Another Girl Topic

[Chris Lionheart]

Link to original post: [drupal=1536]Another Girl Topic[/drupal]



I know there have been a lot of these, but I wanted some advice on my specific case.


It all started at band camp... no really... the first day of band camp. My band is very social for a bunch of "band nerds," with one of the few exceptions being myself. I see a girl, who plays the saxophone like me, isolate herself from the rest of the section. When I looked at her, I didn't think geek or loser... I thought that she was like me... just needed a good friend. So I leave the other saxes to talk to this new freshman. At the time, I had already been crushing on someone, but after learning more about my new friend, I developed feelings for her.

She may not be considered attractive to other teenagers, as she doesn't fit the typical female archtype, but (to me), she is the cutest girl I have ever met. She is rather sweet, despite usually being too shy to say much. Her personality is tomboyish, a quality that many find unnattractive, but in small quantities, I find that it is a good thing (I hate the typical annoying and/or shallow teenage girl). She has a lot of artistic talent, being better at music than I am, an above-average drawer, and a great poet. This trait, while good on its own, is even more appealing to me because of my interest in music, art, and (story) writing.

Despite our compatibility, I find problems that prevent us from being more than what we are. Firstly, she is anti-social. While I too have this problem, I see it through a different perspective. I choose to fill my emptyness with any good friend I can find (if I can find any). She chooses to limit her number of friends in order to prevent social stress. The same problem can easily lead to opposite solutions. She doesn't consider us to be friends, the last time I asked, for her reason. I completely respect this, and it increases my attraction for her, but I won't... can't let go. I do give her some space in respect of her wishes, but I desire to fix this somehow. Perhaps, my greatest obstacle is myself... I've always had this mindset.. I'm unattractive and weak... who could ever want me? My conversation skills are horrible. I just seem to be a stereotypical "nerd."

*Sigh* I just don't want to fail again. Every time I have been rejected by a girl, the pain was almost too much for my depressed mind to handle... and this time the feelings are greater than they have ever been. What can I do?

 

[finalark]

I'm never had a girlfriend (I'm too open about being a nerd to ever get one). But I can sure as hell try and sympathize with you. This girl may be antisocial, but if what you say is true that all she really wants are friends. Here's some advice from some who knows very little about females: but just that to her, a friend. And if she clearly shows interest in you in the future then that's your time to ask her out.

 

[Chaco]

Well, the advice that always stands above others is: Know your intentions. Either shoot to be a friend, or for more. It sounds like you want to be a friend to her, but you see yourself in her and know the pain of being alone. So with that crossing your mind it draws you to her on a level she doesn't understand. If you flip the roles, you wouldn't understand it either. And let me tell you something man, when you truly like a girl it doesn't matter if she doesn't suit the normal female type. You like her for what she is, and wouldn't change her for the world. So don't even let that be a factor if it was. This is coming from one of the former shallowest person you could meet. I've changed though, so I learned the wrong of my ways. So just advice, lead with your heart and not with your *****.

 

[Proverbs]

Will respond specifically later, but people should really just use the 'Relationship and Love Advice' thread. We put it there for a reason ><;;

It all started at band camp

Hahahahah. Best beginning ever.

 

[nevershootme]

you could try to gradually break her anti-social state, some would be willing to share their problems and u can listen in and support her.

 

[Turbo Ether]

First of all, you let yourself get too emotionally invested in a girl you are not dating. If you get rejected, you're setting yourself up for depression/major disappointment. Your mindset is also hurting you. If you believe you're unattractive and weak, improve your hygiene, groom yourself better, dress better and start working out. If your conversation skills are weak, improve them; figure out how to relate to people and add value to a conversation. Take any positive qualities you have as an individual, and magnify them.

As for the girl, get the number, find common interests, try to hang out with her outside of band camp/school and participate in the common interest together. If you're able to charm her, good stuff. If you're not able to charm her, it's no big deal, just keep it moving and go on to the next girl. There's billions of them out there. Approaching women is terrifying at first, but interacting/flirting with them becomes fun once you get good at it.

Another thing, stop trying to win girls over. Speak to them in such a way that they have to win YOU over.

