Corrupt-a-wish!

[Iceweasel]

Granted, but you're terrible at being terrible, so when you tried to steal form a puppy orphanage you ended up donating your entire life savings by accident.

I wish that I never had to sleep.

 

[Winner-Bit]

Granted, but you still have nightmares, often in the middle of the day.

I wish my local Smash community met up daily.

 

[KingofPhantoms]

Granted, but the meetings always last 23 hours.

I wish my nose wasn't stuffed.

 

[A10theHero]

Granted, but now the rest of your body is stuffed.

I wish that I could eat food with my mind!

 

[Iceweasel]

Granted, you head explodes from all the excess mass.

I wish that I didn't need all of these AC-DC converter boxes for my games and chargers.

 

[A10theHero]

Granted, but now you need those converter boxes to live.

I wish I could read people's minds.

 

[KingofPhantoms]

Granted, but people are always aware of when their mind is being read and during that period of time they can read your mind back as well.

I wish I knew what to eat right now.

 

[Fluttershy]

Granted its More Breakfeast

I wish there was a new episode yesterday

 

[A10theHero]

Granted, but it was the last episode of the entire series and you can never know how it ended.

I wish that the sky was blue.

 

[Winner-Bit]

Granted. The sky becomes so depressed, it falls.

I wish everything were as close to perfect as were realistically attainable.

 

[The Stoopid Unikorn]

Granted, but since nothing is perfect, everything is now impossible to attain

I wish I was wiser

 

[Fluttershy]

Granted but now you don't have any free time because people keep asking you questions..

I wish i had a Sunset Shimmer Plush..

 

[The Stoopid Unikorn]

Granted, but it spontaneously combusts

I wish I could grant wishes

 

[Fluttershy]

Granted but every time you make a wish you start to fade from existance

I wish cane puns

 

[The Stoopid Unikorn]

Granted, but the puns drive you insane, and you cane-ot do anything about it

I wish AOL references

 

[KingofPhantoms]

Granted, said reference involves an actual arrow of light flying directly towards you at high speed.

I wish for there to be no traces of the fact that 47 was once apart of my name.

 

[The Stoopid Unikorn]

Granted, you no longer exist.

I wish I had thought of a better username

 

[Winner-Bit]

Granted. Your new and improved username has become an offensive phrase to 95% of the internet, and you can no longer show your face anywhere.

I wish I were able to dream vividly about exactly what I wanted to.

 

[Iceweasel]

Granted, but you can't wake up.

I wish for a never-ending supply of cashews.

 

[TRJV]

Granted, but your supply keeps expanding, and expanding, and expanding, until it's cashews all the way down.

I wish for the wish above me to be corrupted.

 

[A10theHero]

Granted, but Arceus will descend from the heavens and destroy you for wishing to ruin the desires of another person.

I wish I knew the meaning of life.

 

[Iceweasel]

Granted, but that's all you know, so you're unable to pass on the message.

I wish electricity was free.

 

[Substitution]

Granted, but now Oxygen is expensive.

I wish I could have an army of Substitutes.

 

[KingofPhantoms]

Granted, but they turn against you almost immediately.

I wish for a pizza.

 

[A10theHero]

Granted but it explodes when you eat it. At sunset.

I wish I was ambidextrous.

 

[Iceweasel]

Granted, but both your hands are like Michael J Fox's.

I wish that printer ink wasn't so expensive.

 

[A10theHero]

Granted, but now copy paper is super expensive.

I wish that I could run fast () without any negative repercussions.

 

[Winner-Bit]

Granted. You now have two speeds: Stop, or GO FAST.

I wish I could summon any amiibo I wanted, simply with a gesture.

 

[Kenith]

Granted, they all look like this:

I wish I could break dance.

 

[Jason the Yoshi]

Granted, but then you bump your head on the floor and get sent to the hospital.

I wish I was an animagus Pegasus.

 

[Rocket Raccoon]

Granted but people kill you for money.

I wish people respected this old raccoon more

 

[Jason the Yoshi]

Granted, but you won't notice it at all.

I wish I had more time every day for Fire Emblem.

 

[Rocket Raccoon]

Granted, but you get so sucked into it that it takes the rest of your life.

I wish for a Gem like Steven Universe

 

[The Stoopid Unikorn]

Granted, but it doesn't have any powers.

I wish for pnies

 

[TRJV]

Granted, but they're full sized horses.

I wish I had a better gaming PC.

 

[The Stoopid Unikorn]

Granted, but you accidentally drop it after getting it, breaking it once it touches the ground.

I wish a better bed...

 

[A10theHero]

Granted but you can't use it

I wish for free tacos

 

[The Stoopid Unikorn]

Granted, but there's a rat instead of meat

I wish for nothing

 

[TRJV]

Granted. You get everything.

I wish I had a manly breard.

 

[A10theHero]

Granted but it bullies you every day (it's compensating for something )

I wish I could watch every episode of every show I ever wanted to watch in one day without any negative repercussions to my health or any large amount of time (with "large amount" defined as an hour) wasted.