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Seven Reasons You Are Single and Why it Has Everything to Do with Being a "Nice Guy"
- Thread starter Fatmanonice
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PersonallyIPreferDair
Smash Apprentice
I don't ask girls out because I have no money :x
FoxBlaze71
Smash Lord
I'm single because I only leave my house for school.
Expects lolotaku comments.
Expects lolotaku comments.
Fatmanonice
Banned via Warnings
Snausages are dog treats. I remember there were a lot of funny commericals for them when I was a kid.
#HBC | Red Ryu
Red Fox Warrior
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Being a nice guy actually got me ever date I've ever had.
Well would you look at that. I thought it was a typo. :l *stands corrected*Snausages are dog treats. I remember there were a lot of funny commericals for them when I was a kid.
Men who say they are not interested are the funniest.
Ussi
Smash Legend
Fantastic read
Fatmanonice
Banned via Warnings
Like I said, there's a difference between being a nice guy and being a "nice guy." Considering you've had multiple dates, it's doubtful that you have glaring self-esteem or social issues. A "nice guy" is not somebody who's genuinely kind and thoughtful, a "nice guy" is somebody who only acts this way largely because they think they'll get something out of it.
This is a terrible excuse. You can live on food stamps and still date. If you live on a college campus, where probably a whooping 90% of the people there are mooching off mommy and daddy and unemployed, you'd be laughed at if you said this outloud. If you are in college, virtually everybody is borderline broke or lives from paycheck to paycheck so this shouldn't put a damper on your social life.
I can empathize because this was me for two years after I graduated from high school. I'd only leave the house for school and work and I avoided conversation whenever I could. It was because I was suffering from social anxiety and depression largely brought about by my own negative thoughts. In late 2008, I was suicidal for a number of reasons and that's when I decided that if I wanted things to get better, I had to make a stand for myself. I started taking medication as well as begrudingly forcing myself to see a counselor to discuss more on-the-surface issues. From there, I uncomfortably forced myself to become more social and I saw a radical change in myself within months. The moral of the story is that taking a stand for yourself may be one of the best things that you ever do.
Ussi
Smash Legend
I'm happy i had no friends in high school. They would have only influenced me badly or surround me with temptation i can't do (drink, date, etc) Due to my religion.
I still ended up socially awkward though since i never talked to anyone though. Except my senior year, i had transfered to a new high school, so i just would have a friendly aura (or something), i still had no "friends" but i did small talk to people during lunch/class which i think is suffice
I still ended up socially awkward though since i never talked to anyone though. Except my senior year, i had transfered to a new high school, so i just would have a friendly aura (or something), i still had no "friends" but i did small talk to people during lunch/class which i think is suffice
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I'm okay with this.
GwJ
Smash Hero
Or they're not interested.
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Or they have a porn addiction.
Mota
"The snake, knowing itself, strikes swiftly"
FMOI still making a difference in peoples lives.
Your blogs have actually made me a better person. Never stop posting here ever!
Everything said is true, being able to look at yourself critically and improve as well as highlighting your strengths is great advice.
Part of the reason I'm with my girlfriend now because I've learnt to be assertive. In past relationships, when faced with the decision of where to go or what to do, I'd answer with a "err I don't know" or "Whatever you want to do". Hearing someone be indecisive and whatnot all the time, whether it be a friend, family member or gf/bf gets dam annoying. I grew a spine and try to take the initiative and plan stuff to do ahead.
Your blogs have actually made me a better person. Never stop posting here ever!
Everything said is true, being able to look at yourself critically and improve as well as highlighting your strengths is great advice.
Part of the reason I'm with my girlfriend now because I've learnt to be assertive. In past relationships, when faced with the decision of where to go or what to do, I'd answer with a "err I don't know" or "Whatever you want to do". Hearing someone be indecisive and whatnot all the time, whether it be a friend, family member or gf/bf gets dam annoying. I grew a spine and try to take the initiative and plan stuff to do ahead.
So much this!
Fatmanonice
Banned via Warnings
Yeah, I saw your message on my wall from November and I felt kind of bad that I haven't been here in so long. Regarding my essays, they're actually starting to get a lot of attention now. I'm now being asked to speak at events and I was actually asked by a professor recently to lead a lecture based on the essay I wrote last month "Making the Rainbow Connection: How I Haphazardly Became a Friend of the LGBTQ Community." Two of my essays have been published by my university too. Again, thanks for being a fan of my writing and I really appreciate that you still want to read them even after my extended absence from this site.FMOI still making a difference in peoples lives.
Your blogs have actually made me a better person. Never stop posting here ever!
