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RedmanSSBM
, I want to preface this by saying I mean no ill will and I may not be presenting answer but instead responding much in the way I treat and respond to myself, hopefully none of this is taken the wrong way but rather as a reflection of my mindset and view on things and of course contains a healthy dosage of projection
it started a lot nastier but then I decided I didn't want to go into too much detail about myself on a public forum so I pet my dog for a bit and calmed down and this is what we have, forgive any typos I cba fixing ****
regardless here we go
I do exactly as you have said but it's not working out. I feel like this is hardly progressing at all and playing this games feels more like a chore than it does like a fun activity. I'm really debating to even continue because I find myself not enjoying the game that much over time. In the grand scheme of things, I'm not having fun and I'm contemplating if it's still even worth playing this game. This is a problem I have dealt with for a long time now and I've tried many different things to get to a solution but it feels like there is no real concrete solution and that it's just a matter of constantly grinding this game just to slightly improve over time.
Why are you playing the game? Why do you want to improve? If you aren't having fun and you don't have a good answer to these then yeah, I agree, why play. I've forced myself to play games past the point of enjoyment in the past, simply because they were what my friends played, the result was nothing but resentment and hatred of the game. Better to be a fan of a game than hate it, even if not a player. If you don't want to stop I suggest you figure out why it is you want to get better and why it's worth putting the work in, and if your answer to that doesn't revolve around "me" and "I" statements then find another answer to get
anything done in life you have to want it for
you
I don't even know how I can play the game to enjoy it anymore. Everything feels like a chore. Everything hurts, everything sucks, I play bad, my opponent plays better than I do, I very rarely ever warm up, I've been reading "The Inner Game of Tennis" to help my mentality but I have not applied much of it at all and I can't find a way to get out of this stupid ****ing hole.
I don't want to take a break and then just come back because then I'll just be worse than I was before when I'm out of practice. I'll not enjoy the game even more than I do now. It's so ****ing stupid. I really like theorizing new things nd playing by myself to get down this new tech I've been wanting to try. I'm smart, I know a lot about how the game works and a lot about how matchups work I just cannot for the life of me doing while playing the ****ing game.
"Everything feels like a chore"
Does that expand beyond smash or is it just that everything melee feels like a chore. If it's just melee, then take a damn break. Solo practice a bit each week to keep from getting rusty. You need a damn mental break. Come back when you want to play the game and you'll play better, not worse. Mental breaks like that help a ton, at least they do for me. You don't accomplish **** while burnt out
If it's more then just melee, well then you have to do some serious reevaluation of more important things. As someone who has gone through some pretty serious depression, if you can't feel motivated to do anything, if you dont have the desire to do anything, make yourself. Just ****ing do it because that's what you have to ****ing do, take what you can feel and use it. Still feel some bitter angriness? Use that because it's better than nothing and turn it into fuel because you're ****ing better than that. Just laying down and giving up? You wont do that. Get up and get **** done. "Why" isn't a question you ask yourself or even consider you just ****ing do it. But this doesn't apply to smash, it should be something more important than smash. And honestly this is how I at least started to recover my life when it was falling apart around me. Get up each day and just ****ing do it.
The past 4 or so tournaments I have entered I have always gotten really upset at myself for losing to people I feel like I should not have lost to, or people I feel like I could have beaten if I was warmed up, or if I was playing Ganon and not Sheik or Marth or what the **** ever. I've been messing with other characters to figure out just how I have fun with the game but I'm finding the more and more I play this game to try and improve I'm enjoying it less and less and it's ****ing driving me up the ****ing wall.
I really don't even know what I'm gonna be doing for Apex because I'm so indecisive about what I want to do with this game. I mean, I'm still going of course, I just don't know what my game plan will be for when I go because I swear I've worked on so many options and I am reaching my limit here. I am not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and I just want to blow a hole in the wall.
It's like a ****ing slot machine effect, where I get those few bursts of amazing play that I feel like I play really well and it makes me want to keep playing this game. But then at most tournaments I don't even come close to that and I just end up flopping majorly and I'm always questioning what I am doing with my time by the end of the day. This **** is NOT fun to me at all. This **** is depressing to me.
Those bitter angry feelings sound like fuel to me, but maybe I run on different things than you. Regardless, think about why you're feeling those feelings. Reevaluate why you should be beating people and maybe give them a bit more respect or your ego a little less. Either way, if you don't have a solid reason as to why you want to improve then why is this upsetting you? If you do have a solid reason to improve then stop ****ing dwelling and use it as motivation to push towards that
I hate hearing all the crap about johns and that my mentality is bad. I've been trying to work on it for the past 3 ****ing months but I feel like I have made very little to no progress at all, despite increased effort. I cannot for the life of me find a proper balance between enjoying the game and improving drastically. It's like I have to sacrifice one or the other and I'm just not willing to do either of them.
Time and effort mean **** all if they aren't used right, figure out why your mentality is bad. Figure out why whatever that is is a thing. It's not about the game it's about self-improvement. Hell, games stopped being about games long ago for me, I just see them as a way to compete, a way to socialize, and a medium for self improvement. You can learn a lot about yourself, but most of the time you don't want to and once you do you don't want to put the effort into changing things. Mentality is a habit, just ****ing break the bad ones
I'm tired of all this negativity. I want to enjoy the game again. Maybe it's all just been an illusion in my head and I'm only good for playing friendlies versus. In fact, I'm actually pretty unpleasant when it comes to playing friendlies versus me in the first place. I'm always getting mad at myself for not executing the thing that I wanted to. I'm always getting distraught from losing a matchup that I know I have the knowledge and experience to beat but I just cannot do it in game. I make it unpleasant for whoever is playing with me because I'm like a ****ing **** sack that doesn't make anyone else's time a good time.
