Write With Your Power XI
The Final Frontier
Scores!
The Final Frontier
Scores!
The prompt for WWYP XI is:
Space.
For this contest, we're going to go in a different direction. The last topic generated alot of great stories, but it was a restrictive one. This time, we're leaving it wide open for you: You can write about aliens visiting earth, humans traveling the stars, asteroids hitting the planet, cultures in the furthest parts of the galaxy, anything at all, as long as it ties into the theme of outer space. Without the structure that some of the previous prompts have provided, the onus falls on you, the writer, to build something that will make the judges say "WOW!" But you can do it!
The Scurvy judging rubric is:
Adherence to Prompt:
Virgilijus: How interwoven is your story to the guidelines? If the prompt were a genre, could some one read it and instantly know the prompt was fantasy or satire? If they can, you followed it well. If not, you avoided it too much. Also, the prompt should be well utilized: a story that requires a mythical object should use it for all its potential worth, not merely mention it and check it off the list.
Matt: These points should be easy to earn. How well did you engage the guidelines? Did you engage them creatively? Did you engage them with your power? If I ask you to use a gun in your story, will you give me knife? Take risks, but don't disregard our basic expectations.
Tone:
Virgilijus - The overall mood of the story; the feeling that you get when you read it. This is made up by the setting, characters, dialogue, and the imagery. Unless it is directed by the prompt, the tone for each story should be different, but they should all impact the reader. A good tone should get the reader immersed in the story, whether or not it is from blissful country sides or horrifying mad men. How real is your story in the readers mind?
S*** - Tone is made up of character (do your characters seem real? do they talk real? are they interesting), setting (Does your story have a sense of place? Of time? Are we always oriented?) and imagery (can we see what's going on?)
Style:
Virgilijus - This is what separates your story from others of the same plot. How do you describe people, actions, and places? What rhythm do your words have? How quickly do you move the plot? Style is your paintbrush to show why your painting of little girl is different and more powerful than some one else’s.
S*** - The most technical of the categories. Did you use proper spelling and grammar? Did you try to push the envelope with your sentence structure? Did you construct the plot in a significant manner? This category relies heavily on phrasing and specifics.
Enjoyment:
Virgilijus - Enjoyment is the immediate and long lasting appeal of your story. While we were reading it, was it a page turner? After we finished, did we sit and think about the theme or the final scene? Is your story an accomplishment, or just words with a beginning, middle and end?
Matt - An enjoyable story brings plot elements and theme and, frankly, everything listed above together in a way that is both memorable and engaging. We're talking about the WOW factor here, and these types of points aren't easy to earn.
Also, I'm posting scores with entries this time: entries are in the order in which they placed.
The awards are:
1st Place: Smash Writer Status, Custom Title, and direct input into the next Contest
2nd Place: Smash Writer Status and a Custom Title
3rd Place: Smash Writer Status
The judges are:
1) Jam Stunna
2) Virgilijus
The judging comments will be in their corresponding color.
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Overall Comments:
Jam: This was a great contest, and I'm pleased that so many people entered. Although you won't see the scores, I would like to note that the scores I gave ran pretty high this time around. That was partially due to the prompt. It was so general that almost everyone received all ten points for it, so that tended to inflate the final results a little. But more importantly, the good stories this time were REALLY good. Scoring a 33 in any other contest would have automatically put you in contention for a prize, but this time, my honorable mention got a 34.
I'm saying all of this because there were alot of good stories this time, but there were some that were just above and beyond. So don't feel bad if you didn't place. It doesn't mean you didn't write a good story, just that the ones who did place blew me out of the water. Good stuff all around though.
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Closed Encounters by Scav
Total Points: 80/80
Jam Stunna: I’m going to deviate from the normal grading procedure here, because this story deviates from the normal level of quality I’ve seen in these contests. I can’t speak for anyone else, but this story was absolutely perfect to me in every way, and it serves no useful purpose to break it down and dissect it in categories. As soon as the contest is concluded, this story should be removed from SWF and sent out to as many different literary publications as possible. It’s too good to sit here and waste away in the CM forum. I’ll stop here, because I could go on about this story for pages. Great work.
Adherence to Prompt [20/20]:
Jam Stunna [10/10]:
Virgilijus [10/10]: Aliens. Yeah, that’ll do.
