Guys, I'm at a tough crossroad here. As I type this I'm fighting the urge to just erase this post entirely and just be mute, but I don't plan on letting me crawl away from the prospect of asking the opinions of those who may be of higher enlightenment than myself.
Anyways, I live in a backwater town and go to a highschool that as of now only offers me solice through a (surprisingly interesting) social ring (something I didn't have as a younger kid due to me having a far too under confident view of my social ability despite attending a small charter school ). I'm applying to work at a comic book and import shop in the neighboring city, and have a newfound confidence in living as a young adult. My college is prepped and squared away, and I have a good deal of practical "normal (I hate that word)" goals.
The problem is, I'm not satisfied in a life that already feels privelaged by the standards of my community. I'm sick of my monotonous home life, exhausted of a school to which I never enjoyed electives or subjects of interest, and have a hunger for a world I seem to have only a demo-copy of content in. My earliest well-recalled life was filled with grief over my cabin fever and little options to practice art, or writing and improve at something of an escape from the clockwork lifestyle (lending in part I guess to my enjoyment of games and comics etc).
All in all, I want travel, I want to prove to myself that I can make something viable of my truest interest. I'm tired of being mad at myself and chugging along on the "choices ( they never quite seem to wear that disguise well)" my family's circumstances offer. Is it worth wearing false-independence if I'm nearly driven to shed a tear when I think about my "ideal" future and my "privelaged" past? And if it will improve me and my surroundings, do I need to indict myself of just being a snot about what I (Think) I deserve, or should have the privelage to pursue?