Relationships: Are they worth it?

[Omnicron's Baklava Enterprises]

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A friend of mine has just ended a relationship with his girlfriend, whom apparently left him because of 'love issues'. What a stupid reason.

I agree on what he said when he came to talk to me after school one hot and humid afternoon: "these kind of relationships are a waste of your time, your money, and they make you obey yet another person for their needs."

I myself have never had a relationship, and I do not intend to get on until older. Why not now? Teenage relationships are mostly made of lies and false love. Love that lasts a mere few weeks or months.
I ask not for false love, and at this age love seems foolish.
And now, I ask you, Smash World Forums, is having a relationship while a teenager really worth it?

It does seem a waste of your time, money, and rights (in a way). You take them to a cinema/restaurant/shopping center and spend your money buying them items (food, clothing, et cetera), yet later on they will most likely let go of you. After that time together, one must come to realize: "And what exactly did I spend that time doing, if it was all for naught?"
These relationships also make one gender somehow submit to the other... Male to female or female to male. How idiotic it is to give your time and money to one who will leave you!

I have already decided on my years before college: never end up in a relationship as such. I could be doing so many other options that benefit me: focusing on academics, going to the beach with actual friends, satisfying my mind via video games, music, television, or the Internet.

I focus on academics; oh how much better I may end up than the ones that use their time getting in false relationships or being much too social.

Should anyone, in real life or, by some rare occurrence, on the Internet ask me for a relationship, I shall reject them. I do not want to indulge myself in something that only lasts a short while; when I could be actually beneficial to myself and the actual important ones around me.

Hmph.

 

[SuSa]

You're using the term love in place of "lust" and "infatuation" that's the problem.

 

[Omnicron's Baklava Enterprises]

What then? False infatuation? False lust is it?

Relationships simply do not seem worth it if nothing ever comes out of it, that's my opinion.

 

[SuSa]

I think you should look up the words:

Lust
Infatuation
Love

Tell me when you know the difference between the 3, and which most high school relationships fall under.

(I'll give you a hint, it isn't love)

 

[Firus]

Not in my opinion.

Relationships = loldrama, probable required regular money-spending, having to constantly talk to/be with your boy/girlfriend because in teen relationships people tend to take things even more seriously than when you get older and the relationships are about 10x more likely to become serious.

Aside from that there's already school in a teenager's life.

Why the hell would you want to try and deal with all of that crap when you're likely to learn very little from it? Like, maybe one relationship just to learn exactly where you are on things. But I don't understand why so many teens actively seek a relationship at all costs.

Oh wait. Yes I do. Society pressures people into believing you're not cool unless you have a relationship.

 

[Jam Stunna]

A history teacher of mine in high school said to me once that he didn't think it was a good idea for people to date in high school, because people involved in a relationship get so wrapped up in the other person that they may miss out on other great people in high school. And of course, having a boyfriend/girlfriend seriously limits the depth of your friendships with people of the opposite sex.

At the time, I didn't agree, but I definitely do now. I don't think high school relationships are worthless, like the OP; I just don't think that they are valuable enough to justify what you can potentially lose.

Just remember, there's a trade-off in everything. If your first relationship comes in college or later, then you're most likely going to be dating people that have prior relationship/sexual experience. That puts you at a disadvantage, because there's a pretty steep learning curve in relationships, and some partners may be less willing to deal with your ineptitude than others.

 

[Omnicron's Baklava Enterprises]

Oh wait. Yes I do. Society pressures people into believing you're not cool unless you have a relationship.

I find this somewhat untrue, at least where I live.
Unlike what many teenagers seem to be, I don't care too much about my status among my fellow classmates.
I have no relationship, none of my friends do (well, now), and yet I don't really know whether I am 'cool' or not...

That puts you at a disadvantage, because there's a pretty steep learning curve in relationships, and some partners may be less willing to deal with your ineptitude than others.

