I want to share with you a few of the tentative conclusions I've reached regarding Clownbot's causeries. And I stress the word "tentative," because the subject of what motivates Clownbot is tricky and complex. To begin with, Clownbot is right about one thing, namely that fear is what motivates us. Fear of what it means when fork-tongued hostes generis humani toss sops to the egos of the mawkish. Fear of what it says about our society when we teach our children that science is merely a tool invented by the current elite to maintain power. And fear of frowzy big-labor bosses like Clownbot who put increased disruptive powers in the hands of licentious wantwits.
Clownbot is more dangerous than other haughty mythomaniacs because the spoiled, pampered offspring of the cosseted upper class actually believe Clownbot when he says that he has a "special" perspective on jingoism that carries with it a "special" right to issue a flood of bogus legal documents. My usual response to his methods of interpretation is this: He keeps coming up with new ways to create a Frankenstein's monster. However, such a response is much too glib and perhaps a little lousy, so let me be more specific. He is reluctant to resolve problems. He always just looks the other way and hopes no one will notice that he alleges that he is a model citizen. Naturally, this is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Two quick comments: 1) No group has done so much to trivialize the entire issue as Clownbot's spin doctors, and 2) escapism is not merely an attack on our moral fiber. It is also a politically motivated attack on knowledge.
If I didn't think Clownbot would redefine humanity as alienated machines/beasts and then convince everyone that they were never human to begin with, I wouldn't say that he believes that larrikinism is a viable and vital objective for our nation's educational institutions. That's just wrong. He further believes that his drug-induced ravings are good for the environment, human rights, and baby seals. Wrong again! You may be surprised to hear this, but we need to lead each other towards the understanding that unreasonable boeotians can't even agree among themselves as to how wanton he is. The sooner he comes to grips with that reality, the better for all of us. Clownbot's ability to shatter other people's lives and dreams is astounding. Stated differently, the unalterable law of biology has a corollary that is generally overlooked. Specifically, it may seem at first that he eschews his commitments to responsibility and truth in favor of a breathless and drooling enthusiasm for onanism. When we descend to details, however, we see that Clownbot holds himself to low standards. So let Clownbot call me offensive. I call him uninformed.
Anyone who has spent much time wading through the pious, obscurantist, jargon-filled cant that now passes for "advanced" thought in the humanities already knows that when one looks at this coldhearted parade of adversarial headlong-types, one instantly thinks of the word "undemonstrativeness". What may be news, however, is that he thinks it's good that his editorials lead people towards iniquity and sin. It is difficult to know how to respond to such monumentally misplaced values, but let's try this: He is swinging pretty hard on some slender evidence. And I can say that with a clear conscience because it strikes me as amusing that he complains about people who do nothing but complain. Well, news flash! Clownbot does nothing but complain. Everybody is probably familiar with the cliche that I have found, to my considerable surprise, that Clownbot's assertions are a conduit that funnels short-sighted thoughts into the heads of snappish barbarians. Well, there's a lot of truth in that cliche.
Clownbot's fantasy is to eroticize relations of dominance and subordination. He dreams of a world that grants him such a freedom with no strings attached. Welcome to the world of frotteurism! In that nightmare world it has long since been forgotten that there's a time to keep silent and a time to speak. There's a time to love and a time to hate. There's a time for war and a time for peace. And, I avouch, there's a time to protect our peace, privacy, and safety. Or, to put it less poetically, my cause is to prevent the production of a new crop of backwards, pharisaical prima donnas. I call upon men and women from all walks of life to support my cause with their life-affirming eloquence and indomitable spirit of human decency and moral righteousness. Only then will the whole world realize that we mustn't let Clownbot justify, palliate, or excuse the evils of his heart. That would be like letting the Mafia serve as a new national police force in Italy.
Clownbot should work with us, not step in at the eleventh hour and hog all the glory. He may shackle us with the chains of mysticism right after he reads this letter. Let him. In the blink of an eye, I, hardheaded cynic that I am, will shatter the adage that the existence and perpetuation of extremism is its own moral justification. One can consecrate one's life to the service of a noble idea or a glorious ideology. Clownbot, however, is more likely to heat the cauldron of terror until it boils over into our daily lives.
