SSB Headcanons - Ultimate Edition

Zinith

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Anybody got any good Spirit headcanons?
Yoshi's New Island was so bland and mediocre that the only amazing part of it, Mega Eggdozer, became sentient and asked to be made into a spirit to escape from the game.
 
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Spirits, huh?

Could have :ultzss: with the Phosphora spirit. Let Samus's hair down, fix it up like Phosphora's hair minus the double hair color, give her zapping powers from her fingertips, and have her get :ultpit: flustered. It'd probably confuse Pit more than fluster him as he'd probably be wondering why his friend is acting that way.

And speaking of Pit, give him a spirit like Rathalos or another one that can fly, and make him a happy angel that can finally fly on his own.
 
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It has been theorized by many that Joker literally stole his Smash invitation from another fighter. In my headcanon, he stole it from none other then The Grinch himself.

Which is not only an example of tragic irony (or poetic justice), given what The Grinch is famous for, but also an instance of needless cosmic cruelty as it was Incineroar who was responsible for the Grinch Leak, meaning the Grinch not only got framed for spreading disinformation, but when they compensated him with a Smash Invitation, it got ****ing stolen by Phantom Thieves.
 

Professor Pumpkaboo

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Joker opened up Sakurais palace with the thought of stealing the smash invite only for Sakurai to hand him the invite up front while saying " Come fight in my tournament, if you are strong enough that is".

Joker being Joker said "You're on" and told the crew, they wanted to come with but he told them it will be more fun if he went alone. He walks then goes back to LeBlanc to pack up and train to get ready for Smash
 
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osby

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Joker opened up Sakurais palace with the thought of stealing the smash invite only for Sakurai to hand him the invite up front while saying " Come fight in my tournament, if you are strong enough that is".

Joker being Joker said "You're on" and told the crew, they wanted to come with but he told them it will be more fun if he went alone. He walks then goes back to LeBlanc to pack up and train to get ready for Smash
>Joker can only fight when he's in his phantom thief form
>He is only in his thief form when he's in the metaverse
>Smash exists in the metaverse
SMASH IS SAKURAI'S PALACE.
Counterargument: Smash is like Metaverse, it's the collective Palace of all Smash players and fans.
 

Professor Pumpkaboo

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Counterargument: Smash is like Metaverse, it's the collective Palace of all Smash players and fans.
Im down with that. So Ill change it up. He opened up OUR palace to steal the invite but Sakurai gave it to him and then all the stuff in my post happend
 
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:ultkrool:has since won Medusa's affection prompting:ultridley:to looking for someone else and finding love in:ultrosalina:who despite all his approaches is rather oblivious to them and thinks despite his frightening appearance is just being nice. Rosalina's adoptive son:ultlucas:however is well aware and doesn't like Ridley one bit trying everything to keep him away from his adoptive mother. That and he feels unsettled about the idea of an scary looking alien being his adoptive father. Ridley's love for Rosalina is so great he's even willing to give up his ways of villainy to just be with her.

And yes before you ask this is yet another crack shipping of mine.
 
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Porky, seeing what Galeem's beams did to everyone else, immediately bailed out of his spider walker and sealed himself inside the Absolutely Safe Capsule. Unfortunately, even it was no match for the beams.
Considering I read somewhere that Porky was doomed to be stuck inside that capsule for eternity, I'm fairly certain that (temporary?) death of getting yeeted by Galeem the Genocidal *****boi is a preferable fate.
 

Pippin (Peregrin Took)

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Ok so I’m not the first person to think this, but I haven’t seen anybody else post it so I will...

Galeem is Navi out for revenge

Which will make world of light a much more entertaining proposition.
 

Pippin (Peregrin Took)

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Further “proof” of my Galeem is Navi theory

1) Navi herself is NOT a spirit - I checked Smashwiki just to be sure

2) Fighters and spirits have a similar relationship to Link and Navi in OoT. Cruel irony perhaps?

I don’t know what to do with Dharkon. My two guesses are it’s the spirit of Soul Edge or the being that possessed the evil remote control in Cartoon Network Punch Time Explosion.
 
