by that, I mean it is.) And heck, I'm probably overestimating myself as well, no matter how much I self-depreciate myself!

Whether you agree or not,(You won't, the mind is hard-wired to not accept any counter-opinion if you feel strongly enough about it. But you probably already know that.) you gotta admit it's fascinating stuff.

Calm down, jesus. Stop acting like you're special or something because you had some 'traumatic experience' or some ****. We don't know what you've been through? Well you don't have a ****ing clue what people with some of the ACTUAL PROBLEMS you described have been through, so don't compare yourself to them, that's ridiculous.

Take a step back, look at your life compared to others' lives, and maybe once you look past the web of pity and lies that you've created for yourself you'll realize you're just a regular high school student, and you're lucky, because other people, with legitimate problems, have it a hundred times worse.

Also why the **** would you not go to the doctor?

Ok. I give up. People just misunderstand every point I get across. Whatever.

I am curious as to why I am able to respond to that ''troll'' the way I did, if I was some kid who didn't know how to grow up. I wonder why I am still here responding, not crying my little blind eyes out, like a ***** that I am. I wonder why I persist to shed light on my troubles, and my pain. To no avail.

Whatever. You people persist to degrade the depth of my pain because you always reflect off your personal past. Who are you to say with any lack of doubt, that your past is worse than mine? How are you able to say without any doubt, I am just like every kid who over exaggerates things in his life. This is why I will never become better. I am shut out from this world, and my own world. You people don't understand that this head injury has completely jacked up my persona, and who I am as a person. If you can't ****ing comprehend this. It's fine. What did I expect from humanity? Nothing but theoretical bull****, that is flawed by your blind perfection. Pointing fingers at everyone but yourself. Calling me a 15 year old, when you waste your time responding useless ****. Sonic, KKSlider, and Wanderer are the only people who actually tried to show what they thought from my OP. Still, Sonic, you misunderstand my point I was trying to get across.

I am not going to try to even talk to you guys anymore. You persist to look at me like I need to grow up. Sadly, you guys can't comprehend my OP, and persist to tell me things that would hurt alot of other people, but it doesn't work on me.

I have already said it. It's done. You still don't ****ing take me seriously, nor understand my point I want to get across. You ****ing excoriate like a hillbilly, and insult me with groundless accusations. Whatever.

It is time for me to turn my wings black and go in my emo corner because..

Spoiler

ppl don undrstnd mi, *** u, lolololol111one111

OH MY GOOD GOLLY LORD

MOAR

 

[RyuReiatsu]

Tamed Shadow:

The symptoms that you describe are consistent with a neurological condition. You may have suffered a concussion on the day of the accident. Concussions can cause symptoms like what you describe: the amnesia and the emotional disturbances. After a concussion, sometimes people feel as if they are able to think and problem solve in a different way than before, and others may experience changes to their personality.

For your reference:
http://www.webmd.com/brain/tc/traumatic-brain-injury-concussion-overview?page=2

Also look up "postconcussive syndrome":
http://www.webmd.com/hw-popup/postconcussive-syndrome

You may want to go to a doctor because head injuries are serious. There's also the chance that you have something else going on up there that needs to be checked out. You could have a slow hemorrhage and not know it. Tumors can interfere with brain functions too.

Tamed, listen to this man right here, he speaks the truth.

 

[Noobicidal]

Someone needs a hug.

Spoiler

A waifu is fine too.

 

[Browny]

Hey...

That's a real condition and it sucks to have it

@ Tamed Shadow

Have you ever been to a psych? Serious question because
1) If you refuse to go because you dont think theyll understand, that will just prove you are no different to the emo's people make fun of for having priviledged lifes but complain when they have no idea what REAL hardship is like.
2) If you do go, it could at least verify that you legitimately have a problem and people who mock you should indeed stfu because mental illness is not a joke. On top of that, maybe they could help you and you wouldn't feel this way.

 

[Falconv1.0]

Hey...

That's a real condition and it sucks to have it

@ Tamed Shadow

Have you ever been to a psych? Serious question because
1) If you refuse to go because you dont think theyll understand, that will just prove you are no different to the emo's people make fun of for having priviledged lifes but complain when they have no idea what REAL hardship is like.
2) If you do go, it could at least verify that you legitimately have a problem and people who mock you should indeed stfu because mental illness is not a joke. On top of that, maybe they could help you and you wouldn't feel this way.

You know I think El Nino's post was a hell of a lot more relevant, juuuust saaayin'.

 

[Browny]

idk i didnt read through every reply here lol so much baiting/trolling going on -_-

 

[Falconv1.0]

Well I mean, he might have a ****ing hemorrhage or some ****, kinda not good, like the kind of "oh hey guys I'm kinda not alive anymore" type not good.

That or he's ****ing nuuuuuuuts.

 

[Tamed Shadow]

I owe an apology.

I owe you guys an apology. Even the ''trolls''. In a very rigid sense.

I did what you guys wanted me to do. I went to bed last night, thinking about the smoke and mirrors of my mind. I finally was able to sleep from 2A.M to 1P.M without any disturbances. For this I thankyou for taking me out of the hole I kept digging deeper. I am happy today, and I feel great.

I am sorry how I appear to imply I am better than all of you. I tend to become hazy when I am angry, and confused on how to approach something you can't even see. I was in my own tunnel vision.

The head injury part.. I will look into that El Nino. Thankyou for not laughing, and mocking at it, as if it was nothing. I will talk to my father about it soon.

I apologize to everyone.

It's like when an animal is trapped in it's cage. It tends to go mad.

 

[Omnicron's Baklava Enterprises]

I owe you guys an apology. Even the ''trolls''. In a very rigid sense.

I did what you guys wanted me to do. I went to bed last night, thinking about the smoke and mirrors of my mind. I finally was able to sleep from 2A.M to 1P.M without any disturbances. For this I thankyou for taking me out of the hole I kept digging deeper. I am happy today, and I feel great.

I am sorry how I appear to imply I am better than all of you. I tend to become hazy when I am angry, and confused on how to approach something you can't even see. I was in my own tunnel vision.

The head injury part.. I will look into that El Nino. Thankyou for not laughing, and mocking at it, as if it was nothing. I will talk to my father about it soon.

I apologize to everyone.

It's like when an animal is trapped in it's cage. It tends to go mad.

Stopping already?

 

[Falconv1.0]

Most animals in fact do not go mad when trapped in cages, by the way.

 

[Crooked Crow]

Your metaphors aren't very good.

 

[Super_Sonic8677]

oh well the point's got accrossed anyway. He's better and that's what counts...right? <.<

 

[RyuReiatsu]

oh well the point's got accrossed anyway. He's better and that's what counts...right? <.<

This.

Guys, you pretend not to want to hear him whine but you seem to do everything to piss him off again. He said that he was fine, let this thread die forever. Whatever he said before this is irrelevant now.

I'm not trying to side with anybody, just voicing the best possible option.

 

[Omnicron's Baklava Enterprises]

let this thread die forever.

lol wh at

 

[Super_Sonic8677]

uh either burn it with fire and water..mostly fire or let it fall into the abyss that is the user blog's back pages lol I think is what he means.

 

[Teran]

It's great you guys actually read OP LOL.

I would say something but he's been alt account banned what a pity.

 

[Omnicron's Baklava Enterprises]

Every user blog should start like OP.

So deep and complex.