Take a Break From Debate: Write a Character a Rejection Letter

[volbound1700]

The worst part is that I am one of them. I am so disappointed in his her new form. It honestly feels like they desecrated one of my favorite Pokemon. I mean not only do they make an extra legendary. Which has never been done before with the exception of the multi-verse Celebi. They also made Mewtwo female. That hurt me in the childhood. I guess at least I will be able to play as Majin Buu in a SSB game. AND THEY SAID NO DBZ IN SSB. I laugh at the lies! The letter was good though.

Dear Link,

We regret to inform you that you are not welcome on our roster. I mean it isn't because you have done anything wrong. It is simply because we cannot pinpoint where and who you are. There have been so many heroes that bear that same tunic and go by the name of Link. We thought of adding Skyward Sword Link. However, it turns out that he is dead. He has been for hundreds of years. Not only that, but we had no idea how we were supposed to send this letter to Skyloft in the first place. In fact, we have just discovered that you are living in a different period of time. Inevitably this letter will be sent to one Granny Applesmithgranny. This will be terribly inconvenient for her in the present; however, we hope it reaches you in the past. We do not wish to alter the future. So you are unfortunately not invited this time around. We have hired a replacement though. It is the cheaper alternative. Justin Beiber dressed in a green tunic. That way the haters can finally beat up Justin and the girls have a hot All-Star to fantasize about. Yes. That was a horrible joke about your hair. Sorry.

Sincerely, Legend of Sakurai

I guess this explains why Link is always low tier.

 

[Mr. Mumbles]

This is the best thread on here! I have one for my favorite character.


Dear Sonic the Hedgehog,

We regret to inform you that with Sega's recent acquisition by Microsoft-EA, we can no longer include you in Super Smash Brothers 6. Unfortunately, another character has been selected that is not under the ownership of Microsoft-EA. Sawnic has been a great replacement. He is orange instead of blue. He collects coins instead of rings. He can swim. He isn't gay and actually will go out on a date with Amy Rose. Finally, he can actually outrun Dr. Robotnik in short sprints.

Don't worry we had some good times, but in the end I won.


Sincerely,

Mario Mario

P.S. Nintendo does what Microsoft-EA Sega don't!

I feel like I'm missing the joke, yet I still find this funny, so maybe I'm not.

EDIT: This part " Finally, he can actually outrun Dr. Robotnik in short sprints. " is so true. It's not the only part that made me laugh though.

 

[GreenMunchkin]

Dear Ice Climbers,
**** your chain grabs.

Sincerely, every other brawl character Nintendo

 

[grizby2]

Dear Groose,

we realize that your fanbase loves you for who you are as a character, ands that's important, But its VERY important that you learn to fight.
lets face it. you have no skills, no secret martial arts, nothing. you my have the physique for a fighter, but as you may or may not know, that doesn't make a fighter. as a matter of fact, Link takes out things much bigger than himself on a daily basis. sure, you have the same training as link does, but he obviously takes it more seriously than you do. and do you think we're going to haul that "groosinator" everywhere you go? that thing is expensive to ship around the world and is generaly TOO BIG for the stage (kinda like Someone else we know).

we appreciate your efforts..but not really

-sincerely Sakurai

 

[TaichiYaegashi]

Dear Goku,

We'd like to inform you your chances of making your way into a Smash Brothers game are negative 1000000%. We apologize for this inconvenience...except that's a lie.

-Sincerely, Sakurai

 

[Crap-Zapper]

Dear Ganondorf

We have recently understood that you are a bad guy. We apolegize to ever have given you an invitation.
Now Meta Knight is Kirby's father after all, and Bowser has shown kindness towards his "enemy" by playing together in harmony of Kart Racing, Parties and other Sport Activities. While you on the other hand is plain evil. You have tried to kill Link, and take over Hyrule Kingdom a lot of times without once ever baked a cake to your enemy Link or Zelda... This makes you in the same line as with other bad guys that we rejected a long time ago as King K.Rool and Ridley... As you might have seen we don't take kindly to badguys in Super Smash Bros, so there must have been an overlook in the past that has granted you an Invitation. We promise this will not happen again. Have a nice day further.

