I had an insane dream last night that DKCR3 came out and I played the whole thing in one huge marathon. Some stuff's fuzzy but I thought you Kutthroats might enjoy it after debating all day over whether you would or wouldn't. So, this is a summary of what my diseased brain can remember.
~Donkey Kong Country : Return of The King~
So, it's a stormy night on DK Isle (the Retro version, not the Rare version). DK himself is sound asleep in his hammock, but the camera pans towards his hut's window and out towards the beach. A mysterious rowboat has washed ashore; and then a remix of this plays.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DuaiKRruwac Lightning crashes, revealing K. Rool's silhouette gettting out and turning to face DK's home. The next morning, DK gets up and goes to check his nanner hoard, only to find K. Rool and Cranky trashtalking each other and preparing to duel over the hoard. DK joins Cranky and basically proceeds to win the easiest boss fight of his life (the King is oddly lethargic, coughing and sneezing often [it was sort of a tutorial level]). After the apes best him, K. Rool laments how those pesky monkeys have no business defeating a king so soundly....and his demeanor changes. He turns away from the Kongs (Diddy and Dixie [more commonly known as the only one you'll ever use] are here, too. Can't remember how or why, but whatever) for a moment and thinks before snapping his scaly fingers, turning to the group and laughing (DK64 style). He says something like 'maybe you mammals are just what I needed' and dumps some exposition on them. After Fredrik had his blubbery behind handed to him by DK, he started looking for another island to call home, eventually stumbling upon the resurrected Crocodile Isle, booting most of the Kremlings off, and claiming it for his own. K. Rool and the Kremling Krew have been sailing the high seas for weeks, and are very low on supplies; naturally, K. Rool recalled DK's banana hoard, and thought DK Isle would be a great place to...er, resupply. The King himself decided to go ashore alone and try to negotiate (or something?). Anyway, blah, blah, stuff I can't recall (except Dixie is all snarky during the exchange and constantly chewing bubblegum and blowing bubbles and it's awesome), but it's eventually decided that the Kongs will reinvade Crocodile Isle with The Kremlings' help to oust the Snowmads. K. Rool takes them back to his galleon, opens the hold to reveal the Flying Krock, which they ride over Crocodile Isle (during the flight, Klump gives you a tutorial on how to play if you need it and it's so ****ing cool) and parachute down. K. Rool and a small force of Kremlings follow the Kongs, and the REAL game begins.
The actual game is more or less a modern, fairly revamped, stretched out version of DKC2 with Snowmads as the enemies de jour and patches of ice and stuff in places. The shops though? Those were amazing. There were two in every world: Funky's Flights, which sold balloons, banana juice, barrels, those ball toys, and Squawks, and Klubba's Kiosk, which sold keys to secret levels like in Returns, all the weird balloons from Tropical Freeze, crash guards, and the super guide, which is actually K. Rool showing you how to navigate all the more treacherous areas of the island. Most of the bosses were rematches from Tropical Freeze, and the rocketbarrel levels....um, I actually can't remember most of them. I know the one before the final boss showed the Flying Krock and the giant Snowmad ship blasting away at each other, raining down bits of debris and enemies to serve as obstacles (also, the Snowmad ship fires snowballs at you and the Flying Krock occasionally shoots a heart at you). Anyway, the Snowmad ship is downed and crashes on the highest point of Crocodile Isle; DK flies the rocketbarrel into it and sees Fredrik's shadow looming near a throne. He rushes over, and...it's a puppet. Like, a really, REALLY bad puppet with button eyes, bananas for tusks, oven mitts for hands, and a sack of flour for a gut. It's hilarious. Anyway, K. Rool appears grinning from behind a curtain with more plot. We see a flashback of Gangplank Galleon pulling up next to the Snowmad ship; Fredrik and K. Rool have a conversation that went something like this:
"Leåve us åløne. We've just been beåten by å dumb mönkey in å tie."
"....A monkey with a tie, you say?" K. Rool's eye bulges. "By any chance, was that monkey's name...
Donkey Kong?"
So, basically, the two teamed up to distract DK and co on Crocodile Isle while the bulk of the Kremlings stole the banana hoard and Fred and some Snowmads recaptured DK Isle. DK doesn't get it, so K. Rool dumbs it down for him (I actually remember this word for word):
"Bananas go bye-bye"
At this, DK beats his chest and starts the real boss battle vs K. Rool. He throws his crown, bunny hops, shoots wacky gas and spiked kannonballs from his blunderbuss...it's great. DK beats him, and he flees to DK Island for more assistance. When you catch him, you're treated to a brilliant tag team boss battle where a third is K. Rool battling you while Fred shoots some ice dragons, another third is Fred battling you while K. Rool pulls a Dumb Drum out and dumps klaptraps and stuff on you (when he's gotten sick of those spiky kannonballs), and the final third has the two kings fighting you at the same time, only to fail, get launched off DK Isle, slam into Crocodile Isle (which starts sinking....again...) and the Snowmad ship, and credits.
....words cannot describe how disappointed I was when I woke up this morning. Also, looking back at it, it seems sort of like the plot to a DK RPG or something. I dunno. Thought you guys might enjoy it.
Edit: the Supreme Kommander BKupa liked this post. I can die a happy man. :D
Also, when the puppet of Fred is revealed, a really janky harmonica remix of homecoming hijinx plays. Maybe that was why I found it so funny.
