Take a Break From Debate: Write a Character a Rejection Letter

[BlitznBurst]

Dear Ganondorf,

It has come to our attention that this entire time you've simply been mimicking Captain Falcon. We like that you admire him and want to be more like him, but we simply can't have you running around pulling **** like this. We know you're an iconic Zelda character, but that's no excuse. It's bad for our image, you know? We may reverse this decision if you can prove your worth as a fighter. Why don't you use that sword you're always carrying around?

p.s. tell your little friend Toon Link to **** off.

 

[fogbadge]

dear mewtwo

GO AWAY!!!!

sincerely mashiro sakurai


dear snake

i've never liked you, and you will never be in smash again

sincerely mashiro sakurai

 

[FalKoopa]

Dear Bayonetta,

Smash has never been a place for mature content, and being family-friendly has always been the motto of Nintendo. So I don't want to include characters like you or Travis Touchdown. Please understand.

Sincerely,
Masahiro Sakurai,
Sora Ltd.

 

[Fenrir VII]

Dear Ridley,

It's not that you're too big. It's that we're too small... Sorry about that.

Sincerely,
The Smash Bros cast


Dear Dillon,

We have received a number of requests for you to be in this game, but frankly, we don't know who you are. So we will be going in another direction. Seriously, who are you?

Sincerely,
Sora Ltd.


Dear Prof. Layton,

We heard there is an amazing mystery going on in Mario Kart, and think you should investigate it instead of joining the Smash Bros team. Just a heads up!

Sincerely,
Sora Ltd.

 

[Mr. Mumbles]

Dear Little Mac,
We regret to inform you that you have no place in a fighting game. We've heard you are a "boxer," and as someone who has to carefully craft cardboard all day (our statistics suggest 90% of all boxes are made of cardboard), you must have delicate hands. As such, we just don't think you have the chops to make it in the fighting world. Let us know when you give up this "boxing" fad, and learn how to throw a punch.
Sincerely,
Nintendo

 

[Mr. Mumbles]

Dear Ganondorf,
Look, we've put up with a lot from you. We can only ask Captain Falcon to put up with so much creepiness. It was strange enough when you started mimicking his attacks; it was even weirder when we accidentally caught you with certain inappropriate content that related to Captain Falcon. But now that you have gone full stalker mode we simply have to let you go. We realize that you are fascinated by his ability to narrate all of his own attacks, while you are lucky when you get so much as a speech bubble going, but really there are other fish in the sea. Oh andCaptain Falcon wanted us to inform you that even if he did swing that way (which he doesn't), your are way too slow.
Sincerely,
Nintendo

 

[PikaJew]

Dear Goku,

You're a god damned cartoon character... I don't know where people got the idea to include someone who is capable of destroying a whole planet into a Smash Bros game, and assume it's all going to balance out.

 

[Vintage Creep]

Dear Waluigi,

We're sorry to inform yo-

Spoiler

 

[Megadoomer]

To Snake and Sonic:

We apologize, but contrary to popular belief, once you have a guest over to your house, you never invite them back, and if you do a favour for a friend, you vow never to help that friend again. The last time we invited both of you to a party, you got along well with the rest of the party-goers, and your parents had no problem with you being invited, but since that Soul Calibur family down the street doesn't invite guests back after one party, that automatically means that we won't either.

Snake, in particular, you do not have much in common with the rest of our party-goers. This did not hinder you from being invited to any of our other parties, but for whatever reason, we feel that you can't be invited to our next party because of this. Sonic, you get along well with the people who come to our parties - you're one of Mario's best friends now, in spite of what differences you had when you were younger - but we can't have Snake feeling left out. Sure, we rarely kick people out of our parties, and the ones who we've left out in the past made a real mess of the living room, or spent the whole night mocking and mimicking other guests and generally making everyone feel uncomfortable, but we feel that our logic here is sound.

