Because of my incredibly strange upbringing, I have an insurmountable fear of not belonging. I have a compulsive need to agree with the crowd. Of course I have some semblance of original thought, obviously, but still. It’s my greatest weakness. It’s why I get so panicked if I feel like I’ve upset someone, I feel like everyone’s going to single me out and abandon me or something. Every time is say I don’t care what people think about me it’s a huge damn lie. And I know this is incredibly, ridiculously silly. But being what feels like the only guy who’s okay with gen 8 while everyone else is vastly more upset is pressing all my buttons.
Pokémon is my absolute favorite game series. For most people it’s just another game to play, not me. It’s got me through the hardest times, every release is the highlight of my year. It just means so much to me, you wouldn’t even begin to understand if I explained it in detail. And I’m not saying it shouldn’t be criticized, but I don’t share those criticisms. And not agreeing with people is starting to bother me.
Like I said, this is super duper stupid. But I can’t help it, all I can think of is how I don’t share the same opinions as everyone else. How different that makes me, how much I stand out, how “not” part of the crowd I am.
I’m not asking anyone to stop arguing about Pokémon. That’d be selfish, talk about it all you want. But I can’t be here for it.
Intentionally or not I’ve used this website as a crutch. Here I’m the cool guy, everyone likes the Noipoi! For the first time in my life everyone agrees with me!! It’s an overwhelming feeling for someone like me. And disagreeing on something so important to me is messing me up. It’s not very healthy to emotionally rely on a message board or a video game. I need to try and get that in order.
I need to make efforts to get a life, instead of just sitting on my ass and soaking up your validation until the end of time.
I probably need a lot of therapy.