Take a Break From Debate: Write a Character a Rejection Letter

[SmashShadow]

Dear Capt. Falcon,

Due to the recent incident surrounding you and your DUI we are unable to implement you into the game as you are a bad role model to the next generation. Not to mention that with your suspended license we are not able to come up with a final smash resulting in an incomplete character. It's not as bad as it seems. We found a replacement in Falco as he both a falcon and drives a tank. Hover cars are out of style anyways.

 

[Mr. Mumbles]

Dear King K. Rool,
Your existence caused an argument over whether or not you are a crocodile. Since you cost me $20 kids could get into similar fights over what exactly you are, you have been deemed to divisive to be put into our game. If it makes you feel any better, Birdo was also rejected for.... how should we put this?.... similar reasons.
Sincerely,
Nintendo

 

[Curious Villager]

Dear Pichu

How many times do we need to tell you that the only reason we included you in Melee was because we only did it for ****s and giggles?
You are no longer needed, now stop pounding the door to the Smash Bros HQ every day and get lost before we send the guards after you, we're serious. You're making a mess on the carpet and the cleaners are getting annoyed scrubbing it off every day!

Sincerely. Nintendo.

 

[mimgrim]

Dear Anna,

We are sorry but we have decided that we can't just afoord you to put you in Super smash Bros. We came and asked you if you wanted to represent the Fire emblem series asa whole with Marth and you said "Sure, if you can afford me." with requesting us to pay you 1000000 gold coins a day. That would make us go bankrupt and have to disband everything Nintendo. So as much as we want you in this game, we just can't afford to have you in the game.

Sincerely, Nintendo.

 

[PlayerXIII]

Dear Kirby

You always eat your opponent's meals resulting in them being weakened when they fight you. This is unfair behavior and lack of sportmanship and as such, we here at Dedede's Castle Nintendo decided it would be better to leave you out. If you correct your behavior and admit you are inferior to the great King Dedede we might include you in SSB5.

PS: I am sincerely sorry but Dedede is threatening me and we are short-handed when it comes to villiains.

Sincerely
King Dedede
Masahiro "Sora" Sakurai

 

[UberMadman]

Dear Birdo,

We do like you and what you can do, but we don't know how to... accurately represent you in the game. Birdo... are you a boy, or a girl? Because if you can't decide, how the hell are we supposed to?

Confused,
Professor Oak Nintendo

 

[Fire Emblemier]

By the way, did you find the hidden message?

lol, found it.

Dear Masked Man,
I get your first party, but people demanded Mega Man for Smash. We were planning on you but soon had to do some minor adjustments to change you to the blue bomber. We couldn't have you both, so Mega Man was the winner. Plus, you are even deader than Mega Man literally, you committed suicide, not a good image for Smash players. Most American players won't know who you are.

Sincerely,
Dr Light
Nintendo

 

[Fenrir VII]

Dear Villager,

We regret to inform you that there seems to have been a mistake made.
We sent an invitation to a Mr Tom Nook, but there seems to have been an error in delivery, which caused a bit of confusion. Regretfully, we must inform you that you have not been chosen to be in the next installment of Smash Bros.

Sincerely,
Sora Ltd


Dear Villager,

While we understand your disappointment and anger at not being included, and feel that sending Pete the Postal Pelican's head in a box was a bit...extreme, we have received your message and apparently have no choice but to include you in the next game. We do ask that you do control your emotions better while competing in our games, please.

Sincerely,
Sora Ltd


Dear Tom Nook,

Unfortunately, situations have arisen that have prevented us from including you in our next game. Please understand that this was not in our control.

Sincerely,
Sora Ltd.

 

[jaytalks]

Dear Sonic,
Regarding your inquiry to participate in Super Smash Bros 4:
Super Nintendo still is what Genesisn't.
We wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors in your next Sega console appearance.

Best Regards,
Nintendo
P.S. Suck it! We won!!!