Tone [20/20]:
Jam Stunna [10/10]:
Virgilijus [10/10]: The tone was great and fit the hipster characters well: laid back with occasionally witty narrative. Well done.
Style [20/20]:
Jam Stunna [10/10]:
Virgilijus [10/10]: There were a few lines I stumbled over but it felt more like my dyslexia than your fault (unless you purposely tried to do that, jerk).
Enjoyment [20/20]:
Jam Stunna [10/10]:
Virgilijus [10/10]: I literally enjoyed it from the first line till the last (even though the “The same as every other ending, but this time, different” felt a little cliché from the set up, though it’s a minor trifle).
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In Perfect Silence by Pierre the Scarecrow
Total Points: 77/80
Adherence to Prompt [20/20]:
Jam Stunna [10/10]: Definitely one of the best examples of how to weave together the prompt and the story in a refreshing and satisfying way.
Virgilijus [10/10]: Easily fit the prompt
Tone [20/20]:
Jam Stunna [10/10]: Your characters are believable, and the little touches like the children around the fire add to the atmosphere that you’ve built.
Virgilijus [10/10]: Overall, your style is very good. At the beginning, you relied too much on adjectives to paint your picture (“The air was cool and naturally pleasant; the lake was placid, taking a deserved rest after a long day’s turmoil of speedboats and cliff divers. The Arkansas night sky was a black canvas sprayed with luminescent dots, splattered around in perfect harmony.”) But you strolled away from that as the story went on, and it was easy to forget.
Style [17/20]:
Jam Stunna [9/10]: This is the only place where the story stumbles, and it’s due to the excerpted lines in the opening of the story. I’ve never been a fan of that stylistic decision in any piece of writing, but it’s particularly harmful here because it represents an encapsulated version of your plot. After reading the poem and then reading your story, I asked myself, “Well, Whitman said the exact same thing in far less space, so why did I read that story?” The comparison between the two makes your story shine less brightly, which is a shame because it’s very good.
Virgilijus [8/10]: Overall, your style is very good. At the beginning, you relied too much on adjectives to paint your picture (“The air was cool and naturally pleasant; the lake was placid, taking a deserved rest after a long day’s turmoil of speedboats and cliff divers. The Arkansas night sky was a black canvas sprayed with luminescent dots, splattered around in perfect harmony.”) But you strolled away from that as the story went on, and it was easy to forget.
Enjoyment [20/20]:
Jam Stunna [10/10]: This was a great story, well written, and fun to read. You’ve made a lasting impression with your first WWYP entry.
Virgilijus [10/10]: “When I Heard the Learn’d Astronomer” is a favorite poem of mine (search it on the boards and you’ll see I’ve quoted it before!) and your story fit it perfectly. It shows the strains of beauty and science, of math and art. But they aren’t rivals: just different pictures of the same scene, as valued to one person as to the next. I thoroughly enjoyed this piece from start to finish. Great job!
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Above the Sky are Lies by East
Total Points: 63/80
Adherence to Prompt [20/20]:
Jam Stunna [10/10]: A good take on the theme of space, and I liked the pseudo-historical aspect of it.
Virgilijus [10/10]: Fits the prompt
Tone [15/20]:
Jam Stunna [8/10]: Some of the dialogue is unnatural, and the climax where Veritas and Ignarus are shouting at each other is weakened by the escalating storm in the background. That’s pretty corny given the realistic tone of the rest of the story.
Virgilijus [7/10]: I liked the final confrontation between Veritas and Ignabubalub: it had that dire and terminal feeling to it. But the first and second confrontations didn’t. Veritas is obviously a smasrt man and he seems to go haphazardly into the meeting without realizing the world he’s in. His joviality is very out of place and I just felt it clash against what my mind wanted to feel.
Style [13/20]:
Jam Stunna [6/10]: You’re pretty wordy in areas and it weighs the story down. There are also grammatical errors, and the scene where Ignarus speaks to his superior about Veritas isn’t set up at all, it just happens. One moment he’s walking out of the auditorium, the next he’s talking to someone (presumably the Pope?). It’s a very weak section.
Virgilijus [7/10]: There were quite a few odd sentences. Don’t rely too much on adjectives to describe something. You didn’t do it often but occasionally you left one in. Otherwise, your style is strong. I’d say work on dialogue. Sometimes the words felt like over exaggerated caricatures of how you set the character up.