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The :ultvillager: in Smash Bros. is a past, younger version of the Villager/Mayor we see in New Leaf, therefore they get confused when :ultisabelle: calls them mayor. Isabelle also gets a bit confused on why there are 8 different Villagers as well

:ultpiranha: is Petey Piranha's descendant, which is why it can be summoned as part of its Final Smash

:ultmarth::ultlucina::ultchrom::ultrobin: can't stand the dragon characters, particularly :ultridley:. They even had a bit of a hard time warming up to :ultyoshi:

:4charizard: (3DS/Wii U) is indeed the same Charizard from :ultpokemontrainer:. Upon seeing he could only send one of his Pokémon, he decided to send his stronger one, while training :squirtle::ivysaur: for future battles.

Transport issues are what led to cuts in previous games. They were able to arrange new transportation for 3DS/Wii U, but only because they were wanting to bring new fighters. :ultmewtwo::ultlucas::ultroy: were the only veterans to be able to get the new rides. For Ultimate, the fighter selection comittee did what they could to assure everyone could come back, at the expense of not being able to bring much new fighters
 

osby

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Master Hand brought Isabelle into Smash, so she can get rid of her stress by beating the ever-loving snot out of Nintendo's All-Stars. and help him manage them while she's at it
 
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So there was a Secret Santa and the entire roster had a hand in it. Some of the highlights include:
-:ultpokemontrainer: needing to buy four gifts (themself, Squirtle, Ivysaur and Charizard). That lead to the presents for :ultdaisy: and :ultmarth: to be switched. :ultmarth: was mocked again with gay and "Martha" comments when he received a rose patterned tea set. :ultdaisy: didn't enjoy her gift that much either.
-:ultbayonetta: had gotten :ultsimon:. Let's just say :ultbayonetta: commissioned some very detailed work.
-:ultsimon: had given :ultwario: plenty of garlic.
- :ultwario:got :ultbowserjr: a super crown. :ultbowser:was not amused, at all.
-:ultisabelle: got :ultganondorf: the Triforce. When :ultzelda::ultlink::ultsheik::ultyounglink::ulttoonlink: objected, :ultvillager: informed them that it was a replica she found at Re-Tail.
-:ultzss: received a human skull. Three guess who drew her name. :ultridley: claims it is what remained of her parents.
-:ultolimar: got a rock. :ultdarkpit: claims that it is a "special" rock with lots of "personal value". :ultolimar: liked it at least.
-:ultdarksamus: got everybody Phazon. :ultdarksamus: didn't understand the concept of Secret Santa, but luckily drew their own name.
 
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:ultpit: was escorted by :ultzss: to a large room to where a surprise party was being held for him. Seeing several fighters welcoming him and celebrating the Kid Icarus anniversary made Pit happy. Surprisingly, it was Samus herself who thought of the party.

-:ultpalutena: was there as part of the celebration, as technically she shares the Kid Icarus 32nd anniversary with Pit. She went back to Skyworld to complete some duties after the party was over.
-:ultpeach: and :ultdaisy: helped baked cakes and treats while :ultkirby: using his Chef copy ability to help cook other meals.. and also at some of the food too.
-:ultsimon: and :ultmegaman: were there to hang out with Pit, and had conversations to catch up on things in each of their adventures. :ultrichter: accompanied Simon for obvious reasons.
-:ultmario: and :ultluigi: accompanied Peach and Daisy, especially to watch for :ultbowser: and company.
-:ultbowser: was bribed by Peach to be a bodyguard to watch for trouble, and he would get bit of Peach's cake if he behaved and did his job, which he did really well. A happy Bowser was given a small cake from Peach at the end as gratitude and a job well done.
-Phosphora made it to the party too to help celebrate Pit's special day. She did wink at him to make the angel flustered ever so slightly before departing. After the party, she also took a slice of strawberry cake to give to Viridi, who only ate it because of the strawberries.
:ultdarkpit: reluctantly showed up to wish Pit well for reasons. He didn't really want to talk to others, but did accept some food that :ultpit: and :ultkirby: offered him.

-Everyone in the party surprisingly had fun together.

-:ultbayonetta: wasn't allowed to participate due to likely scaring and harming Pit, though she was still watching the party from a distance. However, being the softy that he is Pit saved a slice of cake for Bayo after the party, who thanked him for the gesture, followed by harmless flirting which flustered him. :ultzss:, who was walking with Pit at the time, was being cautious to make sure no harm was done to her angelic friend.

I really should have better ideas than this, but not much time before the KI anniversary would end.
 
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Going by the headcanon that newcomers to Smash either audition to get in (with veteran as judges) and/or are personally sought out and invited by Master Hand.

Joker's theft of the Smash letter WAS his "initiation". That invite was never meant for anyone else but Master Hand still set up the heist motif to test Joker's skill and to put out a show for the audience. Then after Joker steals the invite, it reveals itself to be a formal invitation welcoming him to Smash.
 
