Nameless Nothingness
Smash Journeyman
Well, I agree with the others. **** them, not you. It's not your fault at all.WARNING: MASSIVE WALL OF DRAMA AHEAD.
CAUTION IS HEAVILY ADVISED.
Well, I'm pissed off.
Today I had a good, detailed chat with my brother about an incident that occurred the other day (you may recall this as the incident that caused me to go off on a nihilistic rant). We talked about our respective issues, concerns we have for each-other, how we can resolve the tensions and ultimately move on from it.
Turns out he decided it'd be a good idea to drop me off at the shop and then go home without telling me. This may sound relatively innocuous in theory, and under any other circumstances, it would be. But to me, here and now, it just strikes me as the apotheosis of absolute fury. I am so utterly, deeply hurt and enraged that I've gotten past the stage of anger to find myself adrift on a sea of tranquil intensity.
I am beyond words. I really thought that this would be the point at which we realised, yeah, we've been ***** to each-other, it's time to bury the hatchet and move on. I thought there was some good in him. I really and truly felt that he could demonstrate his worth as a moral human being.
Instead, he's abused my trust too many times for me to even care. I am in shock. He calls me a worm, forces me to apologise when I'm in absolute despair, threatens to physically beat me and then strands me without so much as a word. Ten minutes I stood outside that shop, wondering where he was, until I called him up and was told he couldn't find me so he just went home.
I am so angry it hurts. I can't even bring myself to talk to him right now.
Incidentally, he told me today that I am, indeed, the last person to hear about what would otherwise be important family events.
Grandmother's an alcoholic?
Other side's grandparents think they've failed me as surrogate caretakers?
Mother's been smoking for five years since she told me she would quit?
Grandfather was ostensibly dying a few years ago?
Who the **** even cares about Niko? It will just hurt her to know these things. Keep her wrapped up. Shelter her from the madness and despair of the world.
I'm done with this. **** him. **** his absolute **** of a moral paradigm. Especially **** me.
**** me.
****.
Me.
Thanks to anybody that dared to read this emotional vomit. I am sorry to have to dredge this up here, but I trust you guys, and most importantly, I know I can be myself in here. I love you guys. Thank you so much for your kindness and help.
Anyway, I really like your emotional vomit, because I like to help with emotional problems. But please, don't be emotional-sick never again, please. I'd be very emotional-sad.