Not sincerely,
Nintendo

 

[WoapGang]

Dear Luigi,
You just aren't good enough...

Sincerely, Masahiro Sakurai

 

[fogbadge]

dear, charizard, squirtle ivysaur, and jiggleypuff

we regret to inform you that we've decided to represent all generations of pokemon so we have pikachu for gen 1 and now the pokemon trainer will have typhlosion, dewott and chespin and plusle and minum will feature with lucario returning

yours sincerely Nintendo/Game Freak

 

[Fatmanonice]

Dear Ridley:

RAAAAAWR EEEEEEERGH RAAAAAAAAARGH EEEEEEEERCH RAAAAAAAWR too big KREEEEEEEEEK AAAAAAAAAAARGK EEEEEEEEER KRAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,

Nintendo

 

[Erimir]

Dear Mssrs. Banjo and Kazooie,

We regret to inform you that you belong to Microsoft. While this was not actually an impediment in itself to the two of you appearing in this game, the fact is that Microsoft has a far superior character that they insisted we include instead.

We hope you'll understand.

Sincerely,
Nintendo

Spoiler

 

[Mr.Showtime]

Dear Ridley:

RAAAAAWR EEEEEEERGH RAAAAAAAAARGH EEEEEEEERCH RAAAAAAAWR too big KREEEEEEEEEK AAAAAAAAAAARGK EEEEEEEEER KRAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,

Nintendo

No "...IS TOO BIG"....... phrase??? What is wrong with you!?

 

[Phan7om]

Dear Ice Climbers,

We are sorry to tell you that you will not be in the next Smash game for the Wii U/3DS. Due to a large generation gap between todays younger audience and the fact that you have to recent games to help us keep you recognized, we cannot accept you into the next Smash.

Sorry, but we hope you understand.

Sincerely,
Nintendo

 

[BlitznBurst]

To Snake and Sonic:

We apologize, but contrary to popular belief, once you have a guest over to your house, you never invite them back, and if you do a favour for a friend, you vow never to help that friend again. The last time we invited both of you to a party, you got along well with the rest of the party-goers, and your parents had no problem with you being invited, but since that Soul Calibur family down the street doesn't invite guests back after one party, that automatically means that we won't either.

Snake, in particular, you do not have much in common with the rest of our party-goers. This did not hinder you from being invited to any of our other parties, but for whatever reason, we feel that you can't be invited to our next party because of this. Sonic, you get along well with the people who come to our parties - you're one of Mario's best friends now, in spite of what differences you had when you were younger - but we can't have Snake feeling left out. Sure, we rarely kick people out of our parties, and the ones who we've left out in the past made a real mess of the living room, or spent the whole night mocking and mimicking other guests and generally making everyone feel uncomfortable, but we feel that our logic here is sound.

Not sincerely,
Nintendo

Dear King K. Rool:

We regret to inform you that despite you being popular and knowing a lot of cool tricks, we can't invite you. We had a chat with Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong, and they're in doubt. They say that ever since they were adopted by that nice Retro family you haven't been hanging out with them any more, and their new parents don't want you associating with them any more, but want them to hang out with those weird Tikis. They'd rather have Dixie Kong over - yeah, she might not have that awesome pirate costume (Or was he actually your brother?) but she does that cool thing with her hair, and she's just been hanging out with them a lot more. Not to mention the fact that you seem to be... going out of it. The eye tic and the constant changing your name and appearance is just weird.

Our sincerest apologies,
Nintendo

 

[Fatmanonice]

No "...IS TOO BIG"....... phrase??? What is wrong with you!?

Don't get the wrong idea. Ridley's one of my most wanted characters but I find it hilarious how people troll his fans with this statement and watch them become completely unglued.

 

[Erimir]

Dear Toad,

We're sorry that we cannot invite you to the new Smash Bros game. You're just too much of a bad-ass. Your frightening visage and edgy style are simply not child-friendly. Not to even mention your filthy, filthy mouth.