Dear Snake,
Although it has been a blast having you a part of Super Smash Bros, we regret to inform you that we have decided to go in another direction in the Metal Gear series' representation for our next installment. You wouldn't happen to have the contact information for Raiden, would you? We hear Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance was super awesome. We realize this is a bit awkward, but we are sure this has never happened to you before.

Sincerely,
Nintendo
P.S. Try your luck with Playstation All-Stars. They will accept anyone.


Dear Mega Man,
We understand that you are excited for your first appearance in the Super Smash Bros series. We were too. Until we realized we have nothing planned for the Mega Man series and therefore can no longer support your involvement. So this is another fighting game you won't be a part of. But we will put Dante and Trish in this game if that makes you feel better. We would wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors, but we have no plans for you at the moment.

Your creator,
Capcom

 

[FalKoopa]

Dear Snake,

If you recall, Sir Roy Campbell had described your invitation to Brawl as a "once in a lifetime" opportunity. So respecting his wishes, we decided to remove you from the game to give your father a chance unless you happen to be reborn. I hope you understand.

Sincerely,
Mei Ling
Otacon
Masahiro Sakurai

 

[Dark Phazon]

This thread is awsome im suprised it isnt locked yet though....theres too many chars i hate to write anything...

**** All mother series and space animals.

Yours Sincerly ~Dark

 

[Dark Phazon]

Dear Mario

Its meant to be the year of luigi but there has been more mario games this year than ever before so pack yo bags and get the **** out.

Due to it being the year of Luigi he is the only character than can Wavedash and L-Cancel in Sm4sh.

Yours Faithfully

Mashario Sakurai *laughs*

 

[Vintage Creep]

Dear X Protagonist,

We don't even know who the **** you are. Have the decency of showing your face.

Sincerely, Nintendo

 

[Vintage Creep]

Dear X Protagonist,

We don't even know who the **** you are. Have the decency of showing your face.

Sincerely, Nintendo

Dear Nintendo,

Spoiler

Sincerely, Monolith Soft

 

[The Real Gamer]

A cleverly disguised anti-support thread that doesn't get locked?

OP I'm both proud and impressed.

 

[jaytalks]

Dear Pac-Man,
When we invited you to Smash Bros, we didn't expect you to bring arms and legs. As such, we have to rescind our invitation to you. It's not what you're known for and you know it. Our humblest apologies.

Sincerely,
Masahiro Sakurai

 

[Mr. Mumbles]

A cleverly disguised anti-support thread that doesn't get locked?

OP I'm both proud and impressed.

I think the real achievement is that a flame war hasn't started. People have just been having good-natured fun. Regardless coming from someone who has seen as much as you likely have, that is quite the compliment.

That said, It always seems to be those with a high post count who are the most pessimistic about this thread. Have there been similar ones in the past that haven't turned out well?

 

[Curious Villager]

This thread is glorious and for the record. Professor Layton and Anna are both my most wanted characters and yet I've made a rejection letter for the both of them.

As Mr. Mumbles said, It's just in good natured fun.... At least to me it is.....

 

[Mr. Mumbles]

This thread is glorious and for the record. Professor Layton and Anna are both my most wanted characters and yet I've made a rejection letter for the both of them.

As Mr. Mumbles said, It's just in good natured fun.... At least to me it is.....

Thank you. And I know what you mean. I started off with Krystal who is one of my most wanted new comers. And I would be heartbroken if Luigi wasn't in the game, and I wrote him off too. It's kinda refreshing to take everything we love and burn it with fire. Just so ya know I'm not wearing a straight jacket. Jeez, how would I type. Why would you even break into my mind just to ask such a thing?

 

[Moon Monkey]

 

[Mr. Mumbles]

Dear Lucas' and Ness' parents,

I told them not to get in my way!!

Sincerely,
Villager

With the way people keep talking about villager, I really need to try Animal Crossing.

 

[Moon Monkey]

With the way people keep talking about villager, I really need to try Animal Crossing.

Aww man I got ninja'd!
I haven't played a single Animal Crossing game in my life.

 

[Mr. Mumbles]

Aww man I got ninja'd!
I haven't played a single Animal Crossing game of my life.

