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Overswarm

Overswarm

is laughing at you
Joined
May 4, 2005
Messages
21,181
Xonar said:
Would they care?
Click to expand...
Yes.


Imagine you are a girl walking down the street, and someone you don't know comes up and says "I find you attractive".

There is a 0% chance that person does not want to have sex with you if given the opportunity.

Imagine you are a girl with a boyfriend and are talking with someone you know. That person decides to confide in you that they find you attractive. You know that hiding this from your boyfriend would infuriate him because he's not an idiot. What do?

It does matter. Anyone who says it doesn't is generally lying to themselves and others.


Guys and girls CAN be friends.... but only after it has been apparent that the idea of a relationship is no longer valid, or if you meet them only through other people.

Examples being friends with a girl at work that you see every day, or being friends with one of your friend's sisters or girlfriend, so on and so forth.

But the connecting factor is that you wouldn't take any one of those people out to dinner and a movie, and if you did you'd not be surprised if they thought it was an attempt at a date.
 
#HBC | ZoZo

#HBC | ZoZo

Shocodoro Blagshidect
Joined
Jan 12, 2009
Messages
9,800
Location
Land of Nether
That girl could just not care.

You're overcomplicating the thing. Not telling her GF doesn't matter, it's an event that might as well just be forgotten.
 
#HBC | Gorf

#HBC | Gorf

toastin walrus since 4/20 maaaan
Joined
Apr 10, 2009
Messages
6,563
Location
Jacksonville, FL
Axel said:
So... I told my best friend (who has a bf) that I found her attractive, and she was like all shocked and I was like wut? and she was like ur ruining our friendship, and i was like wait we cant be friends because I find you attractive? So now it's all awkward and I don't like that.

So I confide in you all. Is she taking me the wrong way or am I at fault here? I mean I thought it was pretty obvious all this time.
Click to expand...
Dude just flash your shaft and run away if she's being like that.

Naw but for realz dawg if u b thinkin a chick fine den that ain't no thang. But don't be like all up on 'er and shii, if she gotta mang she gotta mang.
 
Asdioh

Asdioh

Not Asidoh
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
16,200
Location
OH
Physically attractive? Or everything attractive?
If physically, then that should be no surprise to her at all.
If everything, then the fact that she's physically attractive shouldn't be surprising to her, and if she wasn't "attractive" in some other way then why would you even be friends?

So I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise to her either way. Huh, that's not the answer I thought I'd come to when I first started this post.
 
Gova

Gova

I'm goin' for it!
Joined
Jul 16, 2008
Messages
1,274
Location
Austin, TX
NNID
Takicodos
@Kuz, I think if you find someone attractive, you lust after them to some degree.
 
#HBC | Gorf

#HBC | Gorf

toastin walrus since 4/20 maaaan
Joined
Apr 10, 2009
Messages
6,563
Location
Jacksonville, FL
Dictionary.com said:
lust - intense sexual desire or appetite.
Click to expand...
In my case, my best friend is a chick. Do I find her attractive? Yes, sorta. Do I have any desire to do anything with her sexually or physically? No. But, it's been mutually understood that if the moment presented itself we probably wouldn't STOP ourselves from doing anything. We just both have a mature mindset and don't really wanna do anything with the other... at the present moment at least. I doubt I'll have any true lust for her, cuz the mere thought of boning her is weird as hell... But you never know what's going to happen, and we both dig that. I'd rather help her get with dudes if that's what makes her happy, and honestly I'm all about HER being happy. As far as we go, as long as she's happy I'm happy. There ain't no loss of friendship there, and there isn't lust.
 
Gova

Gova

I'm goin' for it!
Joined
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Messages
1,274
Location
Austin, TX
NNID
Takicodos
Why did you want to date her then? I mean even just thinking about long term stuff like marriage you would do that eventually which would require lust.
 
Swiss

Swiss

Smash Lord
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
1,082
Location
Don't get mad - get Swiss
You're all idiots.

The wording " But I told her I accepted we'd only just be friends a long while ago. So the former."