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BUT WHAT WAS IT.
:ultdaisy: got a scrapbook with pictures of :ultmarth: and Caeda. She was one of the first people to open her presents and didn't open the book until after the gift exchange, where they traded to get their proper gifts.

Also some follow ups:
-:ultvillager: was treated to some vintage Sarasalandian furniture set. :ultdaisy: claimed that she would have gotten more, but :ultisabelle: warned about keeping too many leaves compressed in a small space.
-:ultjigglypuff: getting an autographed song from K.K. Slider. Still wished that :ultvillager: didn't have him sign K. K. Lullaby.
-:ultcorrin: (and the rest of the fire emblem cast) were confused and frightened by how :ultjigglypuff: had got a large amount of Dragonstone.
-:ultcorrin: didn't know what to get :ultgnw:. So they asked all their siblings and got a gift basket filled with their answers.
 
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Super Smash Bros mostly takes place in a neutral territory that is native to no Nintendo franchise, a vast estate of land owned by Sakurai and managed by Master and Crazy Hand. The series in closest proximity to the neutral territory are the ones represented in Smash 64.

Stages take place in their respective worlds, with the fighters teleported back and forth between the neutral estate and the stage. The only exception to this is with Battlefield, Final Destination and custom stages, which are all located in the neutral estate.

Melee's Adventure Mode, Subspace Emissary, and World of Light are all staged productions. Tabuu, Galeem
and Dharkon
were all completely CGI creations.

In addition to the aforementioned singleplayer modes and "franchise neutral" stages, the neutral estate also has a series of houses, mansions and appartments where the fighters and assist trophies reside in.

Rosters, Assist Trophies and Stages are all decided by :ultmario:, :ultpeach:, :ultzelda:, :ultmarth:, :ultvillager:, :ultisabelle: and Master Hand.

Most Heroes and Villains agree to a truce while in the neutral territory. The Mario cast are no strangers to this, as they form this kind of truce for the spin-off games (Mario Kart, Mario Party, Mario Tennis, Mario Golf, etc.) on a routine basis. The Star Fox and Zelda characters are not quite as used to this, but it helps that Master Hand outpays Andross for :ultwolf: to be respectful toward :ultfox: and :ultfalco: in the neutral territory, and the influence of Hylia and Demise are severed when :ultlink::ultzelda::ultganondorf: leave Hyrule and enter the neutral territory. Metroid characters are the only exception to this; :ultdarksamus: and :ultridley:, being a conniving Lovecraftian anomoly and a conniving terrorist respectively, ignore Master Hand's pleas to calm the **** down and go for the throat at every opportunity, and :ultsamus: has no problem in forcefully protecting the rest of the roster from their violent shenanigans (although thankfully, the rest of the cast are usually able to fend for themselves enough that her intervention isn't always needed).

One of the two most heated of the conflicts is the rivalry between the Legend of Zelda characters and the Star Fox characters. The origins of this feud traces its roots back to the Melee days; shortly after the game's debut, Fox made a joke about Young Link while Zelda was within earshot during a tournament being held at Fourside. Fox and Falco argued that the joke was a completely harmless quip not meant to be taken seriously. Zelda, Link and Ganondorf, on the other hand, have tried on numerous occasions to explain that the joke made was not only a horrifically obscene (and in this specific context, borderline creepy) comment to make about someone regardless of context, but especially offensive toward Hyrulean history and culture.

Unfortunately, Master Hand at the time made the mistake of forcing the two groups to work closer together to encourage them to fend fences over the ordeal, but this only escalated the anger to the point of violence. The two parties have been at eachother's throats ever since.

While the cast can't exactly accuse either side of being outright malicious, almost everyone (especially the Star Fox and Zelda characters themselves) agrees that keeping the two groups separate is the only way to prevent the Super Smash Bros. from going to actual war with eachother, with the winner probably being whoever :ultkirby: ends up siding with.

:ultsnake: and :ultolimar: have shared a similar rivalry, but it's less of a "shouting at eachother, escalating to violence if you force them into the same room" kind of feud and a lot more "calm discussions of geopolitics and philosophy over a game of chess while both are mentally plotting eachother's deaths." They are often found working alongside the Zelda and Star Fox characters, respectively.

