...Okay, I'll play this game again.
Bonus 1:
- Piranha Plant
Fighter Pass 1:
- Joker [Persona 5 / Atlus]
- Hero [Dragon Quest / Square Enix]
- Banjo & Kazooie [Banjo-Kazooie / Rare]
- Terry Bogard [Fatal Fury / SNK]
- Thrall [World of Warcraft / Blizzard] So I'm sticking with the theory that this first Fighter's Pass is tailored for a global audience, and I strongly believe that we're getting a character who is more PC centric. Frankly, I think that Steve from Minecraft would be a more appropriate choice for a Nintendo-focused fighting game, but if Nintendo wants to appeal to a huge audience from all around the world, they would be smart to hit the MMO/MOBA crowd. Which means one of two companies: Blizzard or Valve. And since Valve seems very comfortable with their Steam exclusivity, I think Blizzard is our best bet.
Yeah, we could get an Overwatch character (people say it would be Tracer, but my money would be on D.Va, who's universally more popular among fans), but I think a smarter bet would be someone from WoW. Thrall seems to be the unofficial face of the game, and I think his distinct design and unique moveset would fit in perfectly in Smash. His reveal would also be Cloud-levels of shocking, and I think it would draw a lot of PC purists over to the Switch just to see how he plays. (Shout-out to Pinguin21v for this idea!)
Bonus 2:
- Bandana Dee or Dixie Kong [Kirby and Donkey Kong Country, respectively] I think Nintendo knows how to keep their own fans happy while still making money off of third-party DLC, and that's by offering their first-party characters as free-for-a-limited-time bonus DLC. It worked with The Plant, and since Sakurai made a point of mentioning that Nintendo is very happy with the sales of Ultimate's DLC, I think they'll keep any future Fighter Passes third-party-centric.
But fear not! That means that some fan favorites will still be making the cut! And I think to drive this home, they'll release a cult favorite first. Bandana Dee and Dixie are both very highly demanded by niche audiences (comparatively), so either of them would work nicely.
Fighter Pass 2:
- Geno [Super Mario RPG / Square Enix] Start this Fighter Pass off with a bang! Sure, he's about as niche to a global audience as, say, Bandana Dee, but his fanbase, no matter how small, have been very vocal for years. Toss in a little Sakurai bias (and maybe even a remaster of Super Mario RPG?) and you have yourselves a very interesting way to start this new Pass!
- Jill Valentine or Leon Kennedy [Resident Evil / Capcom] Man, as much as I love both of these, and as much as I know how important Resident Evil is to Nintendo, it kills me to put them in Capcom's spot like this over Amaterasu. But money talks, and an RE rep would definitely draw more attention than an Okami rep (which is a crime in and of itself). Honestly, we could get both characters in this next batch of DLC, with one acting as the other's Echo Fighter. I think it would be odd to put such an emphasis on Echo Fighters in Ultimate and only give us five new ones, so now's our chance for more.
- Shantae [her own series / WayForward] Let me dream, guys. Okay? Just let me have this one character. Everything is lining up for her: she has that long, personal history with Nintendo, she has that unique moveset that Sakurai is always hunting for, the character is huge both in the US and Japan, and her series has never been more popular than it is now. I truly, truly think that if Nintendo is going to choose an indie fighter, it almost has to be Shantae.
- Dr. Robotnik/Eggman [Sonic the Hedgehog / Sega] This is one of those characters who, looking at the grand scope of Ultimate, feels almost obvious. Samus finally got her big bad in Ridley, the Kongs got theirs in K. Rool, and Wolf returned after a long absence, and even the Belmonts brought Dracula with them as a boss. Sonic is basically an unofficial Nintendo character at this point, and I think fans would go nuts if Robotnik joined the fray.
And, hey, while we're bringing new Echo Fighters into the mix, he could come with either Metal Sonic or Shadow! Win/win!
- Crash [Crash Bandicoot / Activision] You end your Fighter Passes with a bang, and who else would make fans go nuts than by finally getting the last great platformer mascot of the late-90s? He would fit perfectly into this game. You know it, I know it, there's almost nothing that needs explaining here. We all want to play a Mario/Sonic/Crash match, so Nintendo should just make it happen.
Bonus 3:
- Promo Character [????] Look, these bonus characters are impossible to predict. Case in point, our first one was Piranha Plant. I think Nintendo would want to keep it safe by including a character from an upcoming game on their slate. Who this could be is anyone's guess, but for the sake of this hypothetical, I'm going to say Paper Mario, obviously to advertise the inevitable HD remaster of Thousand-Year Door in my dreams. But it could be anyone, from Rex and Pyra to a new Pokemon to a random break-out star of some upcoming game to, I dunno, a Goomba Tower. Anything goes here!
Okay, Fighter Pass 3:
- Tetromino [Tetris / Mother Russia] Listen, I want this to happen so badly. It's not even a joke, even though that would definitely be it's biggest selling point: "A Tetris block? Really? That's so f***ing weird and hilarious that I obviously need to try it out." I've seriously been wanting a Tetromino since Piranha Plant was revealed, and it's impossible to deny that it's the most iconic video game icon still missing from Smash in some capacity.
I will die on this hill, guys. Tetromino 2021.
- Ryu Hayabusa [Ninja Gaiden / Tecmo] I have no personal connection to Hayabusa (except for Dragon Sword on the DS, which was a blast and a half), but I do think that he's the last great NES icon missing from the roster, so he more than deserves a spot.
- Some Level Five Character (Probably from Yo-Kai Watch) [??? / Level Five] Again, I don't know much about this company, but I do know how huge Yo-Kai Watch is in Japan. I feel like adding a character from that franchise would be huge (plus I'm honestly running out of ideas here).
- Some Marvelous Games Character (Probably not from Harvest Moon, possibly from Daemon x Machina if it sells well?) [??? / Marvelous Games] See what I mean?
All I know is that I've ignored two of the biggest Japanese developers in my hypothetical list so far, but in a world where we do get three Fighter Passes, Level Five and Marvelous are definitely getting reps. Speculate away.
- Sora [Kingdom Hearts / Square Enix and Disney?] This is how you end your third-party DLC. What's that? Both Square Enix and Disney, two of the most notoriously difficult negotiators in media, have agreed to slap Sora into your all-star fighting game? Yeah, that's an Avenger's level threat how you keep fans invested in your game even two or three years after launch!
Oh, but we're not done yet. Because we have one last surprise...
Bonus 4:
- Assist Trophy Promoted to Fighter [??? / Nintendo] That's right, suckers! It's Waluigi time! It's stupid, and I would probably hate it, but it would blow the collective minds of our overly-excited fanbase. Hey, it's also very possible that Issac or Ashley get the promotion instead, but I wouldn't put it past Nintendo or Sakurai to pull a stunt like this to wrap up Ultimate's development.
Whew, that was a lot more exhausting than I thought it'd be...