Enjoyment [15/20]:
Jam Stunna [8/10]: I really like the direction you took with the prompt, but some of the issues I raised hampered my enjoyment of it.
Virgilijus [7/10]: I did enjoy the story. I didn’t know at what point it would veer off from Galileo’s own tale, but it did so in a good way. I would just say the old, wise and wizened (hur hur hur) scientist didn’t feel like and old, wise scientist for most of the story. Get my empathy from the beginning.
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For Love and All its Pleasant Things by W.A.S.T.E.
Total Points: 61/80
Adherence to Prompt [13/20]:
Jam Stunna [6/10]: It was an interesting decision to have the alien abduction take place off-screen, so to speak, and to have it as an aspect of the main character’s father instead of the point of the story. However, I never felt like the theme of space was integrated into the story; replace “abducted by aliens” with “abducted by mobsters” and the story reads exactly the same.
Virgilijus [7/10]: Space. There were some nice images of space, but the story wasn’t about space (save one paragraph that didn’t do anything for the story).
Tone [15/20]:
Jam Stunna [10/10]: Even and well-done throughout.
Virgilijus [5/10]: The tone was odd. I see an overly dramatic boy cutting himself and some very vague allusions to other things, but that’s it. It felt like a Jackson Pollock painting: it could be upside down and I wouldn’t know. Try to make it more easily comprehensible in terms of meaning. There is a fine line between being leading us by a few steps and being out of sight.
Style [16/20]:
Jam Stunna [8/10]: I love this piece stylistically, except for the quotes about space. I can see the necessity for breaks in the story, but I would advise you to find a more organic way to incorporate those breaks.
Virgilijus [8/10]: You have a good style: sharp, clean and simple when it needs to be. Some of the dialogue was meh, but I’m overly strict on it.
Enjoyment [17/20]:
Jam Stunna [10/10]: A great story despite some of the issues I mentioned above.
Virgilijus [7/10]: I enjoyed reading it like I would enjoy a boat ride to France: the trip is fun and exciting, but once I get to the end I “Why the hell am I here?” Try not to be too elusive with your analogies and symbolism. Of course they are obvious to you since you came up with them, but have some one else read it first and get an understanding if people can infer what you want them to infer.
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Mirror by Vyse
Total Points: 60/80
Adherence to Prompt [20/20]:
Jam Stunna [10/10]: A lost in space story fulfills the prompt.
Virgilijus [10/10]: That is definitely a space story
Tone [15/20]:
Jam Stunna [9/10]: Even throughout, if a little underwhelming at first. It becomes much stronger later in the story.
Virgilijus [6/10]: I liked the isolated tension of the two crewmen: they were caught in a bad situation but new the risks involved. The idea of putting the panel on the nose cone and the dialogue between the two was good. However, I didn’t like the Stein aspect (I see your Cowboy bebop references in there!:mad088). It happening right before the end is my main grievance: it wasn’t peaceful but it was placid and going in one direction, then it takes this harsh U-turn before immediately ending. It just didn’t fit into the flow of the story where it was placed.
Style [13/20]:
Jam Stunna [6/10]: I never felt compelled by this story. Air and food are running out, and there’s talk about eating the dog, but it still lacks a sense of urgency, panic, or any kind of emotion at all really. A plot like this demands that the reader be emotionally invested in the characters, but I got nothing either of them.
Virgilijus [7/10]: The style wasn’t fancy: just up front and rather plain, though that’s all it needed to be. There were a few bumps (some sentences at the beginning and a few lines of dialogue were a bit rough around the edges)
Enjoyment [12/20]:
Jam Stunna [5/10]:
Without that sense of impending doom or raw emotion, it was pretty hard to get into the story.
Virgilijus [7/10]: I did enjoy it. Looking back I can’t see anything that would make it memorable, but as I read I enjoyed.
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A Moment in the Life of a Worker by SunriseW12
Total Points: 60/80
Adherence to Prompt [20/20]:
Jam Stunna [10/10]: Setting the story on a space station that’s viewing a dead Earth is a good way to approach the prompt.
Virgilijus [10/10]: I see space.
Tone [14/20]:
Jam Stunna [5/10]: I felt like I was on a space station, but there were areas of confusing dialogue and description that broke the mood. I had to ask “what does that mean?” too many times, and that hurt the narrative.