Nintendo

 

[Mr.Showtime]

Don't get the wrong idea. Ridley's one of my most wanted characters but I find it hilarious how people troll his fans with this statement and watch them become completely unglued.

Lol what? Did that really offend you? I only meant it as a joke! Regardless, its a funny phrase and I won't apologize because I said it. =P

I'm neutral on reasonable character ideas, but not obscure ones that do not make sense. (OMG I WANT CLOUD!)

 

[Tree Gelbman]

Dear Ridley,

Go to Jenny Craig and then we will talk.

Sincerely,

Nintendo.

 

[Fatmanonice]

Lol what? Did that really offend you? I only meant it as a joke! Regardless, its a funny phrase and I won't apologize because I said it. =P

I was actually thinking the same thing about you until you explained yourself . As many people can attest to, I'm absolutely terrible at detecting sarcasm on the internet.

 

[Mr.Showtime]

I was actually thinking the same thing about you until you explained yourself . As many people can attest to, I'm absolutely terrible at detecting sarcasm on the internet.

That is true. Sarcasm isn't really seen well on the internet. Facial expressions and tone of the voice are usually a good give away.

 

[DigitalDragon]

Dear Sora,
Since we were not able to get the rights to include anything Disney-related in SSB4, we regret to inform you that you will not be joining the cast. This is mainly due to the fact that without the addition of Disney aspects, most of your moves would just consist of you hitting people with a very large key. We already have a couple characters that do that with swords. Best of luck when KH3 comes out in 6 years.

Sincerely,
Nintendo

 

[Mr. Mumbles]

Dear Mssrs. Banjo and Kazooie,

We regret to inform you that you belong to Microsoft. While this was not actually an impediment in itself to the two of you appearing in this game, the fact is that Microsoft has a far superior character that they insisted we include instead.

We hope you'll understand.

Sincerely,
Nintendo

Spoiler

Wow, I didn't realize it until now, but <spoiler> I am a Clippy supporter. Clippy for SSB4! </spoiler>

 

[BluePikmin11]

Dear Goku,

You're a god damned cartoon character... I don't know where people got the idea to include someone who is capable of destroying a whole planet into a Smash Bros game, and assume it's all going to balance out.

To be serious now, a Nintendo worker said in the IGN Boards (100YOG) that Goku is unfortunately not possible now as they made their decision not to.
Just wanted to point that out now.

 

[BlitznBurst]

Dear Tom Nook:

We would love to have you join the roster, but we've some, ah... complications with the villager other fighters. Something about debts, and he's going to steal our souls not being able to pay him back yet. We're sure you'd be a great addition, but we have to think about our own lives the whole picture, and having you around incurring his wrath making everybody nervous just wouldn't do. Not a good working environment at all. Our deepest apologies, and we hope you understand our decision. HE'S GOING TO HAVE OUR HEADS ahem

Yours sincerely,
Nintendo

 

[~Peachy~]

Dear Mario:

Please come to the castle. I've baked a cake for you.

Yours truly--

Princess Toadstool
Peach <3

P.S.

Please accept the cake as my apology that you will not be appearing in the next Super Smash Bros. game. I apologize for the bad news. Luigi, Toad, Wario, Yoshi, Bowser, and I will see you when we get back. Toodles! <3

P.P.S

While you're at the castle, do you mind tidying the place up?

 

[D3monicWolv3s]

Dear Toad,

We sent you a letter, but it was accidentally delivered to that villager guy.
Sorry your letter appears to be in another town.

We'll try resending it once more. ONCE.

Dear Diddy Kong,

We've decided to add Donkey Kong Jr. instead. As our retro rep. We would invite you back, but we really wanted you in a duo with dixie... and that didn't work out to well last time. Sorry kid.

 

[kikaru]

Dear President Reginald Fils-Aime,

Your body is not ready for Smash.

Sincerely, Nintendo.