Back in the Smash 4 days, :ultbayonetta:, :ultganondorf: and :ultpalutena: were at eachother's throats for a variety of reasons. However, the three very quickly put aside their differences during Ultimate, and for one reason: Simon ****ing Belmont.

:ultsimon:, while not intentionally malevolent like some two other newcomers who shall remain unnamed (*COUGH*dark samus*COUGH*ridley*COUGH COUGH*), is proving to be a dangerous and potentially destabilizing element within the cast. He's incredibly aggressive towards a big chunk of the roster (especially :ultbayonetta::ultbowser::ultcloud::ultcorrin::ultganondorf::ultike::ultinkling::ultisabelle::ultlink::ultlucina::ultpalutena::ultpit::ultdarkpit::ultrobin::ultrosalina::ultchrom::ultvillager::ultzelda: and Joker, for varying reasons.), and has demonstrated on at least a couple occasions that he is more then willing to act out violently against the aforementioned fighters. :ultrichter:, although thankfully nicer and non-violent, has been wishy-washy and apologistic of Simon's open hostility.

Waluigi has been invited to every Smash since Brawl, but rejected the invitation every time to continue his work as an assist trophy instead every time because it pays almost as well as being a fighter for only a fraction of the workload.

The :ultmiifighters:s are the Self-Insert OCs of every single person who has ever played Super Smash Bros.

On the subject of housing, fighters and assist trophies almost always share housing with fighters and assist trophies of the same series. There are several exceptions to this:
  • :ultsamus:, :ultdarksamus: and :ultridley: are all housed in three different buildings. Dark Samus' housing, a Phazon pit, was built to be as far away from the rest of the housing as possible. Additionally, the arcitecture is specifically designed to prevent the Phazon from influencing the rest of the neutral estate. Ridley resides in the Space Pirate mothership, currently orbiting the neutral estate. Finally, Samus herself lives in a smol, cozy house with :pikachu2:, with :ultrosalina: occasionally stopping by to visit.
  • :ultdarkpit:, Viridi and Joker now all stay with :ultbayonetta: and Jeanne in their penthouse suite at the Third Party Apartments.
  • As of Smash 4, :ultlucina: stays at the Kid Icarus mansion with :ultpalutena:, :ultpit:, Phosphora and Magnus).
  • :ultcloud:, :ultganondorf:, :ultmetaknight:, :ultmewtwo:, :ultrob:, Tifa Lockhart, Shadow the Hedgehog, Grey Fox, Skull Kid and Midna all stay at a research and defense laboratory that overlooks the phazon pits.
  • :ultpiranha: seems to just sleep wherever. Most of the fighters don't seem to mind his presense, but are a bit bothered by the smell of cannabis that seems to follow him wherever he goes.
  • As of Brawl, :ultdk::ultdiddy::ultkrool::ultwario::ultyoshi: and Waluigi all live together in a mansion dubbed the "Mario Spin-off Mansion." This was so the Mario cast didn't go insane with Donkey and Diddy Kong's very long, very in-depth discussions with eachother about physics and how "it's just not physically feasible for Mario to be able to jump that high with those stubby little legs."
  • :ultsnake:, M!:ultpokemontrainer: and F!:ultpokemontrainer: stay with :ulticeclimbers: in their igloo. I use the term "igloo" loosely, however, as the Ice Climbers' home has far more in common with Superman's "Cave of Solitude" then it does with a ****ing igloo.
 
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Diddy Kong

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Regarding the Zelda characters, and which timeline they are from:

:ultyounglink:: Is from the timeline where the Hero of Time beat Majora, and is sort of implied to have challenged Ganondorf with his experience in Termina.
:ultganondorf:: Is from the Downfall timeline, where he killed the Hero of Time. He was also succesful in defeating Zelda and the other 6 Sages.
:ultsheik:: Is obviously still the Sage of Time, and is the very Zelda who defeated Ganondorf in the Downfall timeline.

Each battle between these can seriously have effect in their respective timelines.

:ultlink::ulttoonlink::ultzelda: are all chosen due to their legendary feats in their respective times. All deemed the most powerful version of the Hero and the Princess.

:ultlink:- is within Zelda canon easily the strongest version of the Hero, and is there in Smash to defeat 'the Calamity' before he became the Calamity.
:ulttoonlink:- was favored due to giving new life to his era and beating the aged Ganondorf from the Childhood timeline where :ultyounglink: dissapeared after his adventure in Termina.
:ultzelda:- was chosen because her magic abilties where the strongest of all Zeldas prior (I also never finished ALBW). And she needed the help of other Sages, Impa and Link way less in this appearance.

