Corrupt-a-wish!

[The Stoopid Unikorn]

Granted, but it has artificial intelligence and refuses to give you access to Internet.

I wish that I was Masahiro Sakurai's cat.

 

[Sir Gengar de Èctoplasma]

Granted. Sakurai takes you to vet to get neutered.

I wish I was a moderator.

 

[atreyujames]

Granted. You now moderate a Pro-Anorexia Forum

I wish my room wasn't cold

 

[A10theHero]

Granted. Your room has the same temperature as the surface of the sun.

I wish customs were easier to unlock in Smash 4 Wii U.

 

[Iceweasel]

Granted. Every match of any kind unlocks a new custom. When they are all unlocked, controller input lag in offline matches increases from 7 frames (what the hell, Sakurai) to 60 and online controlller lag increases to 120 frames.

I wish that Smash 4 had a zero-frame delay between controller input and the move starting.

 

[atreyujames]

Granted, but now Moves take a few more frames to go through their starting animation anyways

I wish Christmas would disappear

 

[EmceeEspio]

Granted. There is no retribution for sin because Jesus never came and everyone goes to hell.

Alternatively December as a month ceases to exist.

I wish Gintoki didn't suck competitively in J stars.

 

[A10theHero]

Granted, but the entire competitive scene completely disappears.

I wish for more breaktime

 

[EmceeEspio]

Granted. Twice as many legally required breaks means twice as much work time though.

(Also good joke there implying J stars has a competitive scene in the first place)

I wish for moves like Jagger.

 

[atreyujames]

Granted

I wish for fabulous thick hair

 

[Rinku リンク]

Granted but it all falls off after one day.

I wish I had an endless supply of Zebra cakes.

 

[Iceweasel]

Granted, you now have an endless supply of cakes made out of zebras.

I wish to win tomorrow's weekly.

 

[Kneutronic]

Granted, but you get today's annually instead.

I wish for stuff.

 

[Deleted member]

Granted, it goes to Charity.

I wish my laptop charger worked properly again.

 

[Rinku リンク]

Granted, but your laptop breaks.

I wish I could sing.

 

[Deleted member]

Granted but all music is banned now.

i wish the poster below would ask the person below him on a date! :3

 

[Kneutronic]

Granted, but he or she will reject me regardless due to Internet accounts being rather anonymous. Plus who know if our accounts tell the truth?

I wish for cold weather.

 

[EmceeEspio]

Granted. Highs are now in the -25 degrees Fahrenheit.

(By the way sorry but no date )

I wish for the ability to materialize objects at will.

 

[atreyujames]

Granted, but they are at a 1/100th scale of what they should be.

I wish for a cushion for my car so my *** doesn't feel like I've been in a bad bondage porno after a long drive

 

[Iceweasel]

Granted, but now you're in bad bondage pornos every day.

I wish my new TV would arrive faster.

 

[Smudges]

Granted.
It is delivered in this fashion:

Spoiler

I wish that my laptop had mechanical keys

 

[atreyujames]

Granted, but they will never do the same input every time you press one.

I wish for a massage

 

[Smudges]

Granted, but they will never do the same input every time you press one.

I wish for a massage

So, like an Enigma Machine?
That would actually be really cool...

Granted, your massage is administered via falling anvils.

I wish that I never need to brush my teeth.

 

[Kneutronic]

Granted. Your teeth decay and fall out.

Yay logic.

I wish for some hate.

 

[Sir Gengar de Èctoplasma]

Granted. Smashboards' mods start to hate you and perma-ban you.

I wish Christmas break lasted longer.

 

[EmceeEspio]

Granted. You never go back to work and go bankrupt.

I wish for The Saggitarius Cloth.

 

[KingofPhantoms]

Granted, but it's dry-clean only.

I wish for a Twilight Sparkle plushie.

 

[atreyujames]

Granted, but it's the real Twilight Sparkle. Killed, Preserved and Stuffed for your pleasure. You monster.

I wish for more energy when I'm on break

 

[EmceeEspio]

Granted. You're useless and energy deprived when working.

I wish for Dr. Pepper.

 

[Deleted member]

Granted, it will taste odd.

i wish the guy under me was a clown.

 

[Kneutronic]

Granted, but you got Midna instead.

I wish to lose my mind.

 

[Deleted member]

Granted, you accidentally trade it with someone and somehow now you have that guy's mind.

I wish i was a bacon sandwich.

 

[The Stoopid Unikorn]

Granted, but the bacon is overcooked and the bread is rotten.

I wish that a yandere loved me (I don't, but for the game's sake, let's say I do)

 

[atreyujames]

Granted. But you don't love her. UH-OH

I wish I had a Hammock to sleep in

 

[JimmyTheCaterpillar]

I wish I had a Hammock to sleep in

Granted, but the hammock is made up of a bunch of tangled up Black Mambas and booooy, they are mad.

I wish Hotline Miami would stop crashing.

 

[atreyujames]

Granted, but now its soundtrack is just Hotline Bling.

I wish Genesis wasn't so amazing

 

[A10theHero]

Granted. All Smash competitive scenes begin to decline because of the flop that is Genesis. Shortly afterwards, they are nonexistent.

I wish for honey.

 

[Frizz]

Granted, but bees and Winnie The Pooh constantly fight you for it.

I wish was back. ;w;

 

[Kneutronic]

Granted, but the stamina mechanic exclusive to the character also returns.

I wish for nothing.

 

[atreyujames]

Granted, You get no thing, but tons of stuff

I wish it was February, 2016 already