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Still crafting my response to LT...
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Group Writing Project
- Thread starter DtJ Glyphmoney
- Start date
DerpDaBerp
Smash Champion
the past week has been academic ****
and our story alone is leaving me with kind of a narrow path lol. When I post next it'll probably be pretty short
and our story alone is leaving me with kind of a narrow path lol. When I post next it'll probably be pretty short
Glyph, get the cattle prod. Looks like we need another round of PM prods.
Maybe next time, we can implement a "write a collaborative story in X number of posts" rule. When people can see the finish line, and there's a concrete foreknowledge of length, it's easier to keep the story going to its conclusion.
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Yeah, I think that's a really good adjustment to make. A lot (or all) of these just fizzled after a bit
It was really just finals and stuff for me -- that and the fact that the comic tournement I'm in for Void started literally right as finals were ending. I have every intention of jumping back in ASAP and I hope Goldie does too!
You bet your *** I'm still in this.
Oh wow, I forgot about this. I'll continue mine asap.
sorry to be so slow on this last update. should have a little something up tonight or tomorro!
So since most of these stories are all but dead, I thought I'd read through them again and offer some of my thoughts and critique. I fully realize that, as we've learned, it's tough to craft a story when two people are alternately writing it, and that's probably the cause of many of my gripes, but in keeping with the contest's philosophy (everything posted is part of the story, and it's one single story despite being written by two people) my comments mostly evaluate each story as a whole, the same way I'd evaluate something that was written by a single author.
Glyph/Jam: One of the more entertaining ones, I think we can agree. I like what Jam did with his first post. It gave me the impression that the woman, Tahira, was having an arranged marriage to which she had resigned herself because she didn't want to fight the family and culture she had grown up in, even though she didn't love the man she was to marry. I think Jam also left open the possibility that there was someone else involved, someone else she truly loved who her family wouldn't approve of.
Of course, then came Glyph's mole-people thing out of left field
. Jam took it in stride and handled it quite nicely, and Glyph continued it from there quite nicely. I thought it would've been better if she hadn't been killed outright, because from there, if the story had continued, it seemed like it would have just turned into either a revenge tale (which doesn't seem all that compelling) or some big tale about human rights (which is really broad and unfocused). Still, the point at which they stopped leaves room for it to go in any number of directions, which can't be a bad thing.
Sold2/Macman: I like how this starts: at first it seems like just a tale about a guy escaping a stereotypical evil aristocrat/royal, but then there's this introduction of an other world and a key to travel between realities, which intrigues me.
But then it kind of veers off in another direction and loses me. Graham goes into this other reality, and now I'm confused as to who he is, what this Guild of Freedom and war is all about, etc. Then there's a long action scene that ends in something else confusing as well.
I don't think the other reality, and the Guild of Freedom stuff, and Jackson, and the year 2052, and the Key, and all those elements were bad things. Not at all. However, the story would've benefited greatly if it'd spent a little more time world-building and giving the reader more context before jumping headlong into action, or if context were revealed in nice chunks as the action occurred, chunks of context that answered questions instead of raising them.
Ryker/Juicy: I love the concept (stuff about Interceptors, Damsels, trying to stay safe from other "teams" all while trying to juggle the appearance/life of a normal university student).
I can't say I love the story's execution; it starts off with too much explanation of how this heat-emanating watch works, how the teams are set up, etc., but it doesn't introduce a character to me or make me care about the character, which should always be priority number one. There's talk of coming up with a plan, and putting the plan into action, and Juicy remarks on observations that the main character/narrator makes... but I have a hard time identifying with him (the narrator) or caring because I don't know what the stakes are! Is this just some big game, a contest of skill where the prize is bragging rights? Or are these some kind of paranormal creatures posing as humans? Are their lives at stake if they lose (after all, use of the word "enemy" implies something more than just opponents in a sport)? Making the reader ask questions is good, but there should also be little answers to at least some questions that help put the characters' actions in context.
rPSI/Xonar: The beginning was a bit tedious (too many sentences spent on the mechanics of writing), then the abrupt point of view shift, then the abrupt introduction of drugs. Ultimately, I think this story tries to do too much too fast. Before the reader is even grounded, a drug-addicted man has been killed and the guy who killed him is wondering about how to dispose of the corpse, and we still don't have a clue who either of these people are. I don't get any sense of direction.
Werekill/sw96: I loved how Werekill "incorporated" sw96's posts into his story. The story itself, of course, was pure randomness, amusing enough to bring smiles to my face.
Will get around to the rest later.