ANOTHER thing, if you want women to be interested in you, you actually have to be interesting!

 

[Proverbs]

man up and be a baller

Does not compute.

No, but seriously. No offense nevershootme, but this is terrible advice. Anyone who says "be a pimp" doesn't really know the first thing about romance. I honestly wish I had time to respond personally now, but finals are tomorrow. I'll get to this after them.

 

[nevershootme]

Does not compute.

No, but seriously. No offense nevershootme, but this is terrible advice. Anyone who says "be a pimp" doesn't really know the first thing about romance. I honestly wish I had time to respond personally now, but finals are tomorrow. I'll get to this after them.

ii was joking on the 1st part anyways -_-

 

[Proverbs]

Oh XD It seemed like the two thoughts were connected...sorry XD

 

[Jam Stunna]

First of all, you let yourself get too emotionally invested in a girl you are not dating. If you get rejected, you're setting yourself up for depression/major disappointment. Your mindset is also hurting you. If you believe you're unattractive and weak, improve your hygiene, groom yourself better, dress better and start working out. If your conversation skills are weak, improve them; figure out how to relate to people and add value to a conversation. Take any positive qualities you have as an individual, and magnify them.

As for the girl, just try to hang out with her outside of band camp/school. If you're able to charm her, good stuff. If you're not able to charm her, it's no big deal, just keep it moving and go on to the next girl. There's billions of them out there. Approaching women is terrifying at first, but interacting/flirting with them becomes fun once you get good at it.

Another thing, stop trying to win girls over. Speak to them in such a way that they have to win YOU over.

ANOTHER thing, if you want women to be interested in you, you actually have to be interesting!

This man gets the Jam Stunna Seal of Approval

 

[Cherry64]

Despite our compatibility, I find problems that prevent us from being more than what we are. Firstly, she is anti-social. While I too have this problem, I see it through a different perspective. I choose to fill my emptyness with any good friend I can find (if I can find any). She chooses to limit her number of friends in order to prevent social stress. The same problem can easily lead to opposite solutions. She doesn't consider us to be friends, the last time I asked, for her reason. I completely respect this, and it increases my attraction for her, but I won't... can't let go. I do give her some space in respect of her wishes, but I desire to fix this somehow. Perhaps, my greatest obstacle is myself... I've always had this mindset.. I'm unattractive and weak... who could ever want me? My conversation skills are horrible. I just seem to be a stereotypical "nerd."

*Sigh* I just don't want to fail again. Every time I have been rejected by a girl, the pain was almost too much for my depressed mind to handle... and this time the feelings are greater than they have ever been. What can I do?

Good blog chris. It was a good read, I say this with much respect. Heh, I'm one of the lucky ones that is too smooth for my own good, thus I've experienced a lots of stuffz. I would have said confidence is almost more important than looks :s you can look mediocre and have confidence that suits you and girls LOVE it. when I say girls I say the general ones, as I rarely get quiet shy girls, which i find sucks because I would love to see how they handle a relationship.

I wish I could help you out but my knowledge about girls isn't useful here. Like you said, she isn't the steorytipical girl, but I'd suggest getting to the friendship base with her first. Then kinda tossing hints out there and looking at her reaction. ( That's playing it safe so that you can judge to GTFO before you get rejected, or to make a move)

Btw to ANYONE here who thinsk tehy can't pick up a girlfriend because they are anerd, need to stop that mindset or it won't happen, your a human being, there are other human beings who will like you for who you are. Sounds stupidly fishy, I know, but I've seen it happen, Hopefully you choose better than my buddy did but as long as your happy then lifes good.

EDIT: Yes, speak to them in which they have to win YOU over. You have just as much right to be won over as they do. Just do NOT go overboard, if she starts trying to win you over ask her out, Do NOT be a ****** and keep making her fight for you just because it feels nice to get female attention. Trust me on this one

 

[Heartz♥]

There is always going to be someone out there for everyone, as generic that statement may be. You see, people normally find the "love of their life" completely by accident and unintentionally. The one who seek may not necessarily be a match for you.