Well, how much of a disadvantage? Would it be severe enough to render my relationships impossible? I think not. Yes I would be at a disadvantage at the beginning, but I can learn.
Why go through the pain of a teenage relationship? Considering that they take it much too seriously.

And SuSa, you've won over again.
Seems to be mostly infatuation; maybe I'll edit my first post.

 

[Firus]

I find this somewhat untrue, at least where I live.
Unlike what many teenagers seem to be, I don't care too much about my status among my fellow classmates.
I have no relationship, none of my friends do (well, now), and yet I don't really know whether I am 'cool' or not...

Oh, it's been years and years since I've actually cared at all about what anyone thinks of me, and I don't imagine I ever will again. I stopped having the desire to be "cool" in like, fifth grade.

However, there's a difference between CARING about being cool and the general position of society being that something is cool. And I think it's fair to say that for the most part, it's frowned upon to not have a relationship/get married. Even if not in your area, at least throughout America, the majority of people seem to feel that way.

I mean, do you ever notice how a lot of times when someone feels that someone else doesn't "have a life" or whatever, they'll tell them to get a girlfriend? As if somehow that's, for sure, going to improve their standard of living?

 

[Omnicron's Baklava Enterprises]

I mean, do you ever notice how a lot of times when someone feels that someone else doesn't "have a life" or whatever, they'll tell them to get a girlfriend? As if somehow that's, for sure, going to improve their standard of living?

Heh...
If anything it might decrease their standard of living, considering they're spending money/time/effort on somebody who might leave them.

 

[finalark]

A history teacher of mine in high school said to me once that he didn't think it was a good idea for people to date in high school, because people involved in a relationship get so wrapped up in the other person that they may miss out on other great people in high school. And of course, having a boyfriend/girlfriend seriously limits the depth of your friendships with people of the opposite sex.

At the time, I didn't agree, but I definitely do now. I don't think high school relationships are worthless, like the OP; I just don't think that they are valuable enough to justify what you can potentially lose.

Just remember, there's a trade-off in everything. If your first relationship comes in college or later, then you're most likely going to be dating people that have prior relationship/sexual experience. That puts you at a disadvantage, because there's a pretty steep learning curve in relationships, and some partners may be less willing to deal with your ineptitude than others.

Jam, how do you always come in and say exactly want I want to before I can?

Yes, all of this is true. Especially the "trade-off in everything" part (or as I like to say, "everything has a price"). But on the subject of having a relationship causes you to miss out on things, well, I can tell you from... second-hand I guess.... experience that this is true. One of my best friends got a girlfriend about a month ago, and ever since then I haven't seen him since. All last year we'd laugh and enjoy each others company at lunch, then after school another one of my best friends and I would always go over to his place and play Smash Bros. from roughly 3:00-6:30 PM almost every day. This year he's like Boo Berry, you hardly see him around anymore.

 

[Firus]

Heh...
If anything it might decrease their standard of living, considering they're spending money/time/effort on somebody who might leave them.

Yeah, plus, what if you get some psycho girlfriend or something? It can very easily make life worse for you.

Plus, me being the weird person I am, I tend to prefer being alone (as in, not with other people) anyways.

Especially the "trade-off in everything" part (or as I like to say, "everything has a price"). But on the subject of having a relationship causes you to miss out on things, well, I can tell you from... second-hand I guess.... experience that this is true. One of my best friends got a girlfriend about a month ago, and ever since then I haven't seen him since. All last year we'd laugh and enjoy each others company at lunch, then after school another one of my best friends and I would always go over to his place and play Smash Bros. from roughly 3:00-6:30 PM almost every day. This year he's like Boo Berry, you hardly see him around anymore.

Yeah...when you get into a relationship, you have to make tough decisions between spending time with friends & family or with your girl/boyfriend. Basically, relationships = compromise if you want to make it work.

 

[Insetick]

I can testify that no teen relationships work out well. However, I suggest you at least try once during high school and get an idea over how to date.

