I don't know how to open this, so I'm just gonna start saying it.
I just recently got a job at a video store in a supermarket. This is my first job and it's currently my 3rd week working now and I just want to go sit in a corner and cry to death. Now, the job itself isn't too hard, it's actually pretty easy, all things considered, but never in my life have I been more reminded of how much of a loner I am, how much I hate hanging around other human beings and how ignorant others can be to the point where I'm convinced that they are demons who's sole purpose is to take me down.
Now the thing is, a lot of the customers that come in are actually pretty nice, so most if not all of the bad experiences I've had already happen over the phone. The video department isn't nearly as busy as the others, so we're the ones that typically have to answer it. Well, here I am in the store. There's no one else in there, but I'm still busy doing stuff. The phone goes off and I figured I'll get it as soon as I'm done with what I'm doing. Someone else gets it, one of the managers pages me and then says, "You need to answer the phone," in a way that was less than kind. Next time the phone rings, I pick it up and I get the most rude, incompetent b-word that starts flipping out because I don't know the answer to her question. Well, SORRY for being the new guy. SORRY that I was born human. SORRY that I'm not perfect.
I get that it was a weak situation and everything, but in that sequence of events, I learned that I'm dang sensitive and I get offended really easily.
But that's just one instance. On the job as whole? I feel like a complete outsider. I get stressed really easily and I feel like this job is just asking far too much of my abilities. People will tell me, "Well, talk to a manager." I can't do that. I view managers and bosses as teachers in school: these big hulking figures that, if I were to ask them something, all Hell will break loose.
I guess part of it is that I'm an employee and I hate being told what to do. I'm not a follower in any way. I've already talked to a few friends and family about this, and the universal answer is, "Keep at it. It will get better." It's not going to. There's two reasons I took the job in the first place. The first is because I seriously need some money. The second? I wanted my parents to get off my back. I couldn't do the things I wanted to do on a daily basis because I was terrified. I knew my parents and/or sister would say something about it that would put me in a bad mood. In fact, the same thing goes for a college course I'm taking. The only reason I'm doing it is because my parents made me. The whole time, I'm thinking, "I'm a human being. I'm not a slave to your will." Stop trying to make me someone that I'm not nor will I ever be. I've already been in too many hellish situations like this. I don't want to suffer through anymore.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just overreacting. It just feels like the whole world is against me and that this is a battle I just can't win, no matter how perfect my strategy is.