Everybody has a problem finding love, no matter how beautiful or attractive they are. No human is flawless. You are going to have to get rid of that mindset. It is so much better to get that special one in the end, and not have a history of girls or guys that you broke up with. You have a clean slate. Rejection isn't so much a bad thing, because much can be learned from it.

 

[Teran]

Too much poosay talk on these boards for me to take nao. O_O

 

[Jam Stunna]

Too much poosay talk on these boards for me to take nao. O_O

It's springtime, man. What do you expect?

 

[Heartz♥]

Too much poosay talk on these boards for me to take nao. O_O

rofl. Something only Cyrus would say.

There are a lot of threads like this. Why can't people find Proverbs' blog? No offense, Lionheart. lol

 

[Turbo Ether]

Rule #2: Typically, don't take advice from females, when trying to attract females. The male and female roles and perspectives are completely different. It just doesn't work.

 

[Teran]

It's springtime, man. What do you expect?

Touché good sir.

Anyways there are general rules of attraction obviously, but it all really depends on the individual.

Unlike what we may like to believe, not all men/women are alike
You just have to get to know whoever it is you have your eye on to understand how to best approach the situation. Everybody has unique softspots you see.

 

[brinboy789]

did you watch american pie: band camp? it might help

 

[Cherry64]

Rule #2: Typically, don't take advice from females, when trying to attract females. The male and female roles and perspectives are completely different. It just doesn't work.

Generally yeah, but Heartz said it perfectly.

Brinboy just thought up a Knee slapper! good job Where in the Hell is Proverbs thread?

 

[SwastikaPyle]

Self fulfilling prophecy.

If you don't respect yourself, she won't respect yourself either.

Don't put her on a pedestal. You can't respect someone who kisses your ***.

 

[Meru.]

I'm never had a girlfriend (I'm too open about being a nerd to ever get one). But I can sure as hell try and sympathize with you. This girl may be antisocial, but if what you say is true that all she really wants are friends. Here's some advice from some who knows very little about females: but just that to her, a friend. And if she clearly shows interest in you in the future then that's your time to ask her out.

... Then don't be too open?

 

[Teran]

... Then don't be too open?

Then we're dishonest, and girls get all pissy about that.

There is no way to win, you should be loved for who you are. If she don't like it then quite frankly, she can f*** off out of my sight.

 

[Turbo Ether]

you should be loved for who you are.

Not if you're a sucky, lame, uninteresting, unmotivated, unattractive etc. person, you shouldn't. Stop living in a fantasy world.

 

[Chris Lionheart]

Well, the advice that always stands above others is: Know your intentions. Either shoot to be a friend, or for more. It sounds like you want to be a friend to her, but you see yourself in her and know the pain of being alone. So with that crossing your mind it draws you to her on a level she doesn't understand. If you flip the roles, you wouldn't understand it either. And let me tell you something man, when you truly like a girl it doesn't matter if she doesn't suit the normal female type. You like her for what she is, and wouldn't change her for the world. So don't even let that be a factor if it was. This is coming from one of the former shallowest person you could meet. I've changed though, so I learned the wrong of my ways. So just advice, lead with your heart and not with your *****.

I believe you may have me a bit wrong. I don't mind that she isn't normal... if anything that is why I like her. I am definitely not thinking with my *****. Right now, I'm just looking for someone to care about more than just a friend. I don't care about any "benefits," atleast not anytime soon.

First of all, you let yourself get too emotionally invested in a girl you are not dating. If you get rejected, you're setting yourself up for depression/major disappointment. Your mindset is also hurting you. If you believe you're unattractive and weak, improve your hygiene, groom yourself better, dress better and start working out. If your conversation skills are weak, improve them; figure out how to relate to people and add value to a conversation. Take any positive qualities you have as an individual, and magnify them.

It's just the way I am to focus on one girl. I've never been a "player." And another thing, I am always depressed. I'm just setting myself up for some major hurt, and I realize this, but not even trying is going to hurt me more. Another thing is that unattractiveness is not always deserved. I take good care of my hygeine and our school has uniforms, so dress doesn't matter. I do need to work out more, but I've been trying to improve that. Being fit is hard when you have a bad back, though. My mindset is not without founding, either... For a long time I have endured criticism from even those I used to consider friends just because I was born with a big nose and a bad frame. Basically, I must rely on inner qualities to have anything good. I'm intelligent and good-hearted, though society rarely seems to care for these things. My problem is that I'm never given a chance because, just from an outside view, I have nothing to offer.

