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Flash vs Superman

Tom

Tom

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Oh, please. Haven't you heard the pure badassery that is the World of Cardboard speech?

Superman said:
"That man won't quit as long as he can still draw a breath. None of my teammates will. Me? I've got a different problem.

I feel like I live in a world made of... cardboard, always taking constant care not to break something, to break someone. Never allowing myself to lose control even for a moment, or someone could die.

But you can take it, can't you, big man? What we have here is a rare opportunity for me to cut loose and show you just how powerful I really am."
Click to expand...
Hardcore. Flash has nothing.
 
tmw_redcell

tmw_redcell

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Tomato Cat said:
Oh, please. Haven't you heard the pure badassery that is the World of Cardboard speech?



Hardcore. Flash has nothing.
Click to expand...
I see your world of cardboard and raise you The Mother****ing Flash:

Now, I don't know how many of you dogs of the scurviest sea read comics, but I do a big pile of comics. One thing that blows my mind is how completely insane the powers in the DC universe are. Look at Superman. This guy has more powers than French restaurants have ways to say "your taste in wine is atrocious". He has powers to do with every part of his body and then some. He forgets powers sometimes. He can shoot heat rays out of his eyes, frost breath from his mouth and red son radiation from his ***. He's that sort of crazy dude. All because he absorbs solar radiation.

Look at Batman. His power? The anti-power. Sure, he should be some tame, kung fun master of not much, but instead he's the hottest **** to ever **** on a plate. You got a power? He'll find your weakness and give you seizures or heart attacks. He'll light you on fire when you're sleeping or make you recharge your green lantern ring in the power outlet. Ten thousand volts of **** you batman. That's Batman.

But the ****ing Flash, my god, my ****ING GOD, this man has the greatest powers of all. If Superman's powers are being sucked off by twin super models and batman coming home to discover your wife is not only bisexual but has two friends she wants you to 'get in on' then the Flash is an orgy with a thousand women who also want to pay your World of Warcraft billing. And click the mouse for you. This man is just that ****ing hot. They have to power him down in the comics half the time just to keep him from doing everyone else's job.

Ok first off, he can travel at lightspeed. Mother ****! Not only does he travel at lightspeed, but time slows down for him. So he feels like he's having a casual jog or reading the paper, meanwhile, his feet are moving so fast you can hear him coming from Montana while he's already gotten to Arizona. That's ****ing fast. But wait! The ability to move at Lightspeed just isn't ****ing enough!

I know! Christ this guy can punch you so many times in a second you've been hit five times in the **** and two times everywhere else. You think you're about to fight the Flash and then it hits you, for the last split second he's beaned your beanbags with more blows than you had sperm. But no, there's more!

The Flash can also vibrate through walls. Now last I heard, you can not move so fast you can vibrate through walls, so what actually happens is the Flash is so fast he can pick and choose the movement of his individual molecules and move them through other solid objects, phasing through solid matter like it ain't no thing. I mean you think a guy who runs at lightspeed would run into **** but no, the Flash just goes right through them. To top that with a cherry and some whipped cream (which the Flash made in like a millisecond, ****er) he can selectively choose to cause objects to be "okay" afterwards or ****ING EXPLODE. That's right. He can run through you and make you blow up by transfering kinetic energy into you. Like Jesus. IT's bad enough you can't hit this guy, but he doesn't even have to punch you. Now your testicles have exploded and you're thinking you're about to hit him. Jesus? Just give it up. He's the ****ing Flash.

Now imagine that somehow there's someone who can get around the Flash blowing your balls up secret ninja technique. Ok. He can also control the flow of energy between objects. This power makes no sense but basically he can throw a rock at you, and you think it's going slow and then he's like WHOOHOOO WIZARDLY FLASH POWERS and bam it's going at lightspeed. So he can throw seven million rocks at you in a second then make them all goes different speeds thus striking your nads with seven million rocks one after the other.

But wait! There's more! He can also take energy from the very power of speed and make clothes out of it. Yes. Flash makes his pants out of GOES FAST. The man is so fast he can make Flash pants that GOES FAST go right into. I don't even start to understand the physics of that but basically SPEED == REALLY TIGHT UNDERWEAR AND COOL LIGHTNING THINGIES OVER THE EAR. You would think this is the end of it but ok let's say Flash is fighting Superman and **** he's going to lose and **** how is Superman THIS ****ing strong? I don't know he must be Superman fused with Batman into some sort of guy with tons of plans on how to punch you far harder than anyone else ok to end it off the Flash can GO BACK OR FORWARD IN TIME ON COMMAND.

How do you beat this dude? You're thinking you're hashing him good, laying down the beatdown, missing your balls and suddenly BAM YOUR MOM FELL DOWN THE STAIRS TWENTY YEARS AGO and there's a dent in your forehead and Superman not thunk so gud no more. Actually she didn't fall down the stairs the Flash put speed into them so they fell up her! **** you Flash! You moved the stairs to Soviet ****ing russia! RUSH-A! *****.

