The Ultimate Comprehensive Guide to Johns: What are Johns, How to John, and more!

[Sgt Isaac]

I had to leave the game to read a thread on how to properly John.

 

[IShotLazer]

Cold hand johns and bad controller johns are completely legit....
Completely.

 

[IShotLazer]

I say we create a John tier list.

 

[WolFlash]

Good stuff. Some other idea's:
-Fox's reflector is cheap.
-I couldn't see you hiding in that box
-Massive fluke!
-No fair your blood type is better than mine

 

[Albert.]

Hopefully John McCain will have to John

 

[MPH Deku]

I was too busy looking at that thing dangling from Fox's waist.
I had no time to think when Link grabbed the Smashball.
I couldn't recover in time.

 

[Iron Thorn]

- Why can't Falco have a reflector like Fox and Wolf?
- At least I'm not a furf*g
- My neck is stiff
- I saw Snake's butt and couldn't get the image out of my mind.

 

[Guilhe]

Cynical laughter (Kira’s style) followed by “No items, Fox only, Final Destination”. Very powerful John if you hadn’t already lost under these conditions.

 

[tropewhat]

my roommate always says "if the backroom doesn't pick luigi for top tier they are ********"

 

[Numa Dude]

"you only won because smash isn't a real fighting game. If this was tekken I could own you."

Probably my least favorite John of all time. If you say this to me I give you a knee of justice right in the butt.

 

[MorpheusVGX]

This thread is so funny. I hate sore losers, oh my God.

 

[Muzga]

-What the hell!? I DODGED THAT!!!!!!!
-Im hungry! i cant play properly when im hungry!!!

 

[Beagle007]

wi-fi john
I threw my controller at the screen trying to kill u but it came back and hit me in the face.

 

[Ntei]

the game cheated.
Wasn't we having a brake;
The phone rang and i took my eyes of the screen

 

[Vect0r]

Actually, I used Marth against an Ike player and i lost because i suck at Marth.

Really, I do

That was the only time he ever beat me though... Am i a John?

 

[Thirskk]

love this article!!!
HILARIOUS!

 

[The Star King]

This thread is almost intelligent. ALMOST.

By the way, John is the name of the guy I always smash with.

 

[Megaman721]

Yeah, this thread is really funny! =)

 

[DP's Mario]

Here's some to add for Character & Controller Johns:

Character Johns

-I'm not falling right!

Controller Johns

-Hmm...This controller's not reacting right.
*Stretches out controller cable*

 

[Greenstreet]

i officially love this thread..

 

[Greenstreet]

I say we create a John tier list.

i say ur a genius

 

[N M E]

Johnathon john johningston

 

[Vect0r]

I'm glad my real life name isn't John

 

[Kinzer]

-My (*insert body part here*) hurts because I play so intense

I want to sig that, I would not get in trouble/you approve of it right? Please say yes.

 

[Anciant2]

You are a noob so i went easy on you.

 

[IShotLazer]

I'm surprised mods haven't closed this. This thread is awesome!

 

[Yinlong]

I'm surprised mods haven't closed this. This thread is awesome!

why would they?
its pure genius!

 

[Darkwashu]

My nose was itching...?


I gave it my go!
<_<

 

[Greenstreet]

You are a noob so i went easy on you.

doesnt happen.

 

[zrky]

My nose was itching...?


I gave it my go!
<_<

Ive done that, and it works

"I suck at Final Destination"
"I wasn't paying attention"
"I was lazy"
guilty and proud of all three

 

[Greenstreet]

no thread gets closed in gbd

 

[NinjaFoxX]

no thread gets closed in gbd

unless its related to master cheif

 

[Ekaru]

-I pressed the shield button in time. Regardless of what happened, I DID press that stinkin' shield button in time, but the shield didn't go up. I DECLARE THAT IT'S THE GAME'S FAULT!

-I was zoned out.

-I had an odd feeling in my pants - I think you planted a squirrel in there, jerk.

-Someone's touching me.

-I'm bored.

-I have a developmental delay brain-wise.

-A wizard did it.

As you can clearly see, some johns are better than others, and this thread is pure genius. Why didn't I see it a few months ago? It's...brilliant (Although my johns are on the other side of the specturm [akatheysuck]. The first one is the only one I really hear, and I don't use any johns because I'm too lazy to speak after a match)!

 

[Cirno]

Somebody touched my shoulder...

WHO TOUCHED MY SHOULDER?!

 

[IShotLazer]

-
I am a wise and powerful wizard!

- I was itchy

 

[Devil7]

captaion falcons shiny nipples distracted me.

OOOOHHHHH! SHINY

 

[Speedsk8er]

"Yoshi is so cheap....."

I got this john in melee against a Falco.

I'm pretty godly.

>____________>

 

[m0dredus]

Sakurai nerfed my main

 

[GHNeko]

I wanted you to taste victoly, that's why I lost.

 

[Greenstreet]

unless its related to master cheif

isnt he gonna b in ssb4?
(waits for thread to close)

just kiddin guys