So since most of these stories are all but dead, I thought I'd read through them again and offer some of my thoughts and critique. I fully realize that, as we've learned, it's tough to craft a story when two people are alternately writing it, and that's probably the cause of many of my gripes, but in keeping with the contest's philosophy (everything posted is part of the story, and it's one single story despite being written by two people) my comments mostly evaluate each story as a whole, the same way I'd evaluate something that was written by a single author.
Glyph/Jam: One of the more entertaining ones, I think we can agree. I like what Jam did with his first post. It gave me the impression that the woman, Tahira, was having an arranged marriage to which she had resigned herself because she didn't want to fight the family and culture she had grown up in, even though she didn't love the man she was to marry. I think Jam also left open the possibility that there was someone else involved, someone else she truly loved who her family wouldn't approve of.
Of course, then came Glyph's mole-people thing out of left field
. Jam took it in stride and handled it quite nicely, and Glyph continued it from there quite nicely. I thought it would've been better if she hadn't been killed outright, because from there, if the story had continued, it seemed like it would have just turned into either a revenge tale (which doesn't seem all that compelling) or some big tale about human rights (which is really broad and unfocused). Still, the point at which they stopped leaves room for it to go in any number of directions, which can't be a bad thing.
Sold2/Macman: I like how this starts: at first it seems like just a tale about a guy escaping a stereotypical evil aristocrat/royal, but then there's this introduction of an other world and a key to travel between realities, which intrigues me.
But then it kind of veers off in another direction and loses me. Graham goes into this other reality, and now I'm confused as to who he is, what this Guild of Freedom and war is all about, etc. Then there's a long action scene that ends in something else confusing as well.
I don't think the other reality, and the Guild of Freedom stuff, and Jackson, and the year 2052, and the Key, and all those elements were bad things. Not at all. However, the story would've benefited greatly if it'd spent a little more time world-building and giving the reader more context before jumping headlong into action, or if context were revealed in nice chunks as the action occurred, chunks of context that answered questions instead of raising them.
Ryker/Juicy: I love the concept (stuff about Interceptors, Damsels, trying to stay safe from other "teams" all while trying to juggle the appearance/life of a normal university student).
I can't say I love the story's execution; it starts off with too much explanation of how this heat-emanating watch works, how the teams are set up, etc., but it doesn't introduce a character to me or make me care about the character, which should always be priority number one. There's talk of coming up with a plan, and putting the plan into action, and Juicy remarks on observations that the main character/narrator makes... but I have a hard time identifying with him (the narrator) or caring because I don't know what the stakes are! Is this just some big game, a contest of skill where the prize is bragging rights? Or are these some kind of paranormal creatures posing as humans? Are their lives at stake if they lose (after all, use of the word "enemy" implies something more than just opponents in a sport)? Making the reader ask questions is good, but there should also be little answers to at least some questions that help put the characters' actions in context.
rPSI/Xonar: The beginning was a bit tedious (too many sentences spent on the mechanics of writing), then the abrupt point of view shift, then the abrupt introduction of drugs. Ultimately, I think this story tries to do too much too fast. Before the reader is even grounded, a drug-addicted man has been killed and the guy who killed him is wondering about how to dispose of the corpse, and we still don't have a clue who either of these people are. I don't get any sense of direction.
Werekill/sw96: I loved how Werekill "incorporated" sw96's posts into his story. The story itself, of course, was pure randomness, amusing enough to bring smiles to my face.
Will get around to the rest later.