All of these incarnations are painfully aware of each of their roles. :ultsheik: especially, because she's the Sage of Time and thus has magical powers to sense the purpose of each of the Links despite never meeting them. She reveals much of this information to :ultzelda:, and little to :ultlink:. She wishes she could explain it to :ultyounglink:, but as she know who he is, she feels burdened by his fate and thus remains silent about these matters. :ultyounglink: knows not who :ultsheik: is, yet would trust her with his life because he deeply feels a connection and remains true to that.

The only person who has knowledge about these events is :ultlucina:, due to being in a very similar position in her timeline. She feels deeply for the burdens of the Zelda cast and has developed a slight hatred towards Ganondorf for this reason.
 
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As for characters currently not in smash (but have been requested)...
  • The Grinch: Was the manager of a Pizza Hut knock-off called "Pizza Dog." KIA in a nuclear fireball.
  • Geno: Was arrested in accessory to the murder of The Grinch. Escaped from prison and is now currently on the run.
  • Banjo & Kazooie: Was arrested for orchestrating the murder of The Grinch. Escaped from prison and is now currently on the run.
  • Mach Rider: Was arrested in accessory to murder of The Grinch. Escaped from prison and is now currently on the run.
  • Chorus Kids: Was arrested in accessory to murder of The Grinch. Escaped from prison and is now currently on the run.
  • Crash Bandicoot: At war with Lordran. Claims to have always been at war with Lordran.
  • Spyro: Working on a mumble rap album to coincide with the recent release of the Reignited Trilogy for the PS4, even though the game is already out by now.
  • Bandana Dee: Volunteering as King Dedede's bodyguard when he's not in combat.
  • Miles "Tails" Prower: Sick of being repeatedly trolled, Tails has officially bought out MySpace and is now the sole shareholder of its parent company. He is planning to acquire Vine sometime next year.
  • Shantae: Is legitimately surprised at how much risque fanart there is on the internet of her archnemesis, Risky Boots.
  • Rayman: In deep with the Ubisoft Mafia.
  • 2B: ****ing 9S.
  • 9S: ****ing 2B.
  • Paper Mario: Has taken a break from starring in video games and applying to join in Smash to pursue a hobby in relaxed watercolor painting.
  • Heihachi Mishima: Is Dead.
  • Dixie Kong: Makes loss edit memes on the internet to anger Diddy Kong.
  • Dig Dug: Benevolently rules the terrifying land of DeviantArt with an iron fist.
  • Travis Touchdown: Working at Tumblr as an algorithm developer for flagging NSFW content so that he can get enough money to fund another No More Heroes game.
  • Medusa: Filed an injunction against Hades for the hijacking of her military during the events of Kid Icarus: Uprising.
  • Celica: Started a bakery called "The Fiery Fist o' Pain."
  • Jack Frost: is currently making pilgrimage to Tartarus in search of dirt to blackmail Paper Mario with.
  • Klonoa: Has started a band with Demi-fiend, Ms. PAC-MAN, and Big Daddy from Bioshock called "All Items, Waluigi Only, Great Cave Offensive."
  • Goku: On vacation in Nambia (note: not to be confused with the similarly named country, Namibia)
  • Shrek: Currently under audit by the IRS.
 
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MetaWeegee

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Man, I love stuff like this. I'll probably spend most of my time here. Got tons of stupid **** to share with y'all.

Appropriately enough, I'll start my long list of headcanons with how a typical Christmas in the Smash Mansion goes. I structured it a bit like FirestormNeos FirestormNeos 's Thanksgiving story a page or so back, so I guess I'll have to thank him.

The 2018 X-Mas celebration took place in the Smash Mansion... well, the smoldering remains of it, to be exact. It was destroyed in an explosion a few hours before the event because of the over the top security system Crazy Hand put on the Christmas Tree decorations (Hint for the future: Maaaybe C4s, rotating flame bars, and a lazor grid don't go very well together? Just a thought.).