As for the girl, get the number, find common interests, try to hang out with her outside of band camp/school and participate in the common interest together. If you're able to charm her, good stuff. If you're not able to charm her, it's no big deal, just keep it moving and go on to the next girl. There's billions of them out there. Approaching women is terrifying at first, but interacting/flirting with them becomes fun once you get good at it.

Ugh... that's something I might need to work on... I've never been good at this kind of thing.

Another thing, stop trying to win girls over. Speak to them in such a way that they have to win YOU over.

Again...

ANOTHER thing, if you want women to be interested in you, you actually have to be interesting!

Are you saying that I must be a sports playing, rap loving, comformist? That's all teenagers seem to like...

Too much poosay talk on these boards for me to take nao. O_O

I'm sorry you see it that way... a girl means so much more than just poosay.

 

[Heartz♥]

Rule #2: Typically, don't take advice from females, when trying to attract females. The male and female roles and perspectives are completely different. It just doesn't work.

I am aware of this, which is why I gave only indirect advice.

 

[RyuReiatsu]

Well hey, I'm a lot like you. Or used to be.
I'd suggest you not to worry to much about it. Depressed, I know what you mean, I'm a depressed kid myself.
No, actually. At first, I was like HER. Yeah, that's right.
Then, 4 years ago, I met that girl. I was pretty much a wall of bricks back then.
Really hated people, I mean... I couldn't get myself to trust anyone. Then again, she became my bestfriend. I pretty much hate her now, but anyways. It's not about me.

Powerless, that's what you think of yourself, right?

Some comments here are right. You can't get her to like you if you don't even respect yourself. No more self-insulting, alright? Confidence, you must have some of it, gotta work on it. Just aim for the standard, a guy with too much confidence isn't nicely seen.

Don't try too hard, just be friendly and chill around with her a bit. Don't make it look like you WANT to be her friend, she might hate it. Just stick around, things should come naturally.

As for your looks, do you really look all that nerd-ish? I'll tell you what, being shallow ain't good. Then again, who isn't shallow? Just man up a bit or something, don't go pretending to be somebody else. Just get a bit of class or style, she needs to look at you and tell herself "Hmm, he's not half bad!"

ANOTHER thing, if you want women to be interested in you, you actually have to be interesting!

Are you saying that I must be a sports playing, rap loving, comformist? That's all teenagers seem to like...

No, what he means is that a bland person isn't somebody you'd put much interest in.
Would you stand hearing a girl talking behind her friends' back for half an hour? No, same for people having absolutely nothing in their minds.

I'm a boring that has nothing special, in general. What do girls like about me (recently found out that I wasn't half that bad to girls' eyes ) ? I'll tell you what, my mind. What I'm thinking, my realistic view of things. I'm pretty sure you've got that, seeing as how you're a depressed guy too. That's if you're not cutting your wrist or doing emo ****s though.

I'm sorry you see it that way... a girl means so much more than just poosay.

That's what I've always thought, even now. 'Cept for sluts .

Well anyways, I felt like posting.
Yet I took about 2 hours writing that up, since I'm doing my homework and studying at the same time. It ain't all that helpful. I'll post up something better when I'm free. Sorry.

I am aware of this, which is why I gave only indirect advice.

True, then again...
He's a depressed guy, rejection's very hard. That'd build him up for sure, but it isn't always worth it. I took 4 years, hopefully, not many did.

 

[Chris Lionheart]

Well hey, I'm a lot like you. Or used to be.
I'd suggest you not to worry to much about it. Depressed, I know what you mean, I'm a depressed kid myself.
No, actually. At first, I was like HER. Yeah, that's right.
Then, 4 years ago, I met that girl. I was pretty much a wall of bricks back then.
Really hated people, I mean... I couldn't get myself to trust anyone. Then again, she became my bestfriend. I pretty much hate her now, but anyways. It's not about me.

