- Joined
- Dec 16, 2012
- Messages
- 32,231
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- India/भारत
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- 1650-3685-3998
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- SW-5545-7990-4793
So basically, you're saying that you're afraid that someone out there might misinterpret what you said and take it negatively? I used to feel like that when I was new here, since I'm not a native English speaker, was constantly afraid that what I said might be taken the wrong way.Good guess, but nope.
It's really because, in my OCD paradigm, I divide things based on "bad things" and "good things". I have to avoid bad things and good things are causes for celebration; thus I get anxious if I encounter a bad thing and have to take steps to correct it, and a good thing reaffirms my confidence. It's totally arbitrary and irrational, but that's how it's always been for me.
An example would be finding a penny: I collect pennies that I find on the ground, but it depends on which way they're facing. It has to be heads-up if I'm going to keep it, and I carry a penny with me at all times that I use as a basis for determining if I ought to do something - if it comes up heads, it means it's okay to do.*
* Before anybody says anything, yes, just like Two-Face.
With my writing, I'm always afraid I'll slip up and somehow get the notion that something I do is associated with a bad thing, or will become a bad thing; so I consciously avoid doing it so I don't have to go through the frustration of scrapping it altogether. On the other hand, sometimes something I write becomes associated with a good thing, or itself becomes a good thing - this can lead to be excessively focusing on that particular element, often to the detriment of variety in my work.
To clarify, I'd say 99% of things in my life are neutral: it's a very, very small subset of things that falls into my OCD paradigm, but I'm always consciously alert for such things. It's why I'm afraid to write something in case I don't like it or associate it with negative emotions, which, as an OCD sufferer, are very difficult to dissuade. On the other hand, I cling onto good things and try to optimise my daily routine with things that I know will either improve or at least sate my OCD tendencies. I'm taking steps to address this, but right now, it's making my career as an aspiring writer very difficult. And that's that~
The only way to overcome it is to swallow your fear and write it out, and let others judge. And honestly, you ARE very proficient in English, so the chance of it being misinterpreted is vanishingly small. Once good reception starts rolling in, you'll feel at ease. The biggest problem with this approach is that you might feel horribly depressed if someone does object to something. For me, it took a whole day to get over it when it happened once here.
It's a slow process of desensitising yourself from that fear. I'm not sure if counselling helps or not, as though services are almost non-existent where I live, regrettably.
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