Sincerly
Nintendo

 

[Mr. Mumbles]

Dear Ganondorf

We have recently understood that you are a bad guy. We apolegize to ever have given you an invitation.
Now Meta Knight is Kirby's father after all, and Bowser has shown kindness towards his "enemy" by playing together in harmony of Kart Racing, Parties and other Sport Activities. While you on the other hand is plain evil. You have tried to kill Link, and take over Hyrule Kingdom a lot of times without once ever baked a cake to your enemy Link or Zelda... This makes you in the same line as with other bad guys that we rejected a long time ago as King K.Rool and Ridley... As you might have seen we don't take kindly to badguys in Super Smash Bros, so there must have been an overlook in the past that has granted you an Invitation. We promise this will not happen again. Have a nice day further.

Sincerly
Nintendo

Now someone just has to draw Ganondorf baking a cake while ridding a go kart in response to this letter.

 

[PlayerXIII]

Now someone just has to draw Ganondorf baking a cake while ridding a go kart in response to this letter.

Quickly, call all artists! I want this done by tomorrow!

 

[volbound1700]

I feel like I'm missing the joke, yet I still find this funny, so maybe I'm not.

EDIT: This part " Finally, he can actually outrun Dr. Robotnik in short sprints. " is so true. It's not the only part that made me laugh though.

I think you got all the puns. "Sawnic" was an internet meme.

Microsoft and EA are the "wicked" companies that are buying up good franchises and ruining them. EA buying Maxis for example.

 

[Mr. Mumbles]

I think you got all the puns. "Sawnic" was an internet meme.

Microsoft and EA are the "wicked" companies that are buying up good franchises and ruining them. EA buying Maxis for example.

I had no idea that was a meme. Sounds worth looking into.

 

[volbound1700]

I had no idea that was a meme. Sounds worth looking into.

Not sure about the Orange color part. Also the details, I added and were not related to the meme. I was just trying to be funny. Glad I made you laugh.

 

[kikaru]

Dear Captain Olimar,

After rejecting Ridley from the roster because he was too ****ing big, we at Nintendo had to reconsider your position as well. Being the 1.9cm tall Hocotite that you are, we decided that you are too ****ing small. We hope that there are no hard feelings and we wish you the best.


Bon Voyage Captain,

Nintendo.

 

[volbound1700]

Another one:

Luca Mario,

Unfortunately due to your expulgement from the Nintendo Medical Board for conduct unbecoming a professional licensed Physician, we still have decided to not include you in the upcoming Super Smash Brothers video game. Our original contract with you was for your medical services to assist our injured fighters. It was never intend that you were to participate in any match as a fighter. Your participation in the competition constitutes willful misconduct and a breach of our contract. As such, we ask that you refrain from setting foot on our facilities or attending any Smash Brother match, even in the role of spectator. We also ask that you refrain from providing any medical treatment on any of our fighters until you have renewed your Licenses.

Finally, Mario has also asked that you no longer used the trademark name, "Dr. Mario." If you do not abide by the terms in this letter, Smash Brothers LLC will have to pursue legal action against you including the possibility of a restraining order.


Sign,

Masterhand

 

[Mr. Mumbles]

Dear Donkey Kong,
A trained monkey could do your job. That is why we are replacing you with Random Orangoutang #8.
Sincerely,
Nintendo

 

[Crap-Zapper]

Dear Pokemon Trainer

We at Nintendo must inform you that we have decided to not let you in to Super Smash Bros 4.
Because we got visit from the Animal Petrol. They had a lecture at our company and told us enslaving animals and make them fight
for our entertainment is bad. So togeter with AP we have decided to close down Pokemon for good.
So you can just leave your balls and start with something else like Digimon which is not Nintendo...

Sincerly,
Nintendo

 

[Crap-Zapper]

Double Post... (Damn)

 

[fogbadge]

dear falco

we've decided to remove you and leave wolf. there is no particular reason we just like annoying the fans

sincerly
mashiro sakurai

 

[Crap-Zapper]

Dear Peppy Hare

We have seen you applied for a spot in the upcoming Super Smash Bros game. But we must reject your inclusion.
First of all your not a blue female with a stick. Your a white rabbit with a stick, and that only cause traumatizing. And by your medical record we see you have some sort of illness, probobly due to some childhood traumatize regarding barrels and how they roll.
So it's just too risky to let you in to Smash. We hope you understand, and visit Nintendo's Psycology Dr.Donkey Kong about them barrels.

