Quitting Smash
I've come to realize its time for me to quit smash. No matter what perspective I look at it from its just time for me to quit. Its no ones fault but my own that I wasted so much money going to tourneys to play a game I don't really care about, then when the opportunity to go to a tournament where I'd play 3/4 of the games there, meet a really good friend I've been meaning to see in tournament for a long time, and would have a fair chance at winning in at least some of the events comes along I have no means to go. One of the few tourneys I had reason and nothing went my way in the end.
This isn't the only occurrence where my logic just nagged at me. For one I went to most all of our OOS tourneys because everyone was going and it just seemed like a blunder for me not to attend. Now looking back I wasted valuable time and money. There are too many things going on with my life for me to be doing such things. Not to mention socially it wasn't a particularly rational endeavor. I didn't go to my first tourney looking for friends after all. Its become apparent anyways that if I were my true self I'd probably be hated and many of you would find me annoying. Having to care what people think about me is tedious and morosely counterproductive for me, and unfortunately I can't help that tendency. Even Schizm brings up the fact that I'm too young to be hanging out without some portion of awkwardness. As I said before, I'm an all or nothing person, and if people can't see all of me I'd rather be irrelevant to them.
Obviously I care enough to make this post, and that makes me somewhat of a narcissist, but its the least I can do to get the idea of going to tourneys out of my mind entirely. After all, for some people this will be the only real impression I'll make, and that bothers me. It bothers me enough that I'd rather not go to another tourney until it becomes worth my while somehow. I'd rather wallow in my current situation then foresee anything smash-related for a good time. A pity party in a sunken ship is more enjoyable then celebration built off a high tide. At least there there is introspection enough to see where you belong, and with none of the eventual crashing down later. After all, one grows tired of trying their luck when others only see a single side of the coin.
Don't think I shared any magnanimosity, but if my opinion could stretch farther then video games I'd at least say I have no qualms. A free conscience is useless to me so I won't request it. Don't expect much reply on the boards either I suppose, it'd be likewise if I had moved to Georgia at the time I foreshadowed. I'll see you guys when-never.