Because of that, Christmas started a few hours early. After all, nearly everybody was awake. Unfortunately, a few of the smashers died in the explosion (:ultpikachu:, :ultduckhunt: and :ultolimar:). Nobody really cared, though, because Negative Continuity is in effect and they'll be back soon enough. More pressing, it was in plain sight now that instead of Santa Claus, it was really just the Hands and Master Hand that were eating the milk and cookies the kids lay out the day before. Master Hand tried to reconcile them, while Crazy just bit into one of the cookies ("I told you dumb kids, Santa likes chocolate! Christ...") :ultyoshi:, :ultyounglink:, :ulttoonlink:, :ultlucas:, :ulticeclimbers: and :ultbowserjr: burst into tears on the spot. :ultness: and all the Koopalings already knew the truth about Santa, much to the grown-up's surprise (they were just humoring them). :ultbowserjr:asked his dad if it was really so. :ultbowser:: "Uhh.... you're dreaming. (Punches him and knocks him out)." Some of the others looked at the sad scene in front of them and either shook their heads (:ultryu:,:ultken:,:ultsimon:,:ultrichter:,:ultganondorf:,:ultmewtwo:,:ultchrom:), laughed (:ultmario:,:ultwolf:,:ultdarkpit:,:ultkingdedede:,:ultkrool:,:ultwario:), rolled their eyes (:ultfalco:,:ultcloud:,:ultlucario:,:ultlucina:,:ultmetaknight:) or turned away/whistled (everyone else, except for the Kids, who were still crying).

:ultjigglypuff:'s reaction was a little different. "Wow, Master Hand! I didn't know you were Santa Christ! (Smile flips into frown) Now WHERE'S MY PINK SPARKLY MICROPHONE, YOU SON OF A *****?!"

"Uhhh..... It got lost. We got you one this year........."

:ultjigglypuff:: "Really? (Perks Up)

"......No.... we didn't."

:ultjigglypuff::.... Wait.... What does that mean again? I forgot."

Master Hand dropped the conversation there and patted her on the head. :ultmario: whispered "Smooth moves." Master Hand simply told him to shut up, but not before a few people nodded in agreement of Mario's statement.

Most of the gifts were destroyed, but a few remained. Some of the Smashers improvised gifts on the spot regardless.

  • :ultmario: got a big fat piece of coal (from Master Hand), and a giant bowl of spaghetti (from himself). He used the coal to barbecue his spaghetti, much to MH's disappointment. Note: Mario was the only non anti-hero/villian to get coal in place of a real gift from Master Hand.
  • :ultdk: got bananas from :ultdiddy:, and vice versa.
  • :ultmario: gave :ultpeach: some lingerie. (He also requested she put it on right then. The slap mark on the side of his face tells the whole story). :ultbowser:and :ultbayonetta: agreed it was a shame she didn't wear it, though.
  • :ultyoshi: received a special gift from Mario: Nothing at all. He got a gift-wrapped box from the plumber, opened it, and found nothing inside but air. (The box tasted great, though).
  • :ultmario: didn't even bother giving :ultluigi:an empty box.
  • :ultdarkpit: gave :ultkirby: a bomb. He ate it.
  • :ultzelda: gave :ultlink: a sappy speech about the fact that it didn't matter that their gifts went up in smoke, so long as they had each other. She only realized how dumb it sounded when she said it out loud.
  • :ultisabelle: gave :ultmarth: a lipstick container and nail polish. It took multiple blank stares and complaints from :ultlucina: about getting "some crappy emo rock album" to make :ultisabelle: realize she mixed up the two of them.
  • :ultsonic: told everyone he left his gifts "somewhere over.... uh... there That.... mountain over there...... Uhhh.... Oh yeah, I'm Sonic the go fst Hedgehog! I don't NEED an excuse!" He then ran away, and didn't come back until the party was over. :ultfalcon: got mad, because now he couldn't do the same without everyone saying that he bit the Blue Blur's style.
  • :ultridley:offered :ultsamus: a chance to "take her parent's favorite roller coaster. Through my trachea, down in my bowels, and exiting out my ***. Free Christmas discount.... Hey, why you walkin' away?"
  • :ultjigglypuff: also got nothing from any of the Smashers. Except :ultwario:, who gave her a microphone, out of pity (and because he wanted to ditch that gift from :ultdaisy: right away) :ultjigglypuff: tried to eat it, but Wario quickly reminded her what it does. She hugged him, and then proceeded to sing in it..... not realizing she was singing into the wrong end.
  • :ultpiranha: got a lengthy note that a bunch of Smashers sore over his inclusion collaborated to write that said quite..... inflamatory things. I won't list them, because this is supposed to be PG-13. Unfortunatley, they didn't leave their names on the note.

After the gift giving period, Master Hand asked everyone if that was special indeed. Everyone responded "**** no!" Even when Master Hand murmured "You weren't meant to answer that, y'know. Anyways, who votes to get bloody drunk?" Everyone responded yes.