Tired of all the negativity? Then stop being so ****ing negative. Figure out why, take a break, whatever. Just ****ing stop, dwelling on it leads to more ****ing negativity, it feeds itself. As for the rest of that, cut that **** out. First and foremost, don't say do. Once you start ****ing dwelling on and complaining about faults like these you'll never ****ing fix them. Don't say "god why do I act like an asshole boohoo" just stop ****ing acting like one. Saying it is looking for a way out. It's a halfassed means of aknowledging it to make yourself feel better (and simultaneously worse) rather than just fixing it. Not happy with yourself, your behavior, your reactions? ****ing fix them, no one said it's easy and it's more than melee it's the way self-improvement as a whole works.
I know people talk crap about me behind my back because I'm rather insecure when it comes to these things. I try to justify my insecurities by only looking at it through my perspective and being ignorant to what other people think, and then when I think too hard about how other people perceive me I do dumb ****, blabble, talk about **** that I don't really know how to articulate in words, make stupid ****ing facebook status based on my insecurities, etc. I just cannot ****ing win. I cannot get around this and I really want to but I have tried and I don't know what to do. Do I just keep playing this game, hardly ever getting any better, being and unpleasant prick to be around whenever I play friendlies with you? Rub my knowledge in your face like you don't know anything and I'm the one that is smarter and better than you? Do you really still want me to be this person?
Again, just ****ing stop. It's easier said than done to stop being insecure, hell it may even be impossible, but it is possible to lessen its hold on you. Cut the **** with the facebook posts and stop dwelling on that ****, and again, when it comes to self-improvement, find a drive and just ****ing do it. No talking about it, none of that bull**** that's a waste of energy and a halfassed escape, just ****ing man up and ****ing do it no "how" or "why" just shut up and get it done.
I like this community too much to just completely leave it. I'd feel pretty empty without it.
Sometimes you just have to deal with and work through that emptiness because it's for your own good, something will replace it eventually dont let a game's community dictate your life.
I ran a forum for several years and made some solid friends, eventually I realized it was bringing me nothing but stress and anger. I stopped visiting the site. They can get by without me and after a few rough weeks I felt better about my own state. I still talk to the two people from there who actually message me on steam and chill on mumble. I've also watched a TF2 clan slowly fade and my own guild break up and break down. Communities mean jack **** it's the friends you make that matter and if they're actual friends then they stay regardless.
I still do like spectating and watching streams and cheering for people at nationals. I still enjoy talking to people I've never met before or someone who I haven't seen for a long time.
then keep doing this you can be a fan and not a player and you can do this for multiple games, being a fan takes a hell of a lot less time than playing
I could just be too negative right now, but it's hard to look away from it all when there's so much of it and when so much of it is a fact.
Shut the **** up about negativity you only ****ing make it worse that way for ****'s sake
Maybe this game isn't really meant for me? I have no way of really knowing when or where to stop. 1.5 years surely is not that long of a period of time but I hate that nothing is clicking for me. When will that day come for when this game suddenly clicks for me? I feel the same way about this game when I'm playing it since CEO and even before then.
Maybe, or maybe you just need a break to come back fresh, maybe take a break and find out rather than dwelling on doom and gloom ****
I'm sorry guys, but this is a lot of **** that I have been thinking a lot about over the past several weeks and it's been consuming my life and my time and I just wanted to really vent for a moment. I'm sorry that I seem so hopeless. I'm sorry that I seem like such a brat. I'm sorry that I appear to be a quitter and I will never amount to anything. I try to come off as nice most of the time to people but in reality I really just talk out of my *** most of the time.
I don't know. I'm done typing this wall of text. I've let out all that I feel like letting out and now I'm just gonna sulk the night away thinking about what I really want to do.
Cut this ****ing **** out. Why the **** are you apologizing and talking about ****ing hopelessness. That doesn't help and that doesn't acomplish ****. What the **** do you want, pity or to be left sulking? Heads up, neither of those ****ing things accomplish jack ****ing **** so stop wasting the energy. Stop ****ing dwelling on this bull**** because that's all it is. If you feel ****ty, focus on something ****ing else not the fact that you feel ****ty for ****'s sake. It's a nasty ****ing spiral that ends up with you in a ****ing dark place and a lot of **** that you worked ****ing hard for down the goddamn drain and I'm not just ****ing talking smash. Man the **** up and pick yourself up. Work on something productive, just ****ing do it, don't think about all of the negativity or how to fix it. Just think about what you want and have a drive for and then ****ing do it. But dwelling on negativity is a negative spiral, and dwelling is stagnation which breeds nothing but decay. ****, every now and again I just need to watch something like TTGL. "We evolve beyond the person that we were a minute before. Little by little we advance with each turn. That's how a drill works!"
Improvement, self improvement or improvement at melee or ****ing anything, is not about ****ing jumps and crazy spikes. Sure now and again something might click and jump ahead, but at the end of the day we're all just ****ing human and improvement is a slow process we just have to work at, keep turning and find the ****ing will, the drive, to push forward and keep going, that's ****ing life
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Coastward
sorry I got nothin' to help but seeing the images and names like I'm looking forward to whatever your project is, it should be hype