Glyph/Jam: One of the more entertaining ones, I think we can agree. I like what Jam did with his first post. It gave me the impression that the woman, Tahira, was having an arranged marriage to which she had resigned herself because she didn't want to fight the family and culture she had grown up in, even though she didn't love the man she was to marry. I think Jam also left open the possibility that there was someone else involved, someone else she truly loved who her family wouldn't approve of.
Of course, then came Glyph's mole-people thing out of left field
. Jam took it in stride and handled it quite nicely, and Glyph continued it from there quite nicely. I thought it would've been better if she hadn't been killed outright, because from there, if the story had continued, it seemed like it would have just turned into either a revenge tale (which doesn't seem all that compelling) or some big tale about human rights (which is really broad and unfocused). Still, the point at which they stopped leaves room for it to go in any number of directions, which can't be a bad thing.Sold2/Macman: I like how this starts: at first it seems like just a tale about a guy escaping a stereotypical evil aristocrat/royal, but then there's this introduction of an other world and a key to travel between realities, which intrigues me.
But then it kind of veers off in another direction and loses me. Graham goes into this other reality, and now I'm confused as to who he is, what this Guild of Freedom and war is all about, etc. Then there's a long action scene that ends in something else confusing as well.
I don't think the other reality, and the Guild of Freedom stuff, and Jackson, and the year 2052, and the Key, and all those elements were bad things. Not at all. However, the story would've benefited greatly if it'd spent a little more time world-building and giving the reader more context before jumping headlong into action, or if context were revealed in nice chunks as the action occurred, chunks of context that answered questions instead of raising them.
Ryker/Juicy: I love the concept (stuff about Interceptors, Damsels, trying to stay safe from other "teams" all while trying to juggle the appearance/life of a normal university student).
I can't say I love the story's execution; it starts off with too much explanation of how this heat-emanating watch works, how the teams are set up, etc., but it doesn't introduce a character to me or make me care about the character, which should always be priority number one. There's talk of coming up with a plan, and putting the plan into action, and Juicy remarks on observations that the main character/narrator makes... but I have a hard time identifying with him (the narrator) or caring because I don't know what the stakes are! Is this just some big game, a contest of skill where the prize is bragging rights? Or are these some kind of paranormal creatures posing as humans? Are their lives at stake if they lose (after all, use of the word "enemy" implies something more than just opponents in a sport)? Making the reader ask questions is good, but there should also be little answers to at least some questions that help put the characters' actions in context.
rPSI/Xonar: The beginning was a bit tedious (too many sentences spent on the mechanics of writing), then the abrupt point of view shift, then the abrupt introduction of drugs. Ultimately, I think this story tries to do too much too fast. Before the reader is even grounded, a drug-addicted man has been killed and the guy who killed him is wondering about how to dispose of the corpse, and we still don't have a clue who either of these people are. I don't get any sense of direction.
Werekill/sw96: I loved how Werekill "incorporated" sw96's posts into his story. The story itself, of course, was pure randomness, amusing enough to bring smiles to my face.
Will get around to the rest later.
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I guess that's a good marker to official end this whole little game. I'd love to hear some of the things that went through you guys' heads as you were writing, especially in regards to what was set up by your partner.
Jam's initial post was not something I was prepared for, like at all. To put it bluntly, Jam's just a lot smarter than I am and I don't know nothin bout no arranged marriages. I knew if I tried to follow the exact same tone and theme I'd butcher it, so I had to try to spin it in a way I could justify changing how things worked while still taking the story seriously. Looking back, mole people was probably not the best choice, but I am pretty happy with where the story went. I agree with Goldy that our story really died out after Tahira's death. I absolutely loved reading the whole scene leading up to it, but I didn't think I could justify leaving her alive after Jam went out of his way to put so much emphasis on just how brutally and often she was stabbed without throwing her in a healing chamber from dbz or some ****.
Jam's initial post was not something I was prepared for, like at all. To put it bluntly, Jam's just a lot smarter than I am and I don't know nothin bout no arranged marriages. I knew if I tried to follow the exact same tone and theme I'd butcher it, so I had to try to spin it in a way I could justify changing how things worked while still taking the story seriously. Looking back, mole people was probably not the best choice, but I am pretty happy with where the story went. I agree with Goldy that our story really died out after Tahira's death. I absolutely loved reading the whole scene leading up to it, but I didn't think I could justify leaving her alive after Jam went out of his way to put so much emphasis on just how brutally and often she was stabbed without throwing her in a healing chamber from dbz or some ****.
I was also surprised by how well your/Jam's story went, considering the outlandishness of the mole people thing, haha. At first I thought, "oh man, this is going to become a ridiculous story," but as you guys each made a couple more posts, that changed to "wow, they've actually done something pretty interesting with this!"