Ultimately, the best part of having a gf was having a good friend I could trust and confide in. And that's all you really need in high school. Become really good friends with some people, especially girls.

 

[SuSa]

And SuSa, you've won over again.
Seems to be mostly infatuation; maybe I'll edit my first post.

My point and case.

A relationship isn't really worth it until you know what love is and can value and treasure it.
Some people never learn, and some people learn through having relationships. If it weren't for my past relationships, I wouldn't be able to comprehend love or value it. Which makes relationships useful in the sense that it teaches you what love really is.

 

[Chronodiver Lokii]

I can agree on most aspects...Relationships are so overdramatic and usually false as a teenager
But I guess you learn from it.
You learn to cope with rejection and you learn to care for others
You learn some nice decision making skills, too.
Also, you can work out "mistakes" (I use this word lightly) and learn to better yourself.
And as insetick said, you really can become great friends with people

Teenage relationships arent all bad...
But usually, from what ive seen, teens are stupid and mistake crushes for love. -nods-
Too many instances where ive seen this happen than i care to explain haha
But I digress.

 

[Alessandra]

Why not experience a few relationships before actually commiting to someone for a life time? I'm not telling you to go out there and find the first girl desperate for a boyfriend and just wing it, because that will most likely cause the "relationship" to crash and burn. And that's what most teenagers do nowadays-- they cling to a person they find physically attractive without even knowing if they have anything in common, so it should come as no surprise when they don't work out.

However, I can tell you that not EVERY teenager is like that. I've had some more meaningful relationships than the average teeanger, and even if they may not have worked out, (and never for idiotic reasons, but rather legit ones like a guy being too possesive, etc) I learned something from each and every one. What I liked, what I didn't like, what I preferred and what I would absolutely not tolerate. I think it's rather unfair to shut yourself out and say you would absolutely NEVER have a relationship at this age because it would absolutely NEVER go anywhere. People may surprise you. And maybe you were just too close minded to give what could have been "the girl of your dreams" a shot because of your age.

I agree with SuSa. Too good.

 

[Omnicron's Baklava Enterprises]

Why not experience a few relationships before actually commiting to someone for a life time? I'm not telling you to go out there and find the first girl desperate for a boyfriend and just wing it, because that will most likely cause the "relationship" to crash and burn. And that's what most teenagers do nowadays-- they cling to a person they find physically attractive without even knowing if they have anything in common, so it should come as no surprise when they don't work out.

However, I can tell you that not EVERY teenager is like that. I've had some more meaningful relationships than the average teeanger, and even if they may not have worked out, (and never for idiotic reasons, but rather legit ones like a guy being too possesive, etc) I learned something from each and every one. What I liked, what I didn't like, what I preferred and what I would absolutely not tolerate. I think it's rather unfair to shut yourself out and say you would absolutely NEVER have a relationship at this age because it would absolutely NEVER go anywhere. People may surprise you. And maybe you were just too close minded to give what could have been "the girl of your dreams" a shot because of your age.

Well, being the somewhat antisocial person I am, I'll probably never get a relationship anyway.
I'm not even sure if I look good enough.
I'll be one of those people in society that never gets a good relationship going, instead focusing too much on knowledge. I may become intelligent, but not social.

 

[Insetick]

I think most of us agree that teen relationships are hopeless and fake. But that's common knowledge.

I advise you to have a companionate relationship (a step up above being friends). You'll essentially have a really good friend to talk with. You can also go see movies and such with her in your free time.

Don't get too involved, though, and make sure she understands that as well. Having a "real" relationship does not end well. After all, high school must end one day.

 

[Omnicron's Baklava Enterprises]

I think most of us agree that teen relationships are hopeless and fake. But that's common knowledge.

I advise you to have a companionate relationship (a step up above being friends). You'll essentially have a really good friend to talk with. You can also go see movies and such with her in your free time.