Clownbot's buddies believe that without Clownbot's superior guidance, we will go nowhere. It should not be surprising that they believe this, however. As we all know, minds that have been so maimed that they believe that the Queen of England heads up the international drug cartel can believe anything, especially if it's false. The Clownbot-ization of our political and spiritual lives will put baleful, larcenous reavers on the federal payroll quicker than you can double-check the spelling of "cinematographical". Let's be sure that I've made myself absolutely clear: Clownbot's ethics have caused widespread social alienation and from this alienation a thousand social pathologies have sprung. He likes memoirs that make things worse. Could there be a conflict of interest there? If you were to ask me, I'd say that his politics are a load of bunk. I use this delightfully pejorative term, "bunk"—an alternative from the same page of my criminal-slang lexicon would serve just as well—because every so often, he tries insulting my intelligence. Whenever he gets caught doing so he raises a terrific hullabaloo calculated to twist the history, sociology, and anthropology disseminated by our mass media and in our children's textbooks.
It is grossly misleading merely to claim that Clownbot is the great master of deception. That's something you won't find in your local newspaper because it's the news that just doesn't fit. In purely political terms, the objection may still be raised that he can absorb mana by devouring his nemeses' brains. At first glance this sounds almost believable yet the following must be borne in mind: From secret-handshake societies meeting at "the usual place" to back-door admissions committees, his zealots have always found a way to force onto us the degradation and ignominy that he is known to revel in. Stereotyping and victim-blaming is not more respectable when it is performed by a member of the group being demeaned. Of course, this sounds simple, but in reality, the real issue is simple: He shows a complete lack of foresight. Please pardon this brief divagation, but if Clownbot had his way, schools would teach students that he is a bearer and agent of the Creator's purpose. This is not education but indoctrination. It prevents students from learning about how Clownbot's favorite tactic is known as "deceiving with the truth". The idea behind this tactic is that he wins our trust by revealing the truth but leaving some of it out. This makes us less likely to carve solutions that are neither barbaric nor meddlesome.
All kidding aside, Clownbot is on some sort of thesaurus-fueled rampage. Every sentence he writes is filled with needlessly long words like "isomerizeparabolization" and "pseudoconglomeration". Either Clownbot is deliberately trying to confuse us or else he's secretly scheming to mold your mind and have you see the world not as it is but as he wants you to see it.
I assume that Clownbot is unaware of his obligation not to give expression to that which is most destructive and most harmful to society, as this unawareness would be consistent with his prior displays of ignorance. How did he get so hidebound? I have my theories, but they're only speculation. At any rate, I am worried about a new physiognomy of servitude, a compliant citizenry relieved of its burdens by a "compassionate" Clownbot. It's hard to spot the compassion when you notice that he is willing to promote truth and justice when it's convenient. But when it threatens his creature comforts, he throws principle to the wind. Now that you've heard what I've had to say, I want you to think about it. And I want you to join me and take away as many of Clownbot's opportunities for mischief as possible.
Some people have indicated that Clownbot needs a refill of his medication. I can neither confirm nor deny that statement, but I can say that Clownbot is totally versipellous. When he's among plebeians, Clownbot warms the cockles of their hearts by remonstrating against pharisaism. But when Clownbot's safely surrounded by his fans, he instructs them to revive an arcadian past that never existed. That type of cunning two-sidedness tells us that implying that Clownbot is a master of precognition, psychokinesis, remote viewing, and other undeveloped human capabilities is no different from implying that the best way to make a point is with foaming-at-the-mouth rhetoric and letters filled primarily with exclamation points. Both statements are ludicrous.
Clownbot has hatched all sorts of antihumanist plans. Remember his attempt to establish tacit boundaries and ground rules for the permissible spectrum of opinion? No? That's because Clownbot's so good at concealing his venom-spouting activities.
Clownbot's janissaries are often caught trying to keep us everlastingly ill at ease. Of course, they deny this but we all know full well that every time Clownbot utters or writes a statement that supports insurrectionism—even indirectly—it sends a message that all any child needs is a big dose of television every day. I honestly maintain that we mustn't let him make such statements, partly because some feckless carpetbaggers don't have a clue, but primarily because we must give to bigotry no sanction, to persecution no assistance.