Virgilijus [9/10]: Tone was really good. You didn’t try to overdo the worker’s existential epiphany at the end or his anger towards it and it fit really well. How you show his reaction to this fate casts such a strong light on him as a character, making him very well defined. Good job.
Style [12/20]:
Jam Stunna [3/10]: Confusion was the big problem here as well. The writing that Thomas does conflicts with the assertion that he’s mindless, but not in a satisfying or enlightening way. It’s more like he’s writing to be doing something at that particular point in the story than he’s writing to show that he’s more than just a laborer. Parts in the story felt disjointed, like the reference to the tranquilizer and the word “Contradiction” just thrown out there.
Virgilijus [9/10]: I don’t know if you borrowed the passage that was read or not, but either way from that moment on I loved the diction and method you went about setting up this story. There were a few parts where the descriptions faltered a bit, but they were few and far between.
Enjoyment [14/20]:
Jam Stunna [5/10]: It’s an interesting concept, but the tone and style issues hold it back. The parts that work were enjoyable though.
Virgilijus [9/10]: From the passage paragraph on, I was hooked. Very well written, very well finished, and very well thought out. Great job.
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The Trip of a Lifetime: Earth by Mewter
Total Points: 59/80
Adherence to Prompt [20/20]:
Jam Stunna [10/10]: Having humans out in space is definitely a good way to approach the space theme.
Virgilijus [10/10]: Definitely had some space in der.
Tone [15/20]:
Jam Stunna [8/10]: Even throughout, although I thought it was weird that the narrator, who seems to idolize his uncle, would walk out on one of his stories.
Virgilijus [7/10]: The tone did make it feel like a kid narrating his day. I don’t know how much of that was because you’re an average kid or a kid writer, but I’ll gladly give you the benefit of the doubt. However, I kept on waiting for something at the end: it’s set up with this boring rigamarole and the promise of escape, but the end didn’t fully live up to the follow through. Still, a good job.
Style [11/20]:
Jam Stunna [5/10]: The scene where the narrator decides he’s going to Earth is extremely confusing, and after several read-throughs, I’m still not sure exactly when he applied, how he got it, or anything. That’s a critical part of the story, and it hurts the piece for it not to be clear.
Virgilijus [6/10]: The style wasn’t spectacular but it wasn’t bad. I wasn’t a fan of the opening paragraphs that had the background explained through a teacher mainly because it felt cliché (from my own experiences), though I understand what you were trying to do with it. The interactions between the narrator and the uncle were good and lively, and though nothing world changing happened in the plot, it wasn’t a labor to read at all.
Enjoyment [13/20]:
Jam Stunna [5/10]: I would have liked that this piece was longer, so that we could get more about life on Mars, or what it was like for your narrator to finally land on Earth. As it is now, it feels like something is missing.
Virgilijus [8/10]: I enjoyed this piece. I really did. There wasn’t any violence or drama or outlandish twists. It was just a well written story about a kid going back to Earth. Good job.
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First Contact by Gf2tW
Total Points: 59/80
Adherence to Prompt [20/20]:
Jam Stunna [10/10]: First contact is a good way to approach the prompt.
Virgilijus [10/10]: Spacey space space.
Tone [15/20]:
Jam Stunna [8/10]: I really like how the story opens with a sense of hopeful optimism and descends from there. The ending escalates a little too fast, but the beginning is well done.
Virgilijus [7/10]: The tone was good. When it turned from optimism to violence and pessimism, it was a very understandable and smooth transition. The horror of the teams didn’t quite come through with the panic or terror to the degree you wanted, but it was still good.
Style [11/20]:
Jam Stunna [4/10]: There are many spelling and grammatical errors. The narrator is too sterile; he’s simply recounting events instead of reliving them. There is no urgency or emotion in his words, despite the fact that he witnessed first contact and may soon witness the end of the human race. Also, the conversation between the American and Russian scientists needs a lot of work.
Virgilijus [7/10]: I’m just assuming this, so don’t get upset, but I’m guessing English isn’t your first language from your location and some of the grammar mistakes. It’s not a big deal and I didn’t take off for it, but next time have a native English speaker check over it first to make sure some pesky English phrases come out well. Otherwise, the style was good: you didn’t overemphasize the small, unimportant details and painted a decent picture of your story. Some of the action happened a little too fast in the narrative, but that is more due to the word limit than you (though you could still work on it by letting us assume several things)
Enjoyment [13/20]:
Jam Stunna 5/10]: The lack of style hurts this piece a lot. I wanted to get a better sense of your narrator and his reactions to the events, but all I got was a recap of events.