Don't get too involved, though, and make sure she understands that as well. Having a "real" relationship does not end well. After all, high school must end one day.

I wonder if I could apply this to my best friend of all time: a girl whom I have known since I was mere weeks old. She is my same age, yet we are best of friends... I'd say that this unbreakable friendship is good enough; at least I don't have to take her out or anything.

Then again, I still don't plan on getting a true relationship, as I am much too synical and negative to have one.

 

[SuSa]

I think most of us agree that many teen relationships are hopeless and fake. But that's common knowledge.

I advise you to have a companionate relationship (a step up above being friends). You'll essentially have a really good friend to talk with. You can also go see movies and such with her in your free time.

Don't get too involved, though, and make sure she understands that as well. Having a "real" relationship does not end well. After all, high school must end one day.

Fixed that for you.

In my school there are 3 relationships that have been going on for years, one of them are already married (and have been for almost a year).

The majority fail, there are a few that survive.

Why do I say this?

Because mine is one that has survived and is surviving.

 

[Alessandra]

Well, being the somewhat antisocial person I am, I'll probably never get a relationship anyway.
I'm not even sure if I look good enough.
I'll be one of those people in society that never gets a good relationship going, instead focusing too much on knowledge. I may become intelligent, but not social.

Don't think that way. Don't drown yourself in being a pessimist. I'm currently head over heels for a guy who I know has said the exact same thing you just said now. "I'm not good looking enough for a girl to want me." "I'm too shy."

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. As for the latter, start cracking that shell. Even if it takes baby steps.

 

[Insetick]

Because mine is one that has survived and is surviving.

Howwwww?!

 

[Jam Stunna]

Well, how much of a disadvantage? Would it be severe enough to render my relationships impossible? I think not. Yes I would be at a disadvantage at the beginning, but I can learn.
Why go through the pain of a teenage relationship? Considering that they take it much too seriously.

A more significant disadvantage than you might think. And as for avoiding the pain of a teenage relationship, why not just avoid everything that can potentially cause pain? Sure, it's pretty likely that teenage relationships will fail. But if we avoided everything that had a likelihood of failure, we wouldn't do much.

 

[highfive]

Perhaps you should try and create a more intimate relationship with a friend like others suggested but make sure you understand what they want and what you want. If they just want to spend time with you explain your hobbies no matter how lame they could be or show here how to do enjoy gaming if that's your stuff. Then proceed and ask her what she likes and go with here no matter how absurd or boring. It really shows character to go through something you dislike to be with them.

I guess that could be how to hold a relationship.

Nevertheless you should always have a few relationships even if they end poorly. He who holds experience is often the wiser man.

 

[Moblin]

that's a horrible question.




and watch more disney movies

 

[Pakman]

I have been in 3 semi long relationships and I don't regret the money I spent (except the concert tickets I gave one right before she broke up with me ).

You can't judge the success or failure of dating someone based upon only the end result. If you are looking for the forever kind of relationship in high school your asking to get hurt. High school relationships are generally about the instant gratification you get from companionship ie NOT love.

Relationships are mutual. If your aren't getting what you need from a relationship, which in most cases is companionship and happiness, then something is wrong.

Some people view dating as a test for marriage (Future Oriented). If this is you, then a high school relationship is way too premature.

Others view relationship as a cure for loneliness. They are in a relationship because it makes them feel needed and important (Present oriented). But in general these people lack the ability to commit.

You have to balance the two if you want a lasting meaningful relationship.

 

[PJGLZ]

Teen relationships; why?:

1)Underage sex. You know ya want it. No moa m/b

2)peer/society pressure

3)movies suggest perfect relationships

Guys, is this over yet?

 

[SuSa]

Howwwww?!

Both members being mature and knowing the value of love goes quite a ways.

4 years, going strong, we have plans for marriage. We talk about our problems and work them out.