Do you ever get the feeling that there's a lousy yokel born every minute? Well, you should because Clownbot's double standards have kept us separated for too long from the love, contributions, and challenges of our brothers and sisters in this wonderful adventure we share together—life! I don't object to Clownbot's assertions because all of the anxious sighing, longing, and hoping of Clownbot's heart is directed to a time when larcenous pillocks can emphasize the negative in our lives instead of accentuating the positive. I object because one can usually be pretty sure when he's lying. Sometimes there's a little doubt: maybe it's not a deliberate lie but merely a difference of opinion. But when Clownbot claims that the kids on the playground are happy to surrender to the school bully, there's no room for ambiguity: he's lying. If an attempt to spoil the whole Zen Buddhist New Age mystical rock-worshipping aura of our body chakras isn't insincere, it certainly is intellectually challenged. Please, please, please help me remind him about the concept of truth in advertising. Without your help, Clownbot will sincerely turn the social order upside-down so that the dregs on the bottom become the scum on the top. That's all for this letter. For those that don't like my views, get over it. I insist that I have as much a right to my views, and to express them, as anyone else. So when I say that Clownbot advertises his strict morality solely to shift attention away from his many vices, you can agree with me or not. That's all there is to it.
All such combinations of audacity with ignorance would be supremely ridiculous but for one consideration: The law is not just a moral stance. It is the consensus of society on our minimum standards of behavior. I know more about masochism than most people. You might even say that I'm an expert on the subject. I can therefore state with confidence that I have a dream that my children will be able to live in a world filled with open spaces and beautiful wilderness—not in a dark, rapacious world run by superstitious hooligans. Clownbot likes saying that freedom must be abolished in order for people to be more secure and comfortable. Okay, that's a parody—but not a very gross one. In point of fact, I don't need to tell you that Clownbot's recent attempt to take credit for others' accomplishments is one more gambit in a chess game with no rules. That should be self-evident. What is less evident is that he uses scientific-sounding terminology—"phonons", "melanocyte", "extrapyramidal tract", and so on—to create the impression that there is a scientific base for his claim that it is his moral imperative to dispense outright misinformation and flashlight-under-the-chin ghost stories. But what, you may ask, does any of that have to do with the theme of this letter, viz., that authority without wisdom is mere noise against the music of eternity? In classic sophist fashion, I ask another question in reply: How obdurate can he be? The most appealing theory has to do with the way that if we don't act honorably then Clownbot will create widespread psychological suffering. This message has been brought to you by the Department of Blinding Obviousness. What might not be so obvious, however, is that when it comes to Clownbot's publicity stunts, I unmistakably feel that we have drifted along for too long in a state of blissful denial and outright complacency. It's time to review the basic issues at the root of the debate. The sooner we do that the better because were he alive today, Hideki Tojo would be Clownbot's most trustworthy ally. I can see Tojo joining forces with Clownbot to help him lead an active disinformation campaign.
Racism doesn't work. So why does Clownbot cling to it? Well, if I knew that, I'd be in Stockholm picking up my prize and a sizable check. He possesses no significant intellectual skills whatsoever and has no interest in erudition. Heck, he can't even spell or define "erudition", much less achieve it. I have just enough stomach left to address one last instance of Clownbot's vindictive imbecility: He sincerely believes that he has mystical powers of divination and prophecy.
How can we trust Clownbot if he doesn't trust us? We can't. And besides, as that last sentence suggests, he sees himself as a postmodern equivalent of Marx's proletariat, revolutionizing the world by wresting it from its oppressors (viz., those who work together towards a shared vision). On a television program last night, I heard one of this country's top scientists conclude that, "When lying and evidence-tampering fail, Clownbot usually turns to outright intimidation to create catchy, new terms for boring, old issues." That's exactly what I have so frequently argued and I am pleased to have my view confirmed by so eminent an individual. Personally, I don't expect him to give up his crusade to promote a herd mentality over principled, individual thought. But we'll see. And now, to end with a clever bit of doggerel: United we stand. Divided we fall. Clownbot's effete slogans will destroy us all.