MULTIPLE BEER BOTTLES LATER....

:ultbowser:didn't let :ultbowserjr: have any of his beer. In fact, none of the kids were allowed any alcohol (Except Ludwig, who was at the legal age for drinking). Didn't matter, because once Bowser was drunk enough, :ultbowserjr:and the other youngsters took his bottle and began drinking to their heart's content.
The only people who didn't decide to get drunk were :ultrosalina:, :ultrobin:, :ultpalutena:, :ultpokemontrainer:, :ultmegaman: and:ultrob: (who couldn't have gotten drunk, anyways. Well, he COULD have, if he had been updated to the current R.O.B operating system, but Master Hand had deemed upgrading R.O.B a waste of money.).

Drunk as hell, all bets were off. People got into retarded fights, pissed on the floor, passed out in vomit, or all of the above. More than a few people got stabbed to death from drunken conflicts. It took a long time for the effects to wear out.

AFTERWARDS

Smoke was coming from the kitchen. You see, :ultpeach: had baked a cake because that's what she does for every special occasion. In the confusion, nobody really noticed that the cake had been burning in the oven for at least a few hours too long. By the time :ultpokemontrainer: noticed the smoke, it was too late. The cake was ruined. (Also,:ultpichu:, who fell asleep in the batter after Peach let her taste some, got cooked with the cake, but nobody really cared. The cake was what's important). :ultkirby: ate it whole anyways, which made :ultyoshi:, :ultwario:, :ultpacman: and :ultkingdedede:sad.... until Kirby gagged on the taste.

Crazy Hand turned to Master Hand and whispered something in his ear. Master Hand perked up, nodded, and went to the front of the tree, ringing a bell, until most heads faced his direction.

"Attention, Attention, all ye, all ye! Don't despair, don't lose all hope now! For I have yet to give you all your REAL gifts!"

Mass cheering abounded. Master Hand went behind the tree to get the thing he was referring to, and he damn near got a heart attack. I mean, you have to wonder what he expected to happen but...

Alright. The big attraction of the party was meant to be a grand unveiling of a bunch of copies of Smash Bros Ultimate (no, not everyone, or even most of the Smashers, had received copies of Smash Ultimate. Sucks, right?), but since they were so close to the tree, they got vaporized completely in the explosion. I'd describe the backlash, but it's far too tragic a tale, even for me... (sniffs) Rest in peace, 40+ copies of Ultimate....

:ultmario:: We're all-a out of beer-a.

Master Hand: ...Mother-******.

Crazy Hand:....What now? I'm bored. Crazy NEEEDS entertainment.

Most everyone else mumbled in agreement.

Master Hand:.... Uhhh...

Master Hand asked :ultpalutena:, :ultpeach:,:ultdaisy:,:ultrosalina:,:ultzelda:,:ultsamus:, :ultbayonetta:, and :ultlucina: if any of them were good at pole-dancing. ("Come on, just be honest, ladies.")

:ultmario: and :ultwario: started to raise their hands, but were interrupted by a loud, flying noise. They look up along with everyone else, and their jaws drop.

For coming down now, in a sleigh carried by reindeer, is none other than the legend himself. Said it right on his nametag, Santa.... Christ?

Santa Christ: Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas, *******-

He crashed into the ground. He fell off his sleigh and dropped his cigarette. Sadly, it fell on a bunch of liquor stains on the floor, and started to spread, engulfing him and the rest of the main hall of the remains of the Smash Mansion.

Later, everyone that was at the party has safely evacuated. They are watching the fire burn the Mansion from a cliff far, far away. Most people have varying amounts of burns on their body, but everyone's gonna live. Santa is in the worst condition of all, though, with bandages all over his body. Nobody was quite sure what to do with him.

Master Hand: I think this has been out best Christmas yet.

A bunch of mumbles in agreement.


THE END

P.S: :ultsnake: slept through everything. He didn't belive the story when he heard it a few days later. Ah well, his loss.
 
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Master Hand asked :ultpalutena:, :ultpeach:,:ultdaisy:,:ultrosalina:,:ultzelda:,:ultsamus:, :ultbayonetta:, and :ultlucina: if any of them were good at pole-dancing.
Lucina points to Palutena with an embarressed blush, Palutena and Bayonetta both point to themselves with confident smirks. Samus, noticing this discrepency between the two women's answers, grabs two crude metal poles from the wreckage and wordlessly stabs them into the ground, deep enough not to wobble and placed about several feet apart. Samus then pulls out two few folding chairs from nearby, sets them next to eachother facing the two bars, and sits in one of them patiently. Lucina takes a seat in the other folding chair, covering her face with embarressment at what she's about to watch.