 

[TheTuninator]

Dear Sonic,

As you are no doubt aware, we have recently added another classic gaming icon, Mega Man, to the Smash roster. Unfortunately, as he and you are both blue and share a spring recovery, this has lead the community to deem you a clone and push for your removal. No hard feelings, right?

Warmest,
the SSB4 Team

 

[Swamp Sensei]

Dear Mario

I hate you. Leave. And let Peach date your handsome and sexy brother.

Sincerely,
Luigi
Sexiest Man Alive
Sakurai

 

[Gingerbread Man]

Dear Luigi,

The new super smashbros is scheduled for release after 2013. As it will no longer be the "year of luigi", we will not be giving you special treatment anymore. You have been cut from the roster to make room for cat mario.

Sincerely,
Nintendo

 

[UberMadman]

Dear K. Rool,

For every character who applies to us we have to take a look at their medical background to see if they can participate, and unfortunately you did not pass our medical exam. For one thing, it would be really hard to work with a fighter with multiple personality disorder. You're not a king, a pirate, or a scientist, Rool. It's all in your head. Second, you have ocular herpes, which we didn't even know existed until we looked at your medical report. Seriously, did you think that the fact that one of your eyes is twice the size of the other was a natural thing? Did you just ignore your doctors? Finally, you have type 2 diabetes due to your chronic obesity, and insulin shots are not an item in the upcoming Smash Bros. game. There's a reason we haven't put you in these last two Donkey Kong Country games, Rool. You have some serious issues you need to work with before we'd put you within ten miles of a battlefield, and you might want to start working on them now, because we predict you currently have about two months to live.

Wishing you well,
Nintendo

 

[Hypercat-Z]

Dear Jigglypuff.
You are waaay too similar to Kirby and only your secret secret closest range move not everyone know is useful. Make space for more modern and useful pokemons.

Sincerely Pika Sakurai

Dear Lucas:
You belong to a game that was never realased and you are not more than a hatless copy of Ness. Make space for a better character of Earthbound.

Sincerely Po Sakurai

 

[Curious Villager]

Dear Anna

We will sadly have to turn down your request of joining the smash bros series.
Even though you are the most recurring character in the Fire Emblem series.

Know though that we do really appreciate the fact that you are the most recurring Fire Emblem character so
I decided that we should do something very special for you anyway.
Lame as it sounds, we decided to include you as an Assist Trophy instead.
Lyn has therefore been converted into a playable character.
Even though that sounds unfair, many fans did clamor for her to be playable.
Don't think that we think less of you though. Perhaps you might become playable in the next smash!

Contrary to popular belief.
Here in the Smash Bros HQ we don't add characters because they are recent.
Really, if it makes you feel better, we did not include Chrom either.
Or perhaps that may be because we didn't manage to contact him somehow...
Maybe he's just busy feeding his daughter Lucina...

So don't be upset Anna.
I am sure by the end of this letter you will still have quite an "interesting"
Smile....
!

With love, Masahiro Sakurai...

 

[kikaru]

Maybe he's just busy baby feeding his baby daughter Lucina...

I don't know what Anna would be more appalled by after reading this letter, her not getting into Smash or the image of Chrom breast feeding an infant.

 

[Curious Villager]

I don't know what Anna would be more appalled by after reading this letter, her not getting into Smash or the image of Chrom breast feeding an infant.

lol, by feeding I meant baby food you silly guy. xD

Edit: Meh, fine I changed it.

 

[kikaru]

lol, by feeding I meant baby food you silly guy. xD

Edit: Meh, fine I changed it.

I should've put a troll face in front of that, my mistake, please leave it as it is. I got a good laugh out of it

 

[Curious Villager]

I should've put a troll face in front of that, my mistake, please leave it as it is. I got a good laugh out of it

Alrighty then sure.

By the way, did you find the hidden message?

 

[kikaru]

Alrighty then sure.

I see what you did there you sneak.