Sakurai Says...

[FauxShaux]

Sakurai says "When Peach hits a player with her down smash, she hits them 500 times, you lose 8 stock, and you must stand up and allow the Peach player to punch you in the nuts with the Wiimote."

My favorite so far.

 

[_Slick_]

Sakurai: "Ridley isn't in Brawl."

Sakurai: "APRIL FOOLS!!!"

Sakurai: "We decided to start making the game. It will still be released December 3rd."

Sakurai: "I'm playable. Ill pwn J00."

Sakurai: "Jigglypuff is out. This makes way for Spoink."

Sakurai: "All 493 Pokemon are playable."

Sakurai: "Pikachu is not playable."

Sakurai: "Sonic isn't in Brawl. Cheese and Chicola (sp?) are."

Sakurai: "Jesus will be a God alternate costumes. Sorry but we couldn't find space for him..."

 

[IllidR]

Sakurai: "I decided to scrap the idea of four methods of control, and now you will have to play with only a nun-chuck."

Sakurai: "Black Knight is not playable." ; _ ;

 

[_Slick_]

Sakurai: "The only playable character is air."

Sakurai: "SWF sucks."

 

[GregUnit]

Sakurai Says "Waluigi CONFIRMED"
Sakurai Says "We wanted to make the game more kid-friendly, so we made Zamus flat on both sides and her outfit is much less tight"
Sakurai Says "Tubgirl's tub as a level CONFIRMED"
Sakurai Says "Online ranking system works exactly like WoW's"
Sakurai Says "We're including another character with a sword / another pokemon"
Sakurai Says "Krystal CONFIRMED, Krystal and Fox can engage in real time yiffing action"
Sakurai Says "Fire Emblem characters will feature REAL TIME WEAPONS CHANGING"
Sakurai Says "Only available for iPhone"
Sakurai Says "Due to budget constraints, all characters will be using the sprites from the first game they're from"
Sakurai Says "Released in Europe December 3rd... 2008"
Sakurai Says "Goatse.cx CONFIRMED"
Sakurai Says "The entire game will be in pig latin, no matter which language you pick (I wonder if it's possible to do pig latin in Japanese)"
Sakurai Says "We will do everything in our power to make sure that you always end up playing against the loudest, rudest, squeakiest little kid in your match"
Sakurai Says "Swearing at your mom into the microphone loudly at a high pitched voice recovers your health. Bonus points for racial slurs if you're white"
Sakurai Says "Jigglypuff deconfirmed, Igglybuff CONFIRMED"
Sakurai Says "Abra CONFIRMED! All buttons make him teleport to a random place on the screen, even if out of any character's reach
Sakurai Says "After much debating, we decided that Pit's wings will be permanent and he can use arrows while flying"
Sakurai Says "Mewtwo can rip other players in half with his mind just like in the anime"
Sakurai Says "The game will be filled with old Internet jokes we saw on eBaums World years ago. You guys still think the ORLY Owl, Chuck Norris, and Lolcats are funny, right?"
Sakurai Says "Kenshiro from Fist of the North star swung by my office this morning and tapped me on the head. I don't understand wh... OH SHI-"

 

[Jordo]

Monday's post is a notice:

Due to bad weather, we are postponing all updates for the rest of the week.
-Sakurai

 

[FauxShaux]

Sakurai Says: Comcast will be in charge of all online play in the Americas. (In case you didn't know, comcast sucks. The internet stops working every 7-10 minutes, and I'm not exaggerating.)

Sakurai Says: Each character will have a weakness to another character and a strength to yet another character. That way all skill will be removed from the game and it will be based on which character you choose. Since I made the game I should be able to win every time.

 

[Kashimaru]

Simple.. Sakurai says: "No online play for Brawl".

 

[_Slick_]

Sakurai: "Online confirmed. Battling not."

 

[M.K]

Sakurai Says: "Wait, we were ACTUALLY supposed to make this game? DAMMIT!"

Sakurai Says: "To stay true to the game's beginning, we've included three characters: Young Link, Pichu, and Sandbag"

Sakurai Says: "Got Milk? Happy Cows from California CONFIRMED BEEYACHES!"