I'm still dying to see Jam's update.
What went through MY head as I read Goldie's posts was basically:
-Man goldie's gotten so much better than he was a couple years back when he started writing
-Damn, I had a role in that too! Well that feels pretty good
-Man that was an awesome setup. Time to write.
*goldie replies*
-God he totally GETS IT.
But then I just never had the right level of inspiration. I'm legitimately proud of what we have thus far though and hope to do something with it, some day. Be it soon or in months or years, I don't know. But I think we've got somethin'.
What went through MY head as I read Goldie's posts was basically:
-Man goldie's gotten so much better than he was a couple years back when he started writing
-Damn, I had a role in that too! Well that feels pretty good
-Man that was an awesome setup. Time to write.
*goldie replies*
-God he totally GETS IT.
But then I just never had the right level of inspiration. I'm legitimately proud of what we have thus far though and hope to do something with it, some day. Be it soon or in months or years, I don't know. But I think we've got somethin'.
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EE I remember you telling me that you had been laying down hints that the main character was mildly autistic. And then you read the whole story and both of you seem so in tune with that idea that its just mindblowing.
And then I asked you about that before I posted this to make sure and turns out you decided that based off some mannerisms the main guy had, and then it just developed awesomely.
And then I asked you about that before I posted this to make sure and turns out you decided that based off some mannerisms the main guy had, and then it just developed awesomely.
Haha good review Gold. I'm a bit sad that this never really took off. I have a couple friends who would be interested in joining another one if there was ever enough interest. And of course I would love to join again.
[collapse=Ideas behind my story. I'm pretty sure it's done anyways.]Thinking back I was perhaps a little too ambitious for my idea but it definitely didn't fail. It just never really got the time to develop. I was trying to write a dual-reality type of story, with the focus being Graham's impending insanity and how he perceives the worlds. I thought it was a good idea with two writers and Macman was actually great for it. I had never really decided if either of the worlds he was in were a figment of his imagination or literally parallel world and planned to keep it ambiguous for as long as I could.
In my mind, Graham in the "dark" (or perhaps you would call it the "real" world) was an ex-member of that bad dude's criminal organization. He was the technical specialist of the group. The "Key" in this world was a script that he had written (symbolized as a USB Flash Drive, or something similar), which in a world so technologically dependent granted him nearly unlimited freedom. He was really emotionally unstable and attached to this item. Didn't get to develop the other world enough for it to matter, but in both worlds he was an enemy of the government and in both he longed for an "escape."
Macman did a really fantastic job with the gritty harsh details of the "real" world. My favorite part was when he mentioned the bloody, salty mist of the cow entrails falling on his face, in reference to the salty ocean mist falling on his face in the other reality. I think between me and him we did the character pretty good. Thinking about Graham running around an abandoned meat hanger, bumping into bloody hunks of meat, afraid of some shadowy figure who would kill him on the spot.[/collapse]
[collapse=Ideas behind my story. I'm pretty sure it's done anyways.]Thinking back I was perhaps a little too ambitious for my idea but it definitely didn't fail. It just never really got the time to develop. I was trying to write a dual-reality type of story, with the focus being Graham's impending insanity and how he perceives the worlds. I thought it was a good idea with two writers and Macman was actually great for it. I had never really decided if either of the worlds he was in were a figment of his imagination or literally parallel world and planned to keep it ambiguous for as long as I could.
In my mind, Graham in the "dark" (or perhaps you would call it the "real" world) was an ex-member of that bad dude's criminal organization. He was the technical specialist of the group. The "Key" in this world was a script that he had written (symbolized as a USB Flash Drive, or something similar), which in a world so technologically dependent granted him nearly unlimited freedom. He was really emotionally unstable and attached to this item. Didn't get to develop the other world enough for it to matter, but in both worlds he was an enemy of the government and in both he longed for an "escape."
Macman did a really fantastic job with the gritty harsh details of the "real" world. My favorite part was when he mentioned the bloody, salty mist of the cow entrails falling on his face, in reference to the salty ocean mist falling on his face in the other reality. I think between me and him we did the character pretty good. Thinking about Graham running around an abandoned meat hanger, bumping into bloody hunks of meat, afraid of some shadowy figure who would kill him on the spot.[/collapse]
#HBC | ZoZo
Shocodoro Blagshidect
That hit the nail on the head, Gold. Not to proud on the story progression there.
I kinda want to continue my story, but I really lack the motivation. >_<
I felt so bad for you lol
I felt like there was potential for a good story to be told with our project, but lack of communication was more of a hinderance than this activity was a catalyst. That and unfortunate timing on my internet dying and causing it to die a hard death for awhile.