Sincerly,
Nintendo.

 

[FalKoopa]

Dear Link,

I hate you.
Just because of you, all cut-happy people shout "OMG he's a clone" and axe me from their rosters. I'll be taking the center-stage this time around.

With hate love,
Your ancestor/descendant,
Toon Link

 

[lami]

Dear Ghirahim,

We're deeply sorry to inform you that your application for SSB4 has been denied. Our crack team of game programmers found that you were just too fabulous for the 3DS's processors to handle, and because we aim to make the rosters equal, that means the ax for you, buddy. Don't worry, you can still make a cameo as Ganon's sword taunt.

-Masahiro Sakurai

 

[grizby2]

Now someone just has to draw Ganondorf baking a cake while ridding a go kart in response to this letter.

Quickly, call all artists! I want this done by tomorrow!

your wish... shall be GRANTED

 

[Mr. Mumbles]

your wish... shall be GRANTED

YESSS!!!

 

[SirPainsalot]

Dear Little Mac,

We regret to inform you that despite the fact that you may have beaten Mike Tyson and Mr. Dream, you are still not cut for the job. We have deemed your games too racist to be able to partake in Super Smash Bros. However, you can expect to become an assist trophy again!

Sincerely,
Piston Hondo
Heike Kagaro
Masahro Sakurai

 

[PikaJew]

Some of these are just absolutely terrible.

 

[Opossum]

Dear Muddy Mole,

We have received your request to become a playable character in the upcoming Super Smash Bros. games for the Wii U and 3DS. While we applaud your enthusiasm, we must deny your entrance on the basis of not even knowing who you are. You claim to be a creation of Mr. Shigeru Miyamoto, but we have no evidence regarding this: not a home address, birth certificate, anything. It's as if you were born underground, like some sort of animal. Needless to say, we will not be needing your services as a playable character, although, if time suffices, you may appear as an Assist Trophy, but don't bet on it.

Hugs and Kisses,

Masahiro Sakurai

 

[MopedOfJustice]

Dearest Fox,
We wanted to keep you, but it was against the directions given to us by Sakurai to guide the Dev. Team. We don't want any miscommunication, so we'll just tell you exactly what he said:
"No Fox. Falco Only. Final Decision."

Sincerely,
Nintendo

 

[MopedOfJustice]

Dear Sonic,
We tried our very hardest to put you in the game, but we were very close to release and we didn't have time. We wouldn't dare go on a postponing spree, what with already postponing twice to make Ridley less Godam big and seven more times after that to give Namco time to release a Pac-Man game in which he had other attacks so we could plausibly give him more than 2 moves and therefore add him to the game. Like I said, we tried our very hardest, but we weren't fast enough.

You were right, we are, in fact, too slow.

Sincerely,
Nintendo

 

[MopedOfJustice]

Hate to ask, cause it might make me look like a "noob" or whatever, but what's rule 63 and 34?

Rule 63:
For any given male character, there is a female version of that character

Rule 34:

If it exists, there is [mature content] of it.

EDIT: Not sure how sensitive the Admins are, so I replaced one of the words with the phrase in brackets, just to be on the safe side.

 

[MopedOfJustice]

Dear Goku,

We'd like to inform you your chances of making your way into a Smash Brothers game are negative 1000000%. We apologize for this inconvenience...except that's a lie.

-Sincerely, Sakurai

The Probability percent, it's under -900000! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!

 

[Fire Emblemier]

Rule 63:
For any given male character, there is a female version of that character

Rule 34:

If it exists, there is [mature content] of it.

EDIT: Not sure how sensitive the Admins are, so I replaced one of the words with the phrase in brackets, just to be on the safe side.

Yea, already found out, from a link, thanks anyways though.