Peach, Daisy, Rosalina leave without a word. ALBW Zelda isn't quite sure what's going on, until TP Zelda quickly walks over to her and whispers into her ear explaining what's going on. ALBW Zelda replies with "Oh. Yeah no, I ain't old enough for this ****" and the two Zeldas promptly leave.

 
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Master Hand forced the Smashers to do a Christmas pageant. This is some of the highlights:
:ultisabelle: was planning the whole thing.
:ultsimon: wanted only the religious Christmas songs, but :ultpeach: wanted all the classics.
:ultyounglink::ulttoonlink: and :ultlink: were forced to be in elf costumes. Each of their Zelda's were in the audience, as well as the Champions, Midna, Skull Kid and Ghirahim. You couldn't really tell who was laughing more. :ultkingdedede: liked dressing up as Santa though.
In the manger scene, :ultdaisy: played Mary and :ultluigi: played Joseph. You could hear Waluigi screaming about :ultdaisy: not being fit for the role, for incorrect and false reasons.
:ultdarkpit: got his wings dyed white during the middle of the night. He refused to partake after that (he was already refusing, but this time he left for Virdi's) and :ultpit:was forced to sing "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" alone.
:ultwario: wanted to sing "Santa Baby". :ultisabelle: said no.
Crazy Hand made :ultfalcon: and :ultlucas: sing "Christmas Shoes" without :ultisabelle: knowing about it. When :ultfalcon: found out that :ultlucas: was singing as the child, he stoped singing and ran off the stage screaming FALCON PUNCH!, followed by most of the cast. Crazy Hand was later found beat up in a alley way that seemed pretty crowded earlier, with :ultbayonetta::ultpalutena::ultrosalina::ultsamus::ultbowser::ultchrom::ultfalcon::ultsnake:and :ultness: last seen leaving it. :ultisabelle: went back after everybody else left, with a home run bat in hand.
:ultwiifittrainer: decided to sing "All I Want For Christmas Is You". Let's just say that :ultlittlemac: felt uncomfortable with her pulling him onto the stage.
:ultbowser: got to sing "Baby It's Cold Outside" with :ultpeach:. She now hates that song so very much.
:ultincineroar: sang "You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch". Issac, Geno, Mach Rider, Shadow felt awkward in the audience for some reason, feeling like they were being made fun of. Banjo and Kazooie were outside looking through the window when the song happened. :ultken: was the first choice to sing that song though.
 
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King K. Rool is in Atlanta for the Peach Bowl on Saturday, The Florida Gators are his team.

The adult Smashers for the past few years have had a pool for betting on the outcome of the College Football Playoff.

Cosplay Pikachu occasionally nurses Pichu Big (like a mother mammal would usually do), even though Pichu Big isn't her own offspring. She's doing it to prepare for actual motherhood when she and Clemont's Bunnelby get together in a couple months.

Incineroar is a fan of the 2012 TMNT series. His favorite character, not surprisingly, is Tiger Claw.

Bayonetta is told not to curse around the child Smashers. She doesn't listen. (There's lots of cursing in her home games).

The Ice Climbers constantly lobby for the Smash Mansion to be relocated to a colder place. Naturally, Master Hand doesn't listen.

Ash's Greninja, when no-one is looking, breaks into song numbers while wearing a top hat and dancing with a cane. Many of the songs he sings are from the late 19th century or early 20th century. When someone hears him doing this, he conveiniently stops before anyone can catch him, and just says his name. (Whoever gets this reference gets a cookie).

The Inklings have a tutor to help them do schoolwork when not fighting. They are the only child Smashers that are doing schoolwork.

Mario and Luigi like to drink Italian beer. Unlike Bowser, they drink responsibly.

During a Christmas party, numerous couples were caught under the mistletoe and thus had to kiss. These included: Ash's Pikachu and Dawn's Buneary, Cosplay Pikachu and Clemont's Bunnelby, Mario and Peach, Luigi and Daisy, Link and Zelda, Captain Falcon and Samus (the latter wearing her Zero Suit, this one particularly made Snake jealous), Kirby and Jigglypuff, and even Lucas and Female Inkling (in practice the male child Smashers take turns dating Female Inkling)
 
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