Normal teenage couple:
Don't know the value of love.
One (or both) members are immature.
Talks about problems, but don't work them out.

 

[gm jack]

Yes. Been with my currently girlfriend for about 9 months, and I've enjoyed every moment of it. If you get caught in a relationship where it isn't equal, get out of there. If someone seems to think getting the other to buy everything for them is a fair component of a relationship, tell them to go away, to put it politely.

Infatuation and lust will be the starting point for most relationships. I found love to be something less intense, but far stronger which came out of it. Most relationships fail, it's just the way it is. I doubt most people marry the first person they have a relation ship with. The success rate is purely dependant on what people want out of it. If you are just in it to prove that you can have a relationship, then I doubt it will last a long time. If you go for it because you actually care about the person you are in it with, then only time can tell how it will turn out.

 

[adumbrodeus]

I disagree.


It's difficult to understand from within teenage years, but looking back on it from my experiences, there's a reason that most teenage relationships are temporary, because most people aren't ready for adult relationships, and the only way you can get ready is with experience. Honestly, I think people are handicapped without it, they need to experience loss and rejection, and also have experience on healthy interaction in relationships and experience unhealthy interaction so you know what to avoid.


Without those experiences, it's very difficult to properly understand mature relationships, without my HS relationships I don't think I would've have the maturity to have true adult relationships.


Basically, almost everyone has to go through a stage that's equivalent to HS relationships, you might as well go through them in HS.



Also, if you either are mature enough or get mature enough, the possibility of an enduring relationship exists.

 

[Steelia]

I focus on academics; oh how much better I may end up than the ones that use their time getting in false relationships or being much too social.

Should anyone, in real life or, by some rare occurrence, on the Internet ask me for a relationship, I shall reject them. I do not want to indulge myself in something that only lasts a short while; when I could be actually beneficial to myself and the actual important ones around me.

Hmph.

My thoughts precisely.
I was in a relationship a couple of years back, but quickly learned that everything I observed with my fellow teens (the whole get-together-break-apart-for-another-person ordeal) was all too true. Since then, I've kept myself single until I can wholly support the person I wish to be with... That, and so I don't have to worry about all the immature heartbreak of when I was younger.
I'll be quite honest, for me, it tears me apart sometimes knowing that I'm still single. But also thinking on how right about now I would be spending time with someone I wasted years of my time with evens it all out.

 

[mountain_tiger]

I really need a girlfriend of some sort. I've never had oen before, whereas everyone else my age has already lost their virginity. (I'm 16 BTW)

In other words, my love life sucks.

 

[Jim Morrison]

Boys don't lose their virginity at 16, don't take those lies. (there are exceptions, for you people who go for everything precise)
Girls do, boys usually do at 18, with a 16 year old girl. It's the way things work, boys don't grow up (physically) as girls and aren't attractive at the same age.
Also, I thought you were gay, or bi :/

 

[Jam Stunna]

I disagree.


It's difficult to understand from within teenage years, but looking back on it from my experiences, there's a reason that most teenage relationships are temporary, because most people aren't ready for adult relationships, and the only way you can get ready is with experience. Honestly, I think people are handicapped without it, they need to experience loss and rejection, and also have experience on healthy interaction in relationships and experience unhealthy interaction so you know what to avoid.


Without those experiences, it's very difficult to properly understand mature relationships, without my HS relationships I don't think I would've have the maturity to have true adult relationships.


Basically, almost everyone has to go through a stage that's equivalent to HS relationships, you might as well go through them in HS.



Also, if you either are mature enough or get mature enough, the possibility of an enduring relationship exists.

This. You can believe that you'll be mature enough or that you're different or any number of other things, but there are simply some things you cannot understand or be prepared for without actually doing them, and relationships are one of those things.

Relationships aren't only a matter of maturity; if that were the case then most people would presumably be able to make them work after they reach a certain age/level of maturity. There are so many more things that go into making relationships work than how well you know yourself. You have to know other people, and like it or not, the only way to learn that is to be with other people.