Oh, and lastly his greatest power is he isn't fast in bed. He takes it slow and gets all the ladies with his superpowers then actually satisfies them in the sack. Who the Hell is this guy? You'd think he could AT LEAST be a premature ejaculator since his ***** is moving at lightspeed but NOOOO he's even good in bed.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Wolverine sucks **** and should go die in a freak greasefire.
 
victra♥

victra♥

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tmw_redcell is my new hero. I never laughed so hard in my life.
 
Mic_128

Mic_128

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Superman flies up, grabs the moon and throws it at the earth.

Superman wins.
 
Tom

Tom

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>:C youre not allowed to win a thread with copypasta

actually im just bitter xD
 
KingJiggyWiggy

KingJiggyWiggy

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I will never tell. :D
Tomato Cat said:
Oh, please. Haven't you heard the pure badassery that is the World of Cardboard speech?



Hardcore. Flash has nothing.
Click to expand...
I remember that one! I loved it!

@tmw: LMFAO It has been so many years since I have laughed this hard! I actually forgot how painful it was to laugh like this. And on top of that, I have never cried while laughing before. Until today that is. Now imagine this: The Joker arrives with laughing gas and you all can't do **** about it because you're too busy crying and laughing too ****ing hard. Where are Flash's ball hitting techniques now? I believe Joker will have the last laugh... and the last tea bag.
 
ExCeL 52

ExCeL 52

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Oh man .. I was thinking Superman... But then I saw tmw's post and whew... Im glad Flash didn't hear me say that.
Oh crapasfskdfhasldfjas;dfjas;dfljkasd;fjasdflkajsdf

*ceisure*
*Jizzed in my pants.*
 
ExCeL 52

ExCeL 52

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SuperRacoon said:
Superman win's because only Superman has a scene that was synced so perfectly with voice and music from the Dracula fight in CastleVania. Which automatically gives him +20 awesome which he didn't even need to win in the first place.

Behold the video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTwgkqaMjfo
Click to expand...
Oh man .. that was soo gangstaaa..
Your just a secret pile of super secrets!
Playtimes Over!
 
R

Riku00

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"What was that!?"WonderWoman cried."I don't know but it hurt like HelI! Aww my a55"Superman responds.

The Flash wins. WonderWoman was not only satisfied, Supermam was too.
That's the Flash baby
 
P

polyopulis

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can the flash harm superman despite his invulnerability without kryptonite? because if not, it all comes down to whether or not there is kryptonite. because there are instances where superman also travels at light speed (like when he spins around the earth making it spin backwards and reversing time). i HATE most superheros because of this crap. they are so bloody overpowered. if there was a single supervillian that had superman or the flash's power, they would own. that is why i like xmen so much more. they are balanced characters... (some are a little bit op like magneto because he can pull all the iron out of your blood)

batman is cool though because his superpower is money
 
M

MBreeto

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Superman. All he does is **** people up. That's his job. Flash can run fast. whoop-dee-doo.
 
Leacero

Leacero

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polyopulis said:
can the flash harm superman despite his invulnerability without kryptonite? because if not, it all comes down to whether or not there is kryptonite. because there are instances where superman also travels at light speed (like when he spins around the earth making it spin backwards and reversing time). i HATE most superheros because of this crap. they are so bloody overpowered. if there was a single supervillian that had superman or the flash's power, they would own. that is why i like xmen so much more. they are balanced characters... (some are a little bit op like magneto because he can pull all the iron out of your blood)

batman is cool though because his superpower is money
Click to expand...
Yes, despite Superman's "invulnerability", the Flash would easily be able to hurt him. Theory of Relativity, as the Flash's punch reaches the speed of light, the mass of his fist will go to infinity. Force is measured by mass x acceleration, do the math.

Superman has never traveled at light speed. Your example where he made the earth spin backwards to go back in time was in the movies, and never was done in the comics. I want to also point out that he took the S off his chest and threw it at the bad guys in the movie. Conclusion: the Superman movies have nothing to do with the comics and are very silly anyway.

@MBreeto: Post #7 of this topic plz.
 
slave1

slave1

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come on sucker lick my battery
and since flash is moving at the speed of light. i think he will be able to find some Kryptonite before superman can do anything. then he will vibrate it into his chest. and into his heart
 
SSJ5Goku8932

SSJ5Goku8932

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Superman Freezes the ground,Flash trips at lightspeed and thus dies.This may not happen,but would be funny.
 
SSJ5Goku8932

SSJ5Goku8932

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I am not sure as anything can go to Infinity.Its the same as forever,and nothing lasts forever.
 
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