Virgilijus [8/10]: I liked it. It didn’t go where I thought it would and didn’t end in a science fiction cliché. There were some places where it slowed down a bit (mainly back story you could have shaved down), but still good.
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Space Invaders by Megavolt
Total Points: 55/80
Adherence to Prompt [18/20]:
Jam Stunna [10/10]: Alien visitors to Earth. You nailed it.
Virgilijus [8/10]: It didn’t take place in space, but I guess it involved it peripherally.
Tone [14/20]:
Jam Stunna [10/10]: I liked the “another day at the office” tone of the piece, and it was consistent throughout the piece, even after the alien arrived.
Virgilijus [4/10]: I wasn’t a fan of the tone: you tried to juggle serious tones with comedic ones and they didn’t transition well. Mitch goes on a rant about Doritos and we’re supposed to laugh and then immediately we hear about how Doritos almost killed him and we’re supposed to be serious, then McDonald comes and it repeats. Especially for so short a story, that rocking back and forth is hard to pull off and I think you would have had a more cohesive story if you just kept it as one (preferably comedy) throughout.
Style [10/20]:
Jam Stunna [7/10]: Doritos were important to the plot, but the discussion of Mitch’s childhood mishap drags down the story, and really isn’t important to the rest of the story. It reads like filler, and it has an oversized negative effect on the piece overall because of its brevity. I would suggest drastically shortening that part of the story in future revisions.
Virgilijus [3/10]: A pet peeve of mine is unrealistic dialogue. Even if a story is as goofy as yours, it still needs to hold some empathy for the characters (as all stories should) and one of the best ways to do that is some what realistic dialogue. “You don’t wanna know, Jon! I’m gonna go hide under my desk and call my family! It’s that bad!” just doesn’t make me want to worry, which is it’s point. It just makes it feel you went through them once and left all the speaking unpolished. Most other things were decent, if a bit awkward at times (the last line, for example; we know he’s weird. What is the understatement supposed to do?”
Enjoyment [13/20]:
Jam Stunna [10/10]: I really enjoyed your humorous take on the “first contact” story. Sci-fi tends to take itself pretty seriously, and it was great to actually read something where I was smiling throughout.
Virgilijus [3/10]: It felt like I was reading a sequel to “Demolition Man” with the amount of advertising that was going on. That’s not particularly a problem, but at no point did I care about anything that happened: Mitch almost died from Doritos, an alien lands and leaves. Everything happened in such an outlandish way that even knowing it was purely for comedic effect, it just didn’t do anything for me.
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The Unidentified Flying Object by Clownbot
Total Points: 55/80
Adherence to Prompt [20/20]:
Jam Stunna [10/10]: Alien abduction fulfills the prompt.
Virgilijus [10/10]: Fits the prompt
Tone [11/20]:
Jam Stunna [7/10]: Avoid the urge to be witty in your writing; lines like “I can’t understand him, naturally” break the tone of your story and makes it seem jokey and sarcastic.
Virgilijus [4/10]: The piece was very informal: it sounded as if you were around a campfire with a few old friends after a beer or two. And while that light heartedly mimics the speaker of the story, it doesn’t really persuade me. Not that stories must always be very formal, but that thinking and mulling on how to craft a sentence rewards the reader when they understand how delicately it was crafted.
Style [12/20]:
Jam Stunna [8/10]: Your narrator comes across as uneven and a little unbelievable; after all, he’s being glib about a life-changing event, and it hurts his credibility as a narrator. This also undercuts the ending of the story, where the narrators credibility to others is an issue as he wonders if anyone will believe him. The conflict is drained out of the ending because I’m not sure if I believe him.
Virgilijus [4/10]: I kind of blended your Tone and style section, but it’s late and I’m tired! The descriptions of the sky weren’t very vivid to me. I know things that are that beautiful are hard to describe and give you credit for a valiant attempt, but the image you were trying to convey didn’t come through. Also, for a 1st person narrative there was little empathizing with the speaker, which really detracts from the story. Make us bond with the man and want to care what he sees and happens to him.
Enjoyment [12/20]:
Jam Stunna [8/10]: It’s a good story. Just watch out for those things I mentioned in the future.
