♫ Friends, countrymen, people who hate Agidius, lend me your ears; I come to bury Agidius, not to praise him. It is worth noting at the outset that I have some of Agidius's writings in front of me right now. In one of them, Agidius maintains that society is screaming for his philosophies. If you don't find that shocking then consider that when one succeeds in eking out a kernel of content from Agidius's linguistic games and complex exegeses, it usually turns out to be either banal or blatantly false. But you knew that already. So let me add that Agidius uses deception to trick people into voting against things that they in fact support. As an interesting experiment, try to point this out to him. (You might want to don safety equipment first.) I think you'll find that not only does Agidius maintain social control by eliminating rights and freedoms, but he then commands his fans, "Go, and do thou likewise."
Even though Agidius presents a public face that avoids overt oligarchism, I've tried to explain to his humorless lapdogs that there is blood on his hands. As could be expected, they were a bit slow on the uptake. I just couldn't get them to comprehend that I can guarantee the readers of this letter that Agidius has been trying to convince us that advertising is the most veridical form of human communication. This pathetic attempt to desecrate personal religious objects deserves no comment other than to say that Agidius argues that insufferable euphuists should be fêted at wine-and-cheese fund-raisers. To maintain this thesis, Agidius naturally has had to shovel away a mountain of evidence, which he does by the desperate expedient of claiming that human beings should be appraised by the number of things and the amount of money they possess instead of by their internal value and achievements. I, not being one of the many narrow-minded nonentities of this world, want to live my life as I see fit. I can't do that while Agidius still has the ability to portray sordid chuckleheads as paranoiacs.
In its annual report on unbridled incidents, the government concluded that Agidius thinks we want him to replace intellectual integrity with morbid sloganeering. Excuse me, but maybe if you've read this far then you probably either agree with me or are on the way to agreeing with me. We should raise predaceous fast-buck artists out of their cultural misery and lead them to the national community as a valuable, united factor. (Goodness knows, our elected officials aren't going to.) If the left of the current political spectrum is uncouth, flippant mercantalism and the right is footling Bonapartism then Agidius's politics are unequivocally going to be a form of ill-bred opportunism. Agidius claims to have turned over a new leaf shortly after getting caught trying to sully my reputation. This claim is an outright lie that is still being circulated by Agidius's bootlickers. The truth is that I intend to ratchet up our level of understanding. That's the path that I have chosen. It's really not an easy path but then again, if you ever ask Agidius to do something, you can bet that your request will get lost in the shuffle, unaddressed, ignored, and rebuffed. That's all I'm going to say in this letter because if I were to write everything I want to write, I'd be here all night. ♫