I don’t even remember all the twists and turns that thought train took. I remember being really excited for SwSh because I was feeling alone, and I wanted to feel like I had a friend. I thought I could get that from SwSh because of the whole “going on a journey and getting stronger together” angle they use in the marketing (which ended up happening anyway in the end, even if the damage was done). And then the design was leaked and I just.... I had previously gotten attached to the idea that because GameFreak was doing the whole “masculine/feminine/cool” thing for their starter evolutions and that grass was the only one that hadn’t been feminine yet that that’s how Grookey’s final evolutions would turn out. And I got.... attached to that idea. Which I admit, was not a smart thing to do. So when the evolution was revealed I felt like a friend had been shot and killed. And then the floodgates opened and it started combining with the pain from E3, and getting fired from my first ever job, my first ever romantic relationship ending before we even had the first date, almost failing some of my classes, and struggling to have enough money to pay for groceries because of a problem with compulsive spending. All of that just... mixed together all at once and made me feel like absolute ****.
I'm really sorry to hear to that. Getting attached to rumors and ideas that may not turn out true is never a good thing, though as we saw especially well with the Grinch Leak , and I hope you learned from your experience.
On the topic of depression and suicidal thoughts, I can give you a bit of help on that. You mentioned a bunch of "fears" related to video games you enjoy, such as Crash becoming open-world and DK being dead and such. When you think thoughts like these, and start to take them seriously they become irrational fears, which are not healthy to have.
First, you must think, "are these thoughts realistic? How likely are these things to actually happen?" For example, Bayonetta will never become male. The director, Hideki Kamiya had Bayonetta designed for him, to be exactly what he wanted, which was a modern, female witch that wears glasses. He even went on to call her "in many ways ... my ideal woman". There's no chance in heck she would ever become male.
Another method of dealing with fears such as these is picturing the worst-case scenario, and how you would react if it happened. What would you do if Crash became open-world? Think about it deeply, and try to be rational about it. Be open to the possibilities of change and even try to look at it positively. Open-world 3d platformers have proven to be very solid games time and time again, and I'm sure Crash would be no different. Even if it became open-world, Crash is a platformer series, and they would never change that, even if they take a larger, more open-ended approach to level design.
A final topic I would like to touch on is depression in general, and how you can deal with it. First and most importantly, and I can't stress this enough,
get help. It's
really important that you seek professional help when you have serious depression and suicidal thoughts. You should definitely consult a psychologist, and talk about all your issues to them. They will certainly help you, as they specialize in dealing with this sort of stuff. You should also aim to make improvements to your well being yourself, such as focusing on what's good in life instead of what isn't. If you only focus on the bad, that's all your life will seem yo be. Bad thing. However, simply putting your attention to even little things in life that make you smile, can help you go a long way in improving your well being. Yes, not everything will always be sunshine and rainbows, but it's important to look towards the light at the end of the tunnel. You can make it through the tough times you're going though, and focusing on things that make you happy and spending time away from things that don't will surely help you.
I hope I've helped you out. I'm aware that depression should be taken seriously, however if you continue to bask in it rather than find a way out, things won't get any better. I hope you take what I've written to careful consideration, and I genuinely hope that you will find happiness and overcome depression. And remember, professional help is equally as important as self help, so please don't be afraid to seek counseling from a psychologist.