McCloud
je suis l'agent du chaos.
haha, no problem. Read mine and post here, and I'll put up my review for you tomorrow.
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I got that part of it, it just didn't seem like it worked with me. I don't know, maybe it was the wording or something Your story's still great though.The end is important; the dialogue exchange lets you know Sarah is a perversion of Tim.
Yeah, I probably will get hurt for a lack of plot, but I felt that character development was more important.
p.s. that song is one of my favorite songs. It's The Postal Service - Such Great Heights. You should check it out. It's really a lovely song but I wanted it to use it in a light that wasn't in line with the song's tone.
it's a good thing i'm not a cat =PProcrastination killed THIS cat.
What's parts exactly? I made dialogue a center piece in my story, so I'd like to know which parts in particular.omgz matt.
shake it like a polaroid picture.
edit - review for DCP -
I liked it. Maybe I should have spent more time reading it, but I'm a fast reader. Anyway, I thought it was well written, but some points of dialogue seemed out of place. Also, the word dastardly... like.. never comes out of anyone's mouth... unless they're a superhero saying "Who could have done such a dastardly deed?" Which is usually followed by "Gee wilickers Batman, do you think it could have been the Joker?" The characterization for Benny was a bit strange to me, for him to be a fisher/sailor guy with eyes on the horizon. However, major points for effectively conveying the awkward subconscious thoughts that run through people's minds when they see others at parties. All in all, a very nice effort and I'd be surprised if you didn't place high as well.
i'd sign it just for that catchy phrase, but really, i have no idea why matt took it off, so i won't.Grade It, Don't Judge It!
Well, and this is definitely a stretch, but it might be because the main character's name was Matt.i'd sign it just for that catchy phrase, but really, i have no idea why matt took it off, so i won't.
Well, actually, it was moved to the BRoom for being almost as raunchy as a certain entry to WWYP3. That said, it was turned in on time and fits the prompt. Horrifyingly enough, it could have actually been a really good story with the right amount of time.i'd sign it just for that catchy phrase, but really, i have no idea why matt took it off, so i won't.
Thanks. I've always sucked at plots, but I'm okay with characters. I've been a little busy lately, but I fully intend to read everyone's entry at some point.After reading the entries, I'm going to have to say that it's a tie between Jam Stunna and Tom. While Jam's was the best written of the entries, Tom's was the most interesting. It was one of the few times where I had to keep reading just to find out what happened. But, at the same time, Jam had some great descriptions and characterizations. All in all, one of those two guys will win.
I only saw the story once, while it was still in CM and not the BRoom, but I'm fairly certain it was turned in two minutes late.Well, actually, it was moved to the BRoom for being almost as raunchy as a certain entry to WWYP3. That said, it was turned in on time and fits the prompt. Horrifyingly enough, it could have actually been a really good story with the right amount of time.
So, basically, there's nothing ostensibly holding the story back.
Correct.but I'm fairly certain it was turned in two minutes late.
I appreciate the tips McCloud!Xsyv killed the WWYP
At any rate DCP:
I know it's in the girl's character, but I just didn't find it believable for her to be saying "the protagonist, the nemesis" etc cause no one says that unless they're writing a rhetorical analysis..
"we thanked that man the entire night, screaming out our praises"
maybe it's because I notice alliteration but it kind of served to distract me from reading which I think is detrimental..the first bit of alliteration was fine but the second kind of stopped suspension of disbelief
"If that girl down there is dead, than my vengeance will rain down upon that dastardly man and all his despicable ways!" Eh.
The thing about Benny's character, and his thing about being a sailor, is that it makes up such a small amount of the dialogue that I don't think it was given it's proper time and place, and for something that is so character defining I wish there was more time devoted to it, though that might be your intention to show how his character is hidden throughout the story.
I guess it's just the noir-style elements in the story that stick out to me. It reminded me of someone commenting on that particular style "The gravity of the situation made it so I can only speak in elaborate metaphors."
p.s. I still like the story a lot. Just small nuances of what stood out to me. If you had anything that bothered you from mine I'd love to hear it.
They will be in the same results thread. You pick your custom avatar and tell them thats the one you want. Yes it just comes up under your name.Will there be a separate thread after scoring to show who won and stuff?
So (hypothetically) say I win the contest, how do you get your prizes, how do find a custom avatar? Does smash writer just come up under your name?
True dat!As long as Virg and Wobbles post theirs by Monday... I don't care about Matt. We all just want reviews.