Sakurai Says" We've changed the name of the game to better suit oriental styles of playing. Welcome to....Super Smash Bros. Ninny Disagreement!"

 

[CronoMaster]

Sakurai says: We decided to take out Snake and include Rayden

Sakurai says: The last secret unlockable will be.... Sakurai!!! In order to unlock me, u have to beat the game in Very Hard in every mode with every character using only one life. My Final Smash is "Project Shutdown" which kills everybody instantly thus winning automatically and destroying ur game disc. The only way to defeat me is when im at 999%, if i die with any other % i will come back again with 0%

Sakurai says: Little Mac will be in the game!! but only his SNES version

Sakurai says: U dont like some of my updates in the dojo?? well, f*ck u, i wont update anything anymore

Sakurai says: Reggie made a mistake, the release date IS dec 3... but 2008

 

[Takeshi245]

??????????

I wasn't making a mistake. It's implying that he'll never release Brawl.

 

[GregUnit]

Sakurai says: We decided to take out Snake and include Rayden

OH GOD DON'T JYNX IT!

 

[HideousBeing]

Sakurai Says: "Got Milk? Happy Cows from California CONFIRMED BEEYACHES!"

I'm offended! Why all the hate for Cali?

 

[Crystallion]

Sakurai says: "This game will be Japan and America exclusive, it won't be released in Europe at all."

Hey, I would DIE! >__<

 

[_Slick_]

Sakurai: "Stop with the speculation! The answer is here: The game hasn't been started."

 

[LNKD]

lol why avery one say sajurai say WTF is some important person that it say so well I dont think that is true but I will think about it !!!

 

[XSilvenX]

lol why avery one say sajurai say WTF is some important person that it say so well I dont think that is true but I will think about it !!!

Wow learn to type...better yet, learn English...please for the love of pretzel

 

[metallic shadow]

WORST STUFF EVER COULD BE SAID:
sakurai says: "mewtwo wont be in brawl"
sakurai says: "captain olimar will be in brawl"
sakuari says: "tom nook will be in brawl"
sakurai says: "simon belmont will be in brawl"
sakurai says: "sonic wont be in brawl,neither will metal sonic or shadow"
sakurai says: "ridley wont be in brawl"

plain bad stuff:

sakurai says: "falco will be in brawl"
sakurai says: "ho-oh wont apeear from pokeballs"
sakurai says: "dr.mario will be in brawl"
sakurai says: "young link will be in brawl"

metallic shadow says: "my fingers hurt!"

 

[andrewg]

WORST STUFF EVER COULD BE SAID:
sakurai says: "mewtwo wont be in brawl"
sakurai says: "captain olimar will be in brawl"
sakuari says: "tom nook will be in brawl"
sakurai says: "simon belmont will be in brawl"
sakurai says: "sonic wont be in brawl,neither will metal sonic or shadow"
sakurai says: "ridley wont be in brawl"

plain bad stuff:

sakurai says: "falco will be in brawl"
sakurai says: "ho-oh wont apeear from pokeballs"
sakurai says: "dr.mario will be in brawl"
sakurai says: "young link will be in brawl"

metallic shadow says: "my fingers hurt!"

Since when is it a bad thing if there are more charcters in the game?

 

[metallic shadow]

captain olimar is a friggin ant-sized human that
wears a transparant bomb on his head.

pokemon is the only reason to that i play smash.

 

[GregUnit]

lol why avery one say sajurai say WTF is some important person that it say so well I dont think that is true but I will think about it !!!

I'm usually good at reading atrocious grammar, but I can't make this out at all. I don't want to know what you meant, I'm sure it's something dumb anyway.

 

[chkenparm]

Sakurai: After seeing Blizzards sales figures I decided to make SSBB a MMORPG
Sakurai: ALL the levels will be interactive just like Poke Floats!
Sakurai: SSBB will be online, but the servers will be handled by EA

 

[iMichael]

Sakurai: Young Link will not be in Brawl neither will C. Falcon =( omg

 

[iMichael]

I'm usually good at reading atrocious grammar, but I can't make this out at all. I don't want to know what you meant, I'm sure it's something dumb anyway.