At least you didn't get ninja'd like Samus. Which is to say, in the worst possible way. Actually that gives me an idea...

Dear Samus,
You have uttered the phrase "confession time." Thus there is no place for you in smash. We aren't even sorry about this.
Sincerely,
Nintendo

 

[nessokman]

Dear Masked Man,

We regret to inform you that your request to be in smash has been denied. We were going to include you, however when we were writing all the included characters on the whiteboard, some asshole erased you.We had already implemented all characters before we realized you were erased. We are currently hunting that man down with our top bounty hunter/Nazi Hunter/ Vampire slayer/ Game developer.

We hope that you apply next year, as your small fanbase would love to fap to you beating up Mario.

We'll send word of that evil man's capture-


~Sakurai

 

[8-peacock-8]

Dear Lloyd Irving

We regret to inform you that you are not as well known as you believe. There for i decided to add Valkyrie.

Love Masahiro Sakurai

P.S. Tell Heihachi Mishima and Pac-Man that i forgot about them also.

 

[RavenKingSage]

Dear Waluigi,

We regret to inform you that you have no place in Smash Bros. because you just suck.

Sincerely, RavenKi Masahiro Sakurai

EDIT:

Dear Mewtwo,

We regret to inform you that because of your Awakened form, we will have difficulty inviting you to the next Smash Bros.

You see, Gen 1 fanboys are being butthurt about the fact that you got a new form at all, and they're complaining about the fact that you now have your tail on your head. If we were to phase in your new form, we might incur the wrath of people who are already in a perpetual state of whining. Unfortunately, your new form was supposed to secure a place in the roster since you would double as a representative of the 6th generation of Pokémon (which everyone spells with an e and not an é). This plan backfired on us and you miserably. My apologies.

Sincerely, Masahiro Sakurai

Co-signed by every Pokémon fan who isn't blinded by nostalgia.

(I'll think of some clever ones later, I promise.)

EDIT (again): Wait, am I only supposed to write to characters that I don't want in? Because I want Mewtwo in. I just took that opportunity to write a semi-clever attack on Genwunners. Hey, they deserve it.

 

[Mr. Mumbles]

EDIT (again): Wait, am I only supposed to write to characters that I don't want in? Because I want Mewtwo in. I just took that opportunity to write a semi-clever attack on Genwunners. Hey, they deserve it.

Nope, writing characters you legitimately want to see a rejection letter is part of the fun. It's meant to be more random silliness then, "I hate this character!" or even "supporters of this character are stupid!"

 

[OcarinaOfDoom]

Dear Link,
We just made the unfortunate realization that you can't talk. Due to this, we can't properly use you in our advertisements. So, you have to be cut from the next Smash game. The good news is that we replaced you with the King of Hyrule as depicted in the CD-i games.

From, Masahiro Sakurai

 

[Morbi]

Dear Waluigi,

We regret to inform you that you have no place in Smash Bros. because you just suck.

Sincerely, RavenKi Masahiro Sakurai

EDIT:

Dear Mewtwo,

We regret to inform you that because of your Awakened form, we will have difficulty inviting you to the next Smash Bros.

You see, Gen 1 fanboys are being butthurt about the fact that you got a new form at all, and they're complaining about the fact that you now have your tail on your head. If we were to phase in your new form, we might incur the wrath of people who are already in a perpetual state of whining. Unfortunately, your new form was supposed to secure a place in the roster since you would double as a representative of the 6th generation of Pokémon (which everyone spells with an e and not an é). This plan backfired on us and you miserably. My apologies.

Sincerely, Masahiro Sakurai

Co-signed by every Pokémon fan who isn't blinded by nostalgia.

(I'll think of some clever ones later, I promise.)

EDIT (again): Wait, am I only supposed to write to characters that I don't want in? Because I want Mewtwo in. I just took that opportunity to write a semi-clever attack on Genwunners. Hey, they deserve it.