Everything said is true, being able to look at yourself critically and improve as well as highlighting your strengths is great advice.
Part of the reason I'm with my girlfriend now because I've learnt to be assertive. In past relationships, when faced with the decision of where to go or what to do, I'd answer with a "err I don't know" or "Whatever you want to do". Hearing someone be indecisive and whatnot all the time, whether it be a friend, family member or gf/bf gets dam annoying. I grew a spine and try to take the initiative and plan stuff to do ahead.
So much this!
global-wolf
Smash Champion
Wonderful blog! It was funny too. #2 hit something in me... I hope I can get over some of the things I've been facing lately.
I'm terrified of intimacy.
I can flirt, slap *****, be a general horndog and every now and then have a drunken lay with someone I don't know or care about...but actual intimacy is beyond me. When someone opens up to me I go cold, especially if I really care about this person or actually want to be with them. I tend to associate intimate physical contact with negative feelings. I can't just show someone how I feel about them, I have to bury it in layers of irony and vagueness. Actually, I'm even wary to hang out with someone I like or admire unless I'm absolutely certain that they already like me. Even then, when a girl expresses interest in me I put up defenses because I don't want to go through any sort of rejection or betrayal.
It's weird. I've been willingly avoiding relationships for years now because of a handful of girls in my past, and because of just a general dysfunctional and abusive childhood. It's hard to not fall into this "I'm a victim" mode and use that as an excuse. I know what is wrong with me, I know specific things I can do to help change this...but I just don't.
Most of the time it's not really a problem for me. I enjoy solitude a lot and I don't want to be dating someone just to do it. Every so often I'll fall in love with someone for a while and that's when all my problems come and stare me in the face.
I can flirt, slap *****, be a general horndog and every now and then have a drunken lay with someone I don't know or care about...but actual intimacy is beyond me. When someone opens up to me I go cold, especially if I really care about this person or actually want to be with them. I tend to associate intimate physical contact with negative feelings. I can't just show someone how I feel about them, I have to bury it in layers of irony and vagueness. Actually, I'm even wary to hang out with someone I like or admire unless I'm absolutely certain that they already like me. Even then, when a girl expresses interest in me I put up defenses because I don't want to go through any sort of rejection or betrayal.
It's weird. I've been willingly avoiding relationships for years now because of a handful of girls in my past, and because of just a general dysfunctional and abusive childhood. It's hard to not fall into this "I'm a victim" mode and use that as an excuse. I know what is wrong with me, I know specific things I can do to help change this...but I just don't.
Most of the time it's not really a problem for me. I enjoy solitude a lot and I don't want to be dating someone just to do it. Every so often I'll fall in love with someone for a while and that's when all my problems come and stare me in the face.
KassandraNova
Smash Master
V-day makes so many people salty for some reason. 0.0
crawlshots
Smash Apprentice
You are a person of great value and you have a lot to offer. Be intentional in training yourself to believe this, because it's true.
Fatmanonice
Banned via Warnings
I wrote this about a day before she died and I was really weirded out when I heard the news. The timing was uncanny, to say the least.
I can relate to this in so many ways. I was also kicked around a lot as a kid and I had parents that made me very self-conscious of everything I did wrong and everything that was "wrong" about me. I was betrayed by close friends on numerous occasions. As you said, fear of intimacy largely stems from having a history of relationships going to crap or relationships that were largely abusive. It's a defense mechanicism. Nobody wants to be hurt and if relationships have largely caused you to be hurt, you cut those out of your life.
As for knowing how to fix the problems in your life but not actually going out and fixing them, I can wholly relate to that too. I was depressed for 11 years but I didn't do anything about it. I knew something was wrong but I lacked the motivation to actually try to fix things. I knew I suffered from social anxiety too but, again, I continued doing things that supported my behavioral patterns for years. Even now I can't fully describe what all finally made me motivated enough to start actually cleaning out the skeletons in my closet and try to find a new lease on life.
I'm not single for lack of trying but because I don't want to hurt anyone. If I notice that a girl has self-esteem issues, I back off to give her space to learn how to deal with that, for example. I've been studying relationships for years but perhaps that's part of the problem. I've taken all the various factors that make bad/one sided relationships to heart and I can pinpoint warning signs with little effort. I almost feel like I'm being too responsible and always putting others' needs before my own. I have girls (and even guys) falling all over me all the time and if I solely wanted to have a fling, I'd have no problem but that's not me. When I get close to girls it's because I want to act as support and help them become better people. I have the tools and I use them but I want something that's deeper than about a month of mattress gymnastics. It's the bitter conflict between being a vamp or being a romantic I suppose.