Also, I think that the focus on relationships needs to be less about the end result, as some other posters have already mentioned. No, you're not in love; no, you're not going to marry this person; yes, you're going to spend alot of money ad time on/with this person. But who says you can't enjoy it while it lasts? As the cliche goes, life is a journey, not a destination.

 

[mountain_tiger]

Boys don't lose their virginity at 16, don't take those lies. (there are exceptions, for you people who go for everything precise)
Girls do, boys usually do at 18, with a 16 year old girl. It's the way things work, boys don't grow up (physically) as girls and aren't attractive at the same age.
Also, I thought you were gay, or bi :/

Bi. And I used to get beaten when people thought it was gay. No way am I going to go through that ordeal again.

 

[Jim Morrison]

Lol, I hope you're not one that is actually gay but says they're bi, just to not get bashed on since bi is more accepted. Ah well, when you're at this age, I'd imagine it being pretty hard to be gay, so no hard feelings I guess <_<

 

[Jam Stunna]

Boys don't lose their virginity at 16, don't take those lies. (there are exceptions, for you people who go for everything precise)
Girls do, boys usually do at 18, with a 16 year old girl. It's the way things work, boys don't grow up (physically) as girls and aren't attractive at the same age.
Also, I thought you were gay, or bi :/

Those are some rather broad generalizations.

 

[Jim Morrison]

Very so, but I am not a good person at all. Most information I spread should be disregarded, but I still want to spread it. Rather be hard as a fool than not at all.

 

[mountain_tiger]

Lol, I hope you're not one that is actually gay but says they're bi, just to not get bashed on since bi is more accepted. Ah well, when you're at this age, I'd imagine it being pretty hard to be gay, so no hard feelings I guess <_<

If people knew that I was bi, that would be even worse tbh. I'd be mocked to hell and back, and there'd be all the stupdi jokes that come with that. Oh, and probably a few punches here and there for liking boys on top of that. >_>

As a result, I pretend to be straight around other people to avoid that suspicion. Is that being dishonest? Of course, but I still don't want to go through all that. And also, my attraction rate to both sexes is pretty equal; I'm not properly gay, though sometimes my attractio nsort of swings slightly mroe towards men ro women for no real reason.

 

[Omnicron's Baklava Enterprises]

Teen relationships; why?:

1)Underage sex. You know ya want it. No moa m/b

2)peer/society pressure

3)movies suggest perfect relationships

Guys, is this over yet?

This is the most foolish response I have seen on this.
Underage sex is idiotic; it has too many consequences and I wouldn't ever bother to even think about it.

My society (at least) does not pressure one into thinking that it is 'uncool' to not have a relationship.

The third one? Liez.

Quotes aside, I am indeed more mature than most of my age group... I've heard it from adults, teachers, older students (yet I don't actually know if I am). That turns out to be a problem considering that most of my class (the majority of boys and girls) usually engage in common talk.
"Do you like this song/band?" "Have you seen this yet?" "Have you been to the PDO (Petroleum Development Oman) beach party yet?"
These are most of the questions asked during their discussions, and I usually isolate myself by talking with the more mature kind of my class or even older students about world issues, politics, diseases and their effects, or something of the like.

I actually hate how some people say that academics are more important than relationships, yet others say that relationships are more important than academics.
Really, I don't want a relationship because it may impede upon my academics, unless I manage to find a girl who likes to do the same things that I do (which is extremely unlikely.)

Why try to get a relationship when you're like me? I have near naught chances of even getting one.

 

[Jim Morrison]

Omni, that about being bi/gay was directed at Mountain Tiger, I should've quoted him.

EDIT: Yea MT, coming out to your friends/classmates in high school is really not a good idea till you're in your last year or something, when people are mature enough to not be constantly ******** about it.
Also, the way you describe it. Yes, you are bi