The worst part is that I am one of them. I am so disappointed in his her new form. It honestly feels like they desecrated one of my favorite Pokemon. I mean not only do they make an extra legendary. Which has never been done before with the exception of the multi-verse Celebi. They also made Mewtwo female. That hurt me in the childhood. I guess at least I will be able to play as Majin Buu in a SSB game. AND THEY SAID NO DBZ IN SSB. I laugh at the lies! The letter was good though.

Dear Link,

We regret to inform you that you are not welcome on our roster. I mean it isn't because you have done anything wrong. It is simply because we cannot pinpoint where and who you are. There have been so many heroes that bear that same tunic and go by the name of Link. We thought of adding Skyward Sword Link. However, it turns out that he is dead. He has been for hundreds of years. Not only that, but we had no idea how we were supposed to send this letter to Skyloft in the first place. In fact, we have just discovered that you are living in a different period of time. Inevitably this letter will be sent to one Granny Applesmithgranny. This will be terribly inconvenient for her in the present; however, we hope it reaches you in the past. We do not wish to alter the future. So you are unfortunately not invited this time around. We have hired a replacement though. It is the cheaper alternative. Justin Beiber dressed in a green tunic. That way the haters can finally beat up Justin and the girls have a hot All-Star to fantasize about. Yes. That was a horrible joke about your hair. Sorry.

Sincerely, Legend of Sakurai

 

[jaytalks]

Dear Lucina,
You're just a rule 63 character, which just leads to more rule 34, so you will be not making it into Super Smash Bros 4. We're a family company.

Sincerely,
Nintendo

Dear Tingle,
You're really creepy. Please stop asking to be in Super Smash Bros. And we also don't have an address for anyone named Mr. Fairy.

Kooloo-Limpah,
Nintendo

P,S, We created these words. And we can take them back.

 

[BlitznBurst]

The worst part is that I am one of them. I am so disappointed in his her new form. It honestly feels like they desecrated one of my favorite Pokemon. I mean not only do they make an extra legendary. Which has never been done before with the exception of the multi-verse Celebi. They also made Mewtwo female. That hurt me in the childhood. I guess at least I will be able to play as Majin Buu in a SSB game. AND THEY SAID NO DBZ IN SSB. I laugh at the lies! The letter was good though.

Dear Link,

We regret to inform you that you are not welcome on our roster. I mean it isn't because you have done anything wrong. It is simply because we cannot pinpoint where and who you are. There have been so many heroes that bear that same tunic and go by the name of Link. We thought of adding Skyward Sword Link. However, it turns out that he is dead. He has been for hundreds of years. Not only that, but we had no idea how we were supposed to send this letter to Skyloft in the first place. In fact, we have just discovered that you are living in a different period of time. Inevitably this letter will be sent to one Granny Applesmithgranny. This will be terribly inconvenient for her in the present; however, we hope it reaches you in the past. We do not wish to alter the future. So you are unfortunately not invited this time around. We have hired a replacement though. It is the cheaper alternative. Justin Beiber dressed in a green tunic. That way the haters can finally beat up Justin and the girls have a hot All-Star to fantasize about. Yes. That was a horrible joke about your hair. Sorry.

Sincerely, Legend of Sakurai

I demand someone make a remix of Baby using nothing but Link's stock sounds

 

[Fire Emblemier]

Dear Lucina,
You're just a rule 63 character, which just leads to more rule 34,

Hate to ask, cause it might make me look like a "noob" or whatever, but what's rule 63 and 34?

 

[Morbi]

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/rule-63

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/rule-34

Just to save me the time and risk of NSFW.

 

[BlitznBurst]

Hate to ask, cause it might make me look like a "noob" or whatever, but what's rule 63 and 34?

You really don't want to know

Just leave now and ignore him. You'll thank me later

 

[jaytalks]

Hate to ask, cause it might make me look like a "noob" or whatever, but what's rule 63 and 34?

Thanks MorbidAltruism. I'm glad that you didn't just type in Lucina and the rules, because not so good things would come up.

I wanted to do letters for characters I actually advocate for, so yeah.