ROFL that was funny...i lol'd

 

[OnyxVulpine]

Sakurai says "Since this game is such a big hit, we're going to port it on the Xbox 360 and Playstation 3. The 360 gets exclusive character Master Cheif, and Playstation 3 gets the exclusive character _______."

Couldn't think of a Sony one to put in, could have put in Snake but

-Onyx

 

[iMichael]

Sony gets Crash Bandicoot!

 

[Red_Maniac]

Sakurai: SSBB will be online, but the servers will be handled by EA

That would suck if that actually happened...

 

[MysticKenji]

Sakurai says: "Due to time constraints, it'll take another few years to finish the game and we can't release a playable demo. New release date: May 30, 2009"

Sakurai says: "The game is finished and we can release it early! However...the only characters in the game are are those who've been already revealed."

 

[Takeshi245]

Sakurai says,

"Brawl sucks!! Of all the games I've made, I never thought this one would turn out so bad."

 

[Caael]

1 sakurai says: "mewtwo wont be in brawl"
2 sakurai says: "captain olimar will be in brawl"
3 sakuari says: "tom nook will be in brawl"
4 sakurai says: "simon belmont will be in brawl"
5 sakurai says: "sonic wont be in brawl,neither will metal sonic or shadow"
6 sakurai says: "ridley wont be in brawl"

1: Yeah!
2: ****!
3: Woo!
4: Nooo!
5: **** for sonic, yay for others
6: * kills self*

 

[ness4life]

Sakurai says:

"Well, the Azn mafia is will kill my family if I don't put Naruto in Brawl.


Luckily, I don't care about my family."

 

[iMichael]

lol why avery one say sajurai say WTF is some important person that it say so well I dont think that is true but I will think about it !!!

d*** wtf did you just say?

 

[mukoe890]

Sakurai says: because im lazy and im above all of you, i decided not to make playable characters, instead you will have to play as items, and there are only online leaderboards

 

[silentwanderer8]

Sakurai : Brawl is cancelled. TOP THAT!

 

[FauxShaux]

lol why avery one say sajurai say WTF is some important person that it say so well I dont think that is true but I will think about it !!!

I'm gonna try to decipher this one.

My best guess:
"lol why avery one say sajurai say" = lol why is everyone saying "Sakurai says?"

"WTF is some important person that is say so" = How the f*** is someone so important that we all write down everything Sakurai says.

"well I dont think that is true but I will think about it !!!" I don't think that what Sakurai says is important but I will look into it.

My conclusion:
He isn't aware of the fact that Sakurai is responsible for the development of the game, and so finds this whole thread very odd. Why are we all quoting some random guy named Sakurai, even though his quotes are terrible opinions on SSBB?

Again, this is my best guess. I could be really far off. But then again, this is an especially odd case.

 

[GregUnit]

I'm gonna try to decipher this one.

My best guess:
"lol why avery one say sajurai say" = lol why is everyone saying "Sakurai says?"

"WTF is some important person that is say so" = How the f*** is someone so important that we all write down everything Sakurai says.

"well I dont think that is true but I will think about it !!!" I don't think that what Sakurai says is important but I will look into it.

My conclusion:
He isn't aware of the fact that Sakurai is responsible for the development of the game, and so finds this whole thread very odd. Why are we all quoting some random guy named Sakurai, even though his quotes are terrible opinions on SSBB?

Again, this is my best guess. I could be really far off. But then again, this is an especially odd case.

Actually, judging by his joined date, I'd say he's a pitiful failure of a troll. but great work deciphering, you should get a job at the FBI.

Sakurai Says: Blizzard in charge of online ranking system, we're going to use the WoW's old PvP system. We feel it'll be cool.

 

[smashmv]

Sakurai : Brawl is cancelled. TOP THAT!

its been said like 15 times already

 

[Crystallion]

More than 15 xD But he's right, top that. We won't be able to.

 

[LNKD]

Wow learn to type...better yet, learn English...please for the love of pretzel

well sorry my friend( XsilvenX)I was just in a hurry but anyway I din't know who was that sakurai until I went yesterday and check the name and he is one the directors working on the super smash bros series