I'd ACCEPTED WE'D ONLY BE FRIENDS is a tactit admission he wanted a relationship. Telling your friends they look hot is fine. How do you think I landed living with 7 girls.
 
th3kuzinator

th3kuzinator

Smash Master
Joined
Mar 17, 2010
Messages
3,620
Location
Winning
Wanted a relationship with a girl a long while ago. Currently doesn't have feelings for her anymore. Tells her she's still hot.

Shouldn't matter.
 
BarDulL

BarDulL

Town Vampire
Joined
Mar 17, 2008
Messages
5,211
Location
Austin, Texas
Overswarm said:
You were in the wrong pretty clearly on this one. And by wrong, I mean breaking the illusion that it was mutually accepted that you were both friends. And by breaking the illusion meaning you spoke plainly about being attracted to her at any point in history, thus giving the possibility of liking her now.

If you break the illusion, she can't lie and say "we're just friends" because then there's someone outside of her head that can say "No we're not, I told her so!" and that brings feelings of guilt.

It sounds crazy but, hey, whatever. I don't make the rules.

People like to be able to trick themselves. By openly stating that you found her attractive, you put her in the position of "Do I hide this from my boyfriend or not"; basically, you made her decide right then and there who was more important, her boyfriend or you.
Click to expand...
Basically yeah, you're essentially forcing her to make a choice when you tell her you like her/attracted to her/interested in her sexually/whatever you want to call it. She then chooses between you and her BF, and that's the end of that.

There isn't an illusion or "tricking one's self" going on though. Girls aren't stupid lol, I've caught a couple of them red handed when they tried to drop the "I thought we were friends" card and I subsequently made them very, very miserable. Girls KNOW what's going on, they aren't necessarily lying to themselves per se, it's more that they put on the act of ignorance usually to:

1. sustain the "friendship," (which means keeping around guys that they know are interested as either options for the future or as individuals that make them feel wanted.)
2. not come off as a ***** or a lead on.
3. backpedal out of the situation in the event a guy pushes forward.

Ex: Girl A knows Guy B likes her. However, Guy B hasn't spoken outright or tried to push the relationship forward in any way. Thus, Girl A feels it's ok to keep Guy B around "as a friend," even though she's aware that Guy B has feelings for her. It's a stupid thing to do no matter how you look at it, honestly. Those girls aren't worth keeping around.

Although, I have to agree that telling someone that they're "an attractive person" isn't the same as saying "I think you're attractive" or "I'm attracted to you." They're similar statements except one is a compliment while the other is a blatant display of interest in order to push the acquaintanceship/friendship further almost 90% of the time (the other 10% being guys who say it, but don't have the gall to stick to their guns and push all the way because they don't want to risk losing their connection to the other person.)
 
BarDulL

BarDulL

Town Vampire
Joined
Mar 17, 2008
Messages
5,211
Location
Austin, Texas
Alright alright, so you can say you feel someone's attractive, but that doesn't directly imply that you're sexually attracted per se. XD

Time to rewrite my thesis.
 
#HBC | Acrostic

#HBC | Acrostic

♖♘♗♔♕♗♘♖
Joined
Jan 31, 2010
Messages
2,452
Woah woah Sanchaz. I know you find him attractive and all, but you should keep that to pm's seriously.
 
ranmaru

ranmaru

Smash Legend
Joined
Feb 10, 2008
Messages
13,297
Switch FC
SW-0654 7794 0698
Zen, I don't think you telling her that really would affect your friendship with her. In fact, I think it was a good thing because then you are being real with her. I mean you two should have enough of a bond for her to know that you aren't interested in her only for her looks.

Also get at me through the hydra quick topic or something. Skype is being gay for me. Like I sent you a message and it's still not sending.
 
Swiss

Swiss

Smash Lord
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
1,082
Location
Don't get mad - get Swiss
Ranmaru said:
Zen, I don't think you telling her that really would affect your friendship with her. In fact, I think it was a good thing because then you are being real with her. I mean you two should have enough of a bond for her to know that you aren't interested in her only for her looks.

Also get at me through the hydra quick topic or something. Skype is being gay for me. Like I sent you a message and it's still not sending.
Click to expand...
Interesting. BTW I totally would July.
 
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