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Take a Break From Debate: Write a Character a Rejection Letter

RavenKingSage

Smash Journeyman
Joined
May 28, 2013
Messages
341
Location
The most corrupt country ever, except most others.
Dear Impa,

Didddy Kong scared all of your supporters away.

Sincerely, everyone who knows Diddy Nintendo.
Not me.

Anyway.

Dear Chrom,

We have arrived at the difficult decision to exclude you from the next Super Smash Bros., mostly because Fire Emblem is complete balls to make decisions on due to the hyper zealous fanboys of Ike and Roy. We're trying our best to please everyone, but the Fire Emblem section is just a strong reminder as to how ungrateful and whiny the fans can be. Twerps.

Signed, Masahiro Sakurai

(This isn't really trying to be clever. I'm just using this as a proper outlet for frustration at the fanbase.)

your wish... shall be GRANTED

All I see is a box... :(
 

Jumpman84

Smash Lord
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
Messages
1,062
Location
Arizona
NNID
Jumpman84
3DS FC
3695-0041-5877
Dear Ganondorf,

After thorough examination of your written appeal and enclosed photograph, it appears that we have totally misjudged you. Please accept our deepest apologies and our assurances that your place in Smash Bros. is secure. Your invitation is in the mail. Also, we have enclosed an application for Mario Kart 8 in case you're interested. Have a great day!

Sincerely,
Nintendo
 

Pyra

Aegis vs Goddess
Joined
Jul 7, 2012
Messages
18,560
Location
where ToasterBrains is
NNID
ToasterBrains
Switch FC
SW 8322 4207 9908
Dear Sonic,
We asked you to join, but you were too slow on the reply.
Sincerely, Nintendo.
 

OcarinaOfDoom

Smash Lord
Joined
Apr 27, 2013
Messages
1,106
NNID
OcarinaOfDoom
Dear Magikarp,
Sorry, we got your application for the next Smash Brothers, but we have deemed you too powerful for the game. As compensation, we have included Arceus instead.
From,
Arceus
Masahiro Sakurai
 

Opossum

Thread Title Changer
BRoomer
Joined
Aug 10, 2011
Messages
34,061
Location
This Thread
NNID
OpossumGuy
3DS FC
4742-4911-3431
Switch FC
SW 2859 6322 5208
Dear Donkey Kong,

This is in regards to your position in the new Super Smash Bros. games for the Wii U and 3DS. Now, we know that our press releases have already shown you to be a playable character. However, we ask you to please understand our position in regards to the following. You have been dropped from playable character status for these games. Once again, please understand. The reason for this apparent change of heart is simple: the intricate and luscious design of your fur is slowing down the frame rates and lagging the software. We covered this issue with the media by blaming the Ice Climbers. In all actuality, though, you are the problem. As such, we have sent you your last paycheck. But if you are in need of a job, we have been informed that Playstation All-Stars would love to have you!

-Masahiro Sakurai
 

Pyra

Aegis vs Goddess
Joined
Jul 7, 2012
Messages
18,560
Location
where ToasterBrains is
NNID
ToasterBrains
Switch FC
SW 8322 4207 9908
Dear Little Mac,
After playing your first game, we realized how many times Mike Tyson kicked our respective posteriors.
As such, we will be hiring him in lieu of you. We hope you understand.

With Regards,
Nintendo, Affirmative Action Department.
 

Gormanbros

Smash Apprentice
Joined
Jul 8, 2013
Messages
110
Location
Detroit, Michigan
3DS FC
0817-3869-4592
Dear Yoshi,
We are sorry to inform you that you are not returning for Super Smash Bros. 4. There was not room in our roster for you to return, for our roster will be 21 characters, and we considered you too cloney to return. We do wish to compensate you though. You have been accepted as a sticker! Congratulations, and we hope you are pleased with this.

Warmest Regards,
Masahiro Sakurai
 

Wonks

Smash Journeyman
Joined
Aug 12, 2012
Messages
374
Dear Captain Olimar,

Thank you for your continued interest in competing in the Smash Bros. tournament. Unfortunately, we have decided not to enlist your service for the next game. We have received numerous complaints from animal rights groups (PETA, et. al.) and individuals who feel that your use of Pikmin creatures are "creul" and "inhumane." Our lawyers have calculated your Pikmin casualty rate is 1.8 : 2 -- an unacceptable rate by our standards.

We thank you again for your service. Please address any questions or concerns to our attorney, P. Wright.

-Smash Bros. HR
 

SuperBrawler

Smash Master
Joined
Aug 21, 2012
Messages
3,239
Location
A Pineapple Under The Sea
Dear Everyone in the game,

We have decided to take all of you out and just add Geno.

Sincerely,

Geno
Nintendo
P.S. This is not from Geno.
P.P.S. This is absolutely not fake...
P.P.P.S Don't come over here because Nintendo will not add you because you're late is busy.
 