Powerless, that's what you think of yourself, right?

Sadly, yes... to an extent. This is the first time I've felt like I really had even a remote chance.

Some comments here are right. You can't get her to like you if you don't even respect yourself. No more self-insulting, alright? Confidence, you must have some of it, gotta work on it. Just aim for the standard, a guy with too much confidence isn't nicely seen.

I don't really hate myself... I like most of my attitude... I just don't feel as though I am physically good enough.

Don't try too hard, just be friendly and chill around with her a bit. Don't make it look like you WANT to be her friend, she might hate it. Just stick around, things should come naturally.

I already made that mistake.... =/ ..... Perhaps I can fix that... I had thought that the best course of action would be to make her feel as though I am good to have around.

As for your looks, do you really look all that nerd-ish? I'll tell you what, being shallow ain't good. Then again, who isn't shallow? Just man up a bit or something, don't go pretending to be somebody else. Just get a bit of class or style, she needs to look at you and tell herself "Hmm, he's not half bad!"


Physicallly, I'm certainly no Prince Charming... short (about her size), (seemingly) skinny (though I'm really not), and I have acne problems despite using medication. There isn't anything particularly nerdy about the way I dress... I wear a uniform like everyone else has to. My jacket is a piece of ****, but it's the best thing I've got considering my mom is too lazy/cheap to take me to the mall for clothes (and I don't care to spend good money on them either). I'll be getting my letterman jacket soon though.


No, what he means is that a bland person isn't somebody you'd put much interest in.
Would you stand hearing a girl talking behind her friends' back for half an hour? No, same for people having absolutely nothing in their minds.

I'm a boring that has nothing special, in general. What do girls like about me (recently found out that I wasn't half that bad to girls' eyes ) ? I'll tell you what, my mind. What I'm thinking, my realistic view of things. I'm pretty sure you've got that, seeing as how you're a depressed guy too. That's if you're not cutting your wrist or doing emo ****s though.


Nah, I'm not into emo ****s. I may suffer from some bad depression, but I am also a real coward when it comes to hurting myself. I do manage to keep some hope most of the time. As for my view, I like to call myself a "realistic idealist." I see the world for what it is, but I want to live my life as ideally as at all possible (and practical). I stay by a code of honor or chivalry as loyally as I can and am probably nice to a fault, lol.


That's what I've always thought, even now. 'Cept for sluts .

Sluts aren't real girls... they aren't even people... they are, as you said, just about sex.

Well anyways, I felt like posting.
Yet I took about 2 hours writing that up, since I'm doing my homework and studying at the same time. It ain't all that helpful. I'll post up something better when I'm free. Sorry.



True, then again...
He's a depressed guy, rejection's very hard. That'd build him up for sure, but it isn't always worth it. I took 4 years, hopefully, not many did.

By the way, I have no problem taking advice from ladies. I know to take their opinions in a different light, but I respect what they have to say.

 

[RyuReiatsu]

Sadly, yes... to an extent. This is the first time I've felt like I really had even a remote chance.

Then, try. Don't push YOURSELF too hard, y'know what I mean?
That's like RUNNING while there ain't no cops or dogs after you.

I don't really hate myself... I like most of my attitude... I just don't feel as though I am physically good enough.

Well HEY, same here. I used to HATE myself though... Meaning you're all ok regarding confidence, just don't say it outloud.

I already made that mistake.... =/ ..... Perhaps I can fix that... I had thought that the best course of action would be to make her feel as though I am good to have around.

No No, it's all cool. What I meant by that is... that she shouldn't feel like you're trying to break your way through. Making her feel that you're good to have around ain't the same thing, keep it up. That's the way the girl I used to love became my first friend.

Physicallly, I'm certainly no Prince Charming... short (about her size), (seemingly) skinny (though I'm really not), and I have acne problems despite using medication. There isn't anything particularly nerdy about the way I dress... I wear a uniform like everyone else has to. My jacket is a piece of ****, but it's the best thing I've got considering my mom is too lazy/cheap to take me to the mall for clothes (and I don't care to spend good money on them either). I'll be getting my letterman jacket soon though.