 

[MopedOfJustice]

Dear Ganondorf

We have recently understood that you are a bad guy. We apolegize to ever have given you an invitation.
Now Meta Knight is Kirby's father after all, and Bowser has-

WHAT? Metaknight is the dark lord?

 

[Mr. Mumbles]

Yea, already found out, from a link, thanks anyways though.

You found rule 63 and rule 34 of Link? Gross!

 

[Mr. Mumbles]

Some of these are just absolutely terrible.

Yeah but grizby2 won the internet on this thread, so I think it balances out.

EDIT: Seriously, I didn't know it at the time, but a picture of Ganondorf with a cake riding a go kart, was this thread's destiny! It has lived a good life.

 

[Anomilus]

To Supreme Pirate Commander Ridley:

In regards to the next upcoming Nintendo All-Star assembly project, currently known as Super Smash Bros. for the Wii U & 3DS, we have thoroughly examined your application. After careful consideration by the committee, a difficult decision has been reach. Many different factors regarding your physical attributes, history with Nintendo and its respective representatives, past and current disposition, and past and current relationships with any and all co-workers that may or may not also be involved with the project. We ensure you that we review each and every available factor with great scrutiny in order to reach the best possible solutions so that the project executes with the greatest possible quality. Unfortunately we regret to inform you that our decision has resulted in the departure of Samus Aran, a veteran of the Super Smash Bros. projects. Though this sudden departure has resulted in an insufficient representation of your series, this will not affect our final decision to enlist you as the newest member of the Super Smash Bros. roster. Despite the resulting unfortunate circumstances, we offer you our congratulations and best wishes. We have great expectations for you!

Sincerely,
Nintendo


------------------------------------------------


Dear Samus Aran,

U Mad???

Love,
Ridley

P.S. - And you were sooo sure I'd get rejected! HA!!

 

[Jumpman84]

Dear Sirs Larry Koopa, Morton Koopa Jr., Iggy Koopa, Roy Koopa, Lemmy Koopa, Ludwig von Koopa, and Madam Wendy O. Koopa,

Unfortunately, we had to reject your requests to join Super Smash Bros. for Wii U and 3DS. Rich at IGN tried his best to convince me of your awesomeness. However, he did too good of a job and I realized that the 3DS would literally explode trying to process the seven of you fighting at the same time. In fact, now that I think of it, I don't think any console could handle it. Isn't that why you never appear together in the Mario games except in cut scenes?

Regardless of limitations, I do recognize your collective value and importance to the Mario series and there is no reason I couldn't include just one of you. So I decided to put your younger brother, Bowser Jr., into the game. He is the most popular of your family and that one rumor from before Brawl makes him out to be the most likely for inclusion. If you could give him his acceptance letter, I'd be much appreciated. Hopefully, you won't mind letting him have the spotlight this time. Rest assured the rest of you are on my priority list for Smash 5.

Oh, and don't worry about him being an inconvenience to the roster. I just gave him the spot I had put aside for Geno. I'm sure his supporters won't mind waiting until Smash 5. Or Super Mario RPG 2. Whichever comes first.

Yours truly,
Masahiro Sakurai

((Yeah, it's not very good. But it's my first one.))

 

[peeup]

Dear Waluigi,

Please leave my daughter alone.

Sakurai

 

[KingofPhantoms]

Dear Impa,

Didddy Kong scared all of your supporters away.

Sincerely, everyone who knows Diddy Nintendo.

 

[UberMadman]

Dear Mario,

Your princess is in another castle, so why not look for her there?

Toad Nintendo

 

[fogbadge]

dear r.o.b.

we regret to inform you that you can not return for smash. as you know we have a one robot only policy so with mega man we wont be needing you.

yours sincerely
mashrio sakurai

p.s could you pass the message along to sukapon

 

[Fastblade5035]

Dear Owain,

We understand your enthusiasm for joining Super Smash Bros. However, its come to our knowledge that you are merely another swordsman, and, while we find your behavior charming, the public finds it, "****ing weird."
Please try to understand. If it makes you feel any better, we made you into a sticker and added your cool, unique, heroic uncle Chrom instead!

Sincerely,
Chrom
Intelligent Systems and Sora Ltd.