Virgilijus [4/10]: I didn’t enjoy the beginning: you mention aliens and taking over the world and sights of the galaxy. But it doesn’t really go anywhere. Yes, aliens come, but other than it “changed” the narrator there is nothing to keep me enthralled. You even say his life is normal again. Why should I care about him? WHY!?!? I reiterate that it’s late.
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Prometheus by Evil Eye
Total Points: 48/80
Adherence to Prompt [12/20]:
Jam Stunna [10/10]: You’ve taken a lot of themes and set them on a spaceship, but it doesn’t feel forced or unnecessary.
Virgilijus [2/10]: You had space, all right. Eight thousand words of it.
Tone [14/20]:
Jam Stunna [7/10]: There was some unnatural dialogue, especially regarding Captain Takana sounding stiff and unrealistic. He sounded more mechanical than Peter.
Virgilijus [7/10]: After the first thousand or so words about the dinner arrangements, the story started and worked well in terms of tone. The suspense isn’t quite there, but the setting and character interactions do give a picture of a severe loneliness that does give substance to the Captain’s actions.
Style [10/20]:
Jam Stunna [3/10]: Several things combine here to drag the style down: the promiscuous use of dialogue tags, the problematic naming of characters (real names and nicknames are used interchangeably with no warning or explanation, and that confused me a lot). But the biggest problem is the length. This story blew past the word limit, and yet in the end I still don’t feel like anything has truly been resolved. Short stories don’t demand by-the-book resolution, and even by that lower standard I still felt like I was left hanging.
Virgilijus [7/10]: Most of the dialogue in the beginning felt forced or stale. That whole scene doesn’t really give the reader anything other than “this is the crew”. Although it’s the introduction, we actually see them once Adams dies and the repercussions that follow it. Personally, almost all of that first scene could have been snipped and made the story more readable and better. As for the remainder, it was good but not anything really outstanding. Peter’s speech patterns got old very quickly. I know it was to reinforce his human disassociation, but it became an expected unpleasantry every time I had to read through his more mechanical lines.
Enjoyment [12/20]:
Jam Stunna [5/10]: The plot was interesting, but you tipped your hand too early in revealing that Takana was the killer. That sucked the tension out of the main plotline. The other issues I mentioned also hurt the enjoyability.
Virgilijus [7/10]: I enjoyed the second half of it, but the first half felt like brimstone tied around my leg. I just wanted to get into the real story: this is a short story competition so time and hooking attention is of the essence.
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Broken by Marc
Total Points: 47/80
Adherence to Prompt [12/20]:
Jam Stunna [/10]: The hero is an alien! Nice touch.
Virgilijus [2/10]: Wha….where’s the space? I don’t see it.
Tone [12/20]:
Jam Stunna [8/10]: The tone is sufficiently serious, up until the last line. Maybe it’s nitpicky to dock you for that, but it’s important to keep your audience in mind. The audience here is SWF, and while that line might mean nothing to someone who’s never played Brawl, we all know where it comes from, and it’s a groaner when compared to the rest of the story.
Virgilijus [4/10]: The tone didn’t hit what you wanted to hit. The third person narrative didn’t make me as a reader connect: everything that is supposed to be world encompassing and empathetic comes off very foreign. It was like reading a history textbook. “So and so did this and thought this,” or “This and this happened and people did this”. Very distant, and the story is about feelings and purpose. You need to get me to have a connection, not just tell me what happened.
Style [8/20]:
Jam Stunna [4/10]: It almost felt more like I was reading a news article or an account as opposed to a short story. That feeling comes from the perspective of the piece. We’re reading about the character’s exploits, not the character himself.
Virgilijus [4/10]: I touched on this mainly in the Tone section, but the over use of the third person narrative got to me. I liked much of the dialogue at the end, though.
Enjoyment [15/20]:
Jam Stunna [7/10]: I’m a history guy, so I really like how you worked your alien into European history. Just work on matching your style to your ideas.
Virgilijus [8/10]: Despite the written flaws, I enjoyed the story because I could see what you were trying to say and I thought it was very intriguing: the reasons for anger and violence, the relationship between hero and martyr, the selfishness of relative virtue. All very interesting things to write and think about. You just need to work on the form
Closing Remarks: Thank you to everyone for entering (and Tom for formatting these comments)! Congratulations to everyone. I hope you had a great time writing, and I hope the critique helps you!