Same here, haha xD. I'm pretty short, and pretty skinny. I have acne problems too, despite using medications too xD. Guess dressing part's all cool...Your mom is too cheap? Well, same here. But for quite a while now, she's been giving me lunch money. Her boyfriend had that fantastic idea . So I'm making sandwiches and save up for clothes xD. Well anyways, as long as you're looking OK, there's nothing to worry about.

There was that kid at my school, he'd try wearing Lacoste and all those high brands, people didn't take him seriously anyways. He was an idiot.

Nah, I'm not into emo ****s. I may suffer from some bad depression, but I am also a real coward when it comes to hurting myself . I do manage to keep some hope most of the time.

I'm starting to see a reflexion of myself, something's going on !

Sluts aren't real girls... they aren't even people... they are sex objects.

Good sir, we're thinking the exact same thing. LOL

 

[One_With_Sumthing]

Not if you're a sucky, lame, uninteresting, unmotivated, unattractive etc. person, you shouldn't. Stop living in a fantasy world.

 

[RyuReiatsu]

[/QUOTE]


True, that's TOO TRUE.

 

[One_With_Sumthing]

As for advice, be as open and straightforward with your feelings as possible. Simplify, simplify, simplify. If there's something on your mind, speak before you think.

Rule #2: Typically, don't take advice from females, when trying to attract females. The male and female roles and perspectives are completely different. It just doesn't work.

Incorrect. The best advice is universal and genderless.

 

[RyuReiatsu]

As for advice, be as open and straightforward with your feelings as possible. Simplify, simplify, simplify. If there's something on your mind, speak before you think.



Incorrect. The best advice is universal and genderless.

He said typically. If you want to take advices from girls, make sure they're older girls (MATURITY). I'm a teenager. He is too. Asking a girl of our age tips is like suicide. They'll most likely say "OH BE ROMANTIC!". Yeah, I've already listened to a girl once.

 

[One_With_Sumthing]

He said typically. If you want to take advices from girls, make sure they're older girls (MATURITY). I'm a teenager. He is too. Asking a girl of our age tips is like suicide. They'll most likely say "OH BE ROMANTIC!". Yeah, I've already listened to a girl once.

Oftentimes, asking a boy of our age for tips is like suicide. So what?

 

[Chris Lionheart]

Oftentimes, asking a boy of our age for tips is like suicide. So what?

That's because a typical teenage boy thinks with his *****, not his brain or his heart.

 

[RyuReiatsu]

Oftentimes, asking a boy of our age for tips is like suicide. So what?

I never said "Ask a guy of your age" either.
I was about to say what Chris LionHeart just said, asking a guy of our that's pretty realistic is a better thing. Personally, I ask older boys, it's MUCH... MUCH more constructive. Plus it's not EXPLICIT, it's not like "DO THIS AND THAT".

 

[One_With_Sumthing]

I never said "Ask a guy of your age" either.
I was about to say what Chris LionHeart just said, asking a guy of our that's pretty realistic is a better thing. Personally, I ask older boys, it's MUCH... MUCH more constructive. Plus it's not EXPLICIT, it's not like "DO THIS AND THAT".

I was responding to this.

Rule #2: Typically, don't take advice from females, when trying to attract females. The male and female roles and perspectives are completely different. It just doesn't work.

 

[Cherry64]

Lol, how did this turn into a debate? How abouts you two apply for Temp Debater status and stop this unless Chris thinks it counts towards advice, Or mods will be trigger happy with their mouse and lock this, Which wouldn't be fair.

 

[RyuReiatsu]

Lol, how did this turn into a debate? How abouts you two apply for Temp Debater status and stop this unless Chris thinks it counts towards advice, Or mods will be trigger happy with their mouse and lock this, Which wouldn't be fair.

True, I'll shut it.

 

[One_With_Sumthing]

True, I'll shut it.

That's right.

Back on topic, don't take things too seriously. There are times when you should be serious, but not most of the time.

 

[Cherry64]

Good stuff. Lol please don't rub it in. It takes two to tango