 

[moneyfrenzy]

Dear sora,
we regret to inform you that our company name is project sora, and having you would cause confusion, you can always apply for a job at project sora though.
Sincerely,
Project Sora

 

[APC99]

Dear Mega Man,

We understand your excitement about entering the Smash 4 tournament, but sadly, a new challenger has approached from your creators. His name is Scrooge McDuck, and he's got a special cane he uses to hunt for gold. With his game being remastered, and you've been... not so lucky, as well as the obvious fact that the DuckTales Moon Theme is exceptionally better than that of Mega Man 2's Dr Wily Stage 1. So we've replaced you, but your stage is still there, but instead of the W for Wily we had to tear it down, put a D for Disney and give the Yellow Devil white gloves and mouse ears. We hope you understand. Capcom has promised they have fixed the rat problem in your garbage can... er... apartment. But don't worry, your series will return in SSB5... Zero has signed on. Oh, and Rush crapped on the Villager's shoe so you have to pay for the murder charges.

Sincerely,
Nintendo and Namco-Bandai

Dear Toad,

You are the only original member of Mario's gang that hasn't been accepted into Smash quite yet. However, your constant pleas have annoyed us constantly. So you either enjoy us stuffing you up Peach's skirt for your cameos or we'll have to eradicate you completely. Do not worry, but Nabbit will avenge your loss as the next Smasher in the Mario series. By the way, could you pass the second envelope included to Banktoad? We wanted to congratulate him on entering the Smash 4 tournament.

Sincerely,
Nintendo and Namco-Bandai
P.S: Princess Peach says it's uncomfortable with you being your pervy self by not accepting us putting you in there, so we'll kill you anyway and allow Toadsworth to get some action instead. But relax, it could be worse. You could be up Wario's pants.

Dear Dr. Mario,

You were supposed to get an invitation to the next Smash tournament. But sadly, you have been rejected. Apparently, you send a bad message to children that influences drug use. And we can't have that on our hands. But many of the new Smashers have wished you luck in your journey, including Travis Touchdown and Leisure Suit Larry. Also, where's your PhD? Don't tell me Bowser kidnapped THAT too...

Sincerely,
Nintendo and Namco-Bandai

Dear Bowser,

We are sorry, but you have been removed from the Smash 4 tournament. According to research, your chiropractic appointment decreased the target audience by -0.5%. We can't be the game company that serves doctors more than gamers. That's why we asked them to retract Dr. Mario's PhD. Luckily, you can hang out with the other rejected villains at the bar. Ganondorf was rejected because he refused to put away his sword, King K. Rool was replaced by a viking penguin, Ridley's just too freaking big and Wolf was replaced by everyone's favorite Star Fox character, Peppy Hare. His Down Special is a Barrel Roll! Isn't that exciting? Oh, and Wart got in. He says choke on a turnip.

Sincerely,
Nintendo and Namco-Bandai

 

[kikaru]

Hey you Pikachu!

We were considering bringing back Pichu as a semi-clone of you for the next Smash Bros. When we told him of the news he was so happy about the news he kind of evolved, you know how this whole evolution thing works with the happiness values and what not, right? Well anyways, now that we have a younger, more adorable version of you, we will no longer be needing your services.

Best, Nintendo.

 

[nessokman]

Dear Link,

We regret to inform you we have removed you from smash bros. We thought that this link would be cuter, and inspire more fanfictions of you. we apologize for any inconvieninces

 

[volbound1700]

This is the best thread on here! I have one for my favorite character.


Dear Sonic the Hedgehog,

We regret to inform you that with Sega's recent acquisition by Microsoft-EA, we can no longer include you in Super Smash Brothers 6. Unfortunately, another character has been selected that is not under the ownership of Microsoft-EA. Sawnic has been a great replacement. He is orange instead of blue. He collects coins instead of rings. He can swim. He isn't gay and actually will go out on a date with Amy Rose. Finally, he can actually outrun Dr. Robotnik in short sprints.

Don't worry we had some good times, but in the end I won.


Sincerely,

Mario Mario

P.S. Nintendo does what Microsoft-EA Sega don't!