Xigger

Smash Lord
Joined
Sep 18, 2007
Messages
1,117
Location
California
It has come to our attention that Pokemon already has an all-star fighting game, Pokemon Battle Revolution, and features every Pokemon as a playable character. We feel it is best to separate Super Smash Bros. from Pokemon Battle Revolution to focus our efforts on making our game the best it can be.

Sincerely, The Pokemon Company.
 

josh bones

Smash Lord
Joined
Mar 10, 2013
Messages
1,051
Location
A city
Dear Dr. Mario,

We're never putting you back. However, we can pay you more money than the fighters if you help take care of sick and injured fighters alright?

Take care,
Nintendo
 

volbound1700

Smash Master
Joined
Aug 26, 2007
Messages
4,446
Location
SE USA
Dear Rayman and Ubisoft team,

I regret to inform you that you that Rayman and his series will not be represented in the next edition of Smash Brothers. We had hoped that you would have continued your support of our console with Zombie U 2 and the removal of exclusivity from Rayman Legends have shown otherwise. No one goes out of the family... and I REPEAT NO ONE. Namco and Masahiro Sakurai were interested in your potential but I stepped in and laid down the hammer. If you want to work with Nintendo, you have to play by my strict rules and expectations. Understand that I am Nintendo and I am Video Gaming. If you have any questions, please direct them to my Secretary Pauline.

Yours truely,

Mario Mario
The Boss
 

metaknave

Smash Apprentice
Joined
Jun 6, 2009
Messages
171
Location
East Rochester, NY
Dear Jigglypuff,

We regret to inform you that we will not be needing your services anymore. You haven't had an anime appearance in several years and you aren't even competitively viable. Even your adorableness won't save you since we're bringing Pichu back. Slay a few dragons and come back for the next installment.

Sincerely,
Sakurai

PS: We know about your little breeding fiasco with Pikachu, you sicko.
 

Mr. Mumbles

Smash Ace
Joined
Jun 13, 2013
Messages
793
Dear Jigglypuff,

Can you even learn rollout in the games? What's that? No one knows because no one has cared about Jiggplypuff since before rollout was a move? Regardless, we already have Sonic, and have thus reached our max allowed number of rolling characters. He calls it spinning, but unfortunately semantics won't save you this time.

Sincerely,
Nintendo
 

Varg Foad

Smash Cadet
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
29
Location
Paris, France
Dear Tetris Block,

We all enjoyed playin' that good ol' arcade games of yours, who didn't ? It was fun to hear an 8-bit remix of a russian song while placing blocks in a confined space. However, I'm sorry to tell you that you can't make an appearance as a character in SSB4. You only have 3 moves : turning left, right or fast-falling. I know, fast-falling is important in the smash metagame but you can't even jump so what's the point ? Besides, we already have a oh-look-at-me-i'm-so-two-dimensional-guys character.

Sincerely,
Nintendo
 

Swamp Sensei

Today is always the most enjoyable day!
BRoomer
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
39,059
Location
Um....Lost?
NNID
Swampasaur
3DS FC
4141-2776-0914
Switch FC
SW-6476-1588-8392
Dear Captain Falcon,

We regret to inform you that although you were among the first choices this time around, we can't actually include you in the next Super Smash Bros title. Now this doesn't mean you aren't important or popular. It's nothing like that.

You may have heard that technical limitations have been a problem on the 3DS. Well, its worse than we thought. Apparently, in an effort to program your Falcon Punch, the cartridge exploded into a million pieces. This happened again 6 more times. We tried our best to include you but apparently, the 3DS is not powerful enough to handle your manliness. I would include you in the Wii U version but I'm trying to keep the rosters of both versions the same. Please understand that I will have to cut you this time around. Hopefully we can include you next time.

Sorry about this.

Regretfully

Sakurai
 

KingofPhantoms

The Spook Factor
Joined
Feb 12, 2013
Messages
33,555
Location
Southern California
3DS FC
1006-1145-8453
Dear Yoshi,

We regret to inform you, that in an attempt to give you a major revamp as we had done with Bowser, we have made you completely broken, to the point of making Meta Knight seem like a low tier.

We wished to be able to solve this prior to the first trailer of the game, but we were forced to focos on the hidden veterans after recieving a death threat from Jigglypuff unable to restore your original moveset before the trailer's release.

We feel that it would've been best to reveal you along with the other veterans in the first footage, and it's far too late now.

Carelessly, Jigglypuff Regretfully, Nintendo.
 

XenothiumX

Smash Journeyman
Joined
Jun 27, 2013
Messages
418
Dear Krystal,

We're sorry to inform you that you will not be able to join the super smash bros. 4 party. Back in the days of Brawl We decided to give all the StarFox characters butt implants for some impressive show of gluteus maximuses. We reconsidered changing their appearances for the new game, but Fox just really liked his SWEET A$$! We also would have to give you a butt implant too, but we decided to be modest. You see the furries would be unable to resist DAT A$$!

nothin-at-all.jpg